Sunday, June 7, 2009

Who Am I?

I am your neighbour , your brother, your sister, your father, your mother and child. I am your therapist, your architect, your school teacher and friend. I am your husband, your lover, a student & politician. I am your banking advisor, your accountant, and little league coach, your doctor, your dentist, your preacher.

I come from all walks of life and manipulation is my game. I am the master of mind games and like any champion I know and study my opponents well.

I am good looking , successful and charming. I disregard all consequences of my actions, I live on the edge and deny myself nothing.

Magnetic, electrifying, convincing and powerful. When I walk into a room all eyes gravitate to me.

I can sweep you off your feet, wine and dine you and promise you the earth even though I will never deliver, this is the bait, the hook with which to reel you in, they are but empty promises.

I am shallow and callous, cruel and hostile, with a deep seated rage everything and everyone around me are potential targets and opportunities.

I am oblivious and indifferent to the devastation I cause. My ultimate goal is the creation of the next willing victim. I am toxic, a disease, a plague on your life that will sweep through like a violent hurricane destroying all that lay at your feet.

I demand obedience, belief in my greatness and complete subjugation to all my whims , needs and attention.

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy, no matter what I will have my own way. I take what I want when I want it.

I am hostile and domineering, I humiliate my victims, they are an instrument to be used and abused. Objects I can move and position to my satisfaction.

I have no morals, no values, no responsibilities. I am here to be pleased not to please.

I am unmoved and cold by tales of grief, I am neither genuine nor sincere but I can cry and feign emotion as good as any great actor in Hollywood but at the core is only my hate, rage and jealousy.

I cannot relate to anothers pain and suffering, but I can dish it out. I let nothing stand in my way, no challenge is too great for me. In my book the end always justifies the means.

I strategically plan how to break you down, and use anything I can against you. If something is important to you I will deprive you of it, I will make you jump through hoops to get it. I will dangle the prize in front of you and make you run for it.

Anything I might do for you comes at a price, my attention is costly and is a debt that has to be paid to me in full. You must be grateful and eternally obedient. I will never inform you that your debts won't ever be satisfied. I collect back the high interest you owe me.

The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow you are waiting & hoping for won't ever be there.

When I inflict pain on you, I enjoy it , it is the ultimate fix, the ultimate drug induced high to see you suffer and know that I have that power and control over you. This is my sick addiction.

I can play the with-holding game , the forgetting game , the martyr game , the lying game , the devaluation game, the deflecting and projecting game. I can do them all, there are no limits to the games I can play and I will always come out the winner.

I am covert, overt, obsessive and shallow. I am the puppet master to your strings, when I pull you must dance. I am sadistic, jealous and cruel. I am secretive, private and sly. I am passive and aggressive, I am boastful and proud.

I am a parasite, a criminal, unreliable, a con. . I am egotistical , glib and superficial. I am Jekyll and Hyde all rolled into one.

You will degrade yourself for me, you will slim down or fatten up, grow your hair long or cut if off, you will wear the clothes I choose. You are to be pruned, clipped and designed, like any great artist I will only be seen with the best.

My fist is designed to teach you. If you didn't do something to my standards or you ignored my requests you will be punished until you get it right. I am unforgiving, a miser and a brute.

When you cry I laugh, when you're sad I rage, when you're happy I am angry, and when you're beaten down with no self esteem , no hope and no way out I am happy, satisfied & content , I am God in these moments.

I can sniff the vulnerable a mile away. I will devour you and suck the life force from you in a matter of moments. I seek out the vulnerable, weak, the broken and the destitute.

I am your knight in shining armour, I showed you pity and gave you attention when life was unbearable, I saved you from your miserable existence, I will always be owed and never owing.

You will ALWAYS need me, you will never survive without me, I am your rock, your protector , your punisher and your lover. I will tell you whatever you want to hear, as long as you carry on doing what I want.

You are a purchase, an object, a product, a toy.

If you dare achieve anything of merit I will take the credit away from you and punish you severely, I will mock you, put you down and rage at you until you understand that I am the only one who deserves such praise, award and adulation.

When you are focusing on yourself you are not focusing on me , and this makes me angry. I am not on top of the pedestal where I belong.

