Sunday, February 8, 2009

99 Red Flags That You Are Involved With A Narcissist/Psychopath.

During my relationship with Gareth I noticed a lot of what I would come to know as "Red Flags" but at the time I didn't recognize them for what they were.

Pretty much all 99 Red Flags were evident in Gareth in one way shape or form, some he didn't qualify for, but I would steer clear of anyone who displays even a few of the below Red Flags

Trust your gut instincts!!!! and run like hell from any man or woman who displays these red flags in their behaviour.

1. Has an abnormal 'startle response' - doesn't jump or startle when we would. This is documented by professionals, but not well known among the public.

2. May show an odd fascination with fire/weapons/drugs/alcohol.

3. Unusual fascination with body function of bowel movements/products, flatulance./ Would not go to the toilet unless I was out of the house.

4. Homophobic (angry/protests about gays)

5. Staring / tuning you out / The Predatory Stare / Waking up during the night to see his face over mine staring.

6. Considers their own logic or intellect to be superior to all others.

7. Odd/irrational behaviour / (Placing my lighters in the freezer)

8. Is intolerant of children or animals.

9. Does not respect your privacy / Stalking

10. Lack of empathy / Inability to put themselves in another's shoes. - Unable to acknowledge or respond to pain in others that is not clearly visible. - Turns up TV when you have a headache etc

11. ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke

12. roll his or her eyes when you talk?

13."twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you?

14. Says he hasn't been with a woman in a long time and you are the first he has been interested in

15. Demands knowing where you are if you say no to a date

16. Tickles/wrestles when you keep telling him to stop

17. Doesn't talk much about his family or his past

18. Paranoid you're going out with someone else

19. Paranoid he is being watched

20. Has major Interests in NLP, Seduction Techniques, Psychology

21. Says he loves you on the first date, or online before you have even met

22. Damages the images of most others

23. Exhibits unnatural and perplexing behavior — backwards reactions to things

24. Is a control freak, trampling privacy/boundaries

25. Reacting with contempt to what should evoke sympathy

26. Reacting with anger to what should please (such as finding some mysterious offense in an attempt to suck up)

27. Reacting with aversion to what should attract

28. Getting angrier in reaction to what should appease (Narcissistic Rage)

29. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited power, success, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

30. Sees himself as “special” and should only have to affiliate with others of a similar stature

31. Takes advantage of others to achieve his needs

32. Demonstrates a constant need for admiration or approval

33. Exaggerates personal achievements while minimizing those of others

34. Feels entitled to special treatment and that rules frequently don’t apply to him

35. Very charismatic or charming at first, but can quickly switch from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde without apparent cause

