Manipulation

The way narcissists (and psychopaths) interact with others makes them extremely potent manipulators. How potent? So potent that their powers of manipulation are spooky and seem downright magical.

How does the way they interact with others make them such expert manipulators? Because practice makes perfect, and they have been practicing the art of manipulation in every interaction since birth.

Indeed, in playing to the mirror of your face, that's what they're doing, isn't it? Manipulating you. Everything they say and do is entirely for effect, to get the reaction they want from you. That IS manipulation.

They're regulating, manipulating your reactions. But you aren't like them. Your reactions come from within. So, what are they ultimately regulating and manipulating? Your thoughts. Manipulation is mind control.

Manipulation is a subtle thing. So subtle that we are usually unaware of being manipulated, unless the manipulator blows it and breaks the spell. So, manipulators are putting thoughts into our heads that we think are ours. A very dangerous thing.

Since a narcissist isn't acting on normal human premises, since all he is doing is playing you for the reaction he wants, truth is irrelevant. Truth or lies — it's all the same to him. Whichever works. Usually that's lies.

It would be more correct to say that there is no such thing as truth to a narcissist. Because there is no such thing as truth when playing Pretend. That's why narcissists and psychopaths beat lie detector tests. (In fact, so do many people from "shame" cultures where lying to save face of oneself, one's family, one's tribe, and one's religion is considered morally necessary and expected.)

Psychopaths are known to get so good at manipulating people that, by the time they're teenagers, they routinely fool and manipulate mental healthcare professionals, judges, prison officials, parole boards, and social workers who know they are psychopaths, are on the lookout for attempts to manipulate them, and should be immune to manipulation.

It isn't a matter of intelligence: it's a matter of practice, experience. This is because most of what transpires in interaction happens too quickly to think it through.

In playing to the mirror of your face, the narcissist receives a steady stream of your feedback to the steady stream of words and body language he sends. He continuously reacts to every nuance of it in "real time," if you will. A sideways glance from you might make him alter his choice for the next word in the sentence he is saying. Or his facial expression or tone of voice. Or it might make him take a step closer to you.





So, no matter how cunning a manipulator is, he isn't consciously analyzing your every slight reaction and fine-tuning his act to it. I say that because he can't be. That would be impossible, because no one could think that fast.

He must be relying on a lifetime of experience at this game, reacting habitually in certain ways to certain things he observes in you on the fly. In other words, this manipulation must be rather like the act of hitting a forehand in tennis.

You cannot consciously think your way through the stroke. Too many things are happening too fast. In fact, you will botch your stroke and be lucky to even connect with the ball if you try to consciously think your way through with "Watch the ball ... bend your knees ... keep your arm straight ... keep your head still ... step into the shot ... et ad infinitum." Well, that's exaggerating a bit, because there are only about 100 instructions I could list for hitting a forehand ;-)

You can't think that fast. No one can. So, you must practice that stroke enough under varying conditions to program the unconscious centers of the brain to execute it virtually automatically. When you net your shot or hit it out (provided you note how far off the shot was), your "program" is revised to get the bug out.

This phenomenon is called Natural Learning. It's how we learn to walk and talk.

That "program" isn't just a fixed set of muscle commands from the brain. It's an interactive program like a computer program. Because no two forehands are the same. Yet the more you practice, the better your forehand program, and the more effectively it faithfully produces a good forehand under widely varying conditions. You have only to make the major decisions, such as where and how to hit the ball: speed, spin, and placement. But Natural Learning is so powerful that even tactical decisions become virtually automatic in advanced players. Hence the best players in the world do very little conscious thinking while the ball's in play.

The power of Natural Learning is also illustrated by comparing experienced drivers with young drivers. Young drivers have no experience, so they must think their way through problems. Result? Crash. But with the same problem an experienced driver has no problem. He or she spontaneously makes an intuitive, instinctive move faster than the speed of thought. Result? No crash.

When playing to the mirror of your face, that must be what a narcissist is mostly doing — relying on a lifetime of experience that allows him to react instinctively to every bit of feedback he gets from you. That's how he fine-tunes your reactions into the feedback he wants. Rather like turning the knobs on a short-wave radio.

This is manipulation. And it's occurring faster than the speed of thought, because a narcissist has had so much constant practice at drawing the look he wants that most of his "moves" are virtually automatic.

This is why, I think, narcissists seem like machines with their knee-jerk reactions to things. But those reactions aren't knee-jerk reflexes: they are learned through experience to the point that they become habitual as second nature.

This is also why, I think, we tend to overestimate the intelligence of narcissists, psychopaths, con artists, and other manipulators like dictators who con their way to power. We think they must be brilliant to be so manipulative. But even a stupid narcissist I knew was extremely manipulative. Their skill is the fruit of constant practice at manipulation in every human interaction.

But it doesn't pay to underestimate them, either. That same practice makes them extremely observant and perceptive. Over time that will improve their intelligence, at least some aspects of it.

In fact, they are much more observant and perceptive than they seem. That's because all they're interested in is what they can use. So, though they block out much, what they do choose to see, they see very well. They are interested in your reactions, not you. So, they probably are more aware of how you react to things than you are. But the only information about you they're interested in is what that can use to exploit you. The rest they filter out of consciousness = forget.

So, never think that you are too smart to be manipulated by a narcissist, psychopath, or con artist. You aren't. And you surely can never beat one at his own game.

That's nothing to be ashamed of. It just means that you are an innocent who hasn't spent his or her whole life practicing the black art. So, you won't win that game.

By Kathy Krajco
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The self-absorbed

a malignant narcissist is fixated 100% of the time on his image. To the exclusion of virtually all other sensation — sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and feelings. In other words, he is absorbed in/by his image.

Our brains are programmed to "learn" what we pay little or no attention to. They adapt over time to filtering this type of information. A good example is background noise. There is probably plenty of background noise in the room you're in right now, but you were unaware of hearing it until I called it to consciousness by mentioning it.

Aren't you glad your brain has learned to filter it out? Otherwise you'd be distracted by every fly that buzzed. You'd never be able to focus on anything, because every passing car on the street outside would distract you.

So, what happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder willfully remains in a world of Pretend, trying to pay attention only to what he wants to see = his reflected image in others interacting with him? He is fixated on that reflection of his. Preoccupied with it. He deliberately pays little or no attention to anything else — no attention to those other annoying sights and sounds that distract him from his image = false self.

He goes through life trying to put all other things out of his mind as much as possible. Especially things he must pretend are beneath his notice, like you. So, though he doesn't mind watching geese and squirrels when there are no mirrors around, he always willfully blocks out things like the sound of your voice and the sight of your face (all he wants to see is his reflection there, not your face).



Can you see how such a person actually trains their brain to malfunction? He trains his brain to "tune out" that sort of sensory information right along with the sensory information it's supposed to tune out, like the background noise, the picture on the wall behind you, the pressure of his chair on his butt.

The result is that a narcissist is permanently in an almost autistic state of self-absorption. He misses an astonishing amount of what's right before his eyes.

For example, a narcissist often fails to notice even a drastic change in the weather outside. My most memorable observation of this occurred while I was getting hectically blabbed at by a narcissistic woman who thought I should be interested in every mundane thing she had to do that day. A few errands and a trip to the grocery store. Oh, she was so busy, busy, busy and these household chores were so demanding. Especially on this gloomy day in the rain.

My jaw dropped, because we were standing next to a bank of huge windows, showing that the sky had cleared a couple hours ago and that the sun was brilliantly shining.

Over time, it becomes truly hard for a narcissist to focus on anything but the type of information he normally wants. He may go to a drug store, for example, and be unable to focus well enough to find the product he wants among the others on the shelf.

And as for things he really wants to block out, like what other people are saying to him, forget it. Try as he may, he can't tune in that signal well enough to focus on whether they are telling him to get red wine or white for supper.

Tip: Don't say, "Don't get red wine." Don't even say the word red if red wine is what you DON'T want. Just write him a note like you would for a little child, and be done with it.

Joanna Ashmun has noticed the same phenomenon:

I have observed very closely some narcissists I've loved, and their inability to pay attention when someone else is talking is so striking that it has often seemed to me that they have neurological problems that affect their cognitive functioning.

Since the narcissist identifies with his image, his absorption in it is self-absorption. It's like absorption in a book or a computer or television screen. People with good power of concentration can become absorbed in thought. In fact, to some degree, we are always absorbed in whatever we are paying attention to.

Our ability to become absorbed enables us to focus, or concentrate. Great tennis players, for example, report being so absorbed in the approaching ball, that it actually seems to grow larger, filling their field of view. The result is — whack — a beautifully heavy shot right off dead center on the strings.

Our brains accomplish this focus by filtering out 99% of the information they receive and diverting it to areas in unconscious zones. There, it does not distract us. For example, that's what your brain is doing right now with the sensation of your butt pressing down on the chair you're sitting in. Right? You were unaware of that sensation, until I mentioned it. Then it instantly leapt to consciousness. That's because the brain is a relational database that immediately retrieved that information, calling it to consciousness when it was referenced.

By Kathy Krajco

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Social Networking Encourages Cyberstalking

Many use Facebook & other social networking sites daily without being aware of the cyberstalking threat.





Examples Of Facebook Stalking Here and Here


Any bit of your information that you include is shown on your profile, which can lead to further problems.

Although many may think they're only sharing this information with your friends, Facebook has a "friends of friends" feature that allows your friends' followers to see the activity. If you decide you want a facebook/myspace /networking profile, then like me you need to have only ONE Profile and you need to "LOCK IT DOWN"! to people you know personally! and remove all friends of the cyberpath/psychopath/narcissist



Friends?

Think it's just cyberpaths or ex boyfriends/spouse's who cyberstalk? think again, even male friends cyberstalk, even those with girlfriends or wives of their own. It's easy for cyberstalkers today to keep tabs on you, your life and activities with just a click of the mouse. Deleting web history and cache is practiced by thousands. Make sure the friends you have on your profile are people you trust.

Friends don't even need to speak to each other online anymore, they can just click on your name and find out all the need to know about how you spent the day/weekend/month, who you are dating or not dating, what you ate for dinner, what perfume you like etc.

These tidbits of information can easily be used to manipulate you or follow you, buying you gifts they know you will love, showing up at the movies where they know you are going to be, phoning and hanging up on you. Pitting one friend against another. Leaving cryptic profile status messages. The list goes on and on




Types of Stalkers and Stalking Patterns

Types of Stalkers and Stalking Patterns (Note: The following 6 categories have been defined by P. E. Mullen. However, even Mullen asserts that these are not entirely mutually exclusive groupings, and the placement of an individual is a matter of judgment. Like sexual harassers, stalkers may fit more than one profile, or begin with one approach and move to another. )


Rejected Stalker

The most common, persistent and intrusive of all stalkers, the rejected stalker is obsessed with someone who is a former romantic partner or friend, and who has ended their relationship with the stalker, or indicates that he or she intends to end the relationship. Depending on the responses of the victim, the stalkers goals will vary, and the rejected stalker usually struggles with the complex desire for both reconciliation and revenge. As Mullen writes, "A sense of loss could be combined with frustration, anger, jealousy, vindictiveness, and sadness in ever-changing proportions." This stalker may be very narcissistic, and may feel humiliated by the rejection. In most cases, they will have poor social skills and a poor social network. They are also the most likely to try to harm the victim in some way, and may employ intimidation and assault in their pursuit. They may become jealous if their victim enters or continues a romantic relationship with another person. A history of violence in the relationship with the partner is not uncommon.



Resentful Stalker

This stalker is looking for revenge against someone who has upset them--it could be someone known to the stalker or a complete stranger. The behaviors are meant to frighten and distress the victim. The stalker views the target as being similar to those who have oppressed and humiliated them in the past, and they may view themselves as someone striking back against an oppressor. Or, the victim could be a professional believed to have cheated or abused the stalker in some way. Often irrationally paranoid, this kind of stalker can be the most obsessive and enduring. While the least likely to use physical force, the resentful stalker is the most likely to verbally threaten the victim. They may use personal threats, complaints to law enforcement and local government, property damage, theft or killing of pet, letters or notes on the victim's car or house, breaking into the victim's house or apartment, or watching the victim's movements.