Any friends you have I will order you drop, any attention spent on friends and family is attention that could be spent on me. If you do not comply I will write and speak lies about you to them, I will turn them against you and isolate you until you comply with my wishes.

All eyes should be on me at all times, when they are not I will turn on you in an instant like a rabid dog and rip your ideas, thoughts and opinions apart.

I cannot change, I cannot reform, I cannot feel pity or remorse. I have no conscience , No empathy, not even a morsel of compassion for you. I am completely amoral. I am contradictory and my hypocrisy knows no bounds.

I am a hypocrite, what I say and what I do are two very different things. You must learn I am always right. I know how to do everything better. I know the answer to all of the world's biggest problems.

My public image is everything to me, how I am perceived by others is extremely important. I am admirable, gentle, kind, loving, humble and successful.

I twist the facts to suit myself, I rewrite history where I see fit and you must believe it at all costs. I embellish, Omit and dramatise everything to suit my needs.

I refuse to listen , if anyone did anything wrong it was you and not me. I am always the victim and never the abuser.

I am a great big projection machine and I will deflect and project any evil or bad behaviour back onto you, because you see , You are the problem not me.

You will seek my approval in everything 24 hours a day , 7 days a week. You have no personal identity, you are what I make you. You are to back down and keep quiet and doubt yourself daily. You will hold the belief that you have to try harder to please me. Any opinions you hold will have to match mine. I will accept nothing less.

I am unable and unwilling to behave any differently. I am judgmental, slanderous , fickle and critical. I am haughty, arrogant and envious. I am seductive , repulsive , an addict.

I covet success, power, brilliance and beauty. What I haven't already acquired I will take from others. If I want it, it's mine.

I am special, unique and above punishment, reform or repentance. I cannot and will not be judged.

If you do not produce and live up to my expectations I shall bore of you , I will dispose of you in any way that is of greatest benefit & pleasure to me. I care not if you cannot produce due to my punishments or if you are too old to comply, sick or infirm, all that matters to me is replacing you with a newer , more co-operative model that will meet my needs.

You cannot escape me , I will be the thorn in your side, the pebble in your shoe. I will forever consider you to be the person who failed me, who abandoned my needs. Even years after I leave you I will still watch you, harass you, tell lies about you and name and shame you. You are my unfinished business that I intend to collect upon.

I am a leader, a preacher, a schoolteacher, a scientist, an actor, a doctor, a nurse, a salesman and your mayor. I am everywhere in society, I am in your church, in your schools, and in your home.

I am the alpha and omega. Everything begins and ends with me

I may look human, I have all the characteristics of one, My skin , hair, blood and all that defines me as a human is just a disguise. It is a mask of sanity.

So who am I?

come closer and I'll tell you.

I am the wolf in sheep's clothing and you my dear are the prey.


Anonymous said...

Yep. That's the man I am living with. My vision of Love is that you "raise up" your partner. This man tells me to "brighten up and shut up." He can get mad, but I cannot. I can verbally abuse me, but I cannot defend myself. He believes it is his right that he can do these things (i.e., get mad), but I cannont.

Hours later, he cries. Says, "I'm sorry, I love you so, so much." I'm getting tires of hearing it.

I am a kind, gentle, uplifting and forgiving person. He's bringing me down. I'm cursing (careful not too much or (as he has confirmed) I could get seriously injured. I nearly killed myself the other night (was going to thrown myself down the stairs). All I have at this point is Faith. It's hard to come by, but I pray almost constantly, that He will raise me up. It's all I can do.

Sign me, faithful, scared and confulsed. L

Anonymous said...

I thought I did just enter a comment. Pardon my ignorance, it was a decent rant.

alessof said...

I´m a man in my late 30´s. I met my P ( a man in his late 20´s ) about 6 months ago. It didn´t take long for me to start feeling something was really wrong. Since I´m financially well-off, decided to hire a private eye to keep track on P. What he found out was nauseating. And then I felt really scared and tested for all kinds of STD´S. As of this moment, let´s just say that P won´t ever be able to inflict any damage anymore. After all, that´s what professional hitmen are for. And I don´t regret what I did, not a single moment.