Showing posts with label Online. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Online. Show all posts

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Cyberstalking and Online Harassment



The Internet is a wonderful place to work, play and study. But don't let that fact make you blind to its down side. The Net is no more and no less than a mirror of the real world, and that means it also contains electronic versions of real life problems. Stalking and harassments are problems that many people especially women, are familiar with in real life. These problems can also occur on the Internet, in what has become know as "cyberstalking" or "online harassment".

If you thought that owning a computer and having an Internet account would make a person considerate and respectful; then think again. There are just as many predators in cyberspace as anywhere else. It is only their methods that have changed. Some predators might harass you by trailing around after you in live channels like lovesick puppies; unable to take NO for an answer and pestering you with email messages. In other cases this harassment may become a systematic campaign against you; where your harasser bombards you with threatening messages of hate and obscenities. Although distressful enough, the situation can even escalate to the point where your harasser traces your home address and telephone number; causing you to face not just emotional distress but also physical danger.



It should come as no surprise to you that the "bad guys" are making use of this wonderful technology to harass people and prey on the innocent. Why wouldn't they? Not all bad guys are street punks with no education. Some are university graduates with computers.

There have been many examples of cyberstalking crossing over to "IRL" stalking (In Real Life stalking). Sadly, those users who have been victims of cyberstalking, tell a similar story: That no one took the harassment seriously until it became "IRL". Cyberstalking can be a devastating experience for a person online. As they discover that the difference between the "Brave New World" of the Internet and the Real World is that in the real world people listen when you tell them you are being stalked and harassed. In cyberspace people say things like "well just turn off your computer". Such incomprehension is common. "You can't be hurt on the Internet - it's just words" is commonly heard and "If you can't handle it, then you shouldn't be online" is another commonly hear comment. The online stalking is just as frightening and distressing as off-line stalking, and just as illegal.

Men and women may be stalked on-line, but statistics show that the majority of victims are female. Women are the minority of the Internet population which means that their attention is generally a fierce competition between male users. This part of the Internet, resembles crude online single bars, with little in the way of politeness. Unfortunately the immediate and relative anonymity of live chat communications facilities enable users to be rude and insensitive. Cyberstalking and online harassment are also much easier to practice than real life stalking. In cyberspace, a stalker can harass their victim without ever have to leave the comfort of their own home, or have any witnesses to the incidents.

One reason for the lack of successful prosecution of cyberstalkers, is that there usually is a lack of sufficient evidence available for the officials to warrant "probable cause" in order to further investigate. Many law enforcement agencies are Internet illiterate, therefore unaware that the problem could and does exist. To date, the only legislation regarding cyberstalking is the Communications Decency Act, enacted by the US Congress on 2-1-96, and is still being challenged in the Supreme Court. The real life, anti-stalking laws deal with actual attacks, and until such an attack happens, are actually very limited in defending yourself, or preventing any progression of the stalker. There is very little done about threats or harassment in the early stages.

Online users are vulnerable to being targeted as cyberstalking victims in three areas.

1) Live Chats (AOL, Yahoo, Skype, Messenger) or IRC (Internet Relay Chat): in which a user talks live with other users. This is the most common place for cyberstalking.

2) Message boards, Blogs, Reunion Sites and Newsgroups: a user interacts with others by posting messages, conversing back and forth.

3) Email box: a user has the ability to write anything and even attach files to the email.

Example: a user enables your email, via live chat or newsgroup postings, then emails you with obscenities, and attaches porno pictures. A common area regarding cyberstalking is at the "edu" sites, which are educational institutes, such as colleges and universities.

One user might know another user personally and interacts on the Internet anonymously, so starting the cyberstalk. One student can enter the Internet as easily as another student, therefore not letting his true identity be known. And since user names can be unknown alias, who would ever know the identity or be able to prove the identity. In such cases, the stalker usually has the ability to trace the victim's phone number and sometimes the address of his victim. Another includes interpreting a posting you may have made on a message board regarding your opinion as an "attack" if it differs from theirs. The stalker then becomes fixated on proving you wrong.