Predatory Stalker

The least common of all the stalkers, this is the classic sexual predator whose plan is to physically or sexually attack the victim. They are motivated purely by the desire for sexual gratification and power over their victim. This type of stalker is sexually deviant, has poor social skills, and usually has lower than normal intelligence. They usually will not have any direct contact with the victim while they are stalking them. This stalker may engage in such behaviors as surveillance of the victim, obscene phone calls, fetishism, voyeurism, sexual masochism and sadism, exhibitionism. The victim can be either someone
the stalker knows, or a complete stranger.



Intimacy Seeker

The intimacy seeker seeks to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. To them, the victim is a long sought-after soul mate, and they were meant to be together. Also, they may have the delusion that the victim is in love with them--usually called erotomania. They may interpret any kind of response from the victim as encouragement, even negative responses. This stalker may write letters, send gifts, or call their victim. They may believe the victim owes them love because of all they have invested in stalking them, and is very resistant to changing their beliefs. The intimacy seeker has an inflated sense of entitlement, and if they recognize they are being rejected, this stalker may become threatening, or may try to harm the victim in some way, sometimes using violence. (In this way, they may become a rejected stalker, see above.) This stalker may become jealous if their victim enters or continues a romantic relationship with another person. After the rejected stalker, the intimacy seeker is the most persistent type of stalker. They are usually unresponsive to legal sanctions, viewing them as
challenges to overcome that demonstrate their love for the victim.



Incompetent Suitor

The Incompetent Suitor desires a romantic or intimate relationship with the victim but is impaired in their social and courting skills. This stalker may be very narcissistic, and cut off from victim's feelings (lack of empathy). The incompetent believes that anyone should be attracted to them. Typically, this stalker will repeatedly ask for dates, or call on the phone, even after being rejected. They may attempt physical contact by trying hold the victim's hand or kiss the victim, however, the will not become physically violent or threatening. The incompetent suitor is less persistent than others, and is likely to have stalked
numerous others in the past, and will probably do so in the future. They will quickly stop stalking if threatened with legal action or after receiving counseling.



Erotomaniac and Morbidly Infatuated

This stalker believes that the victim is in love with them. They believe this even though the victim has done nothing to suggest it is true, and may have made statements to the contrary. The erotomaniac reinterprets what their victim says and does to support the delusion, and is convinced that the imagined romance will eventually become a permanent union. This stalker may suffer from acute paranoia, and typically chooses a victim of higher social status. They will repeatedly try to approach and communicate with their supposed lover, and is typically unresponsive to threats of legal action of any kind. Without
psychological treatment, this stalker is likely to continue with their activities.



Cyberstalking and Cyberstalkers

Cyberstalking is an extension of the physical act of stalking; however, the behavior occurs using electronic mediums, such as the Internet and computer sypware. Someone who is physically stalking an individual may employ cyberstalking as another means to pursue, harass, or force contact. Or, cyberstalking may be the sole means of surveillance and pursuit of the victim. The stalker may join forums they know their target frequents, and pose as someone else in an attempt to contact their target, or they may contact other members to get information about the target or defame their character. They may use spyware to access their target's computer and the personal information contained within. Given the vast distances that the Internet spans, a "pure" cyberstalker will never move beyond electronic mediums and into physical stalking. Still, this does not mean that the behavior is any less distressing, frightening, or damaging, and a cyberstalker's motives can fit any of the categories described above. Moreover, given the ability of individuals to ‘mask’ their identity when using the Internet, linking the harassment to one particular individual can be difficult. Programs that mask IP (Internet Protocol) addresses, and anonymous remailers are merely two examples that hinder the identification of the stalker and their (digital) location.








Who Becomes a Stalker

Stalkers are usually isolated and lonely, coming from the "disadvantaged" of our society; however, a stalker can occupy any place in our entire social spectrum. Often, the stalking may be triggered by a significant trauma or loss in the life of the perpetrator, usually within at least seven years of the stalking behavior. (For example, relationship dissolution or divorce, job termination, loss/potential loss of a child, or an ill parent.) Most stalkers are not psychotic. In a comparative study of psychotic versus non-psychotic stalkers (Mullen et al. 1999), 63% of the sample was found to be suffering from a common psychiatric condition, such as major depression, personality disorder, or substance dependence--with personality disorder being the most common diagnosis.




Ex-intimates:

Common stalkers are people who previously shared a romantic relationship with the victim, and former intimates are the most common type of stalking target. This can be either from a long or short term relationship.



Family members:

A stalker may target a member of their family, such as a parent or sibling. This would most likely be a resentful or rejected stalker, and they would target a family member they feel had rejected, humiliated, or abused them in the past.



Friends and Acquaintances:

The victim may be stalked by an intimacy seeker or an incompetent suitor motivated by a desire to start a romantic relationship with the victim. The victim may be stalked by a resentful stalker, typically a neighbor, who may be involved in a disagreement with the victim about something such as noise, the location of a tree, or pets.



Workplace Contacts:

In their study of stalkers, Mullen (et al) found that 23% had a professional relationship with their victim, most often a medical practitioner. Other stalkers may be supervisors, fellow employees, service providers, clients, or others who show up at the victim's workplace. Stalking behaviors directed at the victim may include: sexual harassment, physical and sexual assaults, robberies, or even homicide. A violent workplace stalker usually has a history of poor job performance, a high rate of absenteeism, and a record of threats and confrontations with people they resent in the workplace.



Strangers:

These are most commonly Intimacy Seekers and Incompetent Suitors, but may also be Predatory stalkers or Resentful stalkers. These stalkers may hide their identity from their victims at first, and reveal it after stalking their victim for some time in order to get closer to them. Victims may be Initially flattered when stalker approaches them and respond politely. They may even agree to go on a date with their stalker, after many requests. This can have the unintentional effect of encouraging the
stalker, and making them believe that their love is reciprocated.


Gender: Stalkers are far more likely to be male, however, women can also become stalkers. Women are more likely to target someone they have known, usually a professional contact. Men are less likely to pursue other men, while females will often target other females. The majority of female stalkers are intimacy seekers seeking to establish relationships, whereas men show a broader range of motivations, and are more often to be seeking to restore relationships. Women are as likely to use violence as men, and there does not tend to be a difference between genders regarding the duration of a stalking. Thus, while the contexts and motives for stalking may differ between men and women, the intrusiveness of the behaviors and potential for harm does not.






Once Upon Time On Facebook


Once upon a time, two people fell in love. It rocked.

They both changed their Facebook status to "In a Relationship" and posted pictures on their blogs of them kissing, laughing and frolicking. Then things went sour and they broke up.

In the olden days of, say, 2001, they would have parted ways and had little way to keep tabs on each other, outside of gossipy friends and occasional apartment drive-bys. Not anymore.

She watched his MySpace page and knew exactly when he started dating a new woman by his status updates. He looked at her Flickr photos and saw her having a great time at a Granada concert, and wondered, "Who's that guy?"

Cyberstalking is alive and well in the digital age, with many relationships continuing virtually long past the breakup through passive observation.

"It is creepy, but we're curious by nature," said Angela Faz, 31, who admits to mild curiosity about exes. "I try not to look!"

The view from online is tempting, because instead of driving by his or her house, you get an intimate view of your ex's thoughts, she said.

But that view can be painful, especially when the other person has started a new relationship or appears to be having a rollicking good time without you.

Oak Cliff resident Michael M., 33, is cyberstalking his ex and said he often wonders when the obsession will stop.

"I've found that since my breakup, I've had the need to keep up with my ex – is she dating, did she go to the fair this year (with whom?), what did she do for Halloween? Did she wear a costume we talked about last year? Is she keeping up with me, too?"


The situation is sort of like a sore in the mouth that would heal, if only you'd stop tonguing it.

"Am I doing it for pleasure – do I enjoy the torture and sometimes humiliation that goes with it?," Michael M. asked. "A friend once told me, 'You can glance at the past, just don't stare at it.' At what point does the staring begin?"


There's also a question of whether the observed person knows he or she is being watched and posts with that in mind. It could feel good to stick it to your ex by posting ambiguously sexual remarks on another (hot) person's profile.

Not that we would know anything about that. But even cyberstalking is still in relation to the two people involved and the length and intensity of their relationship.

The way this changes the psychological dynamics of a breakup is unclear – will it make it harder? Easier? Or just more complicated? Only time – and maybe a few SuperPokes – will tell. - Cyberpaths






Victims often do not tell their family , friends co-workers or supervisors about the person who is stalking them because they fear reprisals from the stalker or other employees, don't think they will be believed, or feel embarrassed about the situation. (For other reasons, see Confusion and Denial, on the home page)

Doctors, nurses, psychologists, or other healthcare providers may become the targets of stalking by obsessed clients or patients. (Or the other way around) Teachers may become stalked by students. (Or the other way around.) Psychiatrists are at particular risk for being the targets of stalking because of their contact with people with psychiatric conditions.



What to do if you're stalked -

Show no emotion, regardless of how scared or angry you are. Never confront or agree to meet your stalker.

Call local police to find out which officer is running the case.

Tell your friends, family, neighbours and work colleagues.

Keep evidence like texts, emails, letters and parcels. Record anything that could be proof and keep a diary.

If you get calls from a stalker, in the U.K. use 1471 to track their number.

If you're being followed, try to stay calm. If you're driving, head for the nearest police station to get help.

If you ever feel in imminent danger, call 999. (or 911 in the U.S.)




For great information/resources/help please visit Cyberpaths Exposed Online they have been tremendously supportive of me and other victims and work hard day in day out to educate the public on cyberpaths/sociopaths/the internet/stalking and therapy.







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Warning Signs You're Dating A Loser.

Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness. In the beginning, "the honeymoon" of the relationship, it's difficult to determine what type of individual you are dating. Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective.

Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person. A relationship with the wrong individual however can lead to years of heartache, emotional/social damage, and even physical damage. A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future. They can turn what is supposed to be a loving, supporting, and understanding relationship into the "fatal attraction" often described in movies. There are a variety of "bad choices" that may be encountered each week - most of which are easily to identify and avoid. We all know to avoid people that appear insane or abusive and not select them as a dating partner. However, some individuals are better at hiding their personality and behavior abnormalities. In an effort to provide some warning about these very damaging individuals, this paper will outline a type of individual commonly found in the dating scene, a male or female labeled "The Loser"

"The Loser" is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship. "The Loser" has permanent personality characteristics that create this damage. These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. In one sense, they have always lived with this personality and behavior, often something they probably learned from their relatives/family. Psychologists usually treat the victims of "The Loser", women or men who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed.

The following list is an attempt to outline the characteristics of "The Loser" and provide a manner in which women and men can identify potentially damaging relationships before they are themselves severely damaged emotionally or even physically. If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with "The Loser" in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you. When a high number of these features are present - it's not a probably or possibility. You will be hurt and damaged by "The Loser" if you stay in the relationship.




1. Rough Treatment

"The Loser" will hurt you on purpose. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ONCE, drop them. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset.



2. Quick Attachment and Expression

"The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!" You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you'll miss the major point - it doesn't make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks. It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed. "The Loser" typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship.



3. Frightening Temper

"The Loser" has a scary temper. If your boyfriend or girlfriend blows up and does dangerous things, like driving too fast because they're mad, breaking/throwing things, getting into fights, or threatening others - that temper will soon be turned in your direction. In the beginning of the relationship, you will be exposed to "witnessed violence" - fights with others, threats toward others, angry outbursts at others, etc. You will also hear of violence in their life. You will see and witness this temper - throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things. That quickly serves to intimidate you and fear their potential for violence, although "The Loser" quickly assures you that they are angry at others or situations, not at you. At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you - but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability - and that it might come your way. Later, you fear challenging or confronting them - fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction.



