The Psychopath Sam Vaknin & Femfree - Exposed

Are you sick of seeing the same Psychopath posting all over the web when researching Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Did you get sucked into his boards, forums, books, speeches?

Or are you one of the victims who adore Sam Vaknin, Look up to him and hold him up on a pedestal as your life saver?

if so let's take a closer look at the supposed "Dr Sam Vaknin PhD"

In one of his repetitively & compulsively posted online articles, Vaknin reveals in his own words the reason he really runs the Narcissism 'Support' Groups all over the net and so on....

'There is nothing to be learned from the answers to these questions because each individual has her own threshold. No, I simply enjoy the momentary ability to inflict traumatic pain (emotional pain - I am not the physical type and will never harm a woman physically). It is as close as I can get to omnipotence. It is the perfect gender revenge.'...

'As a Jew I would have done the same to Nazis. As a victim of a woman, I celebrate with unrestrained glee my ability to degrade women, to humiliate them, to frustrate them, to make them beg for life itself, for they see their (often imagined) relationship with me as life itself. This is why I abstain from sex. This is why I dazzle them with my intellect and charm and wit and knowledge, with unprecedented intrusive interest in their petty, boring, housewivish lives - and then I let go abruptly. At this stage, they are so brittle, so vulnerable that they crash to a million shreds with the crystalline sound of agony.'

Is this really a man you want to give you advice and support on Narcissism, Psychopathy or on your relationships? . Imagine for a moment, you have left your Narcissistic partner/spouse/family and have finally seen the light. You stumble across Sam Vaknin and drink in everything he has written on the subject.

You have just walked out on one Narcissist into the world of another.

Imagine, as an abuse survivor of someone with malignant narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder, giving your life over to a psychopath, and doing it with trust and a firm belief in his authority. What if said psychopathic conman, was advising victims? It seems absurd, that an abuser would advise the abused. It seems even more absurd, that the abused would take the advice to heart.


Vaknin is now a DIAGNOSED PSYCHOPATH - not a Narcissist!


Watch Vaknin himself on the documentary "I, Psychopath" CLICK HERE take special note of how he treats his partner and others. Narcissism Support Blog gives their thoughts on Sam Vaknin and "I Psychopath"

An example of how this "self-proclaimed" doctor (who got his degree from an internet diploma mill) - answers the victims who come to him for help & advice:


Every link he leaves somewhere like a bait leads eventually to him telling you to buy his misogynistic and pseudo-scientific book. However, if you want to know for yourself how sick this individual is, you might wish to read his own rubbish complete with word salad Here

On his book:

Question Posed To Vaknin You are a self-professed narcissist, and you warn your readers that narcissists are punishing, pathological, and not to be trusted. Yet hundreds of readers or customers seem to be looking to you for help and advice on how to cope with their own narcissism or their relationship with a narcissist. I'm struck by a kind of hall-of-mirrors effect here. How do you reconcile these seeming contradictions?

VAKNIN: Indeed, only seeming. I may have misphrased myself. By "helpful" I meant "intended to help." The book was never intended to help anyone. Above all, it was meant to attract attention and adulation (narcissistic supply) to its author, myself. Being in a guru-like status is the ultimate narcissistic experience. Had I not also been a misanthrope and a schizoid, I might have actually enjoyed it. The book is imbued with an acerbic and vitriolic self-hatred, replete with diatribes and jeremiads and glaring warnings regarding narcissists and their despicable behaviour. I refused to be "politically correct" and call the narcissist "other-challenged." Yet, I am a narcissist and the book is, therefore, a self-directed "J'accuse." This satisfies the enfant terrible in me, the part of me that seeks to be despised, abhorred, derided and, ultimately, punished by society at large. "


With those two statements alone, he discredits himself. I already knew it was best not to trust one, and he confirmed it.


If you want to purchase a worthwhile book from a real doctor, please see Dr Robert Hare the leading authority on Psychopathy.


What does Doctor Robert Hare think of the documentary featuring Sam Vaknin: "I Psychopath"?


July 24, 2009. Response from Dr Hare:


Ian,

Just watched the CBC broadcast of I, Psychopath. You did a brilliant job, arguably the first documentary to capture the complex, fascinating, and destructive interplay between psychopath and victim.

Perhaps most remarkable was your insightful and amazing documentation of the manner in which you became an integral part of the action. You experienced first-hand what it is like to be caught in the psychopath’s web of deceit, manipulation, domination and control, and to be subjected to psychological and emotional abuse that can be every bit as debilitating and demeaning their physical counterparts.

