Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Stare Of The Psychopath - What Lies Behind Those Eyes?

Are the eyes "Windows to the soul?" many people believe they are. Although the eyes are in fact highly fallible indicators of the inner world of others, they are not entirely devoid of information, particularly when the message they convey to others appears inconsistent with the individual's facial expressions and verbal behaviour.

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first" is but one of scores of maxims that could be cited.

A lot of women and men have noted the particular stare of the psychopath - some have even said there is an “almost animalistic attraction” to him.

It is an intense, relentless gaze that seems to preclude his destruction of his victim or target. Women, in particular, have reported this stare, which is related to the "predatorial" (reptilian) gaze; it is as if the psychopath is directing all of his intensity toward you through his eyes, a sensation that one woman reported as a feeling of "being eaten." They tend to invade peoples' space either by their sudden intrusions or intimidating look-overs (which some women confuse for sexuality.)

The Psychopaths stare is very effective during the luring and "honeymoon" phases. Women often mistake it as "being sexy" and for "Sexual Attraction" eye gazing occurs in copious amounts during the "Luring and honeymoon stage" at the beginning of the relationship.

Robert Hare refers to the Psychopath's gaze as "Intense eye contact and piercing eyes" and even suggested people avoid consistant eye contact with them.

"She cries that he hurt her and he literally doesn’t understand her. The psychopath’s blank-faced stare is an indication that the emotional content of her pain has not registered with him"

Cool under pressure with an adroit use of charm and charisma, they intimidate and control others. There is often an intrusion of space and the predatory 'stare'. They have a natural ability to lie and deceive, and have an impressive use of jargon. They are naturals at undermining and pushing the buttons of others.

Trance, Suggestibility & Hypnosis

Trance & hypnosis also factor into the psychopaths modus operandi. You have seen hypnotists on television saying "stare into my eyes"

Trance is associated with "focused Attention"

The Psychopath, like anyone else, can induce trance in others. Just surf the net under “Seduction Techniques” and you will see a hundred web sites teaching men how to use covert hypnotic and Neuro Linguistic Programming techniques to bypass a woman’s cognitive resistance to being “picked up” or “seduced.” If they didn’t work, there wouldn’t be so many men using these techniques. However, psychopath’s are different from these mere seduction students because most psychopaths don’t have to be taught how to use trance states, hypnosis, and suggestion. They are natural’s at these.

Remember going for a ride in the car and how after a while of staring out the window you suddenly arrive at your destination and can't remember the time passing? - That's another example of "trance states"

The psychopath is able to put a woman in a trance state without her realizing it, getting someone focused, or staring into the Psychopaths eyes will do the job easily.

Pacing, rapport, mirroring, speed seduction , hypnotic commands, sleight of mouth expressions, subliminal arousal techniques , and sensual domination as well as allure are all used by the psychopath to induce trance , hypnosis and suggestibility (NLP) to get what they want.

Sandra L. Brown states in her book Women Who Love Psychopaths that the Psychopath is motivated by the "Central Three - Power, Status and Dominance"

Psychopaths will use Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Hypnotic Suggestion to bypass a woman's cognitive resistance in order to "pick them up" or " Seduce them"

The Rule Of Three. The Assessment Phase, The Manipulation Phase & The Abandonment Phase

The psychopathic approach includes three phases: the assessment phase, the manipulation phase and the abandonment phase.

Psychopaths are often voluble and verbally facile. They can be amusing and entertaining conversationalists, ready with a clever comeback, and are able to tell unlikely but convincing stories that cast themselves in a good light. They can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming.