4. Killing Your Self-Confidence

"The Loser" repeatedly puts you down. They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel "on guard", unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong. They tell you that you're too fat, too unattractive, or don't talk correctly or look well. This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to later treat you badly - as though you deserved it. In public, you will be "walking on eggshells" - always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument.



5. Cutting Off Your Support

In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family. "The Loser" feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior. "The Loser" begins by telling you these friends treat you badly, take advantage of you, and don't understand the special nature of the love you share with them. In some cases, if they can't get rid of your best same-sex friend, "The Loser" will claim he or she made a pass at them. If you talk to your friends or family, "The Loser" will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. "The Loser" then tells you they are treating you badly again and you'd be better to keep your distance from them. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase.



6. The Mean and Sweet Cycle

"The Loser" cycles from mean to sweet and back again. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating. You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow "The Loser" to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. "The Loser" often apologizes but the damage to your self-esteem is already done - exactly as planned.



7. It's Always Your Fault

"The Loser" blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect. When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, or embarrass you publicly - it's somehow your fault. If you are ten minutes late for a date, it's your fault that the male loser drives 80 miles per hour, runs people off the road, and pouts the rest of the evening. "The Loser" tells you their anger and misbehavior would not have happened if you had not made some simple mistake, had loved them more, or had not questioned their behavior. "The Loser" never, repeat "never", takes personal responsibility for their behavior - it's always the fault of someone else. If they drive like a maniac and try to pull an innocent driver off the highway to assault them - it's actually the fault of the other driver (not his) as they didn't use a turn signal when they changed lanes. They give you the impression that you had it (anger, yelling, assault) coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression.




8. Breakup Panic

"The Loser" panics at the idea of breaking up - unless it's totally their idea - then you're dropped like a hot rock. Abusive boyfriends often break down and cry, they plead, they promise to change, and they offer marriage/trips/gifts when you threaten ending the relationship. Both male and female losers may threaten suicide, threaten to return to old sweethearts (who feel lucky they're gone!), or threaten to quit their job and leave the area - as though you will be responsible for those decisions. "The Loser" offers a multitude of "deals" and halfway measures, like "Let's just date one more month!"

They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment. Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of - telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you. Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure. Imagine trying to end a relationship and receiving tearful calls from all his or her relatives (they secretly hope you'll keep them so they don't have to), seeing a plea for your return in the newspaper or even on a local billboard, receiving flowers at work each day, or having them arrive at your place of work and offer you a wedding ring (male loser technique) or inform you that they might be pregnant (female loser technique) in front of your coworkers! Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner. If you go back to them, you actually fear a worse reaction if you threaten to leave again (making you a prisoner) and they later frequently recall the incident to you as further evidence of what a bad person you are. Remember, if your prize dog jumps the fence and escapes, if you get him back you build a higher fence. Once back in the grasp of "The Loser" - escape will be three times as difficult the next time.




9. No Outside Interests

"The Loser" will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control.



10. Paranoid Control

"The Loser" will check up on you and keep track of where you are and who you are with. If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them. If you don't answer their phone call, you are ask where you were, what were you doing, who you were talking to, etc. They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth. Some losers follow you to the grocery, then later ask if you've been there in an attempt to catch you in a lie. In severe cases, they go through your mail, look through your purse/wallet, hit your redial on the phone when they arrive, or search through your garbage for evidence. High-tech losers may encourage you to make "private" calls to friends from their residence, calls that are being secretly taped for later reference. They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you can not talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about certain issues in public. If no date is present on Friday night - "The Loser" will inform you that they will call you that night - sometime. That effectively keeps you home, awaiting the call, fearing the verbal abuse and questions you might receive if you weren't home for the call. This technique allows "The Loser" to do what they want socially, at the same time controlling your behavior from a distance or a local bar.



11. Public Embarrassment

In an effort to keep you under control while in public, "The Loser" will lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private or in front of people. When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later. If you stay with "The Loser" too long, you'll soon find yourself politely smiling, saying nothing, and holding on to their arm when in public. You'll also find yourself walking with your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you and create an angry reaction in "The Loser".




12. It's Never Enough

"The Loser" convinces you that you are never quite good enough. You don't say "I love you" enough, you don't stand close enough, you don't do enough for them after all their sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected. This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them - somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you.



13. Entitlement

"The Loser" has a tremendous sense of entitlement, the attitude that they have a perfectly logical right to do whatever they desire. If cut off in traffic, "The Loser" feels they have the right to run the other driver off the road, assault them, and endanger the lives of other drivers with their temper tantrum. Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit.



14. Your Friends and Family

Dislike Him As the relationship continues, your friends and family will see what "The Loser" is doing to you. They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal. They will protest. "The Loser" will tell you they are jealous of the "special love" you have and then use their protest and opinion as further evidence that they are against you - not him. The mention of your family members or friends will spark an angry response from them - eventually placing you in the situation where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own family members. "The Loser" will be jealous and threatened by anyone you are close to - even your children. In some cases, your parents or brothers/sisters will not be allowed to visit your home.



15. Bad Stories

People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves. It's the old story about giving a person enough rope and they'll hang themselves. The stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A humorous individual will tell funny stories on himself. "The Loser" tells stories of violence, aggression, being insensitive to others, rejecting others, etc. They may tell you about past relationships and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person. They brag about their temper and outbursts because they don't see anything wrong with violence and actually take pride in the "I don't take nothing from nobody" attitude. People define themselves with their stories, much like a culture is described by it's folklore and legends. Listen to these stories - they tell you how you will eventually be treated and what's coming your way.



16. The Waitress Test

It's been said that when dating, the way an individual treats a waitress or other neutral person of the opposite sex is the way they will treat you in six months. During the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, you will be treated like a king or queen. However, during that time "The Loser" has not forgotten how he or she basically feels about the opposite sex. Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. If they are cheap - you'll never receive anything once the honeymoon is over. If they whine, complain, criticize, and torment - that's how they'll treat you in six months. A mentally healthy person is consistent, they treat almost all people the same way all the time. If you find yourself dating a man who treats you like a queen and other females like dirt - hit the road.




17. The Reputation

As mentioned, mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior. "The Loser" may have two distinct reputations - a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it's wonderful and five say it's a hog pit - you clearly understand that there's some risk involved in eating there. "The Loser" may actually brag about their reputation as a "butt kicker", "womanizer", "hot temper" or "being crazy". They may tell you stories where other's have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual's behavior. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.




18. Walking on Eggshells

As a relationship with "The Loser" continues, you will gradually be exposed to verbal intimidation, temper tantrums, lengthy interrogations about trivial matters, violence/threats directed at others but witnessed by you, paranoid preoccupation with your activities, and a variety of put-downs on your character. You will quickly find yourself "walking on eggshells" in their presence - fearful to bring up topics, fearful to mention that you spoke to or saw a friend, and fearful to question or criticize the behavior of "The Loser". Instead of experiencing the warmth and comfort of love, you will be constantly on edge, tense when talking to others (they might say something that you'll have to explain later), and fearful that you'll see someone you'll have to greet in public. Dates and times together will be more comfortable and less threatening when totally alone - exactly what "The Loser" wants - no interference with their control or dominance.




19. Discounted Feelings/Opinions

"The Loser" is so self-involved and self-worshiping that the feelings and opinions of others are considered worthless. As the relationship continues and you begin to question what you are feeling or seeing in their behavior, you will be told that your feelings and opinions don't make sense, they're silly, and that you are emotionally disturbed to even think of such things. "The Loser" has no interest in your opinion or your feelings - but they will be disturbed and upset that you dare question their behavior. "The Loser" is extremely hostile toward criticism and often reacts with anger or rage when their behavior is questioned.



20. They Make You "Crazy"

"The Loser" operates in such a damaging way that you find yourself doing "crazy" things in self-defense. If "The Loser" is scheduled to arrive at 8:00 pm - you call Time & Temperature to cover the redial, check your garbage for anything that might get you in trouble, and call your family and friends to tell them not to call you that night. You warn family/friends not to bring up certain topics, avoid locations in the community where you might see co-workers or friends, and not speak to others for fear of the 20 questions. You become paranoid as well - being careful what you wear and say. Nonviolent males find themselves in physical fights with female losers. Nonviolent females find themselves yelling and screaming when they can no longer take the verbal abuse or intimidation. In emotional and physical self-defense, we behave differently and oddly. While we think we are "going crazy" - it's important to remember that there is no such thing as "normal behavior" in a combat situation. Rest assured that your behavior will return to normal if you detach from "The Loser" before permanent psychological damage is done.





Dangerous Versions of "The Loser"

There are more severe if not dangerous versions of "The Loser" that have been identified over the years. If you are involved in a relationship with one of these versions, you may require professional and legal assistance to save yourself.




Physical Abuser

Physical abusers begin the relationship with physical moving - shoving, pushing, forcing, etc. That quickly moves into verbal threats with physical gestures - the finger in the face, clinched fist in the face, and voiced physical threats such as "You make me want to break your face!" Eventually, these combine to form actual physical abuse - hitting, slapping, and kicking. "The Loser" is always sorry the next day and begins the mean-then-sweet cycle all over again. Getting away from physical abusers often requires the assistance of family, law enforcement agencies, or local abuse agencies. Female losers often physically attack their partner, break car windows, or behave with such violence that the male partner is forced to physically protect himself from the assault. If the female loser is bruised in the process of self-protection, as when physically restraining her from hitting, those bruises are then "displayed" to others as evidence of what a bad person the partner is and how abusive they have been in the relationship.



Psychotic Losers

There are losers that are severely ill in a psychiatric sense - the movie description of the "Fatal Attraction". Some may tell you wild stories and try to convince you that they are connected to The Mob or a government agency (CIA, FBI, etc.). They may fake terminal illness, pregnancy, or disease. They intimidate and frighten you with comments such as "I can have anyone killed..." or "No one leaves a relationship with me...". If you try to end the relationship, they react violently and give you the impression that you, your friends, or your family are in serious danger. People often then remain in the abusive and controlling relationship due to fear of harm to their family or their reputation. While such fears are unrealistic as "The Loser" is only interested in controlling you, those fears feel very real when combined with the other characteristics of "The Loser".

Psychotic or psychiatrically ill losers may also stalk, follow, or harass you. They may threaten physical violence, show weapons, or threaten to kill you or themselves if you leave them. If you try to date others, they may follow you or threaten your new date. Your new date may be subjected to phone harassment, vandalism, threats, and even physical assaults. If you are recently divorced, separated, or recently ended another relationship, "The Loser" may be intimidating toward your ex-partner, fearing you might return if the other partner is not "scared off". Just remember - everything "The Loser" has ever done to anyone will be coming your way. "The Loser" may send you pictures of you, your children, or your family - pictures they have taken secretly - hinting that they can "reach out and touch" those you love. You may need help and legal action to separate from these individuals.



Guidelines for Detachment


Separating from "The Loser" often involves three stages: The Detachment, Ending the Relationship, and the Follow-up Protection.

The Detachment

During this part of separating from "The Loser", you recognize what you must do and create an Exit Plan. Many individuals fail in attempts to detach from "The Loser" because they leave suddenly and impulsively, without proper planning, and without resources. In many cases, "The Loser" has isolated their partner from others, has control of finances, or has control of major exit needs such as an automobile. During the detachment phase you should...

- Observe the way you are treated. Watch for the methods listed above and see how "The Loser" works.

- Gradually become more boring, talk less, share less feelings and opinions. The goal is almost to bore "The Loser" to lessen the emotional attachment, at the same time not creating a situation which would make you a target.

- Quietly contact your family and supportive others. Determine what help they might be - a place to stay, protection, financial help, etc.

- If you fear violence or abuse, check local legal or law enforcement options such as a restraining order.

