I know I have heard it so many times but did I listen? or did I continue speaking to the psychopath? I did the latter and it was a big mistake.
If you think you can't be manipulated via an email or via the phone and only face to face.....think again!!!!
Here are some examples of emails that Gareth sent me when I refused to speak to him, he had not been gone long and I wanted some space to think and to spend time with my children and put my life back together.
If your psychopath begs, threatens , screams at you to answer him/her do yourself a favour and DONT
If you look at the examples below you will see instances of goading, blaming, shaming, and guilt trips. This is the psychopaths sick confrontational way of leading you into conversation with him/her.
When you ignore the Narcissists polite invitation to talk , he/she will finally erupt into a Narcissistic Rage - this is because he cannot get his own way and like a toddler he/she will stamp their feet and throw a tantrum.
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Bank Date: 30 June 2006 13:55:43 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
As you know I have told my parents not to help me get any of my stuff so don't worry about the weekend. I'll take things a bit slower now - give you some time to find your feet so to speak. and did you? NO!
When I didn't reply - he said above he would give me time to find my feet! so why did he rage afterwards? if that was the case?
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Call Date: 5 July 2006 10:22:49 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
When is the best time to contact you today? I tried all day yesterday but you obviously spent the night elsewhere.Hinting to me I am sleeping with another man - I was actually ignoring phone calls and was in bed from 8 pm onwards getting an early night
I'll call today at the time you advise.
He accuses you of everything from insincerity to infidelity, and your mind scrambles to discover what you just said or did that's setting him off. He keeps saying it's you, and is so intensely convinced that it is you that it's hard not to believe him. Later, after his firestorm of vindictiveness has died down, you might realize what triggered him. You did not respond "right" to his compliments, or scratched your nose in the midst of his adoration, or maybe you just burnt the toast that morning or were two-minutes late coming home from the office. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. There will always be something - apparently innocuous to you - which will abruptly stoke his raging fire again. And again and again, round and around, until your spirit and soul are finally ground into fine, despondent grains of charred debris, and your mind eventually looks like a Tokyo china-shop after a 9.0 earthquake.Source
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Contact Date: 5 July 2006 16:48:07 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Hi, if you wish to not engage in any more contact, I will cease contact..How MANY TIMES! do I have to tell you not to contact ME!? - you KNEW i didn't want to speak to you, you KNEW I was trying to find my feet and sort myself out
But if this is the case could you please tell me, the last thing I want is to end up having to turn up at your door, especially if you have company, in order to find out what's happening. Threatening To Stalk me!
Last thing, How are you doing generally? How are you doing for money? Any news?
From: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Contact Date: 6 July 2006 12:22:04 BDT To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Is there something you wanted?
My brother Mikey and his baby were here for a few days and I've been out the house a lot.
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Contact Date: 6 July 2006 12:43:51 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Thankyou for replying..
Sounds like a cosy few days especially considering you have one bed - I knew it wouldn't take you long. Accusing me of being with another man - he was probably sleeping with other women throughout the relationship - but again if you don't feel guilty yet you are supposed to - this is what the narcissist wants so he tries to goad you and punish you by accusing you of anything he can
Anyway, yes, I did have a few questions - I was hoping to have a talk on the phone with you one evening but you refused to pick-up on all occasions.
a) How are you doing / Are you ok? (yes, i do still care for you no matter who/what happens). b) What have the doctors said? (dates, procedures, locations) c) Are you ok for money? d) How's your family? e) Do you still want me to come over one evening to talk?
Ahh yes I offered for him to come speak to me as I wanted to discuss our relationship like adults but I found out later he wanted to manipulate me into the abortion and get his guns and knives back from the house - once he got those he stopped emailing - there is ALWAYS an ulterior motive with a psychopath...ALWAYS! he even gave me the choice "You don't have to give back my guns but It would mean the world to me if I could take them now"
f) Do you want me to cease contact and disappear or keep in contact?
Already told him to stop emailing and phoning - he even said he would give me time and space but you can NEVER take a psychopath at his word because he NEVER keeps it!
g) Can I phone later?
No your not
Wow I am supposed to just JUMP and answer ALL his questions? even though he chose to leave us, I have to keep this sick twisted psychopath updated on my life? according to him...yes I do
I will only be able to retrieve e-mails untill 5:30 - 6:00 So he is obviously stating here I need to reply to him during a certain time frame
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Ok.. Date: 6 July 2006 16:24:59 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Ok, it's apparent you don't want any more contact. I just wish you'd say so instead of just ignoring me - it's just silly.
Seeming as you won't communicate with me I will be renting a removals van, for either an evening or weekend, depending on their prices/availability.
I will have to assume you are in at the time to let me in. I will then abide by your wish and disappear.
With regards to child support etc. - I was going to agree outside of the agencies with you but obviously I can't without contact so it will be upto you to sort that out with them when the time comes. Example of manipulating me by using the threat of child services agencies to get me to speak to him
It's a shame it has to be this way.
I replied to Gareth and called him Rude - this is what he wanted "A REPLY" so he could continue punishing me, trying to find out what I was doing etc
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Date: 6 July 2006 16:45:50 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
You haven't picked up the phone or answered my messages for days. I'm not being rude.
As I said if you want me to cease contact, tell me, I will pick up my stuff and leave you be.
And what I said may of sounded rude but it's true... you have one bed, not long after i'm gone your XXXXXX who has flirted with you in the past is over. And your'e 'out' all the time - so I assume out meeting people - what's happening to the kids? you didn't care about the kids when you were here, now all of a sudden you CARE! ...That's pure and utter BS Gareth
I don't mind you going out, you have free reign over what you want to do, i'm not one to tell you what to do anymore - and i'm not going to.. Oh so you admit you controlled me? and told me what to do in our relationship? - so I have free reign over my life now because you say I do!?