Other forms of online harassment:

1) Unsolicited email
2) Live Chat
3) Hostile Usenet Postings about you
4) Spreading vicious untrue rumors about you (as opposed to telling the Truth at exposure sites)
5) Leaving untrue messages on site guestbooks
6) Impersonation of you online
7) Electronic sabotage, (sending viruses, etc)
8) Threatening phone calls
9) Threatening mail
10)Vandalism of property
11)Physical attack.

There are many precautions that you can take NOW to protect yourself in advance from the unwelcome attention of a cyberstalker. Remember: The goal of a cyberstalker is CONTROL. Your task is to reverse this situation. Keep control of who you communicate with on the Internet. To do this, you may like to consider the advice below. Remember, the time to deal with cyberstalking is before you become a target.

CYBERSTALKING PREVENTION TIPS

If you are being harassed online by a cyberstalker, the chances are that you are not the first person they have stalked. Cyberstalkers, like other predators, are opportunists. They know what they are looking for and how to get it. "Stalking" is a "power" crime, the stalkers has the power to make you suffer and enjoys that power. Stalkers' self-esteem rises when they attack your self- esteem. The more pain and suffering they can cause, the better they feel about themselves. The best protection against becoming a target of stalking is not to reveal anything personal that you might have in common. Often, stalkers are mentally unstable, paranoid, delusional, and extremely jealous, and have extremely low self-esteem. Stalkers may display selfishness, malice, sadism, be very cunning and arrogant. Most are anti-social, and to put it in layman's terms, be a "control freak", enjoying manipulating other people. They crave power over others, and enjoy the type power that hurts other people. harassment is common enough in live chat on the Internet. The three most common ways it can start are:

1) sexual harassment (or innuendo);
2) a flame war (argument that gets out of hand);
3)users that show their technological power by attacking innocent users, channels or even networks.

Those who regularly start flame wars online are rude and obnoxious people, often having poor social and communication skills. Their idea of fun is throwing obscene abuse at another just to upset them. These kind of harassers are often loners who don''t have a companion and their attempts to attract your attention is often clumsy and crude. Care should always be taken when turning the away, as the are highly sensitive to rejection and humiliation, and could cause a vendetta to start against you. Understand that although clumsy and crude in most cases, the stalker is not stupid, they are very organized and usually experienced in their war against you.

Stalking is a form of obsession. The difference between a normal cyber harasser and a cyberstalker, is this: harasser moves on to others and forgets you and a stalkers will come back to stalk you another day.

The Internet enables the stalker, his powers, in most cases, merely a knowledge of the technology is all required to have the ability to stalk another user. Most stalkers, having been rejected desire to instill fear in users, therefore, upsetting the normal enjoyment of the Internet.

Note that educated, smooth talking, responsible people also can be stalkers, appearing to be a perfect gentleman or lady with perfect manners. The major "clue" to cyberstalking, is when the stalker pushes for information regarding you personal life, private life, or life away from the net. Rule of thumb, as it may be referred to is: "NEVER GIVE ANY PERSONAL INFORMATION ACROSS THE INTERNET!"

Online meetings should stay online, the individuals are, in fact, strangers. Online, the physical warning signs usually in the "body language" are missing. Also the clues of personality within the voice and eyes are missing. All there is to determine a personality is the skill in which they type there messages. There is no code of honor in protecting privacy on the Internet. Each user should therefore take steps to protect their privacy online.

1) never specify gender
2) use neutral-gender names
3) change your password often
4) edit your online profiles often
5) review your email headers and signatures often
6) use secure chat programs that do not permit tracking of your isp#
7) use a good chat network
8) use standard names, passive names to as to not draw attention to you
9) use anonymous remailers
10)use an anonymous browser
11)use encryption to authenticate email
12) discuss privacy with your server.

And last: learn your technology. REMEMBER: PROTECT YOURSELF!


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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

How To Spot The Online Cyberpath/Player.







Most players will fall into one, or more, of the below 23 categories:


The BlowHard ... Wannabes

The relationship will never go anywhere because all he really wants from you is an 'audience' to listen to and believe his bogus stories of danger and bravery. He'll claim to be in law enforcement, or a fireman, or a former green beret, navy seal, etc. OR may claim to be a former pro sports player (baseball, hockey, etc.) who had a promising career and bright future but it was all snatched away from him due to an injury. Or he may say that he is a retired pro player. When you start to put two and two together, or get tired of hearing his never-ending stories of grandeur, then he'll move on to find a new 'audience'.



