Psychopaths, Cyberpaths, Narcissists are all the same when it comes to belittling you. You could break your back working all week then coming home and taking care of a family and it still wouldn't be enough for them. Why? because you should be keeping your eyes on his/her wants and needs not your own - that's the way they want it.
What Gareth is doing below is belittling me and ignoring my efforts, he had been harping on at me all that week for being so tired and what he called "Lazy" especially when I was too tired for sex, but he didn't care.
I was trying to let him know I cared, and that I had organised everything for him and what did he do? tried to get a rise out of me and then blame me for getting angry at his reply.
You know what? It worked! so lesson number one is get these pathological people OUT OF YOUR LIFE asap!
Reminds me of these quotes....
"When you have a headache the narcissist has a brain tumour"
"To a narcissist he is the center of the universe and you are the planet that orbits around him."
"Narcissist's have "careers" but they say others have "jobs"
"Narcissist's work weekends they are "dedicated employees," but accuse others of "neglecting their families."
"When Narcissist's are late for work, it's because a disaster-emergency happened to them. When others miss work, the Narcissist says, "they were lazy and couldn't get out of bed."
The world ails him. Physical complaints are common. His back hurts. His head aches. Peculiar pains of all sorts come and go like invisible, malignant companions. If you track their appearance, though, you may see a pattern of occurrence connected to the waning or waxing of your attentions. His complaints are ways of saying, "don't leave me. Save me!" And his maladies are not simply physical. His feelings ail him too.
He is depressed or anxious, detached and indifferent or vulnerable and hypersensitive. He can swing from elated agitation to mournful gloom at the blink of an eye. Watching the erratic changes in his moods is like tracking the needle on a Richter-scale chart at the site of an active volcano, and you never know which flick of the needle will predict the big explosion.
At his core, every Controller is monumentally self-centered. He is not just on an ego trip. He is on an expedition.
In his mind, everyone orbits around him, as if people are his planets and he is their shining sun. What he wants he should have, simply because he wants it. He needs no other justification. Seeing himself as the center of everyone else's universe, he is blind to the fact that anyone else's wants or needs are more important than his own. Doggedly locked into this self-image of grand, "godlike" proportions, he may literally feel entitled to other's worship.Source
From the emails below I will admit I was STARVED of affection love and attention - Gareth just wasn't interested unless he was the centre of the universe. I was hoping he would see how hard I was working and at least meet me halfway and give me some credit
My Comments In Blue
From: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Tomorrow. Date: 25 May 2006 13:00 BDT To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
I am doing you a big thick stuffed sandwich, crisps, coffee in the silver thermos mug, lunch tomorrow for your train trip, yes its only 3 hours but it would do you good to have hot coffee, sandwiches with coronation chicken etc as you need to eat well.
Ive been for a walk with Boo and have just finished the housework.
I found an interesting article on stay at home mothers from http://www.salary.com
Researchers at the web site salary.com found that moms commonly perform 10 jobs: Housekeeper, cook, janitor, day care worker, computer operator, laundry worker, facilities manager, driver, chef, chief executive and psychologist. And they typically put in 90-hour work weeks.
"People might think stay-at-home moms are sitting around all day eating bon bons and watching soaps, when in reality we're working several jobs at once," said Jen Singer, creator of www.mommaSaid.net. "Many stay-at-home moms are on the job upward of 100 hours a week.
So you see dear Gareth, I am not sitting at home all day, I perform all the above functions and dont stop until way after the kids go to bed, as I have lunches, washing etc to do plus cooking! hehe thats why I fall asleep early, I get knackered.
I am clearing out the draws in the bedrooms, kitchen etc and under our bed, dont worry I wont throw any paper away as I know you might need something so I will put it in a pile and keep it aside. I am clearing out the house this afternoon as its dismal and needs to be de-cluttered!
So I best go get started then I have to go pick up the girls.
