Social Networking Encourages Cyberstalking

Many use Facebook & other social networking sites daily without being aware of the cyberstalking threat.





Examples Of Facebook Stalking Here and Here


Any bit of your information that you include is shown on your profile, which can lead to further problems.

Although many may think they're only sharing this information with your friends, Facebook has a "friends of friends" feature that allows your friends' followers to see the activity. If you decide you want a facebook/myspace /networking profile, then like me you need to have only ONE Profile and you need to "LOCK IT DOWN"! to people you know personally! and remove all friends of the cyberpath/psychopath/narcissist



Friends?

Think it's just cyberpaths or ex boyfriends/spouse's who cyberstalk? think again, even male friends cyberstalk, even those with girlfriends or wives of their own. It's easy for cyberstalkers today to keep tabs on you, your life and activities with just a click of the mouse. Deleting web history and cache is practiced by thousands. Make sure the friends you have on your profile are people you trust.

Friends don't even need to speak to each other online anymore, they can just click on your name and find out all the need to know about how you spent the day/weekend/month, who you are dating or not dating, what you ate for dinner, what perfume you like etc.

These tidbits of information can easily be used to manipulate you or follow you, buying you gifts they know you will love, showing up at the movies where they know you are going to be, phoning and hanging up on you. Pitting one friend against another. Leaving cryptic profile status messages. The list goes on and on




Types of Stalkers and Stalking Patterns

Types of Stalkers and Stalking Patterns (Note: The following 6 categories have been defined by P. E. Mullen. However, even Mullen asserts that these are not entirely mutually exclusive groupings, and the placement of an individual is a matter of judgment. Like sexual harassers, stalkers may fit more than one profile, or begin with one approach and move to another. )


Rejected Stalker

The most common, persistent and intrusive of all stalkers, the rejected stalker is obsessed with someone who is a former romantic partner or friend, and who has ended their relationship with the stalker, or indicates that he or she intends to end the relationship. Depending on the responses of the victim, the stalkers goals will vary, and the rejected stalker usually struggles with the complex desire for both reconciliation and revenge. As Mullen writes, "A sense of loss could be combined with frustration, anger, jealousy, vindictiveness, and sadness in ever-changing proportions." This stalker may be very narcissistic, and may feel humiliated by the rejection. In most cases, they will have poor social skills and a poor social network. They are also the most likely to try to harm the victim in some way, and may employ intimidation and assault in their pursuit. They may become jealous if their victim enters or continues a romantic relationship with another person. A history of violence in the relationship with the partner is not uncommon.



Resentful Stalker

This stalker is looking for revenge against someone who has upset them--it could be someone known to the stalker or a complete stranger. The behaviors are meant to frighten and distress the victim. The stalker views the target as being similar to those who have oppressed and humiliated them in the past, and they may view themselves as someone striking back against an oppressor. Or, the victim could be a professional believed to have cheated or abused the stalker in some way. Often irrationally paranoid, this kind of stalker can be the most obsessive and enduring. While the least likely to use physical force, the resentful stalker is the most likely to verbally threaten the victim. They may use personal threats, complaints to law enforcement and local government, property damage, theft or killing of pet, letters or notes on the victim's car or house, breaking into the victim's house or apartment, or watching the victim's movements.



Predatory Stalker

The least common of all the stalkers, this is the classic sexual predator whose plan is to physically or sexually attack the victim. They are motivated purely by the desire for sexual gratification and power over their victim. This type of stalker is sexually deviant, has poor social skills, and usually has lower than normal intelligence. They usually will not have any direct contact with the victim while they are stalking them. This stalker may engage in such behaviors as surveillance of the victim, obscene phone calls, fetishism, voyeurism, sexual masochism and sadism, exhibitionism. The victim can be either someone
the stalker knows, or a complete stranger.



Intimacy Seeker

The intimacy seeker seeks to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. To them, the victim is a long sought-after soul mate, and they were meant to be together. Also, they may have the delusion that the victim is in love with them--usually called erotomania. They may interpret any kind of response from the victim as encouragement, even negative responses. This stalker may write letters, send gifts, or call their victim. They may believe the victim owes them love because of all they have invested in stalking them, and is very resistant to changing their beliefs. The intimacy seeker has an inflated sense of entitlement, and if they recognize they are being rejected, this stalker may become threatening, or may try to harm the victim in some way, sometimes using violence. (In this way, they may become a rejected stalker, see above.) This stalker may become jealous if their victim enters or continues a romantic relationship with another person. After the rejected stalker, the intimacy seeker is the most persistent type of stalker. They are usually unresponsive to legal sanctions, viewing them as
challenges to overcome that demonstrate their love for the victim.



Incompetent Suitor

The Incompetent Suitor desires a romantic or intimate relationship with the victim but is impaired in their social and courting skills. This stalker may be very narcissistic, and cut off from victim's feelings (lack of empathy). The incompetent believes that anyone should be attracted to them. Typically, this stalker will repeatedly ask for dates, or call on the phone, even after being rejected. They may attempt physical contact by trying hold the victim's hand or kiss the victim, however, the will not become physically violent or threatening. The incompetent suitor is less persistent than others, and is likely to have stalked
numerous others in the past, and will probably do so in the future. They will quickly stop stalking if threatened with legal action or after receiving counseling.



Erotomaniac and Morbidly Infatuated

This stalker believes that the victim is in love with them. They believe this even though the victim has done nothing to suggest it is true, and may have made statements to the contrary. The erotomaniac reinterprets what their victim says and does to support the delusion, and is convinced that the imagined romance will eventually become a permanent union. This stalker may suffer from acute paranoia, and typically chooses a victim of higher social status. They will repeatedly try to approach and communicate with their supposed lover, and is typically unresponsive to threats of legal action of any kind. Without
psychological treatment, this stalker is likely to continue with their activities.



Cyberstalking and Cyberstalkers

Cyberstalking is an extension of the physical act of stalking; however, the behavior occurs using electronic mediums, such as the Internet and computer sypware. Someone who is physically stalking an individual may employ cyberstalking as another means to pursue, harass, or force contact. Or, cyberstalking may be the sole means of surveillance and pursuit of the victim. The stalker may join forums they know their target frequents, and pose as someone else in an attempt to contact their target, or they may contact other members to get information about the target or defame their character. They may use spyware to access their target's computer and the personal information contained within. Given the vast distances that the Internet spans, a "pure" cyberstalker will never move beyond electronic mediums and into physical stalking. Still, this does not mean that the behavior is any less distressing, frightening, or damaging, and a cyberstalker's motives can fit any of the categories described above. Moreover, given the ability of individuals to ‘mask’ their identity when using the Internet, linking the harassment to one particular individual can be difficult. Programs that mask IP (Internet Protocol) addresses, and anonymous remailers are merely two examples that hinder the identification of the stalker and their (digital) location.








Who Becomes a Stalker

Stalkers are usually isolated and lonely, coming from the "disadvantaged" of our society; however, a stalker can occupy any place in our entire social spectrum. Often, the stalking may be triggered by a significant trauma or loss in the life of the perpetrator, usually within at least seven years of the stalking behavior. (For example, relationship dissolution or divorce, job termination, loss/potential loss of a child, or an ill parent.) Most stalkers are not psychotic. In a comparative study of psychotic versus non-psychotic stalkers (Mullen et al. 1999), 63% of the sample was found to be suffering from a common psychiatric condition, such as major depression, personality disorder, or substance dependence--with personality disorder being the most common diagnosis.




Ex-intimates:

Common stalkers are people who previously shared a romantic relationship with the victim, and former intimates are the most common type of stalking target. This can be either from a long or short term relationship.



Family members:

A stalker may target a member of their family, such as a parent or sibling. This would most likely be a resentful or rejected stalker, and they would target a family member they feel had rejected, humiliated, or abused them in the past.



Friends and Acquaintances:

The victim may be stalked by an intimacy seeker or an incompetent suitor motivated by a desire to start a romantic relationship with the victim. The victim may be stalked by a resentful stalker, typically a neighbor, who may be involved in a disagreement with the victim about something such as noise, the location of a tree, or pets.



Workplace Contacts:

In their study of stalkers, Mullen (et al) found that 23% had a professional relationship with their victim, most often a medical practitioner. Other stalkers may be supervisors, fellow employees, service providers, clients, or others who show up at the victim's workplace. Stalking behaviors directed at the victim may include: sexual harassment, physical and sexual assaults, robberies, or even homicide. A violent workplace stalker usually has a history of poor job performance, a high rate of absenteeism, and a record of threats and confrontations with people they resent in the workplace.



Strangers:

These are most commonly Intimacy Seekers and Incompetent Suitors, but may also be Predatory stalkers or Resentful stalkers. These stalkers may hide their identity from their victims at first, and reveal it after stalking their victim for some time in order to get closer to them. Victims may be Initially flattered when stalker approaches them and respond politely. They may even agree to go on a date with their stalker, after many requests. This can have the unintentional effect of encouraging the
stalker, and making them believe that their love is reciprocated.


Gender: Stalkers are far more likely to be male, however, women can also become stalkers. Women are more likely to target someone they have known, usually a professional contact. Men are less likely to pursue other men, while females will often target other females. The majority of female stalkers are intimacy seekers seeking to establish relationships, whereas men show a broader range of motivations, and are more often to be seeking to restore relationships. Women are as likely to use violence as men, and there does not tend to be a difference between genders regarding the duration of a stalking. Thus, while the contexts and motives for stalking may differ between men and women, the intrusiveness of the behaviors and potential for harm does not.