Mr. BigShot -- also a BlowHard

They may have in their profile that they own their own business [they use that as 'bait' which we women are to translate as "I'm a good catch". No reasonable man would advertise his financial status -- that's an open invitation to credit card hackers, con artists, gold-diggers, etc.] Or they may 'let it slip' early in the relationship that they own their own business. OR ... Mr. All Hot Air may claim to be an attorney, a doctor, a 4-star general or other high-paid professional. Now think about it !!! The same as we women, men want to be loved for themselves, NOT their assets. At our web site we show you how to expose these phonies for what they are.




The Promoter

He will woo 'on the side' a couple of gals who are chat room regulars, and it's strictly only for 'fun' -- for he's happily 'taken' but needs his male ego stroked every now and then. When the time is right, he'll say it's time to let the chat room know that the two of you are an 'item', by suggesting you flirt with him in the room, etc. So you do. The other wooed gal sees you flirting with 'her man' -- and walla, a cat fight in the chat room. What he wanted -- nothing strokes the male ego more than two women fighting over HIM.




The Great Pretender

These are guys that can't find dates for one reason or another and are unkindly labeled as 'losers, geeks' in the real world. As a result, the internet becomes their social life. They romance and have several online girlfriends in compensation. Online they can fantasize themselves to be anyone they want to be -- even 'a real stud'. You won't receive a true pic and you won't ever meet -- for obvious reasons. Number one clue: they'll claim to have dates offline, but how can they when they're on line every night. Yes, they may be in a wheelchair or disfigured from an accident, but that does not give anyone license to deceive, play with another person's emotions, or to use someone.




Internet Body Surfers

TYPE 1: These guys are easy to spot. They broach the subject of sex early in the relationship and generally are only looking for an alternate form of sex due to some form of impotency: cyber sex, phone sex, nude pictures, or videos.

TYPE 2: An El Cheapo Romeo who wants only the real thing and a variety of it -- and not just any ol' harem, but an obliging one -- one that will also foot the bill for 'putting out'. He will use the 'sympathy route' : he's just a poor struggling elementary teacher, social worker, etc., plus he will have some 'bad breaks' to throw in as well. So YOU will fund the romance: make all the LD phone calls, fly/drive there. And when you do rendezvous, don't be surprised that he doesn't take you anywhere: no dining out, no movies -- because he's so strapped, right? No, real reason -- he doesn't want to chance running into any of his local conquests.



Globe Trotters ~ "A Girl in Every Port"

Single/Married players who travel for a living. They have access to a computer at home, at work, and on the road (usually a laptop). They are only interested in finding women online for sex 'on their appointed rounds'. They generally find their 'targets' by perusing the profiles of a particular city in the Member Directory, or the personal ads. Then they do a 'locate' to find you online and check you out, or send you an email stating how they were intrigued by your profile or your ad. After a time, he will tell you he's coming to see you. Truth of the matter is, you happen to live in one of the cities regularly visited on his rounds and can be a sexual convenience.



One Arm Bandits -- (The Con Artists)


Below are two types:

# 1 -- Fly By Night Romeos


Playing upon a woman's tenderheartedness, these players will have a hard luck story about their business going downhill ... or a lost job due to down-sizing, a fabricated accident, health problems/old war injury, or major surgery. OR they may simply give you the popular story of 'the wife got everything in the divorce'. They will give you a line something to the effect: "Right now, I only have my love to give you." BUT yet, he has lots of free time to spend online instead of looking for a job. OR why isn't he spending those long hours online at his business instead, trying to get it back on its feet? The 'willing suspense of disbelief' is often our main downfall.


OR they may romance you first and then tell you after you're hooked bait, line and sinker: "I've got to drop AOL. I can no longer pay for it because ... "My wife's lawyer froze our checking and saving accounts and all our cedit cards." OR "I'm having to file for bankruptcy. My business partner disappeared and I just found out that he has been dipping in the till. I can't make payroll ... I can't pay my creditors. The DA has all my company records...I don't know how long everything is going to be tied up in court". You're deeply in love; you want to continue your long meaningful talks online, hearing his words of love. So you send money for his internet and phone bills because as soon as he's back on his feet he will pay you back, right? Nope ... he will continue to ask for financial help -- until you become hesitant about sending him more money. Then he will suddenly "poof" ... disappear from online.


