You Are an Object (To The Narcissist)

An infant in a crib is unaware of the fundamental difference between people and the other objects that revolve around it in its world. Both its mother and the mobile overhead are just objects to it. It quickly learns that when it cries, the mother-object appears and fulfills all its needs. Ooh, power!

So, it uses its vocal chords as a remote control for the mother-object.

It assumes that the mother-object exists for its sake. It quickly learns how to operate the mother-object. It pushes the buttons on her control panel largely through big demonstrations of displeasure whenever she does not anticipate and fulfill its needs in advance. She is just one object in a world that revolves around it, for it. Mark Twain delightfully reminds us of what we are at this stage of human development:

I do not remember my first lie, it is too far back; but I remember my second one very well. I was nine days old at the time, and had noticed that if a pin was sticking in me and I advertised it in the usual fashion, I was lovingly petted and coddled and pitied in a most agreeable way and got a ration between meals besides. It was human nature to want to get these riches, and I fell. I lied about the pin — advertising one when there wasn't any. You would have done it; George Washington did it, anyone would have done it. During the first half of my life I never knew a child that was able to rise above that temptation and keep from telling that lie.

— Mark Twain





A narcissist remains forever such an infant. His world revolves around him. The people in it are but objects for him to use and control — existing for his sake, not their own. Like levers on a control panel or tools to be damaged through heavy use or livestock to be consumed. There to fulfill his needs and enhance his image. Beyond that, they have no importance. It never occurs to him that he owes them anything in return or that he should consider the effects of his actions on them.

An object has no feelings. It is not a person. It is not even a being in the usual sense of the word. You might grab an object like a screwdriver and abuse it by using it to pry something open, knowing that by using it this way you might break it. But you think nothing of breaking a screwdriver. Damaging that screwdriver is nothing. There are plenty more where that one came from.

The only thing that matters is what you want = getting open that thing you're trying to pry open with the screwdriver.

That screwdriver is of no account. It would be absurd to regard it as a having a right to better treatment. In fact, it has no right to be: it exists for your sake, for you to use and abuse as you please. It's basically just an extension of yourself, a tool, an executioner of your will, not its own.

That's what YOU are to a narcissist.

Narcissists (and psychopaths) just use other people, all other people. Any way they please. In other words, they don't relate to other people. Which is an abbreviated way of saying that they don't relate to other human beings as a human being.

To relate to other human beings as a human being (i.e., humanly), you have to be a human being. You must experience your own humanity and know it. Only then can you recognize the image and likeness of humanity in others and relate to it in them as our common humanity — something we share with all other human beings, even mortal enemies. We relate to it.

Relating to it IS humanity. Otherwise known as empathy. It's what prompts soldiers who were fighting ferociously a minute ago to kneel down and tenderly care for the enemy's wounds. In fact, because the extremity of battle often makes it hard to switch gears the moment the fighting stops, humanity toward the fallen foe was regarded as the Christian soldier's highest virtue. In Italian it is called pieta, which sublimely shows that piety and pity (empathy) are two sides of the same coin.

But ours isn't the only species that relates in a special manner to its own kind. Many species of higher animals do. And it's easy to see why: that's how Nature keeps them from preying on their own kind (as sometimes happens, especially among lower species of animals). Even when they do fight, once one contestant for what they're fighting over backs off, the fight is instantly over and all hostility vanishes.

So, though remembering our humanity in extreme and unnatural situations like combat may be a virtue, normally it's no virtue at all. It's just natural.

But it's a learned behavior.

To illustrate: You've certainly seen a toddler delighted with some chick or puppy or bunny or other cute little animal you place before her. Then, on a whim, she shocks you by grabbing a stick and pounding the poor thing. The look in her eyes is the most shocking part — nothing there but fascination with the effect she's having on it = fascination with its agony.

Picture an adult instead, and you are watching a psychopath or other narcissist.

The narcissist feels entitled, and when he is thwarted, he acts out, just as young children, who are supremely narcissistic, act out. "Think of a toddler raging against an object that won't do what he wants," says [forensic psychologist J. Reid] Meloy. "I have this image in my mind of a 2-year-old squeezing a puppy's feet. He's attempting to control the animal's behavior, and probably deriving some pleasure from that."

— Hollow Men by Stephen G. Michaud

A little child does this because her person-ality isn't fully developed. Her sense of person-hood isn't differentiated so that she distinguishes between your personhood and hers. Between that puppy's living soul and hers. She's so brutal because while pounding Puppy she feels no pain. All she feels is powerful. So Puppy might as well be a nail she's hitting with a hammer.

This is why parents must closely supervise that little child, especially when vulnerable animals or other small children are around, and teach her that other living beings have feelings of their own and feel like she would if someone did that to her. She must be taught to respect other living beings as beings in their own right and to empathize with them.

For whatever reason, psychopaths and narcissists never learn.

How could they? They identify with their image — a work of fiction — not their true selves. So, they don't relate to themselves as human beings. They don't know the human being within. They don't know human being. So, how can they recognize humanity in others? How can they relate humanly to human beings?