Once Upon Time On Facebook


Once upon a time, two people fell in love. It rocked.

They both changed their Facebook status to "In a Relationship" and posted pictures on their blogs of them kissing, laughing and frolicking. Then things went sour and they broke up.

In the olden days of, say, 2001, they would have parted ways and had little way to keep tabs on each other, outside of gossipy friends and occasional apartment drive-bys. Not anymore.

She watched his MySpace page and knew exactly when he started dating a new woman by his status updates. He looked at her Flickr photos and saw her having a great time at a Granada concert, and wondered, "Who's that guy?"

Cyberstalking is alive and well in the digital age, with many relationships continuing virtually long past the breakup through passive observation.

"It is creepy, but we're curious by nature," said Angela Faz, 31, who admits to mild curiosity about exes. "I try not to look!"

The view from online is tempting, because instead of driving by his or her house, you get an intimate view of your ex's thoughts, she said.

But that view can be painful, especially when the other person has started a new relationship or appears to be having a rollicking good time without you.

Oak Cliff resident Michael M., 33, is cyberstalking his ex and said he often wonders when the obsession will stop.

"I've found that since my breakup, I've had the need to keep up with my ex – is she dating, did she go to the fair this year (with whom?), what did she do for Halloween? Did she wear a costume we talked about last year? Is she keeping up with me, too?"


The situation is sort of like a sore in the mouth that would heal, if only you'd stop tonguing it.

"Am I doing it for pleasure – do I enjoy the torture and sometimes humiliation that goes with it?," Michael M. asked. "A friend once told me, 'You can glance at the past, just don't stare at it.' At what point does the staring begin?"


There's also a question of whether the observed person knows he or she is being watched and posts with that in mind. It could feel good to stick it to your ex by posting ambiguously sexual remarks on another (hot) person's profile.

Not that we would know anything about that. But even cyberstalking is still in relation to the two people involved and the length and intensity of their relationship.

The way this changes the psychological dynamics of a breakup is unclear – will it make it harder? Easier? Or just more complicated? Only time – and maybe a few SuperPokes – will tell. - Cyberpaths






Victims often do not tell their family , friends co-workers or supervisors about the person who is stalking them because they fear reprisals from the stalker or other employees, don't think they will be believed, or feel embarrassed about the situation. (For other reasons, see Confusion and Denial, on the home page)

Doctors, nurses, psychologists, or other healthcare providers may become the targets of stalking by obsessed clients or patients. (Or the other way around) Teachers may become stalked by students. (Or the other way around.) Psychiatrists are at particular risk for being the targets of stalking because of their contact with people with psychiatric conditions.



What to do if you're stalked -

Show no emotion, regardless of how scared or angry you are. Never confront or agree to meet your stalker.

Call local police to find out which officer is running the case.

Tell your friends, family, neighbours and work colleagues.

Keep evidence like texts, emails, letters and parcels. Record anything that could be proof and keep a diary.

If you get calls from a stalker, in the U.K. use 1471 to track their number.

If you're being followed, try to stay calm. If you're driving, head for the nearest police station to get help.

If you ever feel in imminent danger, call 999. (or 911 in the U.S.)




For great information/resources/help please visit Cyberpaths Exposed Online they have been tremendously supportive of me and other victims and work hard day in day out to educate the public on cyberpaths/sociopaths/the internet/stalking and therapy.







Read more!

Examples Of Mind Numbing Manipulation Of The Psychopath....This Is Why I'm ADAMANT on "NO CONTACT" ........Emails Inside.

Want to see some major examples of Manipulation? want to see a victim cave in and go back to the psychopath because she ignored her gut instinct and refused to keep the no contact rule in place?

Want to see her so close to her freedom that she can taste it now that she has finally decided to take back control of her life only to see her lose it in less than ONE DAY?

Want to see her lose all remaining confidence and self respect?

Do you want to be just like her and suffer the consequences? (PTSD) (Or lose your life) no? then read on and take my advice before it's too late






Before we start with the emails let's get a little backstory on our history - won't take long I promise



March 05: Hope our daughter died - Before hope our first daughter died Gareth wouldn't come to a decision on whether or not to live with me and our baby, he kept telling me to stop pressuring him & even getting angry at me for even asking. Within hours of Hope passing away he came to me and told me he would move in (How convenient, he had actually wanted me to get an abortion in the first place)


April 05: Goes on holiday to the Caribbean one month after Hope dies forcing me to put the funeral forward so he could make it when he got back - see his emails of joy, drinking, happiness and excitement on holiday. Hope had been dead only a few weeks. Go on read his emails full of promises about living with me and how excited he was and how he made up his mind that was what he TRULY wanted.



May - June 05: Still waiting for him to come home like he promised but he keeps putting it off.


June 05 - Visits me this week, Changes his mind and breaks up with me 3 months after Hope died. Why did he break up with me?

Gareth: If I stay with you, I won't be able to go on anymore holidays



June 05 - Manipulates me into talking with him after the break up even though I said NO CONTACT


July 05- Says he will come home because I say I am going to the USA for a trip and a healing retreat in order to think, heal and try to work through the pain of this year,


September 05: He finally comes home. But not before he had finally pummeled me into the ground with his feet.


April 06 Gareth leaves again, I am pregnant with Lily our second child.











(Gareth and I had two children together, "Hope in 2005, and Lily in 2006, both of our babies died at 25 & 22 weeks old (gestation) due to a uterine rupture.


My son Matthew died in 2002 at 33 weeks (gestation- Uterine Rupture) (from my previous marriage)


When you read the conversations about children in the emails below , Gareth is referring to my two children (both girls) from my previous marriage who at that time were staying with my mother as I couldn't cope


(What i experienced 3 times) "Complete uterine rupture is a catastrophic event where a full thickness tear develops, opening the uterus directly into the abdominal cavity. It requires rapid surgical attention to safeguard maternal and infant outcomes. Palpation of the fetus outside the uterus (usually occurs only with a large, complete rupture). The fetus is likely to be dead" - Source


Both of our babies & my son fell through the uterus into the abdominal cavity which ripped the placenta away from the wall of the womb causing lack of oxygen- Our daughter Hope was alive when delivered but died 5 weeks later due to heart failure and lung collapse due to being premature



Understanding Uterine Rupture , then seeing how Gareth treated me knowing the dangers to my life and our children you can see how spineless he really is - even when I was in the hospital he didn't bother to come and hold my hand during the emergency surgery or bother going to Lily's funeral













Email Conversations



June 05: After his visit, he asks me to walk him to the train station, bags packed and ready to go and asked me to kiss him goodbye, knowing he broke up with me and stomped all over me yet again.

I did as he asked I made no fuss , I didn't cry (like he asked me NOT to do) I just silently walked him to the station , kissed him goodbye (like he asked me to) and went home.

My father seeing my distress told me he was arranging a retreat for me to go on for some healing, and helped me pay for a ticket to the USA to see some friends (Who were JUST friends.)

My family thought it was best I had some time out to get over everything that was happening. I had given up drinking a long time before and by my own willpower, but he has to take digs at this and bring up the past alcoholism.

When i told him I was going to the USA he had no problems with this, until I told him I was going to stay at a friends house. Then his AGENDA changed.












26/6/2005 - 27/6/2005 - Conversations - email.




My Quotes In Blue




Gareth: Would it be ok to give you a call tommorow (Monday)?


Me: gaz, i thought we said no contact, this is so confusing and it hurts so much, how can staying in contact be good for either of us, you left i dont know what to do anymore, if you want to call to tell me why you left i already know why gaz im not angry just very very badly hurt


Gareth: Me too, i just wanted to talk, i'll get some credit. I take it your back chatting on the usual places. Please don't go back, it's not worth it - I won't I wasted so much time on the silly things.


Gareth: It's a shame you went back to those chatting places as it just leads back to the drink and immaturity. Don't do that to yourself.


Me: im not back to that ive been out all day today at enas and my mums ive hardly been in the house and im not going to go back but please tell me why you want to talk gaz


Gareth: I haven't bothered to install any of those programs and won't - I refuse to go back to them, so I won't be on them.


Me: honestly gaz im not going back to it i dont intend to,


Me: is this you just checking up on how im doing as gaz you already know im feeling like hell right now, but to keep in contact is hard for me and for you can you please tell me what you want to chat about tommorrow



Gareth: I don't know I just really want to talk to you, generally. Wel done for going out today, you are so perfect don't fall back to that mess you went through before. My mum's been like a rottweiller, spent the day at my grandparents talking about germans. Trust me on one thing, delete chat accounts and close the accounts. don't fall back. I beg of you.


Gareth: I just want to talk to you, I don't know what I want to say I just want to talk to you, I have spent the last two days with no credit looking at my phone checking every second to see if you'd called.


Me: im not going to fall back ive just spent the past two days in hell crying my heart out desperate to just not feel the way i do why are you making it worse by wanting to talk? you have gone home you chose what you wanted to do and now i have to pick up the pieces talking to me on the phone isnt going to make you feel better



Gareth Shall I not call then?