Fortunately your exposure was time-limited, and you were able to extricate yourself from the situation. The other victim in the documentary clearly is not so fortunate. (Sam Vaknin's Wife) Like many victims she is trapped in a macabre dance with an unfeeling, controlling partner.

Awards for this documentary should follow if there is any justice in the media world.

Robert Hare, PhD

I Psychopath Dot Com





Suffering tremendously from the mental rape of an Internet psychopath, knowing that most therapists would not understand (and I could not afford one) I joined Sam Vaknin's board with a psyche like hamburger. At the time, it was the only board around. Over time the games began, and the capricious deletions and many people got hurt.

Instead of being in a place of healing, I was in a war zone. I was also, it turns out, deceived and misled, not realising that there was a cultish following.

When you're hamburger, you don't think as clearly,you just want to know you're not alone. I am a mental health professional and you'd think that we would know better, but let me tell you, when you are wounded beyond belief, all your training means nothing. Some people were wonderful on that site, but they left. That's why I started my own site, but didn't include a board. Just some fair and objective information, partly to counteract the dreck. I never imagined that unmasking a fraud would be part of my healing journey. Sometimes, Providence has a strange sense of humour.



I also felt very humbled. For I was dealing with a sadistic psychopath/sociopath and Sam Vaknin's views fed right into that; to realise that helps you grasp how out of control your life really is. He wasn't talking about Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Mr Vaknin is trying to reform "Narcissism" into an all-encompassing explanation for all bad behaviour, blurs distinctions between the Personality Disorders, and collapses the uniqueness and severity of the disorder for each person into a single [malevolent] entity.

In effect, it seemed to me that Sam Vaknin was recreating "Narcissism" and NPD in his own image, according to his worldview. Which means it is not simply narcissism, nor is it NPD. According to the author, it is not anything remotely recognisable as Narcissistic Personality Disorder as he knows it.


My feeling is that, in effect, Sam Vaknin was drawing in vulnerable victims, desperately looking for answers, sometimes easy answers, and recreating them in his own image, inoculating them with his hatred and alienation, and creating a world view where things are worse than imagined, instead of better; it is a world of paranoia, where, in effect, there are monstrous "Ns" under every bush.


I speak as one who, at first, believed a lot of this stuff. He has pathologised almost everyone in every manner. So how can any true healing take place for any of us if we are misled and misinformed- imo, his version of healing, if he had one, is that everyone see it his way. Just like a cult leader wannabe.


Sam Vaknin has recently moved on to become editor of emotional/verbal abuse topics on Suite 101. I find this to be the ultimate irony. That the abuser gets to tell us, the survivors of abuse what we are about. And what we go through. The man is self-described disordered.

Can anyone doubt his lack of empathy and inability to understand the point of view of the victim? And he is writing about the trauma that we suffer from narcissistic abuse? He is now writing a book using posts by abuse survivors on the Internet, that is, from anecdotal evidence, where anyone can make up anything, and without prior consent.


The most common report we get are from battle-scarred ex-members of one of Vaknin's "support groups" (usually they're banned by his high priestess - Femfree ) who try to engage in meaningful dialogue with Vaknin or Femfree.

They ask questions and Vaknin spews some rhetorical gobbletygoop at them and then references 10 or 12 of his articles.

Femfree (real name is Darla Boughton) has admitted to older members that she uses multiple names, sets up members she doesn't like and has a couple programs to mask her IP in order to post as someone else giving gratitude to Vaknin (or herself) and posing as a victim gushing about how wonderful femfree (herself) is. More on Femfree Here





Kathy Krajco on Sam Vaknin

He isn't explaining NPD out of the kindness of his heart. He's doing it to get ATTENTION, the narcissist's pain-killing drug. I mean, just Google “narcissism” and see all the attention he’s seeking and getting!

Somehow, he has made himself the foremost authority on NPD. He is even treated as a legitimate authority on the subject by psychiatrists. He admits that he thus achieves "guru status," which is nirvana to a narcissist. In fact, he has a cult following.


If what he said about NPD didn't square with what top psychiatrists know and with the experience of people like me, what he says would be attacked. And he knows it. So, to achieve and maintain his status and following, he must tell the truth about NPD, and I think that's why he does -- or at least tries to as much as possible.
BUT he is a narcissist. Duh! A Predator.


Look at what he’s getting from it. He is the star of the show! He has people crowded around, hanging on his every word. My, what an avalanche of ATTENTION he’s getting.