OR ... he may ask to borrow money so he can fly to see you, "I need to be with you at this bad time in my life, feel you in my arms..." Their victims usually live a great distance from them; the farther away, the costlier the airline tickets. You send the money and he "poofs".





# 2 -- Vacation Hustlers


These guys are only after a cheap but with all the amenities vacation. The MO: would like to go to Florida, so he frequents chat rooms like: Florida Romance, Florida Swingers, etc., scrutinizing profiles and observing behaviors in the chat rooms, and/or peruses the personal ads. In a matter of time he will find a gullible female. After a month or so, a rendezvous is planned ("Let's meet so we can cultivate our love"). He may pay his own travel expenses but everything else will be on you. No car rental / he uses yours. No lodging expense / he stays at your place. No eating out cost / he eats your lovingly prepared home-cooked meals. Lastly, nightly (if not more often) sex. Or he may also 'borrow' his air fare from you with the promise of paying you back right away. Yeah, right. Once he's back home the relationship is over, and you're left wondering if you didn't meet his expectations ... if you were: too fat, too tall/too short, boring company, not good enough 'in the sack', etc. No, he got exactly what he expected from you -- a free ride at your expense.





Rambling Man --- Freeloaders/Sofa Surfers


This type of player is looking for support -- financial support. He'll romance you and then gallantly offer to move to your location saying something to the effect "I love you too much to take you away from your family and friends. I know how much they mean to you. I can get a job there." But he doesn't get a job -- no job suits him for one reason or another. Or he's an alcoholic and can't keep a job ... or worse, a drug addict. Or he has no credit and plans to 'live it up' on your credit cards until they're maxed out, and then he'll move on to his next victim, leaving you holding the bag. Some warning signs to watch for: he lives with his parents or other relative, or in his parents'/friend's cabin (OR in a room at the "Y", but he won't tell you this), he's online day and night (so he can't be employed), says he'll come by bus/train (or you're to come and pick him up) as he's going to sell his car (OR is the truth of the matter, he has no car due to losing his license as a result of too many DUIs, or due to bad credit, etc.?)




The Panhandler


This type of player usually strings along several women at the same time with no intention of a real relationship. He's only after freebies. Once he has you interested in him, he'll casually mention how other women are sending him "things": birthday/Father's Day/Christmas gifts, C/Ds, shirts, jewelry ~ subliminally planting the hint that you should also give him things in order to compete with the other 'also interested' women. In return you will receive: form love-letters and/or FREE email greeting cards. The only flowers you will receive from El Cheapo will be cyber roses ... @-->-->--- ... Cyber <3 Hearts , Cyber :-* Kisses or pictures of flowers "pirated" from web sites. And if you do meet, it will be at YOUR transportation cost.




The Sympathy Hound

He gives you a long sob story and always has a new crisis in his life. All he really wants from you are daily "pity parties".




The Control Freak

He will also have a sob story and use your compassion to manipulate you to get his way. Stories you'll hear:

~ is a Nam vet and suffers post traumatic stress disorder

~ has a bad heart or needs a kidney transplant

~ has cancer but it's in remission, etc.



These supposed afflictions are for the purpose of "control" ... whenever you step out of line, the following reaction will occur:

~ you added to his PTSD depression and he's feeling suicidal

~ he starts getting chest pains

~ he has to go on dialysis

~ the cancer comes out of remission

~ The CIA are after him for what he knows

~ His Grandmother died .....again


Using your feelings of guilt, he will quickly have you back under his thumb again.




THE "GUILT TRIP" PLAYER


If you don't 'play' (fall for his MO which he has worked so hard on), then he will throw a temper tantrum. So, you will receive an email from a supposed friend/relative informing you he committed suicide, implying it was over you, of course. And this supposed friend/relative will continue to contact you for weeks to come with details of the funeral arrangements, details of the funeral, details of how devastated the family is, etc.
OR, you'll be told he was in some terrible accident and is dying -- and you're supposed to feel very badly about how you treated him. Shame on you! LOL


If you receive an email like this, simply go to the web and find his hometown newspaper and check the obituaries, or search for an article about any such accident.