Me: ok well i can give you a call now if youd like doesnt have to be very long i just want to try to get some closure as i cant deal with all this im finding it hard



Gareth: Now's not too great i'd have to keep my voice down - mum has her hard exams tommorow so I can't wake them, i'm pretty distraught already and hearing your voice will topple me. Tommorow would be much better after a good nights sleep and a walk to get some credit. Is little Boo (dog) ok?


Me: i know it hasnt been easy for you but its hard for me too , you chose to break up with me, said you wouldnt be happy staying with me, i know you have made your choice and im trying my hardest to deal with it, if you want to talk on the phone i can make it quick and gaz its best if we dont stay in contact as its breaking my heart every second i need to make sure this is finished with as i cant keep going in circles all the time


Gareth Also, how did you get my message so quick? you replyed within the minute?


Me: if you have no intentions of getting back together with me do you think its fair that we should stay in contact and make things worse because i can tell you , i have been on my knees in front of my family in tears all day dads even sending me to a retreat for a few days to help me as im that distraught


Gareth: I know, I understand. If I call tommorow for however long would you mind?


Me: i got my message quick as i have a fast net connection now and i have mail open in tiger and boo (dog) is ok , moping though


Gareth Oh XXXXXX (My Name), I hope your ok, Im terrible too, non stop tears. Just no energy to face the world. Every minute wishing I had no urge to do these things I want to do, (he means: Go on holidays) I really think one phone call can give you some closure. I wish I could explain what is going on my head but I can't I was thinking of writing you a letter but didn't know if you'd want that.


Me: you have made your choice and as hard as it for me and you i want to just stop feeling this pain and hurt ive had enough of it im tired of it and i know if you truly loved me you wouldnt have gone and left me, i feel like just not waking up gaz, if its over then it has to stay over as i cant do this anymore but if you want to call i can call now and say goodnight a few words and leave it at that i want to wake up tomorrow knowing its over or it isnt and then try to pick up the pieces. im leaving in a couple of days im going to go abroad and then on to the retreat to pick myself up as i cant think in this house and i cant deal with everything going on in my head all the time im here please just a quick call if you want/need one then i can be on my way facing a new day tomorrow

Gareth Please can the call wait till tommorow i'm in no state to talk. Where are you looking to go abroad?


Me: ok you can call me tomorrow but it has to be before 1pm as i see the girls tomorrow and i have a meeting with tracy , i book my tickets to the USA tomorrow


Gareth XXXXXX? (ex Boyfriends name? )


Me: god no! im not going to go meet anyone gaz im going to go on my own take a weeks trip to be by myself find out who i am what i want and how im going to deal with everything, this is something im doing for my benefit not to go meet people, i want to be alone and then im off to this retreat on a weekend i feel like im at the bottom of the pit and i cant cope with this i really cant

Gareth XXXXXXX, you can't go abroad if you have no place to stay planned. So i'm guessing you must of arranged something with someone like jon etc. I think you should see the girls goto the retreat and then think and plan a trip if need be.


Gareth: Sorry, I shouldnt be saying that, I just saw red at the thought of you meeting up with any of those guys especially after the past and so soon. guys? those guys were my friends not romantic interests and you knew this! but you LOVED isolating me you did it all the time to make sure you were the ONLY one I could talk to


Me: i want noone i just want to be by myself, reflect on things and go home refreshed, gaz why are you putting us through all this when its over with i dont want to keep feeling hurt i just want to get away thats all i want to do i dont know what to do with myself im broken, gaz if you really believe its over then make tomorrows phone call the last you make to me please, promise me that


Me: i dont want to meet anyone, i love you with all my heart i really do and i want noone but you, but i can promise you this, im not going to be with anyone else you broke my heart gaz im trying to get over this pain by going away on my own. i think tomorrow should be the last time we talk gaz after that im not being rude but i wont be answering emails again, i need my life back tomorrows phone call is the last time ill talk to you ok


Gareth: I will promise whatever you ask of me on the phone. Sorry I said that, I just instantly think you're going to be meeting someone as you know people in the usa and its an odd place to just 'go' to and mere days after this is just heartwrenching. But thats my problem not yours and so I wont say any more about it. I will give you a call tommorow if possible before 1pm but if not after 5pm, when youre back from seeing them. (My children)


Gareth: I guess its time to let the pillow mop up the tears and say goodnight, (Boo Hoo Martyr Man) it's getting late and I really want to get out and get credit to give you that call. Sorry again about the america thing hope you can see things through my eyes. Are you off to bed now?


Me: My dad says times a big healer, things will get better at home for you, you can travel see friends and this will all seem like a distant dream so let me have that distant dream as its so painful to stay in the past and i cant do it gaz make tomorrow the last time we talk


Gareth: Ok XXXXXX, time is a great healer - that is true. I look forward to hearing you tommorow, I'm so glad to see you haven't fallen back into the past and the old ways.

You obviously have overcome those issues from the past and really have sorted yourself out.

I hope you have a wonderful time with the girls tommorow, it is most likely that i'll call after you've seen them as i need to travel to find credit.

Goodnight and sweet dreams.

Untill tomorrow...








I email him the next day


Me: I have grown up a lot in the past few months and although you are hurting inside, phoning me to make yourself feel better isnt going to help ( i will talk to you later on the phone im just saying what i think) you have been incredibly selfish but also its been something you cant feel you can help doing.

Im at a loss I have made so many mistakes and im starting to see things differently now, if someone were to watch you and me and our relationship they would say "well someone needs to grow up" if you hadnt of left when you did you would of done it when i had the girls and that would be more heartwrentching , I know you couldnt handle the responsibility but that doesnt mean you didnt try and it isnt your fault, but you need to take responsibility for all the actions you do and its consequences, ive done wrong and so have you, the pain we are feeling will pass, our relationship from start to finish was wrong as we met under the wrong circumstances

I am a 25 year old woman with two children I have to bring up and one day Im hoping I will find someone who is going to love me, someone i can depend on and someone who will love my children , until that day ill spend my time grieving for you and finding out who i am and what i want. and ill be careful to make the right choices. I dont want things to be as they were before Hope was born where you contacted me all the time breaking my heart and then expecting me to wait , ive done a lot of waiting gareth and its draining me. I have to make decisions for myself now, you have chosen many things over being with me and whats happened obviously happened for the best all I ask is that now you have made your choice that you stick by it and not come back to me in the future because I wont be there Gaz, I cant wait for you anymore I just wished you loved me enough to stay , and it is true that if someone loves someone with all their heart and truly has the best intentions for them they would treasure that person, always wanting the best for them, I was able to let you go the other day without too much of a fuss because I knew what was best and i wanted what was best for you however I cannot continue to keep having my heart broken and us staying in contact is one of the things that stops me from moving on, I do wish you had stayed as anything could of worked out but i do suspect it wouldnt have.

The reason I am going away is because I want to find out who i am and what im about as I dont know, since you left it has thrown so many questions around in my mind that im overwhelmed and at a loss as to what to do, I want to pick up my bags fly off somewhere and actually reflect on my life.

Gaz Ive also thought about the chances of you coming back and i know itd have to be my head that rules my heart over it, im not saying you will as i dont think you would come back but I had to ask myself that question and then answer it, we are not going to work out gaz because you didnt want it enough , I think I can leave everything else unsaid for now, after our phonecall


I am going to the USA , I am staying with XXXXXX (A friend who happened to have a fiance and was and has been only a friend) I am not going to look for companionship im going to get away for a week in a new place and just be by myself, my mum and dad are ok with it they are going to take me to the airport , ive booked the flight and i think its the best thing for me atm , i didnt know until today i was going to definatley go but i really need to go. i only told you as i didnt want you to think i lied about anything





When you voice the truth -- refuse to act out the narcissist's fantasy for him, simply by saying that one sentence: "You are selfish" or "You need to accept my boundaries" The reaction was exactly the reaction I have always observed whenever you don't follow a narcissist's script in the work of fiction they're play-acting.

You are an object, like a toy or tool. You are not working properly if you can't be manipulated properly. So they get mad. They need to control what you say. As far as they're concerned, you are a ventriloquist's dummy. The narcissist (Gareth) gets angry at me for wanting closure and healing and for my need to "get away from it all" accuses me of cheating although we are not a couple, and doing what he perceives as irrational but then at the same time states its "none of his business" See the twisting here? The narcissist is the one trying to force somebody into doing what he wants. But he perverts it fully (ass-backwards) and accuses the very victim of HIS control tactics and accuses her of being the controller. That's how everything you do bounces off a narcissist's thick forehead -- backwards. THERE IS NO WAY TO GET THROUGH TO THEM. IRRATIONALITY IS IMPREGNABLE, AND PERVERSITY IS INVINCIBLE.