- If "The Loser" is destructive, slowly move your valuables from the home if together, or try to recover valuables if in their possession. In many cases, you may lose some personal items during your detachment - a small price to pay to get rid of "The Loser".

- Stop arguing, debating or discussing issues. Stop defending and explaining yourself - responding with comments such as "I've been so confused lately" or "I'm under so much stress I don't know why I do anything anymore".

- Begin dropping hints that you are depressed, burned out, or confused about life in general. Remember - "The Loser" never takes responsibility for what happens in any relationship. "The Loser" will feel better about leaving the relationship if they can blame it on you. Many individuals are forced to "play confused" and dull, allowing "The Loser" to tell others "My girlfriend (or boyfriend) about half nuts!" They may tell others you're crazy or confused but you'll be safer. Allow them to think anything they want about you as long as you're in the process of detaching.

- Don't start another relationship. That will only complicate your situation and increase the anger. Your best bet is to "lay low" for several months. Remember, "The Loser" will quickly locate another victim and become instantly attached as long as the focus on you is allowed to die down.

- As "The Loser" starts to question changes in your behavior, admit confusion, depression, emotionally numbness, and a host of other boring reactions. This sets the foundation for the ending of the relationship.



Ending the Relationship


Remembering that "The Loser" doesn't accept responsibility, responds with anger to criticism, and is prone to panic detachment reactions - ending the relationship continues the same theme as the detachment.

- Explain that you are emotionally numb, confused, and burned out. You can't feel anything for anybody and you want to end the relationship almost for his or her benefit. Remind them that they've probably noticed something is wrong and that you need time to sort out your feelings and fix whatever is wrong with you. As disgusting as it may seem, you may have to use a theme of "I'm not right for anyone at this point in my life." If "The Loser" can blame the end on you, as they would if they ended the relationship anyway, they will depart faster.

- If "The Loser" panics, you'll receive a shower of phone calls, letters, notes on your car, etc. React to each in the same manner - a boring thanks. If you overreact or give in, you've lost control again.

- Focus on your need for time away from the situation. Don't agree to the many negotiations that will be offered - dating less frequently, dating only once a week, taking a break for only a week, going to counseling together, etc. As long as "The Loser" has contact with you they feel there is a chance to manipulate you.

- "The Loser" will focus on making you feel guilty. In each phone contact you'll hear how much you are loved, how much was done for you, and how much they have sacrificed for you. At the same time, you'll hear about what a bum you are for leading them on, not giving them an opportunity to fix things, and embarrassing them by ending the relationship.

- Don't try to make them understand how you feel - it won't happen. "The Loser" only is concerned with how they feel - your feelings are irrelevant. You will be wasting your time trying to make them understand and they will see the discussions as an opportunity to make you feel more guilty and manipulate you.

- Don't fall for sudden changes in behavior or promises of marriage, trips, gifts, etc. By this time you have already seen how "The Loser" is normally and naturally. While anyone can change for a short period of time, they always return to their normal behavior once the crisis is over.

- Seek professional counseling for yourself or the support of others during this time. You will need encouragement and guidance. Keep in mind, if "The Loser" finds out you are seeking help they will criticize the counseling, the therapist, or the effort.

- Don't use terms like "someday", "maybe", or "in the future". When "The Loser" hears such possibilities, they think you are weakening and will increase their pressure.

- Imagine a dead slot machine. If we are in Las Vegas at a slot machine and pull the handle ten times and nothing happens - we move on to another machine. However, if on the tenth time the slot machine pays us even a little, we keep pulling the handle - thinking the jackpot is on the way. If we are very stern and stable about the decision to end the relationship over many days, then suddenly offer a possibility or hope for reconciliation - we've given a little pay and the pressure will continue. Never change your position - always say the same thing. "The Loser" will stop playing a machine that doesn't pay off and quickly move to another.




Follow-up Protection


"The Loser" never sees their responsibility or involvement in the difficulties in the relationship. From a psychological standpoint, "The Loser" has lived and behaved in this manner most of their life, clearly all of their adult life. As they really don't see themselves at fault or as an individual with a problem, "The Loser" tends to think that the girlfriend or boyfriend is simply going through a phase - their partner (victim) might be temporarily mixed up or confused, they might be listening to the wrong people, or they might be angry about something and will get over it soon. "The Loser" rarely detaches completely and will often try to continue contact with the partner even after the relationship is terminated. During the Follow-up Protection period, some guidelines are:

- Never change your original position. It's over permanently! Don't talk about possible changes in your position in the future. You might think that will calm "The Loser" but it only tells them that the possibilities still exist and only a little more pressure is needed to return to the relationship.

- Don't agree to meetings or reunions to discuss old times. For "The Loser", discussing old times is actually a way to upset you, put you off guard, and use the guilt to hook you again.

- Don't offer details about your new life or relationships. Assure him that both his life and your life are now private and that you hope they are happy.

- If you start feeling guilty during a phone call, get off the phone fast. More people return to bad marriages and relationships due to guilt than anything else. If you listen to those phone calls, as though taping them, you'll find "The Loser" spends most of the call trying to make you feel guilty.

- In any contact with the ex "Loser", provide only a status report, much like you'd provide to your Aunt Gladys. For example: "I'm still working hard and not getting any better at tennis. That's about it."

- When "The Loser" tells you how difficult the breakup has been, share with him some general thoughts about breaking-up and how finding the right person is difficult. While "The Loser" wants to focus on your relationship, talk in terms of Ann Landers - "Well, breaking up is hard on anyone. Dating is tough in these times. I'm sure we'll eventually find someone that's right for both of us." Remember - nothing personal!

- Keep all contact short and sweet - the shorter the better. As far as "The Loser" is concerned, you're always on your way somewhere, there's something in the microwave, or your mother is walking up the steps to your home. Wish "The Loser" well but always with the same tone of voice that you might offer to someone you have just talked to at the grocery store. For phone conversations, electronic companies make a handy gadget that produces about twenty sounds - a doorbell, an oven or microwave alarm, a knock on the door, etc. That little device is handy to use on the phone - the microwave dinner just came out or someone is at the door. Do whatever you have to do to keep the conversation short - and not personal.


Source






Read more!

How To Spot The Online Cyberpath/Player.

Most players will fall into one, or more, of the below 23 categories:


The BlowHard ... Wannabes

The relationship will never go anywhere because all he really wants from you is an 'audience' to listen to and believe his bogus stories of danger and bravery. He'll claim to be in law enforcement, or a fireman, or a former green beret, navy seal, etc. OR may claim to be a former pro sports player (baseball, hockey, etc.) who had a promising career and bright future but it was all snatched away from him due to an injury. Or he may say that he is a retired pro player. When you start to put two and two together, or get tired of hearing his never-ending stories of grandeur, then he'll move on to find a new 'audience'.



Mr. BigShot -- also a BlowHard

They may have in their profile that they own their own business [they use that as 'bait' which we women are to translate as "I'm a good catch". No reasonable man would advertise his financial status -- that's an open invitation to credit card hackers, con artists, gold-diggers, etc.] Or they may 'let it slip' early in the relationship that they own their own business. OR ... Mr. All Hot Air may claim to be an attorney, a doctor, a 4-star general or other high-paid professional. Now think about it !!! The same as we women, men want to be loved for themselves, NOT their assets. At our web site we show you how to expose these phonies for what they are.




The Promoter

He will woo 'on the side' a couple of gals who are chat room regulars, and it's strictly only for 'fun' -- for he's happily 'taken' but needs his male ego stroked every now and then. When the time is right, he'll say it's time to let the chat room know that the two of you are an 'item', by suggesting you flirt with him in the room, etc. So you do. The other wooed gal sees you flirting with 'her man' -- and walla, a cat fight in the chat room. What he wanted -- nothing strokes the male ego more than two women fighting over HIM.




The Great Pretender

These are guys that can't find dates for one reason or another and are unkindly labeled as 'losers, geeks' in the real world. As a result, the internet becomes their social life. They romance and have several online girlfriends in compensation. Online they can fantasize themselves to be anyone they want to be -- even 'a real stud'. You won't receive a true pic and you won't ever meet -- for obvious reasons. Number one clue: they'll claim to have dates offline, but how can they when they're on line every night. Yes, they may be in a wheelchair or disfigured from an accident, but that does not give anyone license to deceive, play with another person's emotions, or to use someone.




Internet Body Surfers

TYPE 1: These guys are easy to spot. They broach the subject of sex early in the relationship and generally are only looking for an alternate form of sex due to some form of impotency: cyber sex, phone sex, nude pictures, or videos.

TYPE 2: An El Cheapo Romeo who wants only the real thing and a variety of it -- and not just any ol' harem, but an obliging one -- one that will also foot the bill for 'putting out'. He will use the 'sympathy route' : he's just a poor struggling elementary teacher, social worker, etc., plus he will have some 'bad breaks' to throw in as well. So YOU will fund the romance: make all the LD phone calls, fly/drive there. And when you do rendezvous, don't be surprised that he doesn't take you anywhere: no dining out, no movies -- because he's so strapped, right? No, real reason -- he doesn't want to chance running into any of his local conquests.



Globe Trotters ~ "A Girl in Every Port"

Single/Married players who travel for a living. They have access to a computer at home, at work, and on the road (usually a laptop). They are only interested in finding women online for sex 'on their appointed rounds'. They generally find their 'targets' by perusing the profiles of a particular city in the Member Directory, or the personal ads. Then they do a 'locate' to find you online and check you out, or send you an email stating how they were intrigued by your profile or your ad. After a time, he will tell you he's coming to see you. Truth of the matter is, you happen to live in one of the cities regularly visited on his rounds and can be a sexual convenience.



One Arm Bandits -- (The Con Artists)


Below are two types:

# 1 -- Fly By Night Romeos


Playing upon a woman's tenderheartedness, these players will have a hard luck story about their business going downhill ... or a lost job due to down-sizing, a fabricated accident, health problems/old war injury, or major surgery. OR they may simply give you the popular story of 'the wife got everything in the divorce'. They will give you a line something to the effect: "Right now, I only have my love to give you." BUT yet, he has lots of free time to spend online instead of looking for a job. OR why isn't he spending those long hours online at his business instead, trying to get it back on its feet? The 'willing suspense of disbelief' is often our main downfall.


OR they may romance you first and then tell you after you're hooked bait, line and sinker: "I've got to drop AOL. I can no longer pay for it because ... "My wife's lawyer froze our checking and saving accounts and all our cedit cards." OR "I'm having to file for bankruptcy. My business partner disappeared and I just found out that he has been dipping in the till. I can't make payroll ... I can't pay my creditors. The DA has all my company records...I don't know how long everything is going to be tied up in court". You're deeply in love; you want to continue your long meaningful talks online, hearing his words of love. So you send money for his internet and phone bills because as soon as he's back on his feet he will pay you back, right? Nope ... he will continue to ask for financial help -- until you become hesitant about sending him more money. Then he will suddenly "poof" ... disappear from online.


OR ... he may ask to borrow money so he can fly to see you, "I need to be with you at this bad time in my life, feel you in my arms..." Their victims usually live a great distance from them; the farther away, the costlier the airline tickets. You send the money and he "poofs".





# 2 -- Vacation Hustlers


These guys are only after a cheap but with all the amenities vacation. The MO: would like to go to Florida, so he frequents chat rooms like: Florida Romance, Florida Swingers, etc., scrutinizing profiles and observing behaviors in the chat rooms, and/or peruses the personal ads. In a matter of time he will find a gullible female. After a month or so, a rendezvous is planned ("Let's meet so we can cultivate our love"). He may pay his own travel expenses but everything else will be on you. No car rental / he uses yours. No lodging expense / he stays at your place. No eating out cost / he eats your lovingly prepared home-cooked meals. Lastly, nightly (if not more often) sex. Or he may also 'borrow' his air fare from you with the promise of paying you back right away. Yeah, right. Once he's back home the relationship is over, and you're left wondering if you didn't meet his expectations ... if you were: too fat, too tall/too short, boring company, not good enough 'in the sack', etc. No, he got exactly what he expected from you -- a free ride at your expense.