It’s all a matter of public record. First, see Vaknin’s curriculum vitae. Note that one doesn’t “graduate” from “a few semesters” in a school. He's often called "doctor" as though he's a medical doctor, but look again. The PhD he claims is in philosophy, with a major in “Philosophy of Physics,” a subject I never heard of, probably because physics is pure science, the antithesis of philosophy. People with doctoral degrees outside of medicine are called "doctor" only by their students and in other professional settings where they are practicing in that field as a profession.

What's more, you can see that Pacific Western University offers no such PhD program. You can see from this Wikipedia entry on PWU that it is an unaccredited diploma mill. As for being "Certified in Psychological Counseling Techniques by Brainbench," click the links on his Curriculum Vitae page and see that the transcript that appears has no name on it. As for Brainbench, just click the link and what it calls itself: an "employee/employment testing service" for "predicting employee success," not as an educational institution. Click through the myriad links to the Certification for Psychological Counseling Techniques, for this $49.95 product, you'll see the disclaimer:

"Our Health Sciences certifications provide you the opportunity to demonstrate your knowledge of both health science and the laboratory and laboratory and patient techniques used to practice it. These certifications verify your knowledge of the concepts and subjects tested. Brainbench certification does not imply that the individual has the skills necessary to perform a specific procedure or treatment, or is licensed or authorized to practice any health care profession under any applicable laws."


Click the Learning link
to find that their "teaching" includes nothing but the test (which you can retake as often as you want and which is presumably open-book), additional "practice tests," and access to a "Learning Center with specific content to help you improve your skills" -- no instructors, no practice or internships, no coursework, just a bunch of links.

And then the Jerusalem Post details here (the June 14, 1996 edition in “Supreme Court Rejects Appeal of Three Stock Manipulators" by Evelyn Gordon) why Vaknin did time in prison.

Vaknin doesn’t hide any of this. People just don’t look at it. Do look, and judge for yourself what it means.
As far as I know, he abuses no one. I mean, he wears a warning sign, so whose fault is it if people snuggle up to him? (I don't understand the attraction.) You can learn from his writing without becoming a fan who goes around the Web singing his praises like he's some sort of Messiah.



Seek real help.Don't feed the ego of some deranged individual!

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20 Traits of Malignant Narcissism

How Many Does Yours Have?


1. THE PATHOLOGICAL LIAR is skillfully deceptive and very convincing. Avoids accountability by diverting topics, dodging questions, and making up new lies, bluffs or threats when questioned. His memory is self serving as he denies past statements. Constant chaos and diverting from reality is their chosen environment.
Defense Strategy: Verify his words. Do not reveal anything about yourself - he'll use it against you. Head for the door when things don't add up. Don't ask him questions - you'll only be inviting more lies.


2. THE CONTRACT BREAKER agrees to anything then turns around and does the opposite. Marriage, Legal, Custody agreements, normal social/personal protocol are meaningless. This con artist will accuse you of being the contract breaker. Enjoys orchestrating legal action and playing the role of the 'poor me' victim.
Defense Strategy: Expect him to disregard any agreement. Have Plan B in place. Protect yourself financially and emotionally.


3. THE HIGH ROLLER Successfully plows and backstabs his way to the top. His family a disposable prop in his success facade. Is charismatic, eloquent and intelligent in his field, but often fakes abilities and credentials. Needs to have iron-fisted control, relying on his manipulation skills. Will ruthlessly support, exploit or target others in pursuit of his ever-changing agenda. Mercilessly abuses the power of his position. Uses treachery or terrorism to rule or govern. Potential problem or failure situations are delegated to others. A vindictive bully in the office with no social or personal conscience. Often suspicious and paranoid. Others may support him to further their own Mephistophelian objectives, but this wheeler-dealer leaves them holding the bag. Disappears quickly when consequences loom.
Defense Strategy: Keep your references and resume up to date. Don't get involved in anything illegal. Document thoroughly to protect yourself. Thwarting them may backlash with a cascade of retaliation. Be on the lookout and spot them running for office and vote them out. Educate yourself about corporate bullies


4. THE SEXUAL NARCISSIST is often hypersexual (male or female). Pornography, masturbation, incest are reported by his targets. Anything, anyone, young, old, male/female, are there for his gratification. This predator takes what is available. Can have a preference for 'sado-maso' sexuality. Often easily bored, he demands increasingly deviant stimulation. However, another behaviour exists, the one who withholds sex or emotional support.
Defense Strategy: Expect this type to try to degrade you. Get away from him. Expect him to tell lies about your sexuality to evade exposure of his own.