The more independent a partner becomes, the more abusive the abuser will be, because he sees he is losing control of his partner. Emotional abusers have huge double standards. What is ok for them, is NOT ok for their partners. I.e. THEY are allowed to get angry - their partners are not. When his partner stands up for herself, Abusers will often complain (especially to others outside the relationship) about how unappreciated they are/were, and how they gave and gave and gave, and got so little in return... He will indicate that his interest in his partner is waning, and when she begins to start separating from him, he will become attentive and interested again......he can't let go and is still trying to control her and inflict pain on her after the relationship is over. This is a subtle form of terrorism, because abuse victims are often very emotionally (if not physically) afraid of their abusers once they wake up..........If you find that you are having to explain the basics of respect and courtesy to a partner - if you are finding that he just DOESN'T SEEM TO GET IT, when you try to explain why his behavior or actions were disrespectful - run far and run fast. People who are capable of maintaining and contributing to a loving, supportive, healthy relationship, DON'T need to constantly have the concepts of respect, compassion, and consideration explained to them........Remember: Safe People are people who draw you closer to who you were meant to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. They encourage you to be your most loving, growing self. - Source












Gareth: I won't inflict my opinions upon you, I'm sure you know what will happen when you goto the US i'm also sure your back in all your online groups chatting to random people and wanting meet all these guys you have met online.

It twists the knife in my heart further but there is nothing I can do, you have made your mind up and within one day of us ending your off to meet people youve fancied in the past off irc - its not a break but thats my opinion, I shall not intrude into the chat rooms you sit in each night as I have seen what you have said in the past and know what it would do to me.

The other thing that gets to me is the fact that you could get intimate with any of these old friends and that feeling of in-significancy drowns me, (Bingo! psychopaths will ALWAYS feel that way because his Narcissistic Supply is now gone & he can't face rejection even though he rejected me first - so he uses ANY excuse to BLAME SHIFT) I'm sure if I went out to meet girls I talked to in e.g. France straight away you would see it how I do. I had NO idea you spoke to girls in France, Another thing a psychopath will say to get your back up and blame shift - he probably cheated on me as all psychopaths do)


But none of this is my business im distraught and the things people have said have torn me to shreds so far.

I never thought you were so free to travel off around the world - One of the main things I wanted to do with you, but knew it wasnt possible with the kids, but here you are two days later tickets booked and ready to go. This is WHY he left me! because he thought we couldn't travel if I HAD KIDS and felt he was missing out on fun in the sun by being with ME!)


I wish you the best time even though I feel ever so insignifacant to you. Typical Predators Response He feels inferior and insignificant so he has to DEVALUE me now and that's what he does


I'm ever so confused not by you but by my familys reaction which is terribly odd.

It's your choice to go meet new people and theres nothing I can do to stop you but just deal without at least i know I love you enough to not do that, time may be a healer but It will take more time than 2 days for me to go thousands of miles to meet old flames. They were NOT old flames and you KNEW that, but in YOUR head everything revolves around YOU and YOUR fantasies

I'm sure this makes no sense at all - which is the state my head is in at the moment.


All I can say is think about the kids, getting links in america would not be in there interest, I thought ever so hard about them and no matter how much I wanted to travel with you and see some of the world and go places together I knew it wouldn't be possible as the kids need 120% attention. I would never of asked you to miss one visit with them to satisfy me.

I hope you know what your'e doing esp. in regard to meeting peope who would want to take you out for drinks etc.

Theres not much more I feel like saying right now as all is turning red. (Narcissistic Rage)

I also wonder how much of this will be sent onto all your iFriends so I shall retire and put my head to sleep, If you get this before you go
off galivanting then all the better. I wasn't talking to anyone online but him, but he ALWAYS goaded and Blame Shifted this is also PROJECTION


Hope you know what you're doing, I thought youd want less to think about and arrange at the moment but obviously not, its more like siezing the opportunity once i've left.



And further to the point you will not be by yourself and you will find companionship as everyone will 'want you' bear this in mind I really think you should get ticket refunds sort out your mind first then go away, in all honesty you do know how these people see you, you knoow what they want and they expect you to be as you used to be - they gauge this by the drink they all saw and knew about


personally I think its stupid but if thats what you want to happen to you and your body then so be it, I will keep my thoughts and feelings to myself as i won't allow myself to say such things to you. but my hands are tied and I can't stop you, theres many things I want to say, many more I want to do but I guess I shouldnt say anymore. But you are NOT keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself - and you ARE allowing yourself to say such things to me - readers this is another tactic of the emotional abuser he contradicts himself so well you cannot see it - He feels as if he has lost his control and hold over me so he is fighting, kicking and screaming to get it back - he knows my head is clearer and the fog over my thinking has dissipated so he is reaching out to grab hold of those puppet strings and trying to pull with all his might in order to make me dance to his script.


Please understand the insignificancy i feel, its almost like this in my head: "she's done with me so shes off to find the next guy and
where better to start all the guys in the us she flirted with prior to me" it's like you didnt want me but just want 'someone' to take that place. No that's what you WANT to think - Besides who broke up with who here? HELLO!



The narcissist intensifies his attack when the other party backs down, tries to appease, tries to flee, or shows any other sign of weakness. Just like an animal predator does.


I feel distraught and it's time to sleep.

Goodnight PND , I'm sure your still up chatting but i wont recieve any reply untill the morning. Oh Spare me your melodrama











Me: I am not off to find a 'man', I am going as it is the best thing for me at the moment, i cant stay in my own home, I look around and it all reminds me of you. I dont want companionship I want the pain to go away and it isnt going to go away all the time I am sitting in this house crying. You say you feel insignificant thats a good thing in a way as thats the way you have made me feel by leaving me, you broke my heart Gareth I have only sympathy for myself and my girls not for you. I cannot get a refund as the tickets are non refundable, I am going to go Gaz I have made up my mind to go I want so much in life that I am scared I am never going to have, you have confused my mind to the point where I have done something spontaneous, but id rather be travelling than sitting at home pining for you. You chode to leave me so this is the consequence of that, be responsible to know that what you do in life has consquences.

I do want you to know this though, I am not meeting any guy for companionship I am meeting freinds girls included I am going to eat and have a good time without drinking.


you made your bed now you have to go lie in it so to speak. You hurt me incredibly , my heart is broken in pieces and I dont want the pain anymore, as soon as my plane leaves the ground mentally my mind will leave you and the pain behind and hopefully I will find some rest.


The people I am meeting are not old flames, they are people who dont expect anything from me, is it so hard to believe people dont want anything from me? Psychopaths Believe EVERYONE has an ulterior motive just like HE DOES


I am so confused at the moment Gareth I really dont know what I want in life anymore, my family have been a beacon of support in the past few days and now I have to try to support myself and its hard, Im not running away from myself and my feelings as I know wherever I go , they go too, I am getting away so I dont have to sit in this house and think about you and me, we were over the moment you decided to leave me how on earth can you have the audacity to say you feel insignificant! YOU chose to go, you chose to be without me for the rest of your life and thats the brutal truth!


One more thing I do believe is you only care about how you feel, what you want and I feel sorry for you because of that, all of your emails is centered on how you are feeling, you did this before Hope died and you will carry on doing it until you realise how to care about other people, you care only for one person you love only yourself (your whole mind is centered on YOU) you need to change gareth and that change will come with age and maturity I do hope you find it. I was noticing the RED FLAGS even then!











Gareth: There's not much I can say to all that, i'm not as self centered as you say I am, my mind is in the same place a yours, so confused not knowing what I truly want I want to go back 200% but I wouldn't know if i'll regret not doing things in years to come. (he means holidays and seeing the world and to him that comes first above ME)



As for the America thing I want you to have a good time, I would never disagree with you doing such a thing aside from sleeping with people youve flirted with before whether it be in the name of companionship or fun.Here he goes again

If there was some guarantee of you not doing such a thing I would not get angry and be happy for you,Oh so I have to prove my daily life to you so you can approve of it? even though YOU BROKE UP WITH ME?

I don't know if you're meeting Jon etc. but if you are theres an almost guarantee such things will happen and if you saw in your head me doing the same I think you'd feel the same.

Just keep off the drink, be safe, think twice before doing anything you may regret. And remember your a 25 year old mother of two not a 16 year old american party animal flirting and chatting with a load of geeks.

Please remember that, if you make yourself out to be anything less, that is what they will see you to be.









Me: you fail to realise, i am not going out there to meet john hes in atlanta im going to the other side of the US. I dont want a mans affections and I am not going to drink, make myself out to be a fool, nor to be stupid, I will be myself , enjoy my stay and hopefully come back a different person as I hate who I am right now I dont know who I am,


So, you still hanging on to that Narcissist? Good for you! I know, he's beaten your soul out of recognition and you don't know who you are anymore, but hang in there, things might turn around someday! (That's how I felt at this time) By now you're great friends with an adorable little quirk called devaluation. As you know, just about anything can bring this scene on, such as "he had salami for lunch" or "You asked what was wrong" or "You have children and they get in the way of his dreams" or "they blame you for the way they feel even though they instigated the situation that caused it in the first place" - so the narcissist attacks you and devalues you by taking digs at you and calling you names



what I am capable of or what I think about life in general,

Im not degrading myself in any way I am just trying to find out who I am , im confused hurt and I feel worthless right now in many ways, I know im not but I feel that way. Men are the last thing on my mind, I am only interested in making myself a stronger better person so that I can go through life coping on my own.

Yes I am a mother of two wonderful children and I will not let them down. Just because I am going overseas doesnt mean I cant still be a mother of two as I am who I am , im not a 16 year old and therefore wont behave as one






Gareth: That's very reassuring I just wish you stick to that, If you are sure you won't cause any dilemmas or problems for yourself and you are 100% positive you will be safe then you have my support I may not agree to it being the best thing but it's your choice and I hope you have a terrific week. Have you booked return tickets? Please take care...




