Most players will fall into one, or more, of the below 23 categories:
The BlowHard ... Wannabes
The relationship will never go anywhere because all he really wants from you is an 'audience' to listen to and believe his bogus stories of danger and bravery. He'll claim to be in law enforcement, or a fireman, or a former green beret, navy seal, etc. OR may claim to be a former pro sports player (baseball, hockey, etc.) who had a promising career and bright future but it was all snatched away from him due to an injury. Or he may say that he is a retired pro player. When you start to put two and two together, or get tired of hearing his never-ending stories of grandeur, then he'll move on to find a new 'audience'.
Mr. BigShot -- also a BlowHard
They may have in their profile that they own their own business [they use that as 'bait' which we women are to translate as "I'm a good catch". No reasonable man would advertise his financial status -- that's an open invitation to credit card hackers, con artists, gold-diggers, etc.] Or they may 'let it slip' early in the relationship that they own their own business. OR ... Mr. All Hot Air may claim to be an attorney, a doctor, a 4-star general or other high-paid professional. Now think about it !!! The same as we women, men want to be loved for themselves, NOT their assets. At our web site we show you how to expose these phonies for what they are.
He will woo 'on the side' a couple of gals who are chat room regulars, and it's strictly only for 'fun' -- for he's happily 'taken' but needs his male ego stroked every now and then. When the time is right, he'll say it's time to let the chat room know that the two of you are an 'item', by suggesting you flirt with him in the room, etc. So you do. The other wooed gal sees you flirting with 'her man' -- and walla, a cat fight in the chat room. What he wanted -- nothing strokes the male ego more than two women fighting over HIM.
The Great Pretender
These are guys that can't find dates for one reason or another and are unkindly labeled as 'losers, geeks' in the real world. As a result, the internet becomes their social life. They romance and have several online girlfriends in compensation. Online they can fantasize themselves to be anyone they want to be -- even 'a real stud'. You won't receive a true pic and you won't ever meet -- for obvious reasons. Number one clue: they'll claim to have dates offline, but how can they when they're on line every night. Yes, they may be in a wheelchair or disfigured from an accident, but that does not give anyone license to deceive, play with another person's emotions, or to use someone.
Internet Body Surfers
TYPE 1: These guys are easy to spot. They broach the subject of sex early in the relationship and generally are only looking for an alternate form of sex due to some form of impotency: cyber sex, phone sex, nude pictures, or videos.
TYPE 2: An El Cheapo Romeo who wants only the real thing and a variety of it -- and not just any ol' harem, but an obliging one -- one that will also foot the bill for 'putting out'. He will use the 'sympathy route' : he's just a poor struggling elementary teacher, social worker, etc., plus he will have some 'bad breaks' to throw in as well. So YOU will fund the romance: make all the LD phone calls, fly/drive there. And when you do rendezvous, don't be surprised that he doesn't take you anywhere: no dining out, no movies -- because he's so strapped, right? No, real reason -- he doesn't want to chance running into any of his local conquests.
Globe Trotters ~ "A Girl in Every Port"
Single/Married players who travel for a living. They have access to a computer at home, at work, and on the road (usually a laptop). They are only interested in finding women online for sex 'on their appointed rounds'. They generally find their 'targets' by perusing the profiles of a particular city in the Member Directory, or the personal ads. Then they do a 'locate' to find you online and check you out, or send you an email stating how they were intrigued by your profile or your ad. After a time, he will tell you he's coming to see you. Truth of the matter is, you happen to live in one of the cities regularly visited on his rounds and can be a sexual convenience.
One Arm Bandits -- (The Con Artists)
Below are two types:
# 1 -- Fly By Night Romeos
Playing upon a woman's tenderheartedness, these players will have a hard luck story about their business going downhill ... or a lost job due to down-sizing, a fabricated accident, health problems/old war injury, or major surgery. OR they may simply give you the popular story of 'the wife got everything in the divorce'. They will give you a line something to the effect: "Right now, I only have my love to give you." BUT yet, he has lots of free time to spend online instead of looking for a job. OR why isn't he spending those long hours online at his business instead, trying to get it back on its feet? The 'willing suspense of disbelief' is often our main downfall.
OR they may romance you first and then tell you after you're hooked bait, line and sinker: "I've got to drop AOL. I can no longer pay for it because ... "My wife's lawyer froze our checking and saving accounts and all our cedit cards." OR "I'm having to file for bankruptcy. My business partner disappeared and I just found out that he has been dipping in the till. I can't make payroll ... I can't pay my creditors. The DA has all my company records...I don't know how long everything is going to be tied up in court". You're deeply in love; you want to continue your long meaningful talks online, hearing his words of love. So you send money for his internet and phone bills because as soon as he's back on his feet he will pay you back, right? Nope ... he will continue to ask for financial help -- until you become hesitant about sending him more money. Then he will suddenly "poof" ... disappear from online.