5. THE BLAME-GAME NARCISSIST never accepts responsibility. Blames others for his failures and circumstances. A master at projection.
Defense Strategy: Learn about projection. Don't take the bait when he blames you. He made the mess let him clean it up.


6. THE VIOLENT NARCISSIST is a wife-Beater, Murderer, Serial Killer, Stalker, Terrorist. Has a 'chip-on-his-shoulder' attitude. He lashes out and destroys or uses others (particularly women and children) as scapegoats for his aggression or revenge. He has poor impulse control. Fearless and guiltless, he shows bad judgement. He anticipates betrayal, humiliation or punishment, imagines rejection and will reject first to 'get it over with'. He will harass and push to make you pay attention to him and get a reaction. He will try to make you look out of control. Can become dangerous and unpredictable. Has no remorse or regard for the rights of others.
Defense Strategy: Don't antagonize or tip your hand you're leaving. Ask for help from the police and shelters.


7. THE CONTROLLER/MANIPULATOR pits people against each other. Keeps his allies and targets separated. Is verbally skillful at twisting words and actions. Is charismatic and usually gets his way. Often undermines our support network and discourages us from seeing our family and friends. Money is often his objective. Other people's money is even better. He is ruthless, demanding and cruel. This control-freak bully wants you pregnant, isolated and financially dependent on him. Appears pitiful, confused and in need of help. We rush in to help him with our finances, assets, and talents. We may be used as his proxy interacting with others on his behalf as he sets us up to take the fall or enjoys the performance he is directing.
Defense Strategy: Know the 'nature of the beast'. Facing his failure and consequences will be his best lesson. Be suspicious of his motives, and avoid involvement. Don't bail him out.


8. THE SUBSTANCE ABUSER Alcohol, drugs, you name it, this N does it. We see his over-indulgence in food, exercise or sex and his need for instant gratification. Will want you to do likewise.
Defense Strategy: Don't sink to his level. Say No.


9. OUR "SOUL MATE" is cunning and knows who to select and who to avoid. He will come on strong, sweep us off our feet. He seems to have the same values, interests, goals, philosophies, tastes, habits. He admires our intellect, ambition, honesty and sincerity. He wants to marry us quickly. He fakes integrity, appears helpful, comforting, generous in his 'idealization' of us phase. It never lasts. Eventually Jekyll turns into Hyde. His discarded victims suffer emotional and financial devastation. He will very much enjoy the double-dipping attention he gets by cheating. We end the relationship and salvage what we can, or we are discarded quickly as he attaches to a "new perfect soul mate". He is an opportunistic parasite. Our "Knight in Shining Armor" has become our nightmare. Our healing is lengthy.
Defense Strategy: Seek therapy. Learn about this disorder. Know the red flags of their behaviour, and "If he seems too good to be true..." Hide the hurt you feel. Never let him see it. Be watchful for the internet predator.


10. THE QUIET NARCISSIST is socially withdrawn, often dirty, unkempt. Odd thinking is observed. Used as a disguise to appear pitiful to obtain whatever he can.


11. THE SADIST is now the fully-unmasked malignant narcissist. His objective is watching us dangle as he inflicts emotional, financial, physical and verbal cruelty. His enjoyment is all too obvious. He'll be back for more. His pleasure is in getting away with taking other people's assets. His target: women, children, the elderly, anyone vulnerabie.
Defense Strategy: Accept the Jekyll/Hyde reality. Make a "No Contact' rule. Avoid him altogether. End any avenue of vulnerability. Don't allow thoughts of his past 'good guy' image to lessen the reality of his disorder.


12. THE RAGER flies off the handle for little or no provocation. Has a severely disproportionate overreaction. Childish tantrums. His rage can be intimidating. He wants control, attention and compliance. In our hurt and confusion we struggle to make things right. Any reaction is his payoff. He seeks both good or bad attention. Even our fear, crying, yelling, screaming, name calling, hatred are his objectives. If he can get attention by cruelty he will do so.
Defense Strategy: Manage your responses. Be fully independent. Don't take the bait of his verbal abuse. Expect emotional hurt. Volence is possible.


13. THE BRAINWASHER is very charismatic. He is able to manipulate others to obtain status, control, compliance, money, attention. Often found in religion and politics. He masterfully targets the naive, vulnerable, uneducated or mentally weak.
Defense Strategy. Learn about brainwashing techniques. Listen to your gut instinct. Avoid them.