Some psychopaths are opportunistic, aggressive predators who will take advantage of almost anyone they meet, while others are more patient, waiting for the perfect, innocent victim to cross their path. In each case, the psychopath is constantly sizing up the potential usefulness of an individual as a source of money, power, sex or influence

Once the psychopath has identified a victim, the manipulation phase begins. During the manipulation phase, a psychopath may create a persona or mask, specifically designed to ‘work’ for his or her target. A psychopath will lie to gain the trust of their victim. A psychopath’s lack of empathy and guilt allows them to lie with ease - “they don’t see the value of telling the truth unless it will help get them what they want

As interaction with you proceeds, the psychopath carefully assesses your persona. Your persona gives the psychopath a picture of the traits and characteristics you value in yourself. Your persona may also reveal, to an astute observer, insecurities or weaknesses you wish to minimize or hide from view. As an ardent student of human behavior, the psychopath will then gently test the inner strengths and needs that are part of your private self and eventually build a personal relationship with you by communicating (through words and deeds)

To further "seal the deal" the psychopath instigates the luring stage, he uses his best listening and communication skills. He wears his "respectful mask" his "loving mask" his "Listening mask" and so on.

You feel he is bonding with you. The attraction and chemistry blows you away , he is paying you so much attention and you feel that you "Seem to connect" this is not because the psychopath wants to bond with you. The psychopath is hoovering information from you in order to further seduce you into believing "He is the one for you" and so he can use the information gleaned from you to use it against you in the future.

Manipulation is the key to the psychopath's conquests. Initially, the psychopath will feign false emotions to create empathy, and many of them study the tricks that can be employed by the empathy technique. Psychopaths are often able to incite pity from people because they seem like "lost souls" as Guggenbuhl-Craig writes. So the pity factor is one reason why victims often fall for these "poor" people.

Psychopaths Attachment

The Psychopathic bond can take place very quickly, sometimes within hours. That means it could happen over coffee, drinks, in a business meeting etc.

The psychopath does NOT bond to his victim emotionally , he doesn't in fact bond at all, but he does "attach" himself to his victim pretty much the way a leech attaches to a body to suck the life blood from them. He is an emotional vampire. He views any social exchange as a "feeding opportunity," a contest or a test of wills in which there can be only one winner. His motives are to manipulate and take, ruthlessly and without remorse.

One psychopath interviewed by Dr Robert Hare's team said quite frankly: "The first thing I do is I size you up. I look for an angle, an edge, figure out what you need and give it to you. Then it's pay-back time, with interest. I tighten the screws." Another psychopath admitted that he never targeted attractive women - he was only interested in those who were insecure and lonely. He claimed he could smell a needy person "the way a pig smells truffles."

They are masters of recognizing "hang-ups" and self-doubts that most people have, and they will brazenly pander to them to gain a follower to use later.

The Psychopath attaches himself only for the desire to be around a "special person" he is "seeking proximity" to be around the woman he desires to control and dominate. It is only through attachments that the psychopath can avoid boredom and gain "The Central Three: Power, Status & Dominance"

As Sandra L. Brown says in her book Women Who Love Psychopaths "If psychopaths didn't attach, they also wouldn't stalk which we know they often do"

Another extremely interesting study had to do with the way psychopaths move their hands when they speak. Hand movement can tell researchers a lot about what are called "thought units." The studies indicate that psychopaths' thoughts and ideas are organized into small mental packages. This is handy for lying, but makes dealing with an overall, coherent, integrated complex of deep thoughts virtually impossible.

Getting Past The Surface Of Things

It is not easy to get beyond the winning smile, the captivating body language, the fast talk of the typical psychopath, all of which blind us to his or her real intentions. Many people find it difficult to deal with the intense, "predatory state" of the psychopath. The fixated stare, is more a prelude to self-gratification and the exercise of power rather than simple interest or empathic caring and women seem to mistake this predatory stare for "sexuality"

I remember being stared down in a pub by a male friend, I felt uncomfortable, and mistook that sign for "sexuality" and "attraction"

Try not to be influenced by "props" it is not easy to get beyond the winning smile, the captivating body lanuage, and the fast talk of the psychopath, all of which blinds us to his or her real intentions.