Rambling Man --- Freeloaders/Sofa Surfers


This type of player is looking for support -- financial support. He'll romance you and then gallantly offer to move to your location saying something to the effect "I love you too much to take you away from your family and friends. I know how much they mean to you. I can get a job there." But he doesn't get a job -- no job suits him for one reason or another. Or he's an alcoholic and can't keep a job ... or worse, a drug addict. Or he has no credit and plans to 'live it up' on your credit cards until they're maxed out, and then he'll move on to his next victim, leaving you holding the bag. Some warning signs to watch for: he lives with his parents or other relative, or in his parents'/friend's cabin (OR in a room at the "Y", but he won't tell you this), he's online day and night (so he can't be employed), says he'll come by bus/train (or you're to come and pick him up) as he's going to sell his car (OR is the truth of the matter, he has no car due to losing his license as a result of too many DUIs, or due to bad credit, etc.?)




The Panhandler


This type of player usually strings along several women at the same time with no intention of a real relationship. He's only after freebies. Once he has you interested in him, he'll casually mention how other women are sending him "things": birthday/Father's Day/Christmas gifts, C/Ds, shirts, jewelry ~ subliminally planting the hint that you should also give him things in order to compete with the other 'also interested' women. In return you will receive: form love-letters and/or FREE email greeting cards. The only flowers you will receive from El Cheapo will be cyber roses ... @-->-->--- ... Cyber <3 Hearts , Cyber :-* Kisses or pictures of flowers "pirated" from web sites. And if you do meet, it will be at YOUR transportation cost.




The Sympathy Hound

He gives you a long sob story and always has a new crisis in his life. All he really wants from you are daily "pity parties".




The Control Freak

He will also have a sob story and use your compassion to manipulate you to get his way. Stories you'll hear:

~ is a Nam vet and suffers post traumatic stress disorder

~ has a bad heart or needs a kidney transplant

~ has cancer but it's in remission, etc.



These supposed afflictions are for the purpose of "control" ... whenever you step out of line, the following reaction will occur:

~ you added to his PTSD depression and he's feeling suicidal

~ he starts getting chest pains

~ he has to go on dialysis

~ the cancer comes out of remission

~ The CIA are after him for what he knows

~ His Grandmother died .....again


Using your feelings of guilt, he will quickly have you back under his thumb again.




THE "GUILT TRIP" PLAYER


If you don't 'play' (fall for his MO which he has worked so hard on), then he will throw a temper tantrum. So, you will receive an email from a supposed friend/relative informing you he committed suicide, implying it was over you, of course. And this supposed friend/relative will continue to contact you for weeks to come with details of the funeral arrangements, details of the funeral, details of how devastated the family is, etc.
OR, you'll be told he was in some terrible accident and is dying -- and you're supposed to feel very badly about how you treated him. Shame on you! LOL


If you receive an email like this, simply go to the web and find his hometown newspaper and check the obituaries, or search for an article about any such accident.




Mr Battered Heart -- Heartstrings Players

TYPE 1: To throw you completely off guard, this player will use the approach of how he can no longer trust women, how he's been hurt by too many women, been "played" too many times. ( Hmmmm. If that is all true, why is he "hitting" on you? ) He'll go on to say how he hates liars and how important honesty is to him -- a complete 'snow job'.

TYPE 2: He'll say he's a widow and the grief is still fresh -- that his wife was the most wonderful woman in the world ... a real saint. After a time, he'll start comparing you to her, that he can't believe how much you are like her. Next comes: he's falling in love with you, thus he's fulfilling his wife's dying wish to not be alone the rest of his life, but to move on and find another woman to make as happy as he did her. But he'll neglect to mention how many other women he's giving the same 'touching' story.




"Hit and Run" Players

They generally are not interested in a relationship. They use the internet for a 'testing ground' to prove how smart and clever they are. Either they just about have their MO 'down to a science' and are fine tuning it, OR they feel their MO is infallible. Either way, they need 'guinea pigs' to find what minor improvements are needed, or to keep substantiating that they are Masters of the Game. You will receive love songs and poems, links to romantic web sites, state of the art form love-letters(from trial and error they know what does and does not work on women). The duration of the relationship depends on how much a challenge you are or how easy you are. Then they're off to work their 'moves' on someone else.



Married But .....

These players are married men who have NO intention of divorce (due to religious beliefs, or married the wife for her money, or might lose the business due to the split-up of marital assets, etc.) They feel they're being neglected by the wife, or may be going thru a mid-life crisis and just want to see if they still 'Got It' with women, or are simply bored with life. They find they can receive ego-flattering attention or excitement from an online romance. In most cases, the only type of relationship you will have with this type of player is a 'dead-end' one.




Single But in a Relationship

They are in a 'commitment' but are in the same frame of mind as the above scenario. This type of player is usually not online much on weekends, holidays, or during dinner time -- when their mate is home. Unlike in a marriage, if the live-in lover feels neglected she's free to walk or kick him out as she has no 'ties that bind'. They rarely give out their home phone numbers, unless the live-in lover works a different shift. They usually call from work, or use phone cards or cell phones. As opposed to a single guy in a commitment, usually a 'married' guy has established to his wife and/or family that he is hooked on the puter and a holiday would not be any reason to act differently. As long as he is 'in house', what difference does it make if he is on the puter or not? Bottom-line: married guys do what THEY want to do (my way or the highway) and the wife is in the 'acceptance' mode.




CyberPath Online Sociopaths


These are the worse of the bunch -- the mental cases. This type looks for the easy to bait, vulnerable women: widows, newly divorcees, women recovering from a recent heartbreak, etc. They start out romancing you like a player does but it's for an ulterior motive; they become the online harasser, the stalker ... or worst.





Emotion Hitchhikers ~ a CyberPath


They generally look for their 'pigeons' in rooms that involve emotional support: widows & widowers, Al-Anon, divorced, etc. (sensitive people or people that are more vulnerable). They will start out as being this great and wonderful guy who has been wrongfully hurt or is in a lot of emotional pain. They will use two (or more)different screen names pretending to be two or more persons: one who is a guy falling in love with you -- the other,a guy who just wants your friendship -- and/or pretend to be their son/daughter, mother/brother, neighbor/best friend, etc. After they have you madly in love with them, then they will fake their death. You will receive an email from a family member or friend informing you he: was brutally murdered, or died horribly in a car crash -- it will always be some terrible form of death. Then, using their other screen name, they will hear firsthand of your reaction: hear all your grief and complete devastation ... getting a 'high' from your emotions. [ Again, if you receive an email like this, simply go to the web and find his hometown newspaper ]
OR they may tell you they just found out they have cancer, terminal -- of course -- and drag it out for six months or so, getting daily "highs" from your sympathies and your heartbreak. When the "highs" start to falter, then you will receive notice of their 'very painful' death. [ NOTE: Ask what doctor they're going to and then check a doctors directory on the web to see if that doctor does treat cancer, or etc. Ask what treatment they're taking and then go on the web, like WebMD, and read up on the disease/condition. See if they're telling the truth about their treatments, medications, etc. ]




Victor/Victoria -- Yet another CyberPath


A lesbian or a female bisexual who pretends to be a man and 'hits' on unsuspecting heterosexual women for amusement, a buzz, a power trip, or etc. In one reported case, the she/he was a DJ and had sound-altering equipment which enabled her to have a male voice over the phone. In another case, the she/he used the excuse to not talk on the phone: "I had vocal cord surgery for the removal of cysts and can only talk for a very short time and then my voice starts cracking." And another case, "I lost my voice due to being shot in the throat in Nam."





Mr Repeat Offender

Most players -- that is, the internet name you knew them by -- disappear when you start putting 2 and 2 together. The name BUT not always the player. Some of these men have such a cruel streak, they may approach you again -- using a different name ... just to see if they can take you for another ride. Watch for the same phrases, expressions, speech patterns, the same mis-spelled words, the same typing style (doesn't use capital letters, uses all caps, doesn't use any punctuation, uses a lot of ...'s or dashes, etc.)




WHY DO PLAYERS DO THIS???


Because we become their ENABLERS. That is . . .


~ IF we accept everything they tell us as the truth
and do not bother to check the validity of their name,
address, marital status, job, etc.


~ IF we do not keep notes of the personal info they
give us which enables us to watch for discrepancies


~ IF we don't check to see if they're blocking us at times
when they're online


~ IF we do not listen to our feminine intuition warning
us that there's something not quite right


~ IF we ignore any "warning flag" at all . . .
then, YES, we enable a player to play us.

Source





Read more!

YIDWITHLID - Fails At The Internet.

Not content with ruining his victims lives with attacks on their image and being a complete idiot most of the time, YIDWITHLID has hit new levels on the BS meter.

Being unemployed again for the Nth time and sofa surfing , YID is content to sit around on his makeshift throne and spam message boards with his blog site address and insane babbling.

As YIDWITHLID is obviously so in tune with the political issues of the world it's funny how he does not realize he is posting a thread that was last years news. In fact 2 years old to be precise. (2007 Book Excerpt)

Narcissists have no real sense of time, they spend all their time and effort thinking about themselves so they actually miss what is really going on in the world today and scan the internet for the first interesting 911 thread they can get their hands on. Narcissists don't pay attention to anything outside their orbital field.

Maybe if he read up on SEO (Search Engine Optimization) tools he wouldn't have to spend all day and night spamming boards. I personally promise to read his blog if he disappears from the planet altogether and never returns.

As you can see from the Board And His Thread his number was up on Page 5 when someone linked to Enpsychopedia with a nice bold title of Cyberpath, Sexual Predator, Zionist Blogger, Marketing Executive, Possible Sociopath



Screenshot Of Said Thread Exposure




Enpsychopedia basically lists his pathology and narcissism and lies ..........and links back to Cyberpaths Site listing his aliases and crimes and many links showcasing said crimes.


Never ever go to a conspiracy forum and attempt to gain respect or blog hits because the people housed on such boards are the most paranoid people on the internet/planet and will google your ass until they find dirt.

And in this case I think I have made my point. Happy Blogging :)





Read more!

Examples Of Mind Numbing Manipulation Of The Psychopath....This Is Why I'm ADAMANT on "NO CONTACT" ........Emails Inside.

Want to see some major examples of Manipulation? want to see a victim cave in and go back to the psychopath because she ignored her gut instinct and refused to keep the no contact rule in place?

Want to see her so close to her freedom that she can taste it now that she has finally decided to take back control of her life only to see her lose it in less than ONE DAY?

Want to see her lose all remaining confidence and self respect?

Do you want to be just like her and suffer the consequences? (PTSD) (Or lose your life) no? then read on and take my advice before it's too late






Before we start with the emails let's get a little backstory on our history - won't take long I promise



March 05: Hope our daughter died - Before hope our first daughter died Gareth wouldn't come to a decision on whether or not to live with me and our baby, he kept telling me to stop pressuring him & even getting angry at me for even asking. Within hours of Hope passing away he came to me and told me he would move in (How convenient, he had actually wanted me to get an abortion in the first place)


April 05: Goes on holiday to the Caribbean one month after Hope dies forcing me to put the funeral forward so he could make it when he got back - see his emails of joy, drinking, happiness and excitement on holiday. Hope had been dead only a few weeks. Go on read his emails full of promises about living with me and how excited he was and how he made up his mind that was what he TRULY wanted.



May - June 05: Still waiting for him to come home like he promised but he keeps putting it off.


June 05 - Visits me this week, Changes his mind and breaks up with me 3 months after Hope died. Why did he break up with me?

Gareth: If I stay with you, I won't be able to go on anymore holidays



June 05 - Manipulates me into talking with him after the break up even though I said NO CONTACT


July 05- Says he will come home because I say I am going to the USA for a trip and a healing retreat in order to think, heal and try to work through the pain of this year,


September 05: He finally comes home. But not before he had finally pummeled me into the ground with his feet.