14. THE RISK-TAKING THRILL-SEEKER never learns from his past follies and bad judgment. Poor impulse control is a hallmark. Defense Strategy: Don't get involved. Use your own good judgement. Say No.


15. THE PARANOID NARCISSIST is suspicious of everything usually for no reason. Terrified of exposure and may be dangerous if threatened. Suddenly ends relationships if he anticipates exposure or abandonment.
Defense Strategy: Give him no reason to be suspicious of you. Let some things slide. Protect yourself if you anticipate violence.


16. THE IMAGE MAKER will flaunt his 'toys', his children, his wife, his credentials and accomplishments. Admiration, attention, even glances from others, our envy or our fear are his objective. He is never satisfied. We see his arrogance and haughty strut as he demands center stage. He will alter his mask at will to appear pitiful, inept, solicitous, concerned, or haughty and superior. Appears the the perfect father, husband, friend - to those outside his home.
Defense Strategy: Ignore his childlike behaviours. Know his payoff is getting attention, deceiving or abusing others. Provide him with 'supply' to avert problems.


17. THE EMOTIONAL VACUUM is the cruellest blow of all. We learn his lack of empathy. He has deceived us by his cunning ability to mimic human emotions. We are left numbed by the realization. It is incomprehensible and painful. We now remember times we saw his cold vacant eyes and when he showed odd reactions. Those closest to him become objectified and expendable. Defense Strategy: Face the reality. They can deceive trained professionals.


18. THE SAINTLY NARCISSIST proclaims high moral standing. Accuses others of immorality. "Hang 'em high" he says about the murderer on the 6:00 news. This hypocrite lies, cheats, schemes, corrupts, abuses, deceives, controls, manipulates and torments while portraying himself of high morals.
Defense Strategy: Learn the red flags of behaviour. Be suspicious of people claiming high morals. Can be spotted at a church near you.


19. THE CALLING-CARD NARCISSIST forewarns his targets. Early in the relationship he may 'slip up' revealing his nature saying "You need to protect yourself around me" or "Watch out, you never know what I'm up to." We laugh along with him and misinterpret his words. Years later, coping with the devastation left behind, his victims recall the chilling warning.
Defense Strategy: Know the red flags and be suspicious of the intentions of others.


20. THE PENITENT NARCISSIST says "I've behaved horribly, I'll change, I love you, I'll go for therapy." Appears to 'come clean' admitting past abuse and asking forgiveness. Claims we are at fault and need to change too. The sincerity of his words and actions appear convincing. We learn his words are verbal hooks. He knows our vulnerabilities and what buttons to push. We question our judgement about his disorder. We can disregard "Fool me once..." We hope for change and minimize past abuse. With a successful retargeting attempt, this N will enjoy his second reign of terror even more if we allow him back in our lives. Defense Strategy: Expect this. Self-impose a "No Contact" rule. Focus on the reality of his disorder. Journal past abusive behavior to remind yourself. Join a support group


Please Visit Cyberpaths An Online Blog Exposing The Inner Workings Of The Cyberpath






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How To Spot The Online Cyberpath/Player.

Most players will fall into one, or more, of the below 23 categories:


The BlowHard ... Wannabes

The relationship will never go anywhere because all he really wants from you is an 'audience' to listen to and believe his bogus stories of danger and bravery. He'll claim to be in law enforcement, or a fireman, or a former green beret, navy seal, etc. OR may claim to be a former pro sports player (baseball, hockey, etc.) who had a promising career and bright future but it was all snatched away from him due to an injury. Or he may say that he is a retired pro player. When you start to put two and two together, or get tired of hearing his never-ending stories of grandeur, then he'll move on to find a new 'audience'.



Mr. BigShot -- also a BlowHard

They may have in their profile that they own their own business [they use that as 'bait' which we women are to translate as "I'm a good catch". No reasonable man would advertise his financial status -- that's an open invitation to credit card hackers, con artists, gold-diggers, etc.] Or they may 'let it slip' early in the relationship that they own their own business. OR ... Mr. All Hot Air may claim to be an attorney, a doctor, a 4-star general or other high-paid professional. Now think about it !!! The same as we women, men want to be loved for themselves, NOT their assets. At our web site we show you how to expose these phonies for what they are.