Some people respond to the emotionless stare of the psychopath with considerable discomfort, almost as if they feel like potential prey in the presence of the predator. Others may be completely overwhelmed and intimidated, perhaps even controlled, with little insight into what is happening to them.

Whatever the psychological meaning of their gaze, it is clear that intense eye contact is an important factor in the ability of some psychopath to manipulate and dominate others.

One of the most effective skills psychopaths use to get the trust of people is their ability to charm them. Some psychopaths lay the charm on too thick, coming across as glib, superficial, and unconvincing. However, the truly talented ones have raised their ability to charm people to that of an art, priding themselves on their ability to present a fictional self to others that is convincing, taken at face value, and difficult to penetrate”. One must always keep in mind that the charm, like manipulation, can be very subtle.

The next time you find yourself dealing with an individual who nonverbal mannerism or gimmicks - riveting eye contact, dramatic hand movements, "stage scenery" , and so on tend to overwhelm you, close your eyes or look away and carefully listen to what the person is saying because the chances are you are talking to a "wolf in sheep's clothing"


Anonymous said...

great post, I like it.

Seems to me now I can pick out diagnosed sociopaths/antisocial PD/psychopaths by their eyes, and also sometimes their behaviour. I used to think this was rare but now I realise it's not. The eyes I would describe as curiously blank or dead. It's a stare because they aren't feeling the normal reticence that other people do that makes them avert their eyes now and then. And perhaps it looks blank because emotion shows in small muscles around the eyes. That's only my hypothsis though, but is seems uncannily accurate in real life. Behaviour can also be a dead giveaway - someone who appears to want to disturb you subtly and isn't following the normal rules of politeness. I met a girl recently in a support group. Her eyes were disturbing as above, and immediately upon being introduced she said "you've got a spotty nose". The gaze never wavered, the tone was flat and perhaps implied some menace. She obviously either didn't know or care that this was socially deviant, or she DID know and was attempting to dominate and intimidate. Personally, I didn't care less but I immediately thought "this is one, watch out" and just as carefully said "oh REALLY." (implied distain). She immediately said "so do I .." showing she did have awareness and was covering her tracks.
I feel that she is a potentially very hostile and dangerous character and that she would not hesitate to bully someone given the opportunity, but would be careful not to be caught doing it.

Anonymous said...

The thing is. Most people don't realise that psychopaths have an evolutionary function- we can educate ourselves about them, we can reliably identify them now (using behaviour tools- there is obviously not a blood test or brain scan which can affirm that a person is a psychopath).
However, even the language around the disorder betrays the fact that subconsciously we register that they are here for a reason. People don't say that someone 'has psychopathy' in the way you would say someone had 'bipolar' or 'cancer'- it's not a disorder in an otherwise normal person, it is another class of homo sapien- a taxon in and of itself.
I don't despise them, even the ones who have taken advantage of me in life (and they have taken advantage of everyone- unless you never leave your house or you are one yourself). I just keep my guard up and try to limit the damage.
In the end, we are prey and they are predators- nothing wil reverse that. We may be more insightful than mice, but when it comes to this we have about as much chance of stopping psychopaths preying on us as mice do of stopping cats preying on them.
They're here and always will be- a Biblical analogy is how God said Satan must have representation on Earth. You need a measure of bad/predatory people to keep a balance in society- plus its an evolution advantage for them. Just like a myostatin deficiency makes you stronger or unusually large lungs meant Michael Phelps won so many gold medals. Its just that bigger lungs or bigger muscles aren't anti-social attributes, whereas manipulative behaviours are.

Anonymous said...

If you ever encounter a psychopath, the very best thing you could ever do is stay away. Don't ever try to figure out what's wrong, or why there behavior seems not right. Remember they are master manipulators, they have the ability to intentionally hurt you and make you believe it's your fault.
Take care of yourself and never look back!

terrified mother said...