36. May insist that he know your whereabouts at all times

37. Demands compliance with his expectations

38. Is unable to demonstrate or understand empathy or compassion

39. Does not seem to feel real happiness or positive emotions

40. Often criticizes and/or puts others down

41. Assumes himself to be more knowledgeable than those around him

42. May harass or stalk you if you do break up

43. Quick to anger or feel insulted or slighted

44. Rages with anger or inflicts the “silent treatment” when upset

45. Denies he has issues to work on – sees himself as nearly perfect

46. May often take unnecessary risks

47. Frequently humiliates or abuses others, although he doesn’t see it as abuse

48. Sulks when he doesn’t get his way

49. Nothing is ever his fault

50. Exaggerates the truth or blatantly lies

51. Rarely treats anyone with respect or kindness

52. His needs for attention, time, and space matter – yours do not

53. Uses sex as a weapon – through withholding, controlling, or being overly demanding

54. Rarely recognizes the accomplishments or abilities of others

55. Doesn’t appear to have a conscience

56. Does not take criticism well and becomes defensive easily

57. Rarely expresses appreciation of others

58. Is easily hurt and insulted

59. Considers most others in the world “idiots”

60. Shows no feelings of remorse or guilt for his mistakes or the hurts he dishes out

61. Wins most arguments through the use of rationalizing his behavior

62. Frequently complains that whatever you do, it isn’t “good enough”

63. Is often paranoid – thinks people are talking about him behind his back

64. May attempt to limit loved ones from spending time with others

65. May want to have complete control of the family money

66. Always has to win any argument

67.Is often envious of others, or thinks others envy him

68. May feel entitled to go through your purse, closet, or other personal belongings without your permission

69. His attitude is generally haughty or arrogant

70. Rarely can understand another’s point of view

71. Expects you to read his mind when he wants something

72. Hates to stand in line – he shouldn’t have to, as his time is more valuable than others

73. Frequently “forgets” to give birthday and holiday cards and gifts to loved ones

74. May ignore you or be indifferent to you for no reason

75. Leaves others feeling as though they need to “walk on eggshells” around him

76. Is desperate to have the biggest house, car, bank account, or title

77. Often leaves you feeling guilty, drained, fearful, exhausted, just plain stupid, and most of all, wondering how you got there

78. Rushes you into the relationship/ whirlwind romance / Pressuring you to marry him/her

79. Has absolutely NO sense of humor unless it is laughing at someone elses demise or misery

80. Doesn't seem to have any close, "real" relationships--with friends or family

81. Mimics your body language and speech - "Mirroring"

82. Wants to be intimate on the first meeting.

83. Name-dropper

84. Is jealous when you praise friends, is jealous of your achievements, belittled or undermined them to make himself look better.

85. Authority issues - all doctors are quacks, all judges & police are corrupt. He knew better than any "expert". Looked down on anyone working class.

86. When pushed to explain cruel things he had said, denies he had said them.

87. Had two cell/mobile phones

88. Uses the Silent Treatment on you

89. Borrows money from you and then disappears or doesn't call.

90. Logs offline and you don't hear from him for days at a time.

91. Rarely, if ever, said "thank you" for anything or apologized for anything either

92. Doesn't seem to believe me when I tell him things then acts angry when facts are proven to him

93. Starts using words such as "soul mate" and "forever" very quickly after meeting online or in person for the first time.

94. Cuts you off several times without warning and for no good reason. When you started talking again it was always that he was confused or you were getting "crazy" or "suffocating" him.

95. No conversation, avoiding people in normal conversation.

96. Refuses to be left alone with the children

97. Constantly complains of mystery ailments, back ache, head ache, hypochondriac

98. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

99. A grandiose sense of self-importance


Anonymous said...

Wow. I ended up on this website bc I'm having a hard time dealing with my breakup with my ex. Was convinced that I'm so crazy about him b/c of his narcissism/pyschopathic behavior- which I know I'm drawn to (I know it's a problem- there is not a single stir of attraction for any man who doesn't think he's better and smarter than everyone else- no one else turns me on)...

but reading this- I seem to fit a lot of this profile. Which is pretty confusing. I thought he was the psychopath, and now it seems like I might be too...

Read the emails that Gareth constantly sent you trying to get a response from you, and that's why I did to my ex.

It's like, at the beginning of the relationship, he was the narcissistic one and used that to draw me in, but by the end of the relationship we'd switched roles.

I still want him back though. He never hurt me or mistreated me. I guess that's why I want him so badly, because I know the next guy, I might not be so lucky. And since I'm only attracted to men who I can sense danger in, I know this is pretty risky of me since I might end up with someone who really is a truly bad one.

Kitsune said...

A great deal of this applies to my ex. He was schizophrenic and I just put his behaviour down to his condition. I kept offering concessions for the way he treated me because 'it wasn't his fault'. He was unemployed our entire relationship and sucked me dry emotionally and financially.

Only now, 18 months on am I beginning to realise that I wasted the last 5 years of my life on someone who didn't care about me at all. I have tried for a long time to work out what the hell happened but your blog has really helped me see that there is more to it the schizophrenia. I feel like an idiot all over again and I just don't understand why I stood by him.

Thank you for writing all this. I hope its helped you recover.