Gareth: Hope you have booked return tickets



Gareth: As for my travelling I never intended immediately and it wasn't just travelling it was alot of things I want you, I want to go travelling
with you I want to spend my life with you but I know alot of it isn't possible with the kids and asking you to do anything which would compromise the kids is unspeakable and would never ask that of you. But you did ask that of me! You asked me to Abort Hope and Lily our two daughters, or you would leave me again - you made me CHOOSE between YOU and OUR children!




If and whn I do go travelling I intended it to be for a matter of months, if I only wanted to go for a few weeks it would be fine as a week or two you can take the kids or make arrangements but not for any longer than that.


I will also plan things, save up and make sure i am still in pocket at the end instead of grabbing last minute tickets and hoping for the best.


You say I should mature - I will take the mature approach to all things, and is evident by the fact I wouldnt 'just go' somewhere for the hell of it.


Nothing wrong with being spontaneous and rash but it normally helps to have the money to back it.





Gareth: I have to go out now to get my dad a birthday present and my nan & gramp a wedding anniversary gift. Will be back in a while so sorry if I don't reply instantly.




Me: yes i have return tickets and im not asking for your approval Gaz, I dont need it I only thought I would tell you my plans as you asked and I didnt want you to find out another way or think ive lied, I will say this again though, im not going to meet anyone but im not going to pamper you so you have piece of mind, I want you to face what youve done and deal with the pain



Gareth: I know XXXXXX, I refuse to be nasty to you, I know you werent asking my approval but I did give you my opinion.

I know that things may happen and i am hurting from it and the rest, I do accept my pain and take respnsability i aam trying to work through
it each day, as you know time will heal.

I am facing what ive done one half of my head wants to go back the other wants to go on its travels and I have no idea of which to pursue and so are just standing in this void not knowing what i want to do. Oh, Oh, So I should sit around waiting to see whether you will choose the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN or a HOLIDAY!!!!! Gee thanks

But anyway your off to the US and I will get out of this void and go on my path wherever, all I know is I lost someone I truly love and miss for something im regretting wanting. And now your doing the things I wanted to do with you but didnt think we could because of the kids. Oh wait, so now because you find our we CAN go on holidays with children, you are rethinking?!






Me: I am off out too and this is the last email ill send to you now, goodbye Gareth, take care of yourself, I dont mean to sound rude but if you reply I will not answer, my silence will say it all for you. I hope you find your happiness, it's not too late for you.



Gareth: I understand and i'll go do my thing, I just hope to god that one day fate will take its course.



I have one promise, when I have done what I want to do I will try and find you, if you are with somone I'll pass right by but, if you are not I will make myself known, someone so perfect and suited to me will always be in my heart. HAHAHA so you expect to COME BACK after a few years to find me WAITING FOR YOU! once you have done your TRAVELS!!!!


Even my parents were astounded by what I said about you to the point they said if im not lying I should do what I want although they will
not support it.


I think this should be my last mail too, there is not much more I want to say without trying to run back. From your mails I know what you want me to do and I shall but I will always keep my promise above.

I understand it's best we leave it at this and not have any more contact but if there are any problems or you need to talk at any time about anything, you know how to - I will always be here for you. BS

I hope you have a wonderfull time and smile the entire week and then feel the same when you get back. What he means is "Feel the same miserable way when you get back" it's VERY CLEVER wording with the psychopath


I will never forget my love for you and what we have done together.

Please don't forget me.

Take good care,

All my love and best wishes.

Sincerely,

Gareth





He phoned me after this email and said he wasn't sure if he wanted to come back but might think about it so I told him he had until the Saturday until my flight to decide, as I was sick of waiting around for him all the time



Gareth I have untill Saturday you said.. To give me time to think, I will be thinking.


Me: Gareth, yes I said till saturday to give you time to think and ill keep that promise


Gareth: I don't know what to choose, dont stop the holiday or anything just carry on as if I don't exist and i'll make sure to tell you by then. Oh so I have to WAIT again for "his lord and majesty to be ready"?

If you are planning on taking your laptop with you, backup all the 'sensitive' pictures and movies and videos including ones of hope just incase you get hacked or it all breaks.

Sorry I just keep wanting to help you. Sure you do.....

I'll spend some time thinking now, really thinking, I have no idea what will come of it but please dont wait up for me or get your hopes
up just incase... WTH!? readers please wake up to the psychopaths BS, he is a SPINELESS RAT right to the very LAST SECOND!!.


Thankyou for the call it was o nice to hear you again.




Me: I cant keep waiting Gareth makje your mind up and if you turn up at my door then i know if not then i will know,



Gareth: I am really really trying. Right now my heart wants the obvious whereas my mind says different. Im just so stuck.



Me: i know as i understand but I also know you and me both love each other very much and we could do so much together gaz, as I said its up to you to decide


Gareth I know i'm trying so hard, I just called nick and asked him to come shooting up the fields with me, get some air and what not will do me some good, and no I won't shoot anything i like bunnys. Hope your ok


Me: I know you feel the need to explain in a long email but this is killing me, I need to know what you choose as it affects me, but do whats in your heart to do thats the only advice i can give you


Gareth: are you still awake,Just finished talking with my dad. My phone battery has died, im going to charge it and if you are not
asleep call you.



He called me on the Friday (one day before I was leaving) and said he was coming home to me, so I cancelled my £600 flight and had to pay my parents back the money they lent me for it, but how long did Gareth keep me waiting until he came home? 2 months! the conversation above was from July 05 and he came back at the end of September 05


Mind Numbing Manipulation!!!! I had my ONE chance to leave this predator and he sucks me in AGAIN!









Narcissists project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviours etc on to other people to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it (learning about oneself can be painful), and to distract and divert attention away from themselves and their inadequacies. Projection is achieved through blame, criticism and allegation; once you realise this, every criticism, allegation etc that the narcissist makes about their target is actually an admission or revelation about themselves. This knowledge can be used to perceive the narcissist's own misdemeanours; for instance, when the allegations are of financial or sexual impropriety, it is likely that the narcissist has committed these acts; when the narcissist makes an allegation of abuse , it is likely to be the narcissist who has committed the abuse. When the narcissist makes allegations of, say, "cowardice" or "negative attitude" it is the narcissist who is a coward or has a negative attitude. - Source











2 days after telling me he was coming back..........



From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 8:34 AM
subject Re: Stuff


I will support you in eveything Gareth. And ill say it again, you can be sure im never going to run away from you, you can be sure I love you and always will, and you can be sure that id never leave you, nor do anything to jepordise our relationship, and you can be sure to know that anything that is mine is yours. Im always going to be there for you.










from QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 11:15 AM
subject Re: Stuff



Good Morning,

I would of called by now but my Mum's home today and she isnt on the same trail of thought as my dad.


(His dad apparently told Gareth "If you don't go and be with her, you might regret it" - His dads parents hated his mother when they got together so Gareth's dad said it was best if he came back just in case "You lose what I almost lost with your mother" - Who knows if this is true or not as psychopaths are ALL PATHOLOGICAL LIARS


(What did Gareths father say to me after finding out (finally) I was 6 months pregnant with Hope? yes that's right his parents didn't know about the pregnancy until I was 6 months along, and when I asked why he didn't want to talk about his grandchild/ and why didn't he want to be part of her life? ............. "I don't want anything to do with it - it's not my grandchild as far as I am concerned) -

His parents didn't even know I was pregnant with lily (our 2nd daughter) even when I buried her after she died. (Uterine Rupture) You can read about that HERE



She wants a big talk with me and dad tonight which i'm dreading and shes been aggravating all day, running round grabbing all my stuff
putting it in boxes as "theres no point unpacking anything here".



(His mother said she was "Leaving his father unless he (Gareth) stayed" she then packed some bags , left and went to a hotel to prove her point- his mother is Pathological/Narcissist)



Hope your ok,

I bet your on all your chat networks but I don't really want to go back to them so sticking to email's better.AGAIN he brings this up










from PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 11:17 AM
subject Re: Stuff


Oh Gaz,

Im not on the chat networks im watching a film, Please Please dont change your mind, I know we can work things out










from QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 11:21 AM
subject Re: Stuff



Nothing's changed at all...

I'm standing upto everyone here, after my parents I will go through my sister, cousins grandparents and auntie.

Is tough so it gets me down but last night I slept wonderfully, I didnt cry and I felt relaxed, because of speaking with you.

Just putting one of Nicks films on, So far I watched Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy - very good and had me watching till gone 5am last
night.

Now I'm putting on "Death to smoochy" no idea but its got danny devito and robin williams so it cant be to bad!

-g












Emails Continue



Me: heya, Im sitting here watching a film and feeling scared, I hope you can call me today (said he would call me when he goes for a walk then later says it's raining and prolongs it)



Gareth: Heh, I just emailed you and you wrote at the same time.. Why are you feeling scared, is it a well made film? :op



Me: Im feeling scared as im thinking about losing you and i cant bear the pain, im so so scared im shaking and i cant help it



Gareth: I'm relaxed as I feel im no longer moving away from you. The reason for not calling is not the phones its the fact that shes (his mother) in and out of my room as I said packing stuff and taking digs. But I will get dressed in a little while and go for a walk. Might take my air rifle or something.