Mr Battered Heart -- Heartstrings Players

TYPE 1: To throw you completely off guard, this player will use the approach of how he can no longer trust women, how he's been hurt by too many women, been "played" too many times. ( Hmmmm. If that is all true, why is he "hitting" on you? ) He'll go on to say how he hates liars and how important honesty is to him -- a complete 'snow job'.

TYPE 2: He'll say he's a widow and the grief is still fresh -- that his wife was the most wonderful woman in the world ... a real saint. After a time, he'll start comparing you to her, that he can't believe how much you are like her. Next comes: he's falling in love with you, thus he's fulfilling his wife's dying wish to not be alone the rest of his life, but to move on and find another woman to make as happy as he did her. But he'll neglect to mention how many other women he's giving the same 'touching' story.




"Hit and Run" Players

They generally are not interested in a relationship. They use the internet for a 'testing ground' to prove how smart and clever they are. Either they just about have their MO 'down to a science' and are fine tuning it, OR they feel their MO is infallible. Either way, they need 'guinea pigs' to find what minor improvements are needed, or to keep substantiating that they are Masters of the Game. You will receive love songs and poems, links to romantic web sites, state of the art form love-letters(from trial and error they know what does and does not work on women). The duration of the relationship depends on how much a challenge you are or how easy you are. Then they're off to work their 'moves' on someone else.



Married But .....

These players are married men who have NO intention of divorce (due to religious beliefs, or married the wife for her money, or might lose the business due to the split-up of marital assets, etc.) They feel they're being neglected by the wife, or may be going thru a mid-life crisis and just want to see if they still 'Got It' with women, or are simply bored with life. They find they can receive ego-flattering attention or excitement from an online romance. In most cases, the only type of relationship you will have with this type of player is a 'dead-end' one.




Single But in a Relationship

They are in a 'commitment' but are in the same frame of mind as the above scenario. This type of player is usually not online much on weekends, holidays, or during dinner time -- when their mate is home. Unlike in a marriage, if the live-in lover feels neglected she's free to walk or kick him out as she has no 'ties that bind'. They rarely give out their home phone numbers, unless the live-in lover works a different shift. They usually call from work, or use phone cards or cell phones. As opposed to a single guy in a commitment, usually a 'married' guy has established to his wife and/or family that he is hooked on the puter and a holiday would not be any reason to act differently. As long as he is 'in house', what difference does it make if he is on the puter or not? Bottom-line: married guys do what THEY want to do (my way or the highway) and the wife is in the 'acceptance' mode.




CyberPath Online Sociopaths


These are the worse of the bunch -- the mental cases. This type looks for the easy to bait, vulnerable women: widows, newly divorcees, women recovering from a recent heartbreak, etc. They start out romancing you like a player does but it's for an ulterior motive; they become the online harasser, the stalker ... or worst.





Emotion Hitchhikers ~ a CyberPath


They generally look for their 'pigeons' in rooms that involve emotional support: widows & widowers, Al-Anon, divorced, etc. (sensitive people or people that are more vulnerable). They will start out as being this great and wonderful guy who has been wrongfully hurt or is in a lot of emotional pain. They will use two (or more)different screen names pretending to be two or more persons: one who is a guy falling in love with you -- the other,a guy who just wants your friendship -- and/or pretend to be their son/daughter, mother/brother, neighbor/best friend, etc. After they have you madly in love with them, then they will fake their death. You will receive an email from a family member or friend informing you he: was brutally murdered, or died horribly in a car crash -- it will always be some terrible form of death. Then, using their other screen name, they will hear firsthand of your reaction: hear all your grief and complete devastation ... getting a 'high' from your emotions. [ Again, if you receive an email like this, simply go to the web and find his hometown newspaper ]
OR they may tell you they just found out they have cancer, terminal -- of course -- and drag it out for six months or so, getting daily "highs" from your sympathies and your heartbreak. When the "highs" start to falter, then you will receive notice of their 'very painful' death. [ NOTE: Ask what doctor they're going to and then check a doctors directory on the web to see if that doctor does treat cancer, or etc. Ask what treatment they're taking and then go on the web, like WebMD, and read up on the disease/condition. See if they're telling the truth about their treatments, medications, etc. ]




