Sunday, February 8, 2009

The No Contact Rule!







I know I have heard it so many times but did I listen? or did I continue speaking to the psychopath? I did the latter and it was a big mistake.


If you think you can't be manipulated via an email or via the phone and only face to face.....think again!!!!


Here are some examples of emails that Gareth sent me when I refused to speak to him, he had not been gone long and I wanted some space to think and to spend time with my children and put my life back together.


If your psychopath begs, threatens , screams at you to answer him/her do yourself a favour and DONT



If you look at the examples below you will see instances of goading, blaming, shaming, and guilt trips. This is the psychopaths sick confrontational way of leading you into conversation with him/her.

When you ignore the Narcissists polite invitation to talk , he/she will finally erupt into a Narcissistic Rage - this is because he cannot get his own way and like a toddler he/she will stamp their feet and throw a tantrum.


Please visit the Cyberpaths Website for more on Narcissistic Rage and healing.



My Comments In Blue






From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Bank
Date: 30 June 2006 13:55:43 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com

As you know I have told my parents not to help me get any of my stuff so don't worry about the weekend. I'll take things a bit slower now - give you some time to find your feet so to speak. and did you? NO!


Gareth Rodger









When I didn't reply - he said above he would give me time to find my feet! so why did he rage afterwards? if that was the case?







From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Call
Date: 5 July 2006 10:22:49 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com



Hi,

When is the best time to contact you today? I tried all day yesterday but you obviously spent the night elsewhere.Hinting to me I am sleeping with another man - I was actually ignoring phone calls and was in bed from 8 pm onwards getting an early night

I'll call today at the time you advise.

Regards,

Gareth




He accuses you of everything from insincerity to infidelity, and your mind scrambles to discover what you just said or did that's setting him off. He keeps saying it's you, and is so intensely convinced that it is you that it's hard not to believe him. Later, after his firestorm of vindictiveness has died down, you might realize what triggered him. You did not respond "right" to his compliments, or scratched your nose in the midst of his adoration, or maybe you just burnt the toast that morning or were two-minutes late coming home from the office. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. There will always be something - apparently innocuous to you - which will abruptly stoke his raging fire again. And again and again, round and around, until your spirit and soul are finally ground into fine, despondent grains of charred debris, and your mind eventually looks like a Tokyo china-shop after a 9.0 earthquake. Source









From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Contact
Date: 5 July 2006 16:48:07 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com



Hi, if you wish to not engage in any more contact, I will cease contact..How MANY TIMES! do I have to tell you not to contact ME!? - you KNEW i didn't want to speak to you, you KNEW I was trying to find my feet and sort myself out

But if this is the case could you please tell me, the last thing I want is to end up having to turn up at your door, especially if you have company, in order to find out what's happening. Threatening To Stalk me!

Last thing, How are you doing generally? How are you doing for money? Any news?

Gareth







From: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Contact
Date: 6 July 2006 12:22:04 BDT
To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com


Is there something you wanted?

My brother Mikey and his baby were here for a few days and I've been out the house a lot.

-PND







From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Contact
Date: 6 July 2006 12:43:51 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com




Hi,

Thankyou for replying..

Sounds like a cosy few days especially considering you have one bed - I knew it wouldn't take you long. Accusing me of being with another man - he was probably sleeping with other women throughout the relationship - but again if you don't feel guilty yet you are supposed to - this is what the narcissist wants so he tries to goad you and punish you by accusing you of anything he can


Anyway, yes, I did have a few questions - I was hoping to have a talk on the phone with you one evening but you refused to pick-up on all occasions.

a) How are you doing / Are you ok? (yes, i do still care for you no matter who/what happens).
b) What have the doctors said? (dates, procedures, locations)
c) Are you ok for money?
d) How's your family?
e) Do you still want me to come over one evening to talk?