The narcissist doesn't conceive herself as of our kind: What god with nothing but contempt for mere mortals does? So, expect no more regard for your feelings from her alien mentality than you should expect from an extra-terrestrial who abducts you to use as a specimen for an experiment. No more than a lamb should expect from a wolf, a mouse from a cat, a baby seal from a killer whale, or a cockroach from you.

In other words, narcissists relate to us as predators do.

And so perhaps they are right: they are NOT of our kind, humankind. For, except in primitive species, predators don't prey on their own kind. Because they identify with their own kind. They like their own kind. That affinity makes predation unthinkable. What use of force we observe among the members of a species is limited to what's necessary to protect individual interests and goes not one step further.

True, narcissists and psychopaths are not the only people who can turn off their humanity. All people can turn it off like a light-switch, thus becoming guilty of inhumanity. In fact, Man's inhumanity to Man is an age-old theme of literature, and history is full of examples of people turning off their human sensibilities en-masse, as during the Holocaust or the Inquisition. What makes people with narcissistic personality disorder (and psychopathy) different is that they have theirs turned off permanently for everyone but themselves.

And everyone means even their own children. Narcissists are as unfeeling toward whomever they abuse as you or I are toward a spike we are pounding with a sledgehammer. This is a hard truth to accept.

The good thing about accepting it is that there is no hating such a person. You can't hate what you can't relate to. You can no more hate a narcissist for being a narcissist than you can hate a snake for being a snake. You don't take it personally when a snake bites you. Don't take it personally when a narcissist does, either. It wasn't you. It wasn't anything you did. You were just there, that's all. Handy.

By Kathy Krajco

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Tuning You Out.

The brain is marvelously adept at choosing what information to filter out and what to let in. It does not filter out all extraneous information. It lets certain things in to distract us and grab our attention. For example, while absorbed in a book, you may not hear, "Honey, would you take out the trash?" or "Honey, would you get me a beer?" But you certainly will hear "Fire!"

Nature programs the brain to bring certain things, like loud noises, to our attention. Yet we can train the brain to filter certain loud noises out. This enables people living near airports or railroad tracks to sleep through the noise. Indeed, they are unaware of a passing plane or train unless it drives the dog nuts or they are trying to carry on a conversation.

Similarly, we can prime or train the brain to bring certain special things to our attention. For example, we can prime the brain to scan a written page for a word or phrase. We can train the brain to "notice" things others would not. For example, three or four good open-water lifeguards can guard a thousand swimmers (not that I recommend so few!). They have trained their brains to remain alert while focusing on no one, allowing certain types of movement to grab their attention.

Note that the brain does not block out filtered information. It just "represses" it to the level of the subconscious. There, it is processed without distracting us. This ability to collect and subconsciously process information is responsible for Natural Learning. Without it we couldn't do the simplest things like walking or talking. Remember how inept you were the first time you got behind the wheel of an automobile? You'd still be that inept if it weren't for Natural Learning.

Unfortunately, people often abuse their minds by repressing information they shouldn't. Like guilt, unwanted facts, conflicting beliefs, and feelings. Doing this puts them in a trance, a self-induced hypnotic state. It is thought that many people do this twenty times a day. To a slight degree, of course.




But, when they want to, people can practically knock themselves out. This is a phenomenon that must be seen to be believed. It reminds one of the newsreels showing the crowds gazing up at Hitler during one of his fist-pounding rants against Jews. All eyes glazed.

I saw it happen in a room of people scared of a hatchet man orchestrating a backstabbing melee in the mud to divide and conquer. Sitting in a circle, their (repressed) guilt made them so unwilling to know what was going on that none noticed the one picking her nose and eating it right in front of them. Incredulous, I had to pinch myself. I elbowed the one on my left, then on my right, asking whether they noticed. Both gave a little start as if awakened. Then their eyes widened at the sight, and they groggily replied that they hadn't noticed. Then — boom — they went right back under again so suddenly it was as if you'd clubbed them on the head.

Ever since, it has been no mystery to me how people downwind of Hitler's death camps could unsee, unhear, and even unsmell in order to unknow what was going on. Amazing experiments have been done to show that some people can go under so deep they feel no pain from minor surgery without an anesthetic. I don't think this is a mental skill that people should develop.

It is, after all, intellectual dishonesty. Friends don't lie to friends, and if you lie to yourself you are your own worst enemy.

All that repressed information is still there. Whether it's guilt, hatred, knowledge, or whatever. The subconscious mind still processes it. So, it still motivates behavior. For example, a narcissist's repressed feelings of inferiority and guilt motivate his behavior like an unseen puppet master.

It's better to be conscious of what's motivating your behavior. Then you can apply reason, good judgment, and measure to your decisions. Also, at the slightest reference, repressed guilt, knowledge, or feelings can surface to consciousness like a flashback. Narcissists live in constant dread of this. It's like some corpus delicti that just won't stay buried. No matter how frantically they keep shoveling.