Victor/Victoria -- Yet another CyberPath


A lesbian or a female bisexual who pretends to be a man and 'hits' on unsuspecting heterosexual women for amusement, a buzz, a power trip, or etc. In one reported case, the she/he was a DJ and had sound-altering equipment which enabled her to have a male voice over the phone. In another case, the she/he used the excuse to not talk on the phone: "I had vocal cord surgery for the removal of cysts and can only talk for a very short time and then my voice starts cracking." And another case, "I lost my voice due to being shot in the throat in Nam."





Mr Repeat Offender

Most players -- that is, the internet name you knew them by -- disappear when you start putting 2 and 2 together. The name BUT not always the player. Some of these men have such a cruel streak, they may approach you again -- using a different name ... just to see if they can take you for another ride. Watch for the same phrases, expressions, speech patterns, the same mis-spelled words, the same typing style (doesn't use capital letters, uses all caps, doesn't use any punctuation, uses a lot of ...'s or dashes, etc.)




WHY DO PLAYERS DO THIS???


Because we become their ENABLERS. That is . . .


~ IF we accept everything they tell us as the truth
and do not bother to check the validity of their name,
address, marital status, job, etc.


~ IF we do not keep notes of the personal info they
give us which enables us to watch for discrepancies


~ IF we don't check to see if they're blocking us at times
when they're online


~ IF we do not listen to our feminine intuition warning
us that there's something not quite right


~ IF we ignore any "warning flag" at all . . .
then, YES, we enable a player to play us.

Source





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Thursday, July 10, 2008

Living With A Psychopath - A Victim Speaks Out.

Kindly Reproduced With Permission Of *Victim.

Original Article By Cyberpaths

ScreenNames: QAZ3D








Gareth's Websites & Profiles

Gareth Rodger Dot Com - Entice Media Creative Technologist

Twitter

D Construct



Hometown: Magor, Newport, Wales, United Kingdom


Current Location: Brighton East Sussex, United Kingdom




EOPC's comments are in ORANGE



Gareth and I met on the internet, through a friend. I had been through a particularly abusive childhood and I had at this time just started sorting through most of my issues with a therapist.

I didn't know at the time I was still damaged but I believed I'd met someone in Gareth who appeared to be the complete opposite of abusive. How wrong I was........

I had just a couple of years previous come out of a marriage with an abusive ex-husband. We had lost a child due to my womb rupturing in the last month of my pregnancy, and I really wanted to make some new friends and gain some confidence back in my life and start moving forward. (Typical - predator gets a woman who's been abused & trying to recover, sweeps in like a 'white knight', love bombs her when she needs a sympathetic ear... sound familiar?)

Everything was a whirlwind romance to begin with, Gareth paid great attention to me, listened to what i had to say, showered me in compliments, told me I was his soulmate and never left my side. I felt this was what I truly needed after a few years bad luck, I was insecure, unsure, untrusting and looking for my "Mr Right." (We got it - he loved bombed you.)

Gareth had books lining his shelves, on Psychology, NLP, Hypnosis, Art Of Seduction, literature and weapons. (red flag - psychopath?) He seemed so intelligent and mastered in the ways of the mind, I felt he could help me confront some of my issues from my past. (He could help himself to her emotional, physically & spiritually through manipulation. mind-control & coercion)

He once sent me a picture of him holding a gun to a picture of my head, he said it was a joke. (WARNING!)










After a couple of weeks I started to get to know Gareth more. He still lived with his parents, but was a loner and spent most of his time in his bedroom on the computer. (WARNING!) He asked to meet me to which I agreed to and we had our first date.