Me: A walk will do you good. No shooting bunnies though!


Gareth Thankyou, Sorry, Mum is relentless, continually waring me down. The room goes dark when she enters, She is the bringer of darkness. What are your plans for today? Now I know where you inherited that darkness from


Me: Im so sorry Gaz for your pain. I have the door open and the sun coming in and boo (dog) is asleep next to me on the couch cuddling my leg and sometimes making little grunting sounds. Might go for a walk later. What are you up to?


Gareth: Going for a walk soon - after this film then probably not doing anything other than watching films or maybe doing work. So pretty much nothing. Feel pretty drained.



Me: A nice walk will give you some peace, think ill be doing some work later too. itd be lovely to have a chat with you later on your walk if you feel like it. I feel emotionally drained too.



Gareth: Still watching that film?



Me: its finished now



Gareth: It's raining now, you ok?



Me: feeling upset but im trying to smile just feeling a little worried thats all If you can go out for a walk when the rain stops itd be nice. you ok?So he could call me as he wouldn't call from the house



Gareth The rain is of monsoon proportions like last night at the moment I do want to get out, mum and dad are screaming at each other, this is the last place I want to be.



Me: Im sorry. Is there anything you can do about the yelling? ive heard the weather there is quite bad at the moment, I wish you werent there dealing with it all on your own, I wish you were here safe with me.



Gareth: Me too, when you say you heard the weather was bad down here, which person on your list said that? Chris or someone? As ALWAYS he thinks I am chatting to other people online no matter how many times I said I wasn't and even sent proof ie: Screenshots or allowed him in via VNC to control and watch my computer



Me: You told me yesterday about the weather and I saw it on the news! im not on any chat program cept skype which I put on in case you went on it .



Gareth: Heh, I don't know my passwords for any of my old skype accounts, I don't even have it, I havent downloaded any of those programs what so ever - I guess you downloaded skype to phone people the other day?



Me: I havent been chatting to anyone on skype and the only person I am going to chat to is you, please dont have a go at me, im trying so hard at the moment to keep it together and to keep us together. I just thought having skype on would be nice to chat to you i only downloaded it a few hours ago and noone knows my account name except for you, and Im not on any chat programs im sitting here thinking and i have that film on in the background for some noise




Gareth: I'll downlod skype now



Me: thankyou



Me: well ill be here when you want to chat



He sets up Skype then disappears for a few hours - Narcissistic Rage & Silent Treatment (With-holding)





When reading these emails today I felt sick, angry and disgusted because NOW I see what Gareth was doing to me. Now I am not under his control and now know his pathology (psychopath) I can see through his crap, I am no longer wearing those rose coloured glasses that show me the Ice Cream that I mistake for Dog Crap (reality)



If you know someone like Gareth run as far away as you possibly can! it's what I should of done. You might be thinking... "Why the hell did she stay, what's wrong with her for not realizing" sure... I can understand your confusion

I used to ask myself that all the time until I found out what HE IS, it's because psychopaths/narcissists are all the SAME , they read like a text book and they are very clever at manipultion mind games, control and hypnosis techniques. You can read more about the psychopaths methods here







Want another example? of how I REFUSED to listen to MY GUT INSTINCT even when his friends warned me


I sent this email to Gareth back in 2004 a year before the above happened - Dominic and Matt were Gareth's friends offline as well as online and lived in the same area and had known him for a year



from PND XXXXX@gmail.com
to QAZ3D XXXXX@gmail.com
date Fri, Aug 20, 2004 at 1:43 AM
subject oh dear


Gareth,

"Why can't I have a normal conversation with people? , Dominic says you have changed, (When you and I got together) he says: "You enjoy smirking and laughing at him behind his back , you are sly and sneaky"

Matt agrees with Dominic that "you are devious" and they said you were just "Playing People"

They are trying to warn me . I was wondering Gareth if you were using NLP on me? I don't like it but you said you were not using it against me

Dominic doesn't like you anymore and I can't work out why , I love you but I hope you are not using these things (nlp) against me to get what you want

Damn Dominic and Matt for making me question you!

XXXXXX



The examples above are part of the reason why I am SO ADAMANT ON "NO CONTACT WITH THE PSYCHOPATH!" he can reel you in again and again ...again and AGAIN!!, so please keep that no contact rule in place









Read more!

Tantrums & The Destructive Narcissist.

Article By EOPC


In honor of: Dan Jacoby, Doug Beckstead, Yidwithlid, Ed Hicks, Brad Dorsky, Gareth Rodger, et al:


The grandiose fantasies of the narcissist inevitably and invariably clash with his drab, routine, and mundane reality. We call this constant dissonance the Grandiosity Gap. Sometimes the gap is so yawning that even the narcissist - however dimly - recognizes its existence.

Still, this insight into his real situation fails to alter his behaviour. The narcissist knows that his grandiose fantasies are incommensurate with his accomplishments, knowledge, status, actual wealth (or lack thereof), physical constitution, or sex appeal - yet, he keeps behaving as though this were untrue.

The situation is further exacerbated by periods of relative success in the narcissist's past. Has-been and also-ran narcissists suffer from a Grandiosity Hangover. They may have once been rich, famous, powerful, brilliant, or sexually irresistible - but they no longer are. Still, they continue to behave as though little has changed.

The balding, potbellied narcissist still courts women aggressively. The impoverished tycoon sinks deeper into debts, trying to maintain an unsustainable and lavish lifestyle. The one-novel author or one- discovery scholar still demands professional deference and expects attention by media and superiors. The once-potent politician maintains regal airs and holds court in great pomp. The wizened actress demands special treatment and throws temper tantrums when rebuffed. The ageing beauty wears her daughter's clothes and regresses emotionally as she progresses chronologically.

Human collectives - firms, nations, clubs - develop Grandiosity Hangovers as easily and as frequently as do individuals. It is not uncommon to come across a group of people who still live in a bygone buy glorious past. This mass pathology is self- reinforcing.

Members feed on each other's delusions, pretensions, and lies. Ostrich-
like, they bury their collective head in the sand of time, harking
back to happier moments of omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence.

The Grandiosity Hangover and the Grandiosity Gap are the two major
vulnerabilities of the narcissist. By exploiting them, the narcissist
can be effortlessly manipulated. This is especially true when the
narcissist is confronted with authority, finds himself in an inferior
position, or when his Narcissistic Supply is deficient or uncertain.

Here are a few of the things the narcissist finds devastating: Any
statement or fact, which seems to contradict his inflated perception
of his grandiose self. Any criticism, disagreement, exposure of fake
achievements, belittling of 'talents and skills' which the narcissist
fantasizes that he possesses, any hint that he is subordinated,
subjugated, controlled, owned or dependent upon a third party. Any
description of the narcissist as average and common, indistinguishable
from many others. Any hint that the narcissist is weak, needy,
dependent, deficient, slow, not intelligent, naive, gullible,
susceptible, not in the know, manipulated, a victim.

The narcissist is likely to react with rage to all these and, in an
effort to re-establish his fantastic grandiosity, he is likely to
expose facts and stratagems he had no conscious intention of exposing.

The narcissist reacts with narcissistic rage, hatred, aggression, or
violence to an infringement of what he perceives to be his
entitlement.

Narcissists believe that they are so unique and that their lives are
so cosmically significant that others should defer to their needs and
cater to their every whim without ado. The narcissist feels entitled
to special treatment by unique individuals, over and above the regular
person.

Tell the narcissist that he and his motives are transparent and can be
easily gauged, that he will do what he is told, that his temper
tantrums will not be tolerated, that no special concessions will be
made to accommodate his inflated sense of self, that he is subject to
court procedures, etc. - and the narcissist will lose control. Read more!

The Mask Of A Sociopath.

All sociopaths wear a mask. The mask of kindness. The mask of generosity. The mask of romance. The mask of attraction. The mask of intimacy. The mask of seduction. And so on.

This is what reels us in. The pretense. The acting. The mask. The mask of perfection. And we, in our infinite loving goodness, reflect that mask back to them. The perfect mirrored reflection of beauty and adoration.

And then one day, that mask cracks. You remember the moment.. The moment when you look in their eyes and you KNOW the truth about them. The moment you recognize the pathological lies, the deception, the manipulation, the con. The game is up.

And from that moment on, your relationship with the sociopath is forever changed. This moment happened for me when…after middle of the night phone calls to his house and cell phone…I looked into his eyes and I KNEW. I knew he was having an affair, and that he was a liar. A year’s worth of investigation (yes, obsessing) has confirmed that nearly everything he told me was a lie.

From that point forward, the cruelty begins. Name-calling. Shouting. Out-of-control rage. Accusations of what you have…and have not done for them. Assaults on your character. Disparaging remarks. Outright slander. Saying horrible things about you to everyone who will listen. The smear campaign begins in full force.

Once the mask slips, you have a full view of who the sociopath actually is. Nothing is hidden from you anymore. They are the most hateful person you have ever encountered.

I equate the mask with a coin…beautiful, golden, intricately detailed and engraved on one side, and the cheapest, molten metal, with indistinguishable or hideous features on the other.

I thought my sociopath had a brain tumor. I couldn’t comprehend how someone who had seemingly been so kind, generous, and thoughtful…seemingly a “knight in shining armor”, turned into such a dark knight—instantaneously. Heartless. Cold. Unfeeling. Unsympathetic. Lying. Cheating. Berating. Chillingly frightening. Brrr.