The Promoter

He will woo 'on the side' a couple of gals who are chat room regulars, and it's strictly only for 'fun' -- for he's happily 'taken' but needs his male ego stroked every now and then. When the time is right, he'll say it's time to let the chat room know that the two of you are an 'item', by suggesting you flirt with him in the room, etc. So you do. The other wooed gal sees you flirting with 'her man' -- and walla, a cat fight in the chat room. What he wanted -- nothing strokes the male ego more than two women fighting over HIM.




The Great Pretender

These are guys that can't find dates for one reason or another and are unkindly labeled as 'losers, geeks' in the real world. As a result, the internet becomes their social life. They romance and have several online girlfriends in compensation. Online they can fantasize themselves to be anyone they want to be -- even 'a real stud'. You won't receive a true pic and you won't ever meet -- for obvious reasons. Number one clue: they'll claim to have dates offline, but how can they when they're on line every night. Yes, they may be in a wheelchair or disfigured from an accident, but that does not give anyone license to deceive, play with another person's emotions, or to use someone.




Internet Body Surfers

TYPE 1: These guys are easy to spot. They broach the subject of sex early in the relationship and generally are only looking for an alternate form of sex due to some form of impotency: cyber sex, phone sex, nude pictures, or videos.

TYPE 2: An El Cheapo Romeo who wants only the real thing and a variety of it -- and not just any ol' harem, but an obliging one -- one that will also foot the bill for 'putting out'. He will use the 'sympathy route' : he's just a poor struggling elementary teacher, social worker, etc., plus he will have some 'bad breaks' to throw in as well. So YOU will fund the romance: make all the LD phone calls, fly/drive there. And when you do rendezvous, don't be surprised that he doesn't take you anywhere: no dining out, no movies -- because he's so strapped, right? No, real reason -- he doesn't want to chance running into any of his local conquests.



Globe Trotters ~ "A Girl in Every Port"

Single/Married players who travel for a living. They have access to a computer at home, at work, and on the road (usually a laptop). They are only interested in finding women online for sex 'on their appointed rounds'. They generally find their 'targets' by perusing the profiles of a particular city in the Member Directory, or the personal ads. Then they do a 'locate' to find you online and check you out, or send you an email stating how they were intrigued by your profile or your ad. After a time, he will tell you he's coming to see you. Truth of the matter is, you happen to live in one of the cities regularly visited on his rounds and can be a sexual convenience.



One Arm Bandits -- (The Con Artists)


Below are two types:

# 1 -- Fly By Night Romeos


Playing upon a woman's tenderheartedness, these players will have a hard luck story about their business going downhill ... or a lost job due to down-sizing, a fabricated accident, health problems/old war injury, or major surgery. OR they may simply give you the popular story of 'the wife got everything in the divorce'. They will give you a line something to the effect: "Right now, I only have my love to give you." BUT yet, he has lots of free time to spend online instead of looking for a job. OR why isn't he spending those long hours online at his business instead, trying to get it back on its feet? The 'willing suspense of disbelief' is often our main downfall.


OR they may romance you first and then tell you after you're hooked bait, line and sinker: "I've got to drop AOL. I can no longer pay for it because ... "My wife's lawyer froze our checking and saving accounts and all our cedit cards." OR "I'm having to file for bankruptcy. My business partner disappeared and I just found out that he has been dipping in the till. I can't make payroll ... I can't pay my creditors. The DA has all my company records...I don't know how long everything is going to be tied up in court". You're deeply in love; you want to continue your long meaningful talks online, hearing his words of love. So you send money for his internet and phone bills because as soon as he's back on his feet he will pay you back, right? Nope ... he will continue to ask for financial help -- until you become hesitant about sending him more money. Then he will suddenly "poof" ... disappear from online.


OR ... he may ask to borrow money so he can fly to see you, "I need to be with you at this bad time in my life, feel you in my arms..." Their victims usually live a great distance from them; the farther away, the costlier the airline tickets. You send the money and he "poofs".





# 2 -- Vacation Hustlers


These guys are only after a cheap but with all the amenities vacation. The MO: would like to go to Florida, so he frequents chat rooms like: Florida Romance, Florida Swingers, etc., scrutinizing profiles and observing behaviors in the chat rooms, and/or peruses the personal ads. In a matter of time he will find a gullible female. After a month or so, a rendezvous is planned ("Let's meet so we can cultivate our love"). He may pay his own travel expenses but everything else will be on you. No car rental / he uses yours. No lodging expense / he stays at your place. No eating out cost / he eats your lovingly prepared home-cooked meals. Lastly, nightly (if not more often) sex. Or he may also 'borrow' his air fare from you with the promise of paying you back right away. Yeah, right. Once he's back home the relationship is over, and you're left wondering if you didn't meet his expectations ... if you were: too fat, too tall/too short, boring company, not good enough 'in the sack', etc. No, he got exactly what he expected from you -- a free ride at your expense.