I am also washing the bedsheets and I have found a wooden plank thatd be great for putting under the mattress for your back!. Lets see how it feels when you get into bed.He always complained of back ache wherby I would have to massage it for hours
Im sorting out your clothes also and putting all your fave clothes you wear in a pile, so you can choose what to take tomorrow. Ill be washing all of them and getting some socks and pants sorted also so you have plenty of clean stuff.
Right better go as the house wont clean itself :o(
Love you lots and lots and lots and lot darling. Really am missing you today!
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Tomorrow. Date: 25 May 2006 13:05:40 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Well ask 1000 'moms' to apply for positions in those 10 sectors and see how many of those 1000 actually get a 'job' in any of them.
This was towards the end of the relationship so I was actually noticing the red flags such as "Selfishness, sarcasm etc but I had not actually recognized he was pathological in nature
From: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Tomorrow. Date: 25 May 2006 13:10:20 BDT To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
No need to be sarcastic about it, it is saying that mums generally do quite a lot and many different jobs during the day, and yes most mums do those jobs listed outside of the home.
Its difficult being a stay at home mum and tiring. It is saying mums work hard, and do several jobs in the day not just one. They dont sit and watch tv all day.
But if you are going to be arsey about it then nevermind.
It was just a slight point I was making.
You can be so pigheaded and arrogant sometimes.
From: PND XXXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Umm. Date: 30 March 2006 12:15:35 BDT To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXXX@gmail.com
Which jumper are you wearing today?
Im doing all the washing today for when you leave here and Ive got your blue jumper but not the grey one
can you get back to me asap so I can go look for it if its here.
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Umm. Date: 30 March 2006 12:16:35 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Not wearing jumper today they smell :)
From: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Bike Date: 12 April 2006 16:24:00 BDT To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXXX@gmail.com
I love you
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Bike Date: 12 April 2006 16:37:41 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
is my bike done yet?
From: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Post. Date: 26 April 2006 12:25:00 BDT To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Sorry forgot to also let you know you have a brown envelope and judging from the handwriting it looks like Roger's, or Howard's.
I will leave it somewhere safe for you.
Speak to you soon.
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Post. Date: 26 April 2006 12:27:01 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Open it it should be my paragliding info pack
Tell me how amazing it looks
Of course you can spend £500 on paragliding but when I need some money for the childrens shoes that week you said we couldn't afford it and I should ask my mother for the money instead
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: WHERES MY CAKE Date: 21 January 2006 11:27:17 GMT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
I was saving my cake in the foil in my lunchbox..
I waited ages for it..
Where is my cake?
From: PND XXXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Look here. Date: 8 May 2006 11:56:00 BDT To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Oh dear Gareth
sudo locate *gaz*
Found this in my terminal, looks to me like you are snooping! as there is several entries for *sex* *anal* etc
Gareth I am not being naughty so you dont need to check
But rest assured darling you can go through my computer everyday if you like just to check I dont mind one bit, as I know I havent been naughty.
I was VERY open on my activities, I gave him access to EVERYTHING about me and what i was doing during the day - I couldn't see this controlling behaviour for what it was
Note: Gareth often (as I found our after he left) sniffed the wireless network and accessed my computer when I wasn't around to check up on me - He never did reply to that email above due to the fact he KNEW I had caught him out - yet when I wanted to see who he had been talking to after he shut his laptop lid down and minimized windows on occassions I was told it was PRIVATE! - I now know he had been stalking me even when we were together - it made me feel untrusted
Listen closely to the hateful things they say to you about you. You are listening to verbatim descriptions of their character defects. This is extremely important to remember, especially in the midst of verbal attack.Source
"I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin , hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip"
Gareth Edward(s) Rodger
Masks Of Sanity is an online blog offering advice, support and education for those who have fallen victim to the Psychopath/Narcissist. (NPD)
We explain why Narcissists behave the way they do, how they operate and how you can protect yourself from the Narcissist in society, in the home and online!
You can find my own personal experience with a psychopath in the links on the right. I have a very personal understanding of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I am proof that there is hope after abuse!