April 06 Gareth leaves again, I am pregnant with Lily our second child.











(Gareth and I had two children together, "Hope in 2005, and Lily in 2006, both of our babies died at 25 & 22 weeks old (gestation) due to a uterine rupture.


My son Matthew died in 2002 at 33 weeks (gestation- Uterine Rupture) (from my previous marriage)


When you read the conversations about children in the emails below , Gareth is referring to my two children (both girls) from my previous marriage who at that time were staying with my mother as I couldn't cope


(What i experienced 3 times) "Complete uterine rupture is a catastrophic event where a full thickness tear develops, opening the uterus directly into the abdominal cavity. It requires rapid surgical attention to safeguard maternal and infant outcomes. Palpation of the fetus outside the uterus (usually occurs only with a large, complete rupture). The fetus is likely to be dead" - Source


Both of our babies & my son fell through the uterus into the abdominal cavity which ripped the placenta away from the wall of the womb causing lack of oxygen- Our daughter Hope was alive when delivered but died 5 weeks later due to heart failure and lung collapse due to being premature



Understanding Uterine Rupture , then seeing how Gareth treated me knowing the dangers to my life and our children you can see how spineless he really is - even when I was in the hospital he didn't bother to come and hold my hand during the emergency surgery or bother going to Lily's funeral













Email Conversations



June 05: After his visit, he asks me to walk him to the train station, bags packed and ready to go and asked me to kiss him goodbye, knowing he broke up with me and stomped all over me yet again.

I did as he asked I made no fuss , I didn't cry (like he asked me NOT to do) I just silently walked him to the station , kissed him goodbye (like he asked me to) and went home.

My father seeing my distress told me he was arranging a retreat for me to go on for some healing, and helped me pay for a ticket to the USA to see some friends (Who were JUST friends.)

My family thought it was best I had some time out to get over everything that was happening. I had given up drinking a long time before and by my own willpower, but he has to take digs at this and bring up the past alcoholism.

When i told him I was going to the USA he had no problems with this, until I told him I was going to stay at a friends house. Then his AGENDA changed.












26/6/2005 - 27/6/2005 - Conversations - email.




My Quotes In Blue




Gareth: Would it be ok to give you a call tommorow (Monday)?


Me: gaz, i thought we said no contact, this is so confusing and it hurts so much, how can staying in contact be good for either of us, you left i dont know what to do anymore, if you want to call to tell me why you left i already know why gaz im not angry just very very badly hurt


Gareth: Me too, i just wanted to talk, i'll get some credit. I take it your back chatting on the usual places. Please don't go back, it's not worth it - I won't I wasted so much time on the silly things.


Gareth: It's a shame you went back to those chatting places as it just leads back to the drink and immaturity. Don't do that to yourself.


Me: im not back to that ive been out all day today at enas and my mums ive hardly been in the house and im not going to go back but please tell me why you want to talk gaz


Gareth: I haven't bothered to install any of those programs and won't - I refuse to go back to them, so I won't be on them.


Me: honestly gaz im not going back to it i dont intend to,


Me: is this you just checking up on how im doing as gaz you already know im feeling like hell right now, but to keep in contact is hard for me and for you can you please tell me what you want to chat about tommorrow



Gareth: I don't know I just really want to talk to you, generally. Wel done for going out today, you are so perfect don't fall back to that mess you went through before. My mum's been like a rottweiller, spent the day at my grandparents talking about germans. Trust me on one thing, delete chat accounts and close the accounts. don't fall back. I beg of you.


Gareth: I just want to talk to you, I don't know what I want to say I just want to talk to you, I have spent the last two days with no credit looking at my phone checking every second to see if you'd called.


Me: im not going to fall back ive just spent the past two days in hell crying my heart out desperate to just not feel the way i do why are you making it worse by wanting to talk? you have gone home you chose what you wanted to do and now i have to pick up the pieces talking to me on the phone isnt going to make you feel better



Gareth Shall I not call then?



Me: ok well i can give you a call now if youd like doesnt have to be very long i just want to try to get some closure as i cant deal with all this im finding it hard



Gareth: Now's not too great i'd have to keep my voice down - mum has her hard exams tommorow so I can't wake them, i'm pretty distraught already and hearing your voice will topple me. Tommorow would be much better after a good nights sleep and a walk to get some credit. Is little Boo (dog) ok?


Me: i know it hasnt been easy for you but its hard for me too , you chose to break up with me, said you wouldnt be happy staying with me, i know you have made your choice and im trying my hardest to deal with it, if you want to talk on the phone i can make it quick and gaz its best if we dont stay in contact as its breaking my heart every second i need to make sure this is finished with as i cant keep going in circles all the time


Gareth Also, how did you get my message so quick? you replyed within the minute?


Me: if you have no intentions of getting back together with me do you think its fair that we should stay in contact and make things worse because i can tell you , i have been on my knees in front of my family in tears all day dads even sending me to a retreat for a few days to help me as im that distraught


Gareth: I know, I understand. If I call tommorow for however long would you mind?


Me: i got my message quick as i have a fast net connection now and i have mail open in tiger and boo (dog) is ok , moping though


Gareth Oh XXXXXX (My Name), I hope your ok, Im terrible too, non stop tears. Just no energy to face the world. Every minute wishing I had no urge to do these things I want to do, (he means: Go on holidays) I really think one phone call can give you some closure. I wish I could explain what is going on my head but I can't I was thinking of writing you a letter but didn't know if you'd want that.


Me: you have made your choice and as hard as it for me and you i want to just stop feeling this pain and hurt ive had enough of it im tired of it and i know if you truly loved me you wouldnt have gone and left me, i feel like just not waking up gaz, if its over then it has to stay over as i cant do this anymore but if you want to call i can call now and say goodnight a few words and leave it at that i want to wake up tomorrow knowing its over or it isnt and then try to pick up the pieces. im leaving in a couple of days im going to go abroad and then on to the retreat to pick myself up as i cant think in this house and i cant deal with everything going on in my head all the time im here please just a quick call if you want/need one then i can be on my way facing a new day tomorrow

Gareth Please can the call wait till tommorow i'm in no state to talk. Where are you looking to go abroad?


Me: ok you can call me tomorrow but it has to be before 1pm as i see the girls tomorrow and i have a meeting with tracy , i book my tickets to the USA tomorrow


Gareth XXXXXX? (ex Boyfriends name? )


Me: god no! im not going to go meet anyone gaz im going to go on my own take a weeks trip to be by myself find out who i am what i want and how im going to deal with everything, this is something im doing for my benefit not to go meet people, i want to be alone and then im off to this retreat on a weekend i feel like im at the bottom of the pit and i cant cope with this i really cant

Gareth XXXXXXX, you can't go abroad if you have no place to stay planned. So i'm guessing you must of arranged something with someone like jon etc. I think you should see the girls goto the retreat and then think and plan a trip if need be.


Gareth: Sorry, I shouldnt be saying that, I just saw red at the thought of you meeting up with any of those guys especially after the past and so soon. guys? those guys were my friends not romantic interests and you knew this! but you LOVED isolating me you did it all the time to make sure you were the ONLY one I could talk to


Me: i want noone i just want to be by myself, reflect on things and go home refreshed, gaz why are you putting us through all this when its over with i dont want to keep feeling hurt i just want to get away thats all i want to do i dont know what to do with myself im broken, gaz if you really believe its over then make tomorrows phone call the last you make to me please, promise me that


Me: i dont want to meet anyone, i love you with all my heart i really do and i want noone but you, but i can promise you this, im not going to be with anyone else you broke my heart gaz im trying to get over this pain by going away on my own. i think tomorrow should be the last time we talk gaz after that im not being rude but i wont be answering emails again, i need my life back tomorrows phone call is the last time ill talk to you ok


Gareth: I will promise whatever you ask of me on the phone. Sorry I said that, I just instantly think you're going to be meeting someone as you know people in the usa and its an odd place to just 'go' to and mere days after this is just heartwrenching. But thats my problem not yours and so I wont say any more about it. I will give you a call tommorow if possible before 1pm but if not after 5pm, when youre back from seeing them. (My children)


Gareth: I guess its time to let the pillow mop up the tears and say goodnight, (Boo Hoo Martyr Man) it's getting late and I really want to get out and get credit to give you that call. Sorry again about the america thing hope you can see things through my eyes. Are you off to bed now?


Me: My dad says times a big healer, things will get better at home for you, you can travel see friends and this will all seem like a distant dream so let me have that distant dream as its so painful to stay in the past and i cant do it gaz make tomorrow the last time we talk


Gareth: Ok XXXXXX, time is a great healer - that is true. I look forward to hearing you tommorow, I'm so glad to see you haven't fallen back into the past and the old ways.

You obviously have overcome those issues from the past and really have sorted yourself out.

I hope you have a wonderful time with the girls tommorow, it is most likely that i'll call after you've seen them as i need to travel to find credit.

Goodnight and sweet dreams.

Untill tomorrow...








I email him the next day


Me: I have grown up a lot in the past few months and although you are hurting inside, phoning me to make yourself feel better isnt going to help ( i will talk to you later on the phone im just saying what i think) you have been incredibly selfish but also its been something you cant feel you can help doing.

Im at a loss I have made so many mistakes and im starting to see things differently now, if someone were to watch you and me and our relationship they would say "well someone needs to grow up" if you hadnt of left when you did you would of done it when i had the girls and that would be more heartwrentching , I know you couldnt handle the responsibility but that doesnt mean you didnt try and it isnt your fault, but you need to take responsibility for all the actions you do and its consequences, ive done wrong and so have you, the pain we are feeling will pass, our relationship from start to finish was wrong as we met under the wrong circumstances

I am a 25 year old woman with two children I have to bring up and one day Im hoping I will find someone who is going to love me, someone i can depend on and someone who will love my children , until that day ill spend my time grieving for you and finding out who i am and what i want. and ill be careful to make the right choices. I dont want things to be as they were before Hope was born where you contacted me all the time breaking my heart and then expecting me to wait , ive done a lot of waiting gareth and its draining me. I have to make decisions for myself now, you have chosen many things over being with me and whats happened obviously happened for the best all I ask is that now you have made your choice that you stick by it and not come back to me in the future because I wont be there Gaz, I cant wait for you anymore I just wished you loved me enough to stay , and it is true that if someone loves someone with all their heart and truly has the best intentions for them they would treasure that person, always wanting the best for them, I was able to let you go the other day without too much of a fuss because I knew what was best and i wanted what was best for you however I cannot continue to keep having my heart broken and us staying in contact is one of the things that stops me from moving on, I do wish you had stayed as anything could of worked out but i do suspect it wouldnt have.

The reason I am going away is because I want to find out who i am and what im about as I dont know, since you left it has thrown so many questions around in my mind that im overwhelmed and at a loss as to what to do, I want to pick up my bags fly off somewhere and actually reflect on my life.

Gaz Ive also thought about the chances of you coming back and i know itd have to be my head that rules my heart over it, im not saying you will as i dont think you would come back but I had to ask myself that question and then answer it, we are not going to work out gaz because you didnt want it enough , I think I can leave everything else unsaid for now, after our phonecall


I am going to the USA , I am staying with XXXXXX (A friend who happened to have a fiance and was and has been only a friend) I am not going to look for companionship im going to get away for a week in a new place and just be by myself, my mum and dad are ok with it they are going to take me to the airport , ive booked the flight and i think its the best thing for me atm , i didnt know until today i was going to definatley go but i really need to go. i only told you as i didnt want you to think i lied about anything





When you voice the truth -- refuse to act out the narcissist's fantasy for him, simply by saying that one sentence: "You are selfish" or "You need to accept my boundaries" The reaction was exactly the reaction I have always observed whenever you don't follow a narcissist's script in the work of fiction they're play-acting.