3 - 4 days ago I was calling you in the hope of having a civilised and most probably - long - conversation, I know you may want nothing to do with me and that is ok, but i'd like to know how your doing, if thats none of my business say so. But when it comes to the pregnancy I do need to know whats going on, partly for me, partly so I can give my parents the details they need to know. Hah your parents never knew because you never told them
Just so you know - i'm not going out all the time, or at all, i'm not meeting people and i'd rather regain the independence I have long lost. I hope your not going through what I am and that this is of some comfort to you . what you are going through? spare me
In response to your mail - I will not attempt contact as you request, I will wait for you to contact me - I did wonder if you had the phone back on so I thought it was best I contacted you.
I will await your call, can you give me an estimated date for it? Tonight?
Thankyou for replying to me..
Told Gareth I would call him & Suddenly He Is Back To Being Polite and Kind After Just Sending An Email Full Of His Narcissistic Rage
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Re: Date: 6 July 2006 16:49:02 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Have a good evening XXXXXX.
What can be especially disturbing to others about this chameleon-like "change-ability" is that Borderlines are oblivious to what they are doing. They are not consciously making-up these different identity versions of themselves. They just do it reflexively, as if they run on some instinctually eerie automatic-pilot.Source
After the abortion emails & paying his half of the rent he left me stuck with he still continued to contact me
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Bday Date: 14 August 2006 10:04:58 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Hope you had a nice birthday, should get my card this morning.
Hope your all well,
From: PND XXXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Bday Date: 14 August 2006 11:06:56 BDT To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Thank you for the card, I jusy recieved it, it was lovely.
Umm got my blood test results back this morning, I have a B12 Defieciency
So I have to have injections into my muscle every 3 months as my body isnt making the B12 I need so Ill be going Thursday for my first injection, There is a risk to stomach cancer with this condition even if it is caught early so Ill just have to pray that doesnt happen.
Its not from alcohol its just something that some people get especially if they are already aneamic.
Just thought id let you know.
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Bday Date: 14 August 2006 12:35:13 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com 2 Attachments, 607 KB
Sorry was in a meeting, just got your mail.
Sorry to hear about the results. Could be worse I guess, at-least they caught it early so there's less chance of the stomach thing.
How's everything else? Any news?
Did you have a nice birthday?
My parents have made a fence around the whole garden for boo to run around. *Sophie's (*Pseudonym) not stopped smiling since she saw her. She's put on weight and should be fit enough for her injections/worming soon. She's all potty trained as long as she has a run in the garden at about 11pm.Gareth again uses the dog to get to me - he used to come home from work and pet the dog, taking his dinner & dog to bed and wouldn't come downstairs, he used the dog often to punish me - he offered to pay £200 so my children and I could have food if I would give him the dog that I paid for out of my own money! - he then demanded I spend it on the things he suggested I spend it on - See the last paragraphs at the end of this post
Hope everyone's ok on your side aside from the obvious.
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Money Date: 16 August 2006 10:26:04 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
How are you doing?
Did everything go ok with regard to rent* money?
Hope your doing ok as I only have about £200 till' Sept after rent gets taken out soon so I won't be able to help you out till' then.
Have your benefits started yet? - It has been 3 Months or so.
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Money Date: 16 August 2006 10:37:09 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
ok, I assume you want me to stop contact? If you don't reply to the psychopath immediatly or within a certain time frame he/she will constantly goad you and manipulate you into talking to them - They NEVER accept your boundaries.
It had been exactly 11 MINUTES since his last email and he goads me AGAIN! with"So I assume you want me to stop contact"that's NOT impatience, that's a Narcissist believing you are the "Satellite that orbits him 24/7" he wants your attention focused on him when he wants!
From: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Money Date: 16 August 2006 12:53:31 BDT To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
That is the last thing on my mind at the moment
My dad found out this morning he has lost his job and is devastated hes worked for them for 25 years now and has no income anymore and this means no income no bills get paid, so Im sorry to be selfish but I am concerntrating on my dad right now and his pain.
From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com Subject: Re: Money Date: 16 August 2006 14:01:32 BDT To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Sorry, I didn't know. Send him my apologies, tell me if I can help in any way. I'll leave you be to sort all you need to, keep me informed of what happens with him and you. Yeah leave me to sort out all I need to? where have I heard that before - now you have the information you want you'll leave me alone right? BS - You still email me to this very day
When I needed money for food for my children Gareth offered to pay me £200 for the puppy I had bought out of my own money, he wouldn't give me money without anything in return, so it was either accept or go without - However the money was to be spent on what he decided it should be spent on
I will pay for the dog , i've told you I will, as-well as for food and essentials for you and the family - as long as it's not going to spent on going out or calling other people. You can understand where im coming from I think..
I'll give you the money today, just make sure it goes on the correct things , thats all i mean, I do care."
Whether you sell a product from your own company or sell someone a product via the classifieds do you allow the BUYER to tell you what you CAN and CANT DO with YOUR MONEY?!
Towards the end of the relationship I asked him if I could have some money to get my two children some clothing and new shoes that they needed - his response was...."Ask your mother to pay for it"why did he say this? because he had just spent £500 on parachute lessons - yet chided me about needing money for clothing - he would also state £40 was enough for 4 people to live on every week. Narcissists are VERY stingy with money
"I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin , hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip"
Gareth Edward(s) Rodger
Masks Of Sanity is an online blog offering advice, support and education for those who have fallen victim to the Psychopath/Narcissist. (NPD)
We explain why Narcissists behave the way they do, how they operate and how you can protect yourself from the Narcissist in society, in the home and online!
You can find my own personal experience with a psychopath in the links on the right. I have a very personal understanding of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I am proof that there is hope after abuse!