Ahh yes I offered for him to come speak to me as I wanted to discuss our relationship like adults but I found out later he wanted to manipulate me into the abortion and get his guns and knives back from the house - once he got those he stopped emailing - there is ALWAYS an ulterior motive with a psychopath...ALWAYS! he even gave me the choice "You don't have to give back my guns but It would mean the world to me if I could take them now"



f) Do you want me to cease contact and disappear or keep in contact?


Already told him to stop emailing and phoning - he even said he would give me time and space but you can NEVER take a psychopath at his word because he NEVER keeps it!

g) Can I phone later?

h) Sorry..

No your not


Wow I am supposed to just JUMP and answer ALL his questions? even though he chose to leave us, I have to keep this sick twisted psychopath updated on my life? according to him...yes I do

I will only be able to retrieve e-mails untill 5:30 - 6:00 So he is obviously stating here I need to reply to him during a certain time frame

Gareth










From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Ok..
Date: 6 July 2006 16:24:59 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com


Ok, it's apparent you don't want any more contact. I just wish you'd say so instead of just ignoring me - it's just silly.

Seeming as you won't communicate with me I will be renting a removals van, for either an evening or weekend, depending on their prices/availability.

I will have to assume you are in at the time to let me in. I will then abide by your wish and disappear.

With regards to child support etc. - I was going to agree outside of the agencies with you but obviously I can't without contact so it will be upto you to sort that out with them when the time comes. Example of manipulating me by using the threat of child services agencies to get me to speak to him

It's a shame it has to be this way.

Take care,

Gareth









I replied to Gareth and called him Rude - this is what he wanted "A REPLY" so he could continue punishing me, trying to find out what I was doing etc





From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject:
Date: 6 July 2006 16:45:50 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com



Rude?

You haven't picked up the phone or answered my messages for days. I'm not being rude.

As I said if you want me to cease contact, tell me, I will pick up my stuff and leave you be.

And what I said may of sounded rude but it's true... you have one bed, not long after i'm gone your XXXXXX who has flirted with you in the past is over. And your'e 'out' all the time - so I assume out meeting people - what's happening to the kids? you didn't care about the kids when you were here, now all of a sudden you CARE! ...That's pure and utter BS Gareth

I don't mind you going out, you have free reign over what you want to do, i'm not one to tell you what to do anymore - and i'm not going to.. Oh so you admit you controlled me? and told me what to do in our relationship? - so I have free reign over my life now because you say I do!?

3 - 4 days ago I was calling you in the hope of having a civilised and most probably - long - conversation, I know you may want nothing to do with me and that is ok, but i'd like to know how your doing, if thats none of my business say so. But when it comes to the pregnancy I do need to know whats going on, partly for me, partly so I can give my parents the details they need to know. Hah your parents never knew because you never told them

Just so you know - i'm not going out all the time, or at all, i'm not meeting people and i'd rather regain the independence I have long lost. I hope your not going through what I am and that this is of some comfort to you . what you are going through? spare me

In response to your mail - I will not attempt contact as you request, I will wait for you to contact me - I did wonder if you had the phone back on so I thought it was best I contacted you.

I will await your call, can you give me an estimated date for it? Tonight?

Thankyou for replying to me..

~g







Told Gareth I would call him & Suddenly He Is Back To Being Polite and Kind After Just Sending An Email Full Of His Narcissistic Rage


From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re:
Date: 6 July 2006 16:49:02 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com


Thankyou,

Have a good evening XXXXXX.

~g








What can be especially disturbing to others about this chameleon-like "change-ability" is that Borderlines are oblivious to what they are doing. They are not consciously making-up these different identity versions of themselves. They just do it reflexively, as if they run on some instinctually eerie automatic-pilot. Source







After the abortion emails & paying his half of the rent he left me stuck with he still continued to contact me




From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Bday
Date: 14 August 2006 10:04:58 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com

Hope you had a nice birthday, should get my card this morning.

Hope your all well,

~g





From: PND XXXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Bday
Date: 14 August 2006 11:06:56 BDT
To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com

Thank you for the card, I jusy recieved it, it was lovely.