After the mask cracks and you see their naked hatred, they become vengeful. It is as if they become your mortal enemy; even though you still love them and may try to salvage the relationship. And then they usually become cowardly. If you try to expose them, they will use every amount of charm and conning in their power to figuratively and verbally disarm you. (They are very good at this; they have a lifetime of practice).

They will attempt to dissemble your character piece-by-piece. They will not allow you to confront them with the truth; it is almost as if they become fearful of you and will try to retaliate against you with every piece of personal information they have garnered about you. Oh yes, and they will project upon you the very things that they are doing (and which you are innocent of). And they will tell unimaginable lies about you…that you are vile, manipulative, conning, vindictive, lying, and of course, crazy. Some of these whoppers are so monstrous that they can even ruin relationships you’ve had with family members and close friends. Everything is your fault, and they are the victim.

It is important to realize that just because you have seen their “true” self, they can still be extremely adept at keeping their mask intact for others. I have seen my sociopath go from screaming at me to laughing and smiling while speaking to someone on the phone…within 30 seconds. But you will most likely never see that initial charm again…unless there is something very specific they want from you.

And generally it is a very short time after you see their true self, no longer a reflection of beauty and adoration, that they will leave you. Or perhaps they already have their victim lined up. Because the sociopath cannot tolerate seeing their imperfections through your eyes. They will begin the romance phase, and once again have adoration from their next target. And the next. Then the one after that.

It is an awakening moment, when the mask slips. You are witnessing humanity at its very worst. (If they can be deemed “human”…I prefer to think of them as aliens).

No matter how attractive you initially thought they were, a sociopath is actually very, very ugly…beneath the mask.

Source




Although some articles from Love Fraud are educational, they are no longer supported by EOPC Or Sandra L. Brown MA so please be careful when accessing their website.





Read more!

Is Gareth Really A Psychopath? ......You Bet He Is. Read & Understand.

If any of you are still questioning whether your cyberpath/psychopath is a narcissistic type? Read the below.


If anyone who knows Gareth Rodger is questioning his pathology, talk to him, read and understand the following, Dig a little deeper into how a pathological person thinks and behaves, then apply your knowledge the next time you spend time with him.


To be honest you only have to read the posts and emails from Gareth showing him rejecting his children, Refusing to go to our 2nd daughter's funeral & going on holiday (to the caribbean + forcing me to put the funeral forward) a few weeks after our 1st daughter died to see WHAT he is. You can find those emails and pictures here and here


For those of you who are seeking understanding of psychopathy, Hervey Cleckley's book The Mask of Sanity, the absolutely essential study of the psychopath who is not necessarily of the criminal type , Please download - The Mask Of Sanity PDF

Narcissistic Traits Discussed - Checklist


Hare's Checklist




As someone once put it to me:


"First of all, you know this guy is a real sicko. (Gareth) Seriously, he is creepy enough to be in a Halloween movie so you know anything that comes from him is not going to be good. Because of his pathology, he does not think he has done anything wrong. In his mind, he has put all the blame on you and sees your blog and exposure of him as unjust. Just remember, XXXXXX, they are ALL this way. As EOPC reminds us--every last one of them is exactly the same!! So you are not experiencing anything out of the ordinary when it comes to these psychopaths."




All sociopaths wear a mask. The mask of kindness. The mask of generosity. The mask of romance. The mask of attraction. The mask of intimacy. The mask of seduction. And so on.

This is what reels us in. The pretense. The acting. The mask. The mask of perfection. And we, in our infinite loving goodness, reflect that mask back to them. The perfect mirrored reflection of beauty and adoration.

And then one day, that mask cracks. You remember the moment.. The moment when you look in their eyes and you KNOW the truth about them. The moment you recognize the pathological lies, the deception, the manipulation, the con. The game is up Source





REMEMBER: THEY ONLY NEED TO HAVE A COUPLE OF THESE TRAITS TO SUFFER FROM SOME DEGREE OF PATHOLOGY (i.e. narcissism --->sociopathy)



Article EOPC


Recognizing the fact that you have been involved with someone who is affected by NPD, is surely the first step of dealing with the issue.


However, before someone might be classified as being narcissistic, it is important to keep in mind that, like every psychological disorder, narcissistic personality disorder too, comes in various degrees. Going to the extreme, we might argue that each of us has somewhere a narcissist in her/himself. It even could be said that a healthy narcissistic tendency is important for survival.


However, in the same context it must be emphasized that, while a narcissistic tendency is constructive, a fully elaborated or developed
symptomatic of NPD is nothing but destructive!


Psychologically there are several criteria which have been applied to this personality disorder. These are:

* The narcissist can not take perspective, hence situations are blown out of proportion

* The narcissist has little or no empathy. This means that (s)he cannot identify with the feelings or thoughts of another person

* The narcissist is preoccupied with her/ his personal distress

* The narcissist cannot accept authority and hence has little concern for morals

* The narcissist feels easily inferior and will try to be seen as superior

* The narcissist is narcissistic hypersensitive, and hence cannot accept any form of critique

* The narcissist is an exhibitionist and needs sexual admiration

* The narcissist is exploitative, vain and not self-sufficient



So the question is whether the man or the woman you are living with are so strongly affected by this disorder that you will have to seriously confront the issue or whether the condition is mild and maybe after some adaptations it is possible to agree on a harmonious life together. However, this will focus on the first scenario where the disorder poses a serious threat to the relationship as well as to your existence.


There is much one can read about the symptoms of NPD and yet exactly this can be more than confusing, and you might find yourself going through a checklist of symptoms in order to arrive at some conclusion. However, the list above should give you some idea. Still, there is another element which is just as important and this quite possibly the most important item for you to look at:

Look at yourself and ask yourself how you feel and whether you are the person you once were and knew. If you live with a narcissist, you will develop a cluster of negative feelings centered around the emotion of fear and an image of inadequacy.

This self image of being inadequate then will be due to a change in self perception. This is, it is a cognitive concept that you are not familiar with and which is in contrast to how you used to see yourself. Clearly, such a negative self image will have serious effects on the way you feel and behave.

The dominant feeling is, as alluded to, fear. Fear of doing things wrong and fear of being punished. And thus, the way you behave too will become modified whereby you will watch your every move and where your actions become unnatural to yourself.

The issue is - in a sense - more complicated. Because, all of us have negative feelings and concepts about ourselves even if we never encountered a narcissist. So in this sense, what the narcissist does is to build on the already existing negative self images and enlarge them to a maximum.

The situation is even worse because we are aware of short comings in ourselves. This is where the narcissist is most successful. The narcissist will endeavour to increase these short comings. I may give a personal example: once, I gave up smoking, the narcissist exercised so much pressure on me until I started again (I still smoke sometimes).

The narcissist would really like to see you in the gutter.

However, if you see that you have substantially changed for the worse you can be sure that you are living with a narcissist, and a check list is not necessary any longer.

Still, there is a healing aspect to sharing what actions you suffered and what injustice and cruelty you have been exposed to, and hence sharing experiences and finding reassurance through others can be very important. This is the more the case as, while you are still living with the narcissist or are still in contact with the narcissist, the negative self image gets constantly reinforced.

If you feel that the self check and the characteristics of the narcissist as given above are not sufficient you might want to check your relationship for symptoms of the following kind as given by the check list below. Still, while you are comparing your own experiences with the check list provided here, it is important to remember that maybe only some of these symptoms apply to you or that symptoms which apply to you are not listed. The final criterion will always remain the way you feel about yourself and your self image.





Here now a list of possible symptoms a narcissist might display (not complete or final!):

* Disallowance of your contacts with friends and families
* Extreme jealousy
* Belittling
* Verbal and physical violence
* Punishments
* Sudden withdrawal or disinterest
* Inability to admit wrong doings
* Control over your time
* Threats and intimations (particularly when you call them out on their behaviors)
* Destruction of your things and psyche - physical and non- physical
* Claiming to know your feelings and motivations
* Accusations of infidelity
* Accusations of you behaving in ways you yourself despise






Read more!

Gareths Denial....Do You Remember?

My comments in blue as always



Gareth said he wanted to talk, he emailed me, and phoned me after finding out about this exposure site, nearly 3 years after we broke up, Convenient timing huh? he always said he was petrified of anyone knowing he had children, he is also petrified of being linked to his two daughters in anyway, shape or form, even going as far as to demand his name not be placed on the headstones or birth & death certificates.

Gareth's father who works for the Police force and his mother who works in a hospital (both pathological) are upstanding members of their community who don't know their second granddaughter Lily Mae existed. I wonder Gareth if you have ever told them? I am guessing "NO"

They didn't know back when she was born and the funeral over. You refused to even go to our daughter's funeral or have your name associated with her.


And Dont you DARE! tell me I have no right to post a picture of our daughter or name names, Don't you DARE tell me I cannot vent and pour out my feelings about this! I have EVERY RIGHT in the world to expose you for the heartless piece of dung you are.

To spare even ONE person the horror of being your friend, lover, partner or potential friend is a good enough reason for me to write this blog post alone.







Remember what you said to me in an email about letting your parents know? how come they still didn't know a few months later when Lily died?