Rambling Man --- Freeloaders/Sofa Surfers


This type of player is looking for support -- financial support. He'll romance you and then gallantly offer to move to your location saying something to the effect "I love you too much to take you away from your family and friends. I know how much they mean to you. I can get a job there." But he doesn't get a job -- no job suits him for one reason or another. Or he's an alcoholic and can't keep a job ... or worse, a drug addict. Or he has no credit and plans to 'live it up' on your credit cards until they're maxed out, and then he'll move on to his next victim, leaving you holding the bag. Some warning signs to watch for: he lives with his parents or other relative, or in his parents'/friend's cabin (OR in a room at the "Y", but he won't tell you this), he's online day and night (so he can't be employed), says he'll come by bus/train (or you're to come and pick him up) as he's going to sell his car (OR is the truth of the matter, he has no car due to losing his license as a result of too many DUIs, or due to bad credit, etc.?)




The Panhandler


This type of player usually strings along several women at the same time with no intention of a real relationship. He's only after freebies. Once he has you interested in him, he'll casually mention how other women are sending him "things": birthday/Father's Day/Christmas gifts, C/Ds, shirts, jewelry ~ subliminally planting the hint that you should also give him things in order to compete with the other 'also interested' women. In return you will receive: form love-letters and/or FREE email greeting cards. The only flowers you will receive from El Cheapo will be cyber roses ... @-->-->--- ... Cyber <3 Hearts , Cyber :-* Kisses or pictures of flowers "pirated" from web sites. And if you do meet, it will be at YOUR transportation cost.




The Sympathy Hound

He gives you a long sob story and always has a new crisis in his life. All he really wants from you are daily "pity parties".




The Control Freak

He will also have a sob story and use your compassion to manipulate you to get his way. Stories you'll hear:

~ is a Nam vet and suffers post traumatic stress disorder

~ has a bad heart or needs a kidney transplant

~ has cancer but it's in remission, etc.



These supposed afflictions are for the purpose of "control" ... whenever you step out of line, the following reaction will occur:

~ you added to his PTSD depression and he's feeling suicidal

~ he starts getting chest pains

~ he has to go on dialysis

~ the cancer comes out of remission

~ The CIA are after him for what he knows

~ His Grandmother died .....again


Using your feelings of guilt, he will quickly have you back under his thumb again.




THE "GUILT TRIP" PLAYER


If you don't 'play' (fall for his MO which he has worked so hard on), then he will throw a temper tantrum. So, you will receive an email from a supposed friend/relative informing you he committed suicide, implying it was over you, of course. And this supposed friend/relative will continue to contact you for weeks to come with details of the funeral arrangements, details of the funeral, details of how devastated the family is, etc.
OR, you'll be told he was in some terrible accident and is dying -- and you're supposed to feel very badly about how you treated him. Shame on you! LOL


If you receive an email like this, simply go to the web and find his hometown newspaper and check the obituaries, or search for an article about any such accident.




Mr Battered Heart -- Heartstrings Players

TYPE 1: To throw you completely off guard, this player will use the approach of how he can no longer trust women, how he's been hurt by too many women, been "played" too many times. ( Hmmmm. If that is all true, why is he "hitting" on you? ) He'll go on to say how he hates liars and how important honesty is to him -- a complete 'snow job'.

TYPE 2: He'll say he's a widow and the grief is still fresh -- that his wife was the most wonderful woman in the world ... a real saint. After a time, he'll start comparing you to her, that he can't believe how much you are like her. Next comes: he's falling in love with you, thus he's fulfilling his wife's dying wish to not be alone the rest of his life, but to move on and find another woman to make as happy as he did her. But he'll neglect to mention how many other women he's giving the same 'touching' story.




"Hit and Run" Players

They generally are not interested in a relationship. They use the internet for a 'testing ground' to prove how smart and clever they are. Either they just about have their MO 'down to a science' and are fine tuning it, OR they feel their MO is infallible. Either way, they need 'guinea pigs' to find what minor improvements are needed, or to keep substantiating that they are Masters of the Game. You will receive love songs and poems, links to romantic web sites, state of the art form love-letters(from trial and error they know what does and does not work on women). The duration of the relationship depends on how much a challenge you are or how easy you are. Then they're off to work their 'moves' on someone else.