Umm got my blood test results back this morning, I have a B12 Defieciency

B12 Facts

So I have to have injections into my muscle every 3 months as my body isnt making the B12 I need so Ill be going Thursday for my first injection, There is a risk to stomach cancer with this condition even if it is caught early so Ill just have to pray that doesnt happen.

Its not from alcohol its just something that some people get especially if they are already aneamic.

Just thought id let you know.

-XXXXXX






From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Bday
Date: 14 August 2006 12:35:13 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
2 Attachments, 607 KB

Hi,

Sorry was in a meeting, just got your mail.

Sorry to hear about the results. Could be worse I guess, at-least they caught it early so there's less chance of the stomach thing.

How's everything else? Any news?

Did you have a nice birthday?

My parents have made a fence around the whole garden for boo to run around. *Sophie's (*Pseudonym) not stopped smiling since she saw her. She's put on weight and should be fit enough for her injections/worming soon. She's all potty trained as long as she has a run in the garden at about 11pm.Gareth again uses the dog to get to me - he used to come home from work and pet the dog, taking his dinner & dog to bed and wouldn't come downstairs, he used the dog often to punish me - he offered to pay £200 so my children and I could have food if I would give him the dog that I paid for out of my own money! - he then demanded I spend it on the things he suggested I spend it on - See the last paragraphs at the end of this post

Hope everyone's ok on your side aside from the obvious.


















From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Money
Date: 16 August 2006 10:26:04 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com


Hi,

How are you doing?

Did everything go ok with regard to rent* money?

Hope your doing ok as I only have about £200 till' Sept after rent gets taken out soon so I won't be able to help you out till' then.

Have your benefits started yet? - It has been 3 Months or so.

Take Care,

gaz








From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Money
Date: 16 August 2006 10:37:09 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com


ok, I assume you want me to stop contact? If you don't reply to the psychopath immediatly or within a certain time frame he/she will constantly goad you and manipulate you into talking to them - They NEVER accept your boundaries.



It had been exactly 11 MINUTES since his last email and he goads me AGAIN! with "So I assume you want me to stop contact" that's NOT impatience, that's a Narcissist believing you are the "Satellite that orbits him 24/7" he wants your attention focused on him when he wants!








From: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Money
Date: 16 August 2006 12:53:31 BDT
To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com



That is the last thing on my mind at the moment

My dad found out this morning he has lost his job and is devastated hes worked for them for 25 years now and has no income anymore and this means no income no bills get paid, so Im sorry to be selfish but I am concerntrating on my dad right now and his pain.

-PND







From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Money
Date: 16 August 2006 14:01:32 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com



Hi,

Sorry, I didn't know. Send him my apologies, tell me if I can help in any way.
I'll leave you be to sort all you need to, keep me informed of what happens with him and you. Yeah leave me to sort out all I need to? where have I heard that before - now you have the information you want you'll leave me alone right? BS - You still email me to this very day

Take care,

gaz










When I needed money for food for my children Gareth offered to pay me £200 for the puppy I had bought out of my own money, he wouldn't give me money without anything in return, so it was either accept or go without - However the money was to be spent on what he decided it should be spent on




I will pay for the dog , i've told you I will, as-well as for food and essentials for you and the family - as long as it's not going to spent on going out or calling other people. You can understand where im coming from I think..

I'll give you the money today, just make sure it goes on the correct things , thats all i mean, I do care."

Gareth




Whether you sell a product from your own company or sell someone a product via the classifieds do you allow the BUYER to tell you what you CAN and CANT DO with YOUR MONEY?!