OR ... he may ask to borrow money so he can fly to see you, "I need to be with you at this bad time in my life, feel you in my arms..." Their victims usually live a great distance from them; the farther away, the costlier the airline tickets. You send the money and he "poofs".
# 2 -- Vacation Hustlers
These guys are only after a cheap but with all the amenities vacation. The MO: would like to go to Florida, so he frequents chat rooms like: Florida Romance, Florida Swingers, etc., scrutinizing profiles and observing behaviors in the chat rooms, and/or peruses the personal ads. In a matter of time he will find a gullible female. After a month or so, a rendezvous is planned ("Let's meet so we can cultivate our love"). He may pay his own travel expenses but everything else will be on you. No car rental / he uses yours. No lodging expense / he stays at your place. No eating out cost / he eats your lovingly prepared home-cooked meals. Lastly, nightly (if not more often) sex. Or he may also 'borrow' his air fare from you with the promise of paying you back right away. Yeah, right. Once he's back home the relationship is over, and you're left wondering if you didn't meet his expectations ... if you were: too fat, too tall/too short, boring company, not good enough 'in the sack', etc. No, he got exactly what he expected from you -- a free ride at your expense.
Rambling Man --- Freeloaders/Sofa Surfers
This type of player is looking for support -- financial support. He'll romance you and then gallantly offer to move to your location saying something to the effect "I love you too much to take you away from your family and friends. I know how much they mean to you. I can get a job there." But he doesn't get a job -- no job suits him for one reason or another. Or he's an alcoholic and can't keep a job ... or worse, a drug addict. Or he has no credit and plans to 'live it up' on your credit cards until they're maxed out, and then he'll move on to his next victim, leaving you holding the bag. Some warning signs to watch for: he lives with his parents or other relative, or in his parents'/friend's cabin (OR in a room at the "Y", but he won't tell you this), he's online day and night (so he can't be employed), says he'll come by bus/train (or you're to come and pick him up) as he's going to sell his car (OR is the truth of the matter, he has no car due to losing his license as a result of too many DUIs, or due to bad credit, etc.?)
This type of player usually strings along several women at the same time with no intention of a real relationship. He's only after freebies. Once he has you interested in him, he'll casually mention how other women are sending him "things": birthday/Father's Day/Christmas gifts, C/Ds, shirts, jewelry ~ subliminally planting the hint that you should also give him things in order to compete with the other 'also interested' women. In return you will receive: form love-letters and/or FREE email greeting cards. The only flowers you will receive from El Cheapo will be cyber roses ... @-->-->--- ... Cyber <3 Hearts , Cyber :-* Kisses or pictures of flowers "pirated" from web sites. And if you do meet, it will be at YOUR transportation cost.
The Sympathy Hound
He gives you a long sob story and always has a new crisis in his life. All he really wants from you are daily "pity parties".
The Control Freak
He will also have a sob story and use your compassion to manipulate you to get his way. Stories you'll hear:
~ is a Nam vet and suffers post traumatic stress disorder
~ has a bad heart or needs a kidney transplant
~ has cancer but it's in remission, etc.
These supposed afflictions are for the purpose of "control" ... whenever you step out of line, the following reaction will occur:
~ you added to his PTSD depression and he's feeling suicidal
~ he starts getting chest pains
~ he has to go on dialysis
~ the cancer comes out of remission
~ The CIA are after him for what he knows
~ His Grandmother died .....again
Using your feelings of guilt, he will quickly have you back under his thumb again.
THE "GUILT TRIP" PLAYER
If you don't 'play' (fall for his MO which he has worked so hard on), then he will throw a temper tantrum. So, you will receive an email from a supposed friend/relative informing you he committed suicide, implying it was over you, of course. And this supposed friend/relative will continue to contact you for weeks to come with details of the funeral arrangements, details of the funeral, details of how devastated the family is, etc. OR, you'll be told he was in some terrible accident and is dying -- and you're supposed to feel very badly about how you treated him. Shame on you! LOL
If you receive an email like this, simply go to the web and find his hometown newspaper and check the obituaries, or search for an article about any such accident.
Mr Battered Heart -- Heartstrings Players
TYPE 1: To throw you completely off guard, this player will use the approach of how he can no longer trust women, how he's been hurt by too many women, been "played" too many times. ( Hmmmm. If that is all true, why is he "hitting" on you? ) He'll go on to say how he hates liars and how important honesty is to him -- a complete 'snow job'.
TYPE 2: He'll say he's a widow and the grief is still fresh -- that his wife was the most wonderful woman in the world ... a real saint. After a time, he'll start comparing you to her, that he can't believe how much you are like her. Next comes: he's falling in love with you, thus he's fulfilling his wife's dying wish to not be alone the rest of his life, but to move on and find another woman to make as happy as he did her. But he'll neglect to mention how many other women he's giving the same 'touching' story.