Married But .....

These players are married men who have NO intention of divorce (due to religious beliefs, or married the wife for her money, or might lose the business due to the split-up of marital assets, etc.) They feel they're being neglected by the wife, or may be going thru a mid-life crisis and just want to see if they still 'Got It' with women, or are simply bored with life. They find they can receive ego-flattering attention or excitement from an online romance. In most cases, the only type of relationship you will have with this type of player is a 'dead-end' one.




Single But in a Relationship

They are in a 'commitment' but are in the same frame of mind as the above scenario. This type of player is usually not online much on weekends, holidays, or during dinner time -- when their mate is home. Unlike in a marriage, if the live-in lover feels neglected she's free to walk or kick him out as she has no 'ties that bind'. They rarely give out their home phone numbers, unless the live-in lover works a different shift. They usually call from work, or use phone cards or cell phones. As opposed to a single guy in a commitment, usually a 'married' guy has established to his wife and/or family that he is hooked on the puter and a holiday would not be any reason to act differently. As long as he is 'in house', what difference does it make if he is on the puter or not? Bottom-line: married guys do what THEY want to do (my way or the highway) and the wife is in the 'acceptance' mode.




CyberPath Online Sociopaths


These are the worse of the bunch -- the mental cases. This type looks for the easy to bait, vulnerable women: widows, newly divorcees, women recovering from a recent heartbreak, etc. They start out romancing you like a player does but it's for an ulterior motive; they become the online harasser, the stalker ... or worst.





Emotion Hitchhikers ~ a CyberPath


They generally look for their 'pigeons' in rooms that involve emotional support: widows & widowers, Al-Anon, divorced, etc. (sensitive people or people that are more vulnerable). They will start out as being this great and wonderful guy who has been wrongfully hurt or is in a lot of emotional pain. They will use two (or more)different screen names pretending to be two or more persons: one who is a guy falling in love with you -- the other,a guy who just wants your friendship -- and/or pretend to be their son/daughter, mother/brother, neighbor/best friend, etc. After they have you madly in love with them, then they will fake their death. You will receive an email from a family member or friend informing you he: was brutally murdered, or died horribly in a car crash -- it will always be some terrible form of death. Then, using their other screen name, they will hear firsthand of your reaction: hear all your grief and complete devastation ... getting a 'high' from your emotions. [ Again, if you receive an email like this, simply go to the web and find his hometown newspaper ]
OR they may tell you they just found out they have cancer, terminal -- of course -- and drag it out for six months or so, getting daily "highs" from your sympathies and your heartbreak. When the "highs" start to falter, then you will receive notice of their 'very painful' death. [ NOTE: Ask what doctor they're going to and then check a doctors directory on the web to see if that doctor does treat cancer, or etc. Ask what treatment they're taking and then go on the web, like WebMD, and read up on the disease/condition. See if they're telling the truth about their treatments, medications, etc. ]




Victor/Victoria -- Yet another CyberPath


A lesbian or a female bisexual who pretends to be a man and 'hits' on unsuspecting heterosexual women for amusement, a buzz, a power trip, or etc. In one reported case, the she/he was a DJ and had sound-altering equipment which enabled her to have a male voice over the phone. In another case, the she/he used the excuse to not talk on the phone: "I had vocal cord surgery for the removal of cysts and can only talk for a very short time and then my voice starts cracking." And another case, "I lost my voice due to being shot in the throat in Nam."





Mr Repeat Offender

Most players -- that is, the internet name you knew them by -- disappear when you start putting 2 and 2 together. The name BUT not always the player. Some of these men have such a cruel streak, they may approach you again -- using a different name ... just to see if they can take you for another ride. Watch for the same phrases, expressions, speech patterns, the same mis-spelled words, the same typing style (doesn't use capital letters, uses all caps, doesn't use any punctuation, uses a lot of ...'s or dashes, etc.)




WHY DO PLAYERS DO THIS???


Because we become their ENABLERS. That is . . .


~ IF we accept everything they tell us as the truth
and do not bother to check the validity of their name,
address, marital status, job, etc.


~ IF we do not keep notes of the personal info they
give us which enables us to watch for discrepancies


~ IF we don't check to see if they're blocking us at times
when they're online


~ IF we do not listen to our feminine intuition warning
us that there's something not quite right


~ IF we ignore any "warning flag" at all . . .
then, YES, we enable a player to play us.

Source





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