Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Gareths Denial....Do You Remember?

My comments in blue as always

Gareth said he wanted to talk, he emailed me, and phoned me after finding out about this exposure site, nearly 3 years after we broke up, Convenient timing huh? he always said he was petrified of anyone knowing he had children, he is also petrified of being linked to his two daughters in anyway, shape or form, even going as far as to demand his name not be placed on the headstones or birth & death certificates.

Gareth's father who works for the Police force and his mother who works in a hospital (both pathological) are upstanding members of their community who don't know their second granddaughter Lily Mae existed. I wonder Gareth if you have ever told them? I am guessing "NO"

They didn't know back when she was born and the funeral over. You refused to even go to our daughter's funeral or have your name associated with her.

And Dont you DARE! tell me I have no right to post a picture of our daughter or name names, Don't you DARE tell me I cannot vent and pour out my feelings about this! I have EVERY RIGHT in the world to expose you for the heartless piece of dung you are.

To spare even ONE person the horror of being your friend, lover, partner or potential friend is a good enough reason for me to write this blog post alone.

Remember what you said to me in an email about letting your parents know? how come they still didn't know a few months later when Lily died?

Date: 6 July 2006 16:45:50 BDT

I know you may want nothing to do with me and that is ok, but i'd like to know how your doing, if thats none of my business say so. But when it comes to the pregnancy I do need to know whats going on, partly for me, partly so I can give my parents the details they need to know.It had NOTHING to do with your parents, that was just a ruse to stay in contact and to continue manipulating me even after the break up - I told you to stop contacting me didn't I? but you continued to do so even though you acknowledged the fact I didn't want to speak.

When I told you finally I was keeping the baby what did you say?

Date: 10 August 2006 16:03:28 BDT

Thank-you for telling me what I was waiting for you to say.

I was thinking more in terms of my future and your future. That is where our opinions have always differed.What Gareth means by this is"You want the baby and I don't and if you carry on with the pregnancy we have no future together



Scans of Lily 9 days before her death that you didn't want to see

What was it you said to me when I offered you the scan pictures?

"I think it's best you don't send it to me."


Your Denial

You have not even seen a picture of Lily, her scan pictures of her. You didn't want anything to do with her in the slightest. Just like our first baby Hope you didn't hold her or touch her or cry over her.

Remember when Hope our 1st Daughter died back in March 2005 just a year before? remember how a few months later you tried to stop me posting pictures of her in her incubator for my family members because predators on the internet might use the pictures on sites such as the one below that you list in your email (goregasm website)

- This was a very clever way of manipulating me into not posting pictures of her on my picture blog because you didn't want anyone to know she existed.

However! You forgot that I used to see you browsing that Goregasm website regularly when we were living together, you even asked me to sit down and look at videos and pictures of bondage, death and gore which I refused to do.

You used to go on that website and laugh for hours. and suddenly seeing a picture of our daughter in her incubator scares you? Or it could be the fact that your parents & friends knew about my photo website and you didn't want them seeing those pictures? I am guessing YES!

Subject: Hope
Date: 15 October 2006 20:14:21 BDT


Hope everything is going ok..

I did look for those Hope pictures but unless there zipped on a CD somewhere I don't think I have them - you must have them all. If you could check and tell me - if you don't have them all I will scour every CD I have."Those Hope Pictures?" nice way to word things when talking about your daughter. I wasn't surprised you didn't have them, you probably deleted them as soon as you moved out - they were on your computer when you left so what did you do? delete them? shove them in your lockup (secret) box with all your other collectables such as used pregnancy tests, pictures of you with women in their bathing suits, stacks of condoms and other secrets you dont ever want people to know? like the contract you made for women to sign before they had sex with you so you couldn't be accused of RAPE! or how about that secret video tape you recorded of your girlfriend and you having sex which she had no knowledge of?

Is there any chance you could take the ones off you fotopic account. It has nothing to do with 'me not wanting people to know'.. My name doesn't feature on there at all. I saw them and felt like my lungs collapsed. I see them as very personal photos that I don't want random weird internet people looking at. Ok if it has nothing to do with your name being associated with her then what is the problem?

Photo albums are private things, if you want to easily share photos with friends and family that's ok, password the collection on fotopic and give them the password. Why would you want random, possibly deranged people looking at photos of your children, babies and our baby? Deranged people like you perhaps? Hope wasn't dead in those pictures and she was dressed, it was a very beautiful photo. A lot of women who lose babies have blogs dedicated to them - You will look for ANY excuse to deny Hope and her life.

A quick search looked like no-one had taken them yet but I did find this: go to - type in babies in the search box and you'll see the people i'm worried about.Found it? You had been on that site for over a year looking at it, do you spend your time scouring sites for sick pictures? who in their right mind would even venture onto a site such as one named goregasm? - it goes to show how SICK YOU ARE!

Hope you understand.

On another note, how are you and the family doing? Hope everything is ok.

After 3 years you suddenly want to talk? hmm could it be because I made this blog? why else would you email wanting to talk? it's too convenient for you Gareth

From: I have noticed you have made yet another email account
Subject: Phone call
Date: 27 October 2008 10:58:14 GMT


I'm sorry to call you out the blue but I have no other way of contacting you.Hence why I put the phone down on you as soon as you spoke - have you got it yet? I dont want to speak to you at all - anything you had to say should of been said a long time ago. It's too late to offer apologies just because you are worried about your reputation

The logs you have of me visiting this site are correct, no proxies.