You are an object, like a toy or tool. You are not working properly if you can't be manipulated properly. So they get mad. They need to control what you say. As far as they're concerned, you are a ventriloquist's dummy. The narcissist (Gareth) gets angry at me for wanting closure and healing and for my need to "get away from it all" accuses me of cheating although we are not a couple, and doing what he perceives as irrational but then at the same time states its "none of his business" See the twisting here? The narcissist is the one trying to force somebody into doing what he wants. But he perverts it fully (ass-backwards) and accuses the very victim of HIS control tactics and accuses her of being the controller. That's how everything you do bounces off a narcissist's thick forehead -- backwards. THERE IS NO WAY TO GET THROUGH TO THEM. IRRATIONALITY IS IMPREGNABLE, AND PERVERSITY IS INVINCIBLE.






The more independent a partner becomes, the more abusive the abuser will be, because he sees he is losing control of his partner. Emotional abusers have huge double standards. What is ok for them, is NOT ok for their partners. I.e. THEY are allowed to get angry - their partners are not. When his partner stands up for herself, Abusers will often complain (especially to others outside the relationship) about how unappreciated they are/were, and how they gave and gave and gave, and got so little in return... He will indicate that his interest in his partner is waning, and when she begins to start separating from him, he will become attentive and interested again......he can't let go and is still trying to control her and inflict pain on her after the relationship is over. This is a subtle form of terrorism, because abuse victims are often very emotionally (if not physically) afraid of their abusers once they wake up..........If you find that you are having to explain the basics of respect and courtesy to a partner - if you are finding that he just DOESN'T SEEM TO GET IT, when you try to explain why his behavior or actions were disrespectful - run far and run fast. People who are capable of maintaining and contributing to a loving, supportive, healthy relationship, DON'T need to constantly have the concepts of respect, compassion, and consideration explained to them........Remember: Safe People are people who draw you closer to who you were meant to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. They encourage you to be your most loving, growing self. - Source












Gareth: I won't inflict my opinions upon you, I'm sure you know what will happen when you goto the US i'm also sure your back in all your online groups chatting to random people and wanting meet all these guys you have met online.

It twists the knife in my heart further but there is nothing I can do, you have made your mind up and within one day of us ending your off to meet people youve fancied in the past off irc - its not a break but thats my opinion, I shall not intrude into the chat rooms you sit in each night as I have seen what you have said in the past and know what it would do to me.

The other thing that gets to me is the fact that you could get intimate with any of these old friends and that feeling of in-significancy drowns me, (Bingo! psychopaths will ALWAYS feel that way because his Narcissistic Supply is now gone & he can't face rejection even though he rejected me first - so he uses ANY excuse to BLAME SHIFT) I'm sure if I went out to meet girls I talked to in e.g. France straight away you would see it how I do. I had NO idea you spoke to girls in France, Another thing a psychopath will say to get your back up and blame shift - he probably cheated on me as all psychopaths do)


But none of this is my business im distraught and the things people have said have torn me to shreds so far.

I never thought you were so free to travel off around the world - One of the main things I wanted to do with you, but knew it wasnt possible with the kids, but here you are two days later tickets booked and ready to go. This is WHY he left me! because he thought we couldn't travel if I HAD KIDS and felt he was missing out on fun in the sun by being with ME!)


I wish you the best time even though I feel ever so insignifacant to you. Typical Predators Response He feels inferior and insignificant so he has to DEVALUE me now and that's what he does


I'm ever so confused not by you but by my familys reaction which is terribly odd.

It's your choice to go meet new people and theres nothing I can do to stop you but just deal without at least i know I love you enough to not do that, time may be a healer but It will take more time than 2 days for me to go thousands of miles to meet old flames. They were NOT old flames and you KNEW that, but in YOUR head everything revolves around YOU and YOUR fantasies

I'm sure this makes no sense at all - which is the state my head is in at the moment.


All I can say is think about the kids, getting links in america would not be in there interest, I thought ever so hard about them and no matter how much I wanted to travel with you and see some of the world and go places together I knew it wouldn't be possible as the kids need 120% attention. I would never of asked you to miss one visit with them to satisfy me.

I hope you know what your'e doing esp. in regard to meeting peope who would want to take you out for drinks etc.

Theres not much more I feel like saying right now as all is turning red. (Narcissistic Rage)

I also wonder how much of this will be sent onto all your iFriends so I shall retire and put my head to sleep, If you get this before you go
off galivanting then all the better. I wasn't talking to anyone online but him, but he ALWAYS goaded and Blame Shifted this is also PROJECTION


Hope you know what you're doing, I thought youd want less to think about and arrange at the moment but obviously not, its more like siezing the opportunity once i've left.



And further to the point you will not be by yourself and you will find companionship as everyone will 'want you' bear this in mind I really think you should get ticket refunds sort out your mind first then go away, in all honesty you do know how these people see you, you knoow what they want and they expect you to be as you used to be - they gauge this by the drink they all saw and knew about


personally I think its stupid but if thats what you want to happen to you and your body then so be it, I will keep my thoughts and feelings to myself as i won't allow myself to say such things to you. but my hands are tied and I can't stop you, theres many things I want to say, many more I want to do but I guess I shouldnt say anymore. But you are NOT keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself - and you ARE allowing yourself to say such things to me - readers this is another tactic of the emotional abuser he contradicts himself so well you cannot see it - He feels as if he has lost his control and hold over me so he is fighting, kicking and screaming to get it back - he knows my head is clearer and the fog over my thinking has dissipated so he is reaching out to grab hold of those puppet strings and trying to pull with all his might in order to make me dance to his script.


Please understand the insignificancy i feel, its almost like this in my head: "she's done with me so shes off to find the next guy and
where better to start all the guys in the us she flirted with prior to me" it's like you didnt want me but just want 'someone' to take that place. No that's what you WANT to think - Besides who broke up with who here? HELLO!



The narcissist intensifies his attack when the other party backs down, tries to appease, tries to flee, or shows any other sign of weakness. Just like an animal predator does.


I feel distraught and it's time to sleep.

Goodnight PND , I'm sure your still up chatting but i wont recieve any reply untill the morning. Oh Spare me your melodrama











Me: I am not off to find a 'man', I am going as it is the best thing for me at the moment, i cant stay in my own home, I look around and it all reminds me of you. I dont want companionship I want the pain to go away and it isnt going to go away all the time I am sitting in this house crying. You say you feel insignificant thats a good thing in a way as thats the way you have made me feel by leaving me, you broke my heart Gareth I have only sympathy for myself and my girls not for you. I cannot get a refund as the tickets are non refundable, I am going to go Gaz I have made up my mind to go I want so much in life that I am scared I am never going to have, you have confused my mind to the point where I have done something spontaneous, but id rather be travelling than sitting at home pining for you. You chode to leave me so this is the consequence of that, be responsible to know that what you do in life has consquences.

I do want you to know this though, I am not meeting any guy for companionship I am meeting freinds girls included I am going to eat and have a good time without drinking.


you made your bed now you have to go lie in it so to speak. You hurt me incredibly , my heart is broken in pieces and I dont want the pain anymore, as soon as my plane leaves the ground mentally my mind will leave you and the pain behind and hopefully I will find some rest.


The people I am meeting are not old flames, they are people who dont expect anything from me, is it so hard to believe people dont want anything from me? Psychopaths Believe EVERYONE has an ulterior motive just like HE DOES


I am so confused at the moment Gareth I really dont know what I want in life anymore, my family have been a beacon of support in the past few days and now I have to try to support myself and its hard, Im not running away from myself and my feelings as I know wherever I go , they go too, I am getting away so I dont have to sit in this house and think about you and me, we were over the moment you decided to leave me how on earth can you have the audacity to say you feel insignificant! YOU chose to go, you chose to be without me for the rest of your life and thats the brutal truth!


One more thing I do believe is you only care about how you feel, what you want and I feel sorry for you because of that, all of your emails is centered on how you are feeling, you did this before Hope died and you will carry on doing it until you realise how to care about other people, you care only for one person you love only yourself (your whole mind is centered on YOU) you need to change gareth and that change will come with age and maturity I do hope you find it. I was noticing the RED FLAGS even then!











Gareth: There's not much I can say to all that, i'm not as self centered as you say I am, my mind is in the same place a yours, so confused not knowing what I truly want I want to go back 200% but I wouldn't know if i'll regret not doing things in years to come. (he means holidays and seeing the world and to him that comes first above ME)



As for the America thing I want you to have a good time, I would never disagree with you doing such a thing aside from sleeping with people youve flirted with before whether it be in the name of companionship or fun.Here he goes again

If there was some guarantee of you not doing such a thing I would not get angry and be happy for you,Oh so I have to prove my daily life to you so you can approve of it? even though YOU BROKE UP WITH ME?

I don't know if you're meeting Jon etc. but if you are theres an almost guarantee such things will happen and if you saw in your head me doing the same I think you'd feel the same.

Just keep off the drink, be safe, think twice before doing anything you may regret. And remember your a 25 year old mother of two not a 16 year old american party animal flirting and chatting with a load of geeks.

Please remember that, if you make yourself out to be anything less, that is what they will see you to be.









Me: you fail to realise, i am not going out there to meet john hes in atlanta im going to the other side of the US. I dont want a mans affections and I am not going to drink, make myself out to be a fool, nor to be stupid, I will be myself , enjoy my stay and hopefully come back a different person as I hate who I am right now I dont know who I am,


So, you still hanging on to that Narcissist? Good for you! I know, he's beaten your soul out of recognition and you don't know who you are anymore, but hang in there, things might turn around someday! (That's how I felt at this time) By now you're great friends with an adorable little quirk called devaluation. As you know, just about anything can bring this scene on, such as "he had salami for lunch" or "You asked what was wrong" or "You have children and they get in the way of his dreams" or "they blame you for the way they feel even though they instigated the situation that caused it in the first place" - so the narcissist attacks you and devalues you by taking digs at you and calling you names



what I am capable of or what I think about life in general,

Im not degrading myself in any way I am just trying to find out who I am , im confused hurt and I feel worthless right now in many ways, I know im not but I feel that way. Men are the last thing on my mind, I am only interested in making myself a stronger better person so that I can go through life coping on my own.

Yes I am a mother of two wonderful children and I will not let them down. Just because I am going overseas doesnt mean I cant still be a mother of two as I am who I am , im not a 16 year old and therefore wont behave as one






Gareth: That's very reassuring I just wish you stick to that, If you are sure you won't cause any dilemmas or problems for yourself and you are 100% positive you will be safe then you have my support I may not agree to it being the best thing but it's your choice and I hope you have a terrific week. Have you booked return tickets? Please take care...




Gareth: Hope you have booked return tickets



Gareth: As for my travelling I never intended immediately and it wasn't just travelling it was alot of things I want you, I want to go travelling
with you I want to spend my life with you but I know alot of it isn't possible with the kids and asking you to do anything which would compromise the kids is unspeakable and would never ask that of you. But you did ask that of me! You asked me to Abort Hope and Lily our two daughters, or you would leave me again - you made me CHOOSE between YOU and OUR children!




If and whn I do go travelling I intended it to be for a matter of months, if I only wanted to go for a few weeks it would be fine as a week or two you can take the kids or make arrangements but not for any longer than that.


I will also plan things, save up and make sure i am still in pocket at the end instead of grabbing last minute tickets and hoping for the best.


You say I should mature - I will take the mature approach to all things, and is evident by the fact I wouldnt 'just go' somewhere for the hell of it.


Nothing wrong with being spontaneous and rash but it normally helps to have the money to back it.





Gareth: I have to go out now to get my dad a birthday present and my nan & gramp a wedding anniversary gift. Will be back in a while so sorry if I don't reply instantly.




Me: yes i have return tickets and im not asking for your approval Gaz, I dont need it I only thought I would tell you my plans as you asked and I didnt want you to find out another way or think ive lied, I will say this again though, im not going to meet anyone but im not going to pamper you so you have piece of mind, I want you to face what youve done and deal with the pain



Gareth: I know XXXXXX, I refuse to be nasty to you, I know you werent asking my approval but I did give you my opinion.