"Hit and Run" Players
They generally are not interested in a relationship. They use the internet for a 'testing ground' to prove how smart and clever they are. Either they just about have their MO 'down to a science' and are fine tuning it, OR they feel their MO is infallible. Either way, they need 'guinea pigs' to find what minor improvements are needed, or to keep substantiating that they are Masters of the Game. You will receive love songs and poems, links to romantic web sites, state of the art form love-letters(from trial and error they know what does and does not work on women). The duration of the relationship depends on how much a challenge you are or how easy you are. Then they're off to work their 'moves' on someone else.
Married But .....
These players are married men who have NO intention of divorce (due to religious beliefs, or married the wife for her money, or might lose the business due to the split-up of marital assets, etc.) They feel they're being neglected by the wife, or may be going thru a mid-life crisis and just want to see if they still 'Got It' with women, or are simply bored with life. They find they can receive ego-flattering attention or excitement from an online romance. In most cases, the only type of relationship you will have with this type of player is a 'dead-end' one.
Single But in a Relationship
They are in a 'commitment' but are in the same frame of mind as the above scenario. This type of player is usually not online much on weekends, holidays, or during dinner time -- when their mate is home. Unlike in a marriage, if the live-in lover feels neglected she's free to walk or kick him out as she has no 'ties that bind'. They rarely give out their home phone numbers, unless the live-in lover works a different shift. They usually call from work, or use phone cards or cell phones. As opposed to a single guy in a commitment, usually a 'married' guy has established to his wife and/or family that he is hooked on the puter and a holiday would not be any reason to act differently. As long as he is 'in house', what difference does it make if he is on the puter or not? Bottom-line: married guys do what THEY want to do (my way or the highway) and the wife is in the 'acceptance' mode.
These are the worse of the bunch -- the mental cases. This type looks for the easy to bait, vulnerable women: widows, newly divorcees, women recovering from a recent heartbreak, etc. They start out romancing you like a player does but it's for an ulterior motive; they become the online harasser, the stalker ... or worst.
They generally look for their 'pigeons' in rooms that involve emotional support: widows & widowers, Al-Anon, divorced, etc. (sensitive people or people that are more vulnerable). They will start out as being this great and wonderful guy who has been wrongfully hurt or is in a lot of emotional pain. They will use two (or more)different screen names pretending to be two or more persons: one who is a guy falling in love with you -- the other,a guy who just wants your friendship -- and/or pretend to be their son/daughter, mother/brother, neighbor/best friend, etc. After they have you madly in love with them, then they will fake their death. You will receive an email from a family member or friend informing you he: was brutally murdered, or died horribly in a car crash -- it will always be some terrible form of death. Then, using their other screen name, they will hear firsthand of your reaction: hear all your grief and complete devastation ... getting a 'high' from your emotions. [ Again, if you receive an email like this, simply go to the web and find his hometown newspaper ] OR they may tell you they just found out they have cancer, terminal -- of course -- and drag it out for six months or so, getting daily "highs" from your sympathies and your heartbreak. When the "highs" start to falter, then you will receive notice of their 'very painful' death. [ NOTE: Ask what doctor they're going to and then check a doctors directory on the web to see if that doctor does treat cancer, or etc. Ask what treatment they're taking and then go on the web, like WebMD, and read up on the disease/condition. See if they're telling the truth about their treatments, medications, etc. ]
A lesbian or a female bisexual who pretends to be a man and 'hits' on unsuspecting heterosexual women for amusement, a buzz, a power trip, or etc. In one reported case, the she/he was a DJ and had sound-altering equipment which enabled her to have a male voice over the phone. In another case, the she/he used the excuse to not talk on the phone: "I had vocal cord surgery for the removal of cysts and can only talk for a very short time and then my voice starts cracking." And another case, "I lost my voice due to being shot in the throat in Nam."
Mr Repeat Offender
Most players -- that is, the internet name you knew them by -- disappear when you start putting 2 and 2 together. The name BUT not always the player. Some of these men have such a cruel streak, they may approach you again -- using a different name ... just to see if they can take you for another ride. Watch for the same phrases, expressions, speech patterns, the same mis-spelled words, the same typing style (doesn't use capital letters, uses all caps, doesn't use any punctuation, uses a lot of ...'s or dashes, etc.)
WHY DO PLAYERS DO THIS???
Because we become their ENABLERS. That is . . .
~ IF we accept everything they tell us as the truth and do not bother to check the validity of their name, address, marital status, job, etc.
~ IF we do not keep notes of the personal info they give us which enables us to watch for discrepancies
~ IF we don't check to see if they're blocking us at times when they're online
~ IF we do not listen to our feminine intuition warning us that there's something not quite right
~ IF we ignore any "warning flag" at all . . . then, YES, we enable a player to play us.
"I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin , hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip"
Gareth Edward(s) Rodger
Masks Of Sanity is an online blog offering advice, support and education for those who have fallen victim to the Psychopath/Narcissist. (NPD)
We explain why Narcissists behave the way they do, how they operate and how you can protect yourself from the Narcissist in society, in the home and online!
You can find my own personal experience with a psychopath in the links on the right. I have a very personal understanding of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I am proof that there is hope after abuse!