From: XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject:
Date: 6 July 2006 16:45:50 BDT
To: XXXXXX@gmail.com

I know you may want nothing to do with me and that is ok, but i'd like to know how your doing, if thats none of my business say so. But when it comes to the pregnancy I do need to know whats going on, partly for me, partly so I can give my parents the details they need to know.It had NOTHING to do with your parents, that was just a ruse to stay in contact and to continue manipulating me even after the break up - I told you to stop contacting me didn't I? but you continued to do so even though you acknowledged the fact I didn't want to speak.






When I told you finally I was keeping the baby what did you say?


From: XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject:
Date: 10 August 2006 16:03:28 BDT
To: XXXXXX@gmail.com


Thank-you for telling me what I was waiting for you to say.

I was thinking more in terms of my future and your future. That is where our opinions have always differed.What Gareth means by this is"You want the baby and I don't and if you carry on with the pregnancy we have no future together

Thanks,

~g










Scans of Lily 9 days before her death that you didn't want to see



What was it you said to me when I offered you the scan pictures?



"I think it's best you don't send it to me."

~g









Your Denial


You have not even seen a picture of Lily, her scan pictures of her. You didn't want anything to do with her in the slightest. Just like our first baby Hope you didn't hold her or touch her or cry over her.



Remember when Hope our 1st Daughter died back in March 2005 just a year before? remember how a few months later you tried to stop me posting pictures of her in her incubator for my family members because predators on the internet might use the pictures on sites such as the one below that you list in your email (goregasm website)


- This was a very clever way of manipulating me into not posting pictures of her on my picture blog because you didn't want anyone to know she existed.


However! You forgot that I used to see you browsing that Goregasm website regularly when we were living together, you even asked me to sit down and look at videos and pictures of bondage, death and gore which I refused to do.

You used to go on that website and laugh for hours. and suddenly seeing a picture of our daughter in her incubator scares you? Or it could be the fact that your parents & friends knew about my photo website and you didn't want them seeing those pictures? I am guessing YES!





From: XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Hope
Date: 15 October 2006 20:14:21 BDT
To: XXXXXX@gmail.com



Hi,

Hope everything is going ok..

I did look for those Hope pictures but unless there zipped on a CD somewhere I don't think I have them - you must have them all. If you could check and tell me - if you don't have them all I will scour every CD I have."Those Hope Pictures?" nice way to word things when talking about your daughter. I wasn't surprised you didn't have them, you probably deleted them as soon as you moved out - they were on your computer when you left so what did you do? delete them? shove them in your lockup (secret) box with all your other collectables such as used pregnancy tests, pictures of you with women in their bathing suits, stacks of condoms and other secrets you dont ever want people to know? like the contract you made for women to sign before they had sex with you so you couldn't be accused of RAPE! or how about that secret video tape you recorded of your girlfriend and you having sex which she had no knowledge of?

Is there any chance you could take the ones off you fotopic account. It has nothing to do with 'me not wanting people to know'.. My name doesn't feature on there at all. I saw them and felt like my lungs collapsed. I see them as very personal photos that I don't want random weird internet people looking at. Ok if it has nothing to do with your name being associated with her then what is the problem?

Photo albums are private things, if you want to easily share photos with friends and family that's ok, password the collection on fotopic and give them the password. Why would you want random, possibly deranged people looking at photos of your children, babies and our baby? Deranged people like you perhaps? Hope wasn't dead in those pictures and she was dressed, it was a very beautiful photo. A lot of women who lose babies have blogs dedicated to them - You will look for ANY excuse to deny Hope and her life.

A quick search looked like no-one had taken them yet but I did find this: go to http://goregasm.com/old/ - type in babies in the search box and you'll see the people i'm worried about.Found it? You had been on that site for over a year looking at it, do you spend your time scouring sites for sick pictures? who in their right mind would even venture onto a site such as one named goregasm? - it goes to show how SICK YOU ARE!

Hope you understand.

On another note, how are you and the family doing? Hope everything is ok.

















After 3 years you suddenly want to talk? hmm could it be because I made this blog? why else would you email wanting to talk? it's too convenient for you Gareth






From: XXXXXXXXX.com I have noticed you have made yet another email account
Subject: Phone call
Date: 27 October 2008 10:58:14 GMT
To: XXXXXX@gmail.com


XXXXXXXX

I'm sorry to call you out the blue but I have no other way of contacting you.Hence why I put the phone down on you as soon as you spoke - have you got it yet? I dont want to speak to you at all - anything you had to say should of been said a long time ago. It's too late to offer apologies just because you are worried about your reputation

The logs you have of me visiting this site are correct, no proxies.

I have read every word you've wrote and looked at it for hours not seconds. (Yeah sure.... logs say 12 seconds not HOURS! but after I caught you out on that and posted the proof you went back and looked at the same page for an hour - Nice try)

It was hard to call and e-mail you but we should really talk, i'm not angry at what you've wrote and I didn't call to have a go.You have no right to be angry anyway - I DO!

If you could e-mail me a time that's convenient for you to talk or if you prefer to talk over e-mail then that's fine.

Regards,

Gareth








Lets talk about the one topic you cannot stand to speak or read about - Your 2nd Daughter Lily Mae.



Lily Mae Rodger

Daughter of Gareth Rodger
Grand daughter of Ian & Catherine Rodger.


Please Don't Click On This Picture For A Larger View If This Might Upset You Readers









Lily Mae Rodger was born still on 18th October 2006. Her mother spent 4 days in intensive care and woke up to find her stomach empty and sore. It was 6 hours before the doctor came to tell her the news she didn't want to hear. That her baby had been born dead at just 22 weeks gestation and that she nearly lost her life.

Did her father Gareth come to the funeral or did his best friend end up coming instead to support the mother?

Did Gareth tell his parents they lost their second grandchild and offer to go to the funeral?

No on both counts, Your parents never knew she even existed because you never told them did you?

They probably have no idea to this day she existed.


Have you offered money to pay for the headstones?

Did you know Lily Mae was buried in the same grave with her sister Hope our first daughter?

Do you ever visit the grave and spend time there?(I know for a fact you don't.)

Did you know I made sure your name was on the death certificate? why? because Lily deserves that and a hell of a lot more from you.

Remember Gareth when you left me? and then phoned me a few days later to tell me "if you had lost the baby I would of come back home"?

Do you remember asking me for an abortion again like you did with Hope? knowing I was against it?

Do you remember arguing and manipulating me over the phone and telling me you had rights to see the child if I put your name on the birth certificate?

Do you remember saying to me "I can't say the word "Hope" anymore everytime I say it , it feels weird"


Do you remember the time when I was on the bed crying over Hope and you said to me "I am going out because this noise bothers me, Ill be back when you stop crying?"


Do you remember me begging you to touch Hope in her incubator? just to put your hand through and touch her hand? and how you refused?




Do you remember going on holiday to the caribbean right before Hope's funeral forcing me to extend it? and mentioning how much fun you were having in emails? you didn't mention Hope once during that time even though it had only been a month since she had died



Did you offer to help with the expenses of the funeral?
NO!!!!

Remember when I had to put our 1st daughter Hope's funeral forward a few weeks so you could make it because you were on holiday in the Caribbean? she died in 2005 and at least you bothered to make her funeral. Why not come to Lily's funeral too? I know why Gareth, because you are SELFISH and UNCARING, a sociopath with little regard for anyone but yourself.




Do you remember this email a few days after Lily had died? what father in his right mind whether estranged from his partner or not, would send a DAMN EMAIL?! after his daughter had died. Where were you at the funeral home visiting our daughter? where were you at the funeral? You SHOULD of been there for HER. But you couldn't be bothered to do either, you couldn't even be bothered to send a damn sympathy card.






Does this email say "Grieving Father"? 6 days after Lily passed away? NO!


From: computergraphics@gmail.com
Subject: Hi
Date: 24 October 2006 23:03:45 BDT
To: XXXXXX@gmail.com


Hi,

I've been worried about you since we talked.

Please call me if you just need someone to talk to - anytime of the night or day regardless of work etc. I'm always available to talk.Yes now I am no longer pregnant and there is no baby to take care of you become attentive and caring again - where were you when I was in the hospital? where were you when I was going for my ultrasound scans and bloodwork? where were you when I had to stay off my feet? I was supposed to go into hospital at 20 weeks for constant bedrest because of the danger of another uterine rupture, I could of done with support around the house where were you then?

I will call you in a few days if I don't speak to you before.

My thoughts are with you,You are not upset at all are you? no because you got what you wanted

Take care,

Gareth



The Funeral Arrangements ON PAPER. You can't keep denying her existence










Did You Know How Much Lily Weighed At Birth? Did You Know Her Time Of Birth?






Did you hold her and spend time weeping over her, grieving her? No you didn't did you


I hope and pray to God you NEVER have the ability to have anymore children. I hope one day you wake up , get therapy and suffer the consequences of your actions but I know for sure that will NEVER happen.


I have told you before and will tell you again I am damn proud to be our little girls mother. They deserved so much more from you, knowing you wanted them dead all along would probably be too much for their little hearts to bear so at least they have peace now and no knowledge of your disdain and loathing for them.

To be brutally honest Gareth I hope you spend the rest of your life in misery but I am 110% sure you will spend the rest of your life putting others through the same misery you put me and my family through.



Read more!