What do you do, if this is your husband. if you have 2 computers crawling with spyware, 2 cell phones that suddenly act weird, and when you type words are being erased and if you try and makes call... every attempt will only phone the psychosis hotline. that is what everyone believes us wrong with me... as that is what he has convinced people.

what do you do, if HE has your kids and the MOTHER who tried to leave is now. under supervised visits only.

would you have any advice. I am too afraid of him to do the wrong thing, as my children are hurt with injuries that no one links as abuse.

Anonymous said...

Pray to Jesus. And move on with your life. Focus on helping other people.

Anonymous said...

Hi everyone. This is the first time iv ever posted anything on these kind of websites. But, I have a short story to tell. I have the dead eye stare, I never really blink, actually I can't remember the last time I blinked! I'm a very quite person and I never leave the house I live in complete darkness I have no feeling our emotions I do not no how to show love towards people and I fear nothing but myself.
I have a friend who is very manipulative and likes to try and control everybody, he tries it with me but gets nowhere. All he does is try to find faults with me and tries to blame me for anything and tries to use physical force to frighten me but I just sit there and give him the 1000 yard stare, when he sees my eyes he suddenly becomes a coward.
He has had himself a girlfriend now for 7years. But, ever since they have been going out iv noticed a personality change with him, he tries to show off his dominance by given the killer stare, its always directed at me. However, it does not bother me I just simply stare right back and he does not like that one bit it puts fear in him. I am able to sense the fear in him so I use it to my advantage. He tries to make a fool out of me in social gatherings. His favorite insult is "your a pedophile" Them kind of insults are used to psychologically break someone down over a period of time. It works on the 'normal' person.. He repeats them over and over, all the time without fail! This has been going on for six years now. He thinks he knows everything about me, which he doesn't. All he knows is my name and that's it, He likes to say "I own you, you belong to me" I simple reply with "of course you do. You know so much about me don't you".. He then looks at me with confusion, He does not know what to say! He looks frightened and crawls back into his shell.. I could go on forever about him and his family. I could tell you every bit of detail about his life and personality and his family. I have studied them as if they are a project... I'm not the kind of psychopath that would harm nice and genuine people and I would never kill someone. I am the kind that studies my evil enemy (bad people), it could take me a few years but i always get the job done. I have a nasty surprise in-store but could also be an eye opener for him and his strange girlfriend, family. One that will ruin there lives forever. But, will also help them to find peace and show love towards people! It will cause no harm or physical pain to either one of them. The beautiful thing about the plan is, they'll never no it was me and there will be no evidence that will lead back to me. Its brilliant!! They deserve every-bit of it believe me. They've mentally and physically hurt plenty of people before. I believe it was my destiny to meet these people. To put an end to there torment. And to teach them the meaning of life and the meaning of love and peace. I know that sounds silly coming from someone who feels nothing. But, for some reason I no how to teach it.

For all you normal people out there. Stay away from psychopaths. Let the good psychopaths take care of the bad one's. Never let them break you.

Anonymous said...

To Terrified Mother... PRAY! Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. And seek help from the police, psychiatrists, counselors, a pastor. The fact is that GOD sees the truth behind what's going on and He doesn't take it lightly. Can you get your children to confess abuse to the authorities?

I sincerely hope you can get help ASAP.

Sandelina said...

Unplug the computers. Buy a phone that he does not know about.

Anonymous said...

Why do all people believe that psychopaths are necessarily evil?
While I cannot deny the fact that it is likely that the majority of them are probably up to no good, it is by no means true for all of them. No one is born with psychopathy.
It is acquired.

Have you ever wondered why those people became the way they are now? Have you ever tried to look beyond their fake selves? Some of them might be probably beyond salvation, but others still have some sanity left and therefore could return to lead a normal life.

Because psychopaths are naturally regarded as "Evil" there is no one to help them. Thus it leads to a never-ending cycle of losing more and more of their humanity.

Of course, this is a task only for those who are strong in their mind. Strong enough to face the psychopath's true self on an even level. Weak-willed people will only get devoured.

Even if psychopaths are not regarded as "human", it cannot be denied that they were human once.