I know that things may happen and i am hurting from it and the rest, I do accept my pain and take respnsability i aam trying to work through
it each day, as you know time will heal.

I am facing what ive done one half of my head wants to go back the other wants to go on its travels and I have no idea of which to pursue and so are just standing in this void not knowing what i want to do. Oh, Oh, So I should sit around waiting to see whether you will choose the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN or a HOLIDAY!!!!! Gee thanks

But anyway your off to the US and I will get out of this void and go on my path wherever, all I know is I lost someone I truly love and miss for something im regretting wanting. And now your doing the things I wanted to do with you but didnt think we could because of the kids. Oh wait, so now because you find our we CAN go on holidays with children, you are rethinking?!






Me: I am off out too and this is the last email ill send to you now, goodbye Gareth, take care of yourself, I dont mean to sound rude but if you reply I will not answer, my silence will say it all for you. I hope you find your happiness, it's not too late for you.



Gareth: I understand and i'll go do my thing, I just hope to god that one day fate will take its course.



I have one promise, when I have done what I want to do I will try and find you, if you are with somone I'll pass right by but, if you are not I will make myself known, someone so perfect and suited to me will always be in my heart. HAHAHA so you expect to COME BACK after a few years to find me WAITING FOR YOU! once you have done your TRAVELS!!!!


Even my parents were astounded by what I said about you to the point they said if im not lying I should do what I want although they will
not support it.


I think this should be my last mail too, there is not much more I want to say without trying to run back. From your mails I know what you want me to do and I shall but I will always keep my promise above.

I understand it's best we leave it at this and not have any more contact but if there are any problems or you need to talk at any time about anything, you know how to - I will always be here for you. BS

I hope you have a wonderfull time and smile the entire week and then feel the same when you get back. What he means is "Feel the same miserable way when you get back" it's VERY CLEVER wording with the psychopath


I will never forget my love for you and what we have done together.

Please don't forget me.

Take good care,

All my love and best wishes.

Sincerely,

Gareth





He phoned me after this email and said he wasn't sure if he wanted to come back but might think about it so I told him he had until the Saturday until my flight to decide, as I was sick of waiting around for him all the time



Gareth I have untill Saturday you said.. To give me time to think, I will be thinking.


Me: Gareth, yes I said till saturday to give you time to think and ill keep that promise


Gareth: I don't know what to choose, dont stop the holiday or anything just carry on as if I don't exist and i'll make sure to tell you by then. Oh so I have to WAIT again for "his lord and majesty to be ready"?

If you are planning on taking your laptop with you, backup all the 'sensitive' pictures and movies and videos including ones of hope just incase you get hacked or it all breaks.

Sorry I just keep wanting to help you. Sure you do.....

I'll spend some time thinking now, really thinking, I have no idea what will come of it but please dont wait up for me or get your hopes
up just incase... WTH!? readers please wake up to the psychopaths BS, he is a SPINELESS RAT right to the very LAST SECOND!!.


Thankyou for the call it was o nice to hear you again.




Me: I cant keep waiting Gareth makje your mind up and if you turn up at my door then i know if not then i will know,



Gareth: I am really really trying. Right now my heart wants the obvious whereas my mind says different. Im just so stuck.



Me: i know as i understand but I also know you and me both love each other very much and we could do so much together gaz, as I said its up to you to decide


Gareth I know i'm trying so hard, I just called nick and asked him to come shooting up the fields with me, get some air and what not will do me some good, and no I won't shoot anything i like bunnys. Hope your ok


Me: I know you feel the need to explain in a long email but this is killing me, I need to know what you choose as it affects me, but do whats in your heart to do thats the only advice i can give you


Gareth: are you still awake,Just finished talking with my dad. My phone battery has died, im going to charge it and if you are not
asleep call you.



He called me on the Friday (one day before I was leaving) and said he was coming home to me, so I cancelled my £600 flight and had to pay my parents back the money they lent me for it, but how long did Gareth keep me waiting until he came home? 2 months! the conversation above was from July 05 and he came back at the end of September 05


Mind Numbing Manipulation!!!! I had my ONE chance to leave this predator and he sucks me in AGAIN!









Narcissists project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviours etc on to other people to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it (learning about oneself can be painful), and to distract and divert attention away from themselves and their inadequacies. Projection is achieved through blame, criticism and allegation; once you realise this, every criticism, allegation etc that the narcissist makes about their target is actually an admission or revelation about themselves. This knowledge can be used to perceive the narcissist's own misdemeanours; for instance, when the allegations are of financial or sexual impropriety, it is likely that the narcissist has committed these acts; when the narcissist makes an allegation of abuse , it is likely to be the narcissist who has committed the abuse. When the narcissist makes allegations of, say, "cowardice" or "negative attitude" it is the narcissist who is a coward or has a negative attitude. - Source











2 days after telling me he was coming back..........



From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 8:34 AM
subject Re: Stuff


I will support you in eveything Gareth. And ill say it again, you can be sure im never going to run away from you, you can be sure I love you and always will, and you can be sure that id never leave you, nor do anything to jepordise our relationship, and you can be sure to know that anything that is mine is yours. Im always going to be there for you.










from QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 11:15 AM
subject Re: Stuff



Good Morning,

I would of called by now but my Mum's home today and she isnt on the same trail of thought as my dad.


(His dad apparently told Gareth "If you don't go and be with her, you might regret it" - His dads parents hated his mother when they got together so Gareth's dad said it was best if he came back just in case "You lose what I almost lost with your mother" - Who knows if this is true or not as psychopaths are ALL PATHOLOGICAL LIARS


(What did Gareths father say to me after finding out (finally) I was 6 months pregnant with Hope? yes that's right his parents didn't know about the pregnancy until I was 6 months along, and when I asked why he didn't want to talk about his grandchild/ and why didn't he want to be part of her life? ............. "I don't want anything to do with it - it's not my grandchild as far as I am concerned) -

His parents didn't even know I was pregnant with lily (our 2nd daughter) even when I buried her after she died. (Uterine Rupture) You can read about that HERE



She wants a big talk with me and dad tonight which i'm dreading and shes been aggravating all day, running round grabbing all my stuff
putting it in boxes as "theres no point unpacking anything here".



(His mother said she was "Leaving his father unless he (Gareth) stayed" she then packed some bags , left and went to a hotel to prove her point- his mother is Pathological/Narcissist)



Hope your ok,

I bet your on all your chat networks but I don't really want to go back to them so sticking to email's better.AGAIN he brings this up










from PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 11:17 AM
subject Re: Stuff


Oh Gaz,

Im not on the chat networks im watching a film, Please Please dont change your mind, I know we can work things out










from QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 11:21 AM
subject Re: Stuff



Nothing's changed at all...

I'm standing upto everyone here, after my parents I will go through my sister, cousins grandparents and auntie.

Is tough so it gets me down but last night I slept wonderfully, I didnt cry and I felt relaxed, because of speaking with you.

Just putting one of Nicks films on, So far I watched Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy - very good and had me watching till gone 5am last
night.

Now I'm putting on "Death to smoochy" no idea but its got danny devito and robin williams so it cant be to bad!

-g












Emails Continue



Me: heya, Im sitting here watching a film and feeling scared, I hope you can call me today (said he would call me when he goes for a walk then later says it's raining and prolongs it)



Gareth: Heh, I just emailed you and you wrote at the same time.. Why are you feeling scared, is it a well made film? :op



Me: Im feeling scared as im thinking about losing you and i cant bear the pain, im so so scared im shaking and i cant help it



Gareth: I'm relaxed as I feel im no longer moving away from you. The reason for not calling is not the phones its the fact that shes (his mother) in and out of my room as I said packing stuff and taking digs. But I will get dressed in a little while and go for a walk. Might take my air rifle or something.



Me: A walk will do you good. No shooting bunnies though!


Gareth Thankyou, Sorry, Mum is relentless, continually waring me down. The room goes dark when she enters, She is the bringer of darkness. What are your plans for today? Now I know where you inherited that darkness from


Me: Im so sorry Gaz for your pain. I have the door open and the sun coming in and boo (dog) is asleep next to me on the couch cuddling my leg and sometimes making little grunting sounds. Might go for a walk later. What are you up to?


Gareth: Going for a walk soon - after this film then probably not doing anything other than watching films or maybe doing work. So pretty much nothing. Feel pretty drained.



Me: A nice walk will give you some peace, think ill be doing some work later too. itd be lovely to have a chat with you later on your walk if you feel like it. I feel emotionally drained too.



Gareth: Still watching that film?



Me: its finished now



Gareth: It's raining now, you ok?



Me: feeling upset but im trying to smile just feeling a little worried thats all If you can go out for a walk when the rain stops itd be nice. you ok?So he could call me as he wouldn't call from the house



Gareth The rain is of monsoon proportions like last night at the moment I do want to get out, mum and dad are screaming at each other, this is the last place I want to be.



Me: Im sorry. Is there anything you can do about the yelling? ive heard the weather there is quite bad at the moment, I wish you werent there dealing with it all on your own, I wish you were here safe with me.



Gareth: Me too, when you say you heard the weather was bad down here, which person on your list said that? Chris or someone? As ALWAYS he thinks I am chatting to other people online no matter how many times I said I wasn't and even sent proof ie: Screenshots or allowed him in via VNC to control and watch my computer



Me: You told me yesterday about the weather and I saw it on the news! im not on any chat program cept skype which I put on in case you went on it .



Gareth: Heh, I don't know my passwords for any of my old skype accounts, I don't even have it, I havent downloaded any of those programs what so ever - I guess you downloaded skype to phone people the other day?



Me: I havent been chatting to anyone on skype and the only person I am going to chat to is you, please dont have a go at me, im trying so hard at the moment to keep it together and to keep us together. I just thought having skype on would be nice to chat to you i only downloaded it a few hours ago and noone knows my account name except for you, and Im not on any chat programs im sitting here thinking and i have that film on in the background for some noise




Gareth: I'll downlod skype now



Me: thankyou



Me: well ill be here when you want to chat



He sets up Skype then disappears for a few hours - Narcissistic Rage & Silent Treatment (With-holding)





When reading these emails today I felt sick, angry and disgusted because NOW I see what Gareth was doing to me. Now I am not under his control and now know his pathology (psychopath) I can see through his crap, I am no longer wearing those rose coloured glasses that show me the Ice Cream that I mistake for Dog Crap (reality)



If you know someone like Gareth run as far away as you possibly can! it's what I should of done. You might be thinking... "Why the hell did she stay, what's wrong with her for not realizing" sure... I can understand your confusion

I used to ask myself that all the time until I found out what HE IS, it's because psychopaths/narcissists are all the SAME , they read like a text book and they are very clever at manipultion mind games, control and hypnosis techniques. You can read more about the psychopaths methods here







Want another example? of how I REFUSED to listen to MY GUT INSTINCT even when his friends warned me


I sent this email to Gareth back in 2004 a year before the above happened - Dominic and Matt were Gareth's friends offline as well as online and lived in the same area and had known him for a year



from PND XXXXX@gmail.com
to QAZ3D XXXXX@gmail.com
date Fri, Aug 20, 2004 at 1:43 AM
subject oh dear


Gareth,

"Why can't I have a normal conversation with people? , Dominic says you have changed, (When you and I got together) he says: "You enjoy smirking and laughing at him behind his back , you are sly and sneaky"

Matt agrees with Dominic that "you are devious" and they said you were just "Playing People"

They are trying to warn me . I was wondering Gareth if you were using NLP on me? I don't like it but you said you were not using it against me

Dominic doesn't like you anymore and I can't work out why , I love you but I hope you are not using these things (nlp) against me to get what you want

Damn Dominic and Matt for making me question you!

XXXXXX



The examples above are part of the reason why I am SO ADAMANT ON "NO CONTACT WITH THE PSYCHOPATH!" he can reel you in again and again ...again and AGAIN!!, so please keep that no contact rule in place









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