Towards the end of the relationship I asked him if I could have some money to get my two children some clothing and new shoes that they needed - his response was...."Ask your mother to pay for it" why did he say this? because he had just spent £500 on parachute lessons - yet chided me about needing money for clothing - he would also state £40 was enough for 4 people to live on every week. Narcissists are VERY stingy with money






4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I understand where you are comming from. It is like you are in some warped relaity where no matter what you do to escape this person they always seem to manuver thier misery into your life. I am currenlty dealing with a narcissist/sociopath and have attepted to leave him failing every time. Once he found out I was serious he did everything he could to stop me from leaving--putting restrictions on who was allowed to move in...etc...I finaly called his ex-that he constantally villanized and discovered that he did the same to her. Now he has made it a point to destroy my life no matter what. Same vieled comments as yours then switching to holier than though routine. He makes up stories and attempts to use mind games by pretending that I did something or said something that I did not, then asks me to seek mental health. Even the police are of no use, he got them to work with him when I did seek assistance. So he actually has gotten my insurance agency, the police department, and only god know who else helping him abuse and harass me.
I would take my advise and change your email, phone number, and possibly even your name---they have no limits to the evil acts they do. I have even regularly web searched my name on the internet---so that I could as least have some justice if he has put things up without my permission. Its sad that one person can destroy every aspect of your life and have no guilt or remorse while doing it. Its a sad country that we live in when one person can get the police department to assit them in abusing and harassing u. But remember that his goal is for you to be so down that you do something to hurt yourself or ultimately to kill yourself---so don't go there. That is what he wants so, you make sure that he doesnt coerce you or manipulate you into doing that---it will feel as if it is you, but it is in reality his abuse that is the driving force.

Hope that you are able to exterminate this pest in your life. I send you nothing but hope and wishes that you survive him. Survivng him is the key--- if you continue to live, he is no longer in control of you and you have defeated him.

Anonymous said...

I've had no contact with my psychopath for the last 15 years and would you believe he still tries to communicate with me through my parents? Sometimes no contact doesn't work the why you'd expect.

My only hope is that he has just now signed up for a dating site, I'm sorry for the unexpected women he will date and will most likely abuse but if the courts are unwilling to stop to his behavior then there is not much that I can do about it by myself. My only hope is that perhaps a new woman in his life will get his obsessive focus off of me and onto someone else.

Anonymous said...

Oh God!!! They must have a manual...on how to be a psychopath! My ex psychopath even threatened to kill himself numerous times..he even justified his behaviour by texting me that he knew me 500 years ago and because of me and my children he was burned as a witch, and I caused this horrific death..this is why he was abusive...so he said, and it took years to leave him with no money,children to look after and NO assistance from anywhere..and he refused to leave blaming me and telling me I was just pre menstrual! I mean how many times can a person be told we are over,I dont love you anymore..then he would complain I wasnt affectionate toward him!!! sorry but I just said I dont love you..awful! I now have a life but sometimes a grieve for my lost youth ..getting sucked in by the worse type of human being ever if you can even call them that

Anonymous said...

I was involved with someone who I now know is a sociopath..I would describe him as pure evil..He made me think it was all my fault and that if only I had been home in time for his phone call of replied immediately to a text etc etc I would not have drive him to the reaction he had...which would be extreme verbal threats..calling me a "Fucking pregnant slut" when pregnant with his child...threatening to send someone to kill me , telling me he had people watching me ad reporting back to him...hinting at destroying those close to me in a very sick chilling way...he made me feel like it was my fault ..he manipulated me , told me how wonderful he was and how he would make me the best person I could be...when I eventually told him to leave (not the first time ) he put dish washing powder in my break ad steering fluid of my car...when I discovered this he told me it must have been me that had done it..that night he had broken into my locked bedroom and woken me up by blocking my nose with his hand ..I woke up to him standing above me ..he said "having a nice sleep are we???" with a sick smile and cold evil voice...I was asleep at the time with my 3 and 5 year old daughters' either side of me.. this man is a monster and capable of lying and deceiving others..he would tell people I was crazy ..once when I screamed out for him to stop hurting me...his friends were sitting at the same table he was holding my hand crushing it with his...doing this and smiling at the same time...then said see how nuts she is..when I cried as he hurt me...Grant Jackson you do not deserve love ..you are a liar and a monster...he is still trying to contact me despite no contact from me in years...!