The first night of his visit he told me he loved me. (HUGE RED FLAG! First Night?? Readers that rarely happens... believe us these creatures don't know what love is)

Once back home he started to take longer to reply to my emails, or ask me who I had been talking to. He would ask me if I loved only him, then went right back to being aloof once he got the answer. (narcissistic)

I used to ask him questions all the time to which I would only get a "Yep" reply or "Ok" , nothing more than that. However when HE wanted to talk he expected me to answer immediately. (manipulation & NLP)

After a few weeks his parents invited me down to their home. As soon as his parents left for work Gareth asked me to go up to their bedroom, he wanted to have sex on their bed, which I refused to because it was despicable and he had his own bed. (WARNING!) However he wouldnt take no for an answer and decided to leave his own stain on their bed, saying "Well they will see it but they won't know what it is." (PSYCHOPATHIC behavior!)

He also (not with me) went through his mother's lingerie drawers to find sex toys and porn dvds and he watched them when they were not in the house. (his MOTHER'S???)

His parents seemed very different, very reserved to how my family are with each other, they didn't show any signs of affection with each other and spoke in a very "matter of fact way." It was strange , and something almost robotic in their behaviour. (Sociopathic, unemotional parenting?)

Nonetheless I shook this feeling off as "everyone is different." I truly believed they liked me and I wanted to make a good impression, Gareth had not told them I had children from my previous relationship, once they found out however they changed towards me.They didn't want anything to do with me. This caused a lot of stress in his family which was blamed on me. (blame-shifting and guilting the victim? because of their own screwed up ethics and morals?)

His mother used to scream at him and get down on her knees, hysterically crying, grabbing his legs and begging him not to go see me. This was a daily occurrence. She threatened to leave Gareth's father if he took one step out the door to come down in the car to visit me. (Wonder if she'd done that with any other of Gareth's girlfriends? Sounds like Gareth's mom is pathological! And if Gareth had any sense he'd have gotten out a long time before!)

His mother did in fact pack a bag and leave and stayed a few nights at a hotel. Gareth had to go running back to his family to sort it all out. His mother spent the entire weekend screaming and throwing out things of mine I had left there in Gareth's care. (Pathological family... and the victim's just come out of an abusive marriage so she doesn't see this drama for the massive red flag it was!)

Every week his mother would throw a massive tantrum and stress Gareth out even more. I telephoned her once as she wanted to speak to me. She made me feel guilty and said to me "If you and my son stay together you will be tearing a family apart, do you want that?" I told her "You cannot manipulate your son" she said very flatly "I can and I will!" she then hung up on me. (Mom just said it all, didn't she? And in turn, her son will now manipulate this victim.)

Gareth was due to come and see me one weekend, so I called that very morning to see what time he was coming over and found out he had gone on a holiday trip 200 miles away with his grandparents.


I was so shocked and hurt. I spent the next few weeks completely stressed out and anxious. Because of the loss of my third child with my abusive ex- husband I was very concerned about this pregnancy and knew stress could aggravate my condition.

I was so worried about this baby and spent so much of the pregnancy in denial and stress which wasnt good for my children or me. I was concentrating so much on Gareth that I ignored my children most of the time because he would send such mixed signals, and do the Pull me - push me action daily. (passive-aggressive behaviors of a pathological!)

I went into early labour a few weeks later as my womb ruptured again and the baby was born. She was in an incubator for 5 weeks trying to get strong. I would spend all my nights and days by her bedside willing her to live and praying to God. I spent hours by her side. Gareth phoned me at the hospital and instead of asking me how our baby was -- he wanted to know who I had spoken to on the computer. Gareth accused me of going off with another man. (Typical - trying to blame-shift & project as HE probably had another victim on HIS string by then) I was so confused at this point, so many things were going through my mind, like: "why is he asking all these stupid questions," "what about the baby," "how is my tummy healing after the c-section," ... and all he wanted to talk about was what I had done to him. How I hurt him by talking to a friend online which had been a week before i went into labour. (me me me me me me me me! And why would he care if he'd ended the relationship?)

I had to beg him to come over and see us. I apologised for 2 hours on the phone profusely. I was in a wheelchair outside apologising instead of being upstairs with our baby which I should of been doing. Gareth said "well, I'll think about it. Youve hurt me so much by talking to this man and I know you would of done something with him if i hadnt of phoned you. You would of gone home and been intimate with this man." (Again, putting his victim on the defensive when he didn't want a relationship or the baby. Mind-f**king manipulation)

After 2 hours of me begging him and apologising for something I hadn't even done (Cyberpaths/ pathologicals love putting their victims in the defensive position) and assuring him this "friend" meant nothing to me, Gareth said he would drive over the next morning.