I have read every word you've wrote and looked at it for hours not seconds. (Yeah sure.... logs say 12 seconds not HOURS! but after I caught you out on that and posted the proof you went back and looked at the same page for an hour - Nice try)

It was hard to call and e-mail you but we should really talk, i'm not angry at what you've wrote and I didn't call to have a go.You have no right to be angry anyway - I DO!

If you could e-mail me a time that's convenient for you to talk or if you prefer to talk over e-mail then that's fine.



Lets talk about the one topic you cannot stand to speak or read about - Your 2nd Daughter Lily Mae.

Lily Mae Rodger

Daughter of Gareth Rodger
Grand daughter of Ian & Catherine Rodger.

Please Don't Click On This Picture For A Larger View If This Might Upset You Readers

Lily Mae Rodger was born still on 18th October 2006. Her mother spent 4 days in intensive care and woke up to find her stomach empty and sore. It was 6 hours before the doctor came to tell her the news she didn't want to hear. That her baby had been born dead at just 22 weeks gestation and that she nearly lost her life.

Did her father Gareth come to the funeral or did his best friend end up coming instead to support the mother?

Did Gareth tell his parents they lost their second grandchild and offer to go to the funeral?

No on both counts, Your parents never knew she even existed because you never told them did you?

They probably have no idea to this day she existed.

Have you offered money to pay for the headstones?

Did you know Lily Mae was buried in the same grave with her sister Hope our first daughter?

Do you ever visit the grave and spend time there?(I know for a fact you don't.)

Did you know I made sure your name was on the death certificate? why? because Lily deserves that and a hell of a lot more from you.

Remember Gareth when you left me? and then phoned me a few days later to tell me "if you had lost the baby I would of come back home"?

Do you remember asking me for an abortion again like you did with Hope? knowing I was against it?

Do you remember arguing and manipulating me over the phone and telling me you had rights to see the child if I put your name on the birth certificate?

Do you remember saying to me "I can't say the word "Hope" anymore everytime I say it , it feels weird"

Do you remember the time when I was on the bed crying over Hope and you said to me "I am going out because this noise bothers me, Ill be back when you stop crying?"

Do you remember me begging you to touch Hope in her incubator? just to put your hand through and touch her hand? and how you refused?

Do you remember going on holiday to the caribbean right before Hope's funeral forcing me to extend it? and mentioning how much fun you were having in emails? you didn't mention Hope once during that time even though it had only been a month since she had died

Did you offer to help with the expenses of the funeral?

Remember when I had to put our 1st daughter Hope's funeral forward a few weeks so you could make it because you were on holiday in the Caribbean? she died in 2005 and at least you bothered to make her funeral. Why not come to Lily's funeral too? I know why Gareth, because you are SELFISH and UNCARING, a sociopath with little regard for anyone but yourself.

Do you remember this email a few days after Lily had died? what father in his right mind whether estranged from his partner or not, would send a DAMN EMAIL?! after his daughter had died. Where were you at the funeral home visiting our daughter? where were you at the funeral? You SHOULD of been there for HER. But you couldn't be bothered to do either, you couldn't even be bothered to send a damn sympathy card.

Does this email say "Grieving Father"? 6 days after Lily passed away? NO!

Subject: Hi
Date: 24 October 2006 23:03:45 BDT


I've been worried about you since we talked.

Please call me if you just need someone to talk to - anytime of the night or day regardless of work etc. I'm always available to talk.Yes now I am no longer pregnant and there is no baby to take care of you become attentive and caring again - where were you when I was in the hospital? where were you when I was going for my ultrasound scans and bloodwork? where were you when I had to stay off my feet? I was supposed to go into hospital at 20 weeks for constant bedrest because of the danger of another uterine rupture, I could of done with support around the house where were you then?

I will call you in a few days if I don't speak to you before.

My thoughts are with you,You are not upset at all are you? no because you got what you wanted

Take care,


The Funeral Arrangements ON PAPER. You can't keep denying her existence

Did You Know How Much Lily Weighed At Birth? Did You Know Her Time Of Birth?

Did you hold her and spend time weeping over her, grieving her? No you didn't did you

I hope and pray to God you NEVER have the ability to have anymore children. I hope one day you wake up , get therapy and suffer the consequences of your actions but I know for sure that will NEVER happen.

I have told you before and will tell you again I am damn proud to be our little girls mother. They deserved so much more from you, knowing you wanted them dead all along would probably be too much for their little hearts to bear so at least they have peace now and no knowledge of your disdain and loathing for them.

To be brutally honest Gareth I hope you spend the rest of your life in misery but I am 110% sure you will spend the rest of your life putting others through the same misery you put me and my family through.


Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you, the author of this blog and my prayers and thoughts are with you. You have suffered such a terrible loss and been through so much at the hands of this psychopath. May your sweet little angels Hope & Lily Mae rest in peace. I am so sorry for your loss.

PND said...

Thank you for your kind words and prayers. I appreciate them very much.

Anonymous said...

I just shed bitter-sweet tears for you and your precious baby girls. I hope that all that come to your blog understand that it is for these precious, innocent little ones. They deserve to be loved just because they exist. They are loved very well by you and with that love for them in your heart I don't believe they missed anything on their far too short time here. God Bless you real big!

PND said...

Thank you Anonymous.

God bless you too.