When he went to see our baby he just stood there and stared at her. There was no emotion there whatsoever. I begged him to put his hand in and touch her hand, but he just wouldn't do it. He kept his distance and saw her only a few times and not for very long. (because everything and everyone is an OBJECT to him. He's more comfortable either having sex or online because he can OBJECTIFY everything & everyone)

The first night he was there, Gareth and I were given a room in the hospital to stay in near to where the baby was sleeping. I was so sore from the C-Section as I had a lot of extensive surgery done on my ruptured womb. Gareth knew I was in pain but insisted we be intimate. (all about him, all about using sex to get back in control of his victim... no matter how much pain she was in physically or emotionally)

I asked him if he would consider moving in together so we could raise our baby. Gareth said he would have to think about it. I was elated and excited and I really thought things would work out. (Magical thinking - Predator's got her mind so twisted she can't even see the manipulation for what it is)

Gareth went back to University and came over in the fifth week after I'd had the baby. I asked him again if he had thought about moving in, and he said I should stop asking him as "it was getitng on his nerves and stressing him out." Gareth said he was still thinking about it. (He had no intention of helping her or moving in. Just wanted to play games and get sex out of her.) He just made me more stressed out as I didn't know where the children or I stood. (Way off balance - just the way he wanted it


We were just going out the door of our room the next morning when we saw the nurse running towards us telling us to come quickly. The baby had died. I rushed to the baby unit and fell on the floor crying. Through my tears I looked up at Gareth's face, and it is something I'll never forget. He had no emotion, just a blank stare. (psychopath - the snake like, empty soul stare)

An hour later that same day after I spent some time washing and dressing the baby so the coroner could come and collect her, Gareth came to me and said "I'll move in with you." (Wow! What timing. No baby so now he'll move in??)

At this time I was so upset but I had hope too, because we could be together and get through this terrible time together. (yeah right... he wasn't done sucking her dry emotionally or using her sexually!)

Two weeks before the funeral his mom and dad, who still didn't know their son was moving in with me, called him as they knew he was staying with me. They told him they were going on a family holiday to Hawaii. They said if he didn't go he would upset them and his sister.

Gareth told me he was going to go on the 3 week holiday , said he needed the time to get emotionally sorted as the death of the baby had broken him and he wanted to be with his parents so he could have some support. He said he didn't know if he would make it back in time for the funeral but he would try. (OMG! What a cold-blooded snake!)

Just to point out, I saw Gareth cry only ONCE over the baby. I think he was crying more over himself than for his daughter. (He was crying over himself - and even then it was crocodile tears)

I cried and begged him not to go as I knew he would miss the funeral and I so needed his support and love to get me through this, and I thought he would need my love and support too. (He was incapable of loving anything. He's barely human that he would even THINK of going with his parents. But since the victim's just an object to him and he was only using her for sex and an "emotional blood source" he had no problems just doing what HE wanted to do.)

In the end I had to put the funeral forward another few weeks so he could make it. (The victim changes a child's FUNERAL so the father could GO ON VACATION? Sick sick sick. And she's so messed up by his b.s. she can't even see what he's done isn't normal!)

He phoned me collect call from Hawaii, sent me photos, emails telling me what wonderful time he was having, how beautiful it was and how life was great. (MASSIVE RED FLAG - how hurtful and disgusting!) He didn't mention the baby at all nor did he sound upset. He told me he had thought about things so much on vacation and decided that he wanted to live with me 100%. (Why not, he's got the victim so messed up she's begging to have him around when he's treating her like complete crap) Gareth then told his parents who again went into a red rage and threatened to cut him off financially.

I had to pay over $1000 for the collect calls from Hawaii and my mother had to pay the phone bill for me as I couldn't afford it and would be cut off. (user!!)


When he got home from the vacation we spent a few nights talking, however he kept putting off the day he was to come back to my house and we could start our lives together. He made all sorts of excuses as to why he had to stay a few extra days.

MORE TO COME!! WHAT A SICK BOY!! Wonder how many other girlfriends he had online & off during all this? - Fighter

Original Article: CyberPaths
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