Malignant narcissists are masters of this skill. At an early age they begin training their brains to filter out everything but what they want to see and hear and know. Everything but the reflection of their false image in the mirrors around them. In other words, like Narcissus, they are totally absorbed in it 100% of the time. Why? Because, unlike us, they identify with it. They have thus substituted it for their true, inner selves.
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The Actor & His Understudy -When The Psychopath Acts Like It Didn't Happen

The Lead & His Understudy.

In theatre, an understudy is a performer who learns the lines and blocking/ choreography of a leading actor. In this case the Psychopath is the leading actor and his understudy is "The Victim" who mimics his lines, actions and choreography. It is two people playing the same part, the understudy taking on the performance of the leading man.

The Psychopath does this to his victim by forcing her to become his understudy and "Acting like it didn't happen" , he is already acting like the abuse didn't happen anyway but he needs to coerce his victim into believing and acting the same way also.



Psychopaths are drawn to the theatre, born thespians, because they like being in front of an audience, seeking applause and stardom. Even in normal life, they will assign people roles, using black and white thinking, saying so and so is good or bad. They like to play act. They have panache. They walk around acting as if they are the most important people in the world. Only their opinions are right or matter.



Presentation Is Everything


Psychopaths can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming. To some people, however, they seem too slick and smooth, too obviously insincere and superficial. Astute observers often get the impression that psychopaths are play-acting, mechanically, "reading their lines".



Professor Hare describes the Psychopath as "knowing the words but not the music" Psychopaths lie for the sake of lying. They can convey the deepest heart-felt message without meaning a word of it. They can also tell the most outrageous stories simply in order to be at the center of attention and to get what they want. An acting performance lacking true substance


The psychopath is an actor in a continuing drama, yet forced to remain behind the scenes. After witnessing their repetitive actions over and over it will seem to appear like he is reading from a script. The performance the psychopath gives is hollow and lacking in substance, there is not depth nor "feeling" to their performance. The psychopath wants and is centre stage, he is the centre of attention.


Why does he thrive on an audience to perform for? Psychopaths calculate how to get the most out of a situation ie: "How do I get her to agree / give me/ get attention from this situation" Every psychopaths style is different even though they are all after the same thing they develop their own custom strategies to achieve the outcome they desire.


A psychopath is likened sometimes to a dictator, in rising to power dictators do not need to hide their actions because no one can hold them to accountability. They bully nations and populations the way a child bully, bullies his playmates in school. It is the ultimate fix of grandiosity. Psychopaths like dictators DO hide their filthy deeds, they work very hard at deceiving people into believing they are good. Once they feel secure in the situation (Relationship/Status) only then does the mask slip and they show their true colours.










Playing Pretend


Let's pretend that we are children again. We're being Superboy or Supergirl, pretending that we can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Then some other kid comes up and asks, "What are you doing?"


You reply, "I'm leaping a tall building in a single bound. See?"


Then he says, "That isn't a tall building. That's nothing but a stick lying on the ground."


What's going to happen? You know, don't you? You are going to get angry with him. But why? Is it because you care what he thinks? No, what he thinks won't even cross your mind. By that I mean that what he thinks isn't even a consideration.


No, what makes you angry with your little playmate is the fact that he is reminding you that you are just pretending. He is reminding you that your fantasy isn't true. He intrudes on it with reality, making it hard for you to maintain the fantasy that you are leaping a tall building with a single bound.


In other words, he spoils all your fun. That's what makes you mad. That's what makes you stomp your little foot at him and try to make him stop it. He is threatening your delusion of grandeur.


Now turn the clock ahead. You have grown up, but the psychopath hasn't. You don't need imaginary friends and imaginary superpowers anymore. But every psychopath does. He plays the role of you in this story: they get mad at anyone not playing along with their fantasy, with anyone who reminds them IN ANY WAY that it isn't true. They go off at anyone threatening their delusions of grandeur by not following their script in a lifelong game of Pretend. Source


This explains the mind-boggling fact of them punishing every good deed you do for them! By coming to their aid, or trying to convince them they are wrong, you have reminded them that they are not Superman or Superwoman, so look out. You are challenging the existence of their imaginary self -- a god towering above us all, a god who could never be brought so low as to need the help of anyone.

In all circumstances the psychopath wants the LEAD ROLE, he wants to be the star, the god of the drama playing out in your front room daily.











When The Actor Loathes To Have An Audience


Psychopaths are constantly adapting to their environment, when their environment changes so does their strategy For example: When a psychopath cannot get a positive reaction (Admiration / Attention) he will settle for the next best thing ie: "negative attention" Only in front of the victim(s) does the Psychopath show his true colours and how much of a evil doer he is. This is always , almost done behind closed doors, this is the ONE time the Psychopath loathes to have an audience for fear of them finding out just how "He gets his fix" because the psychopaths abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because he is careful to rationalize his abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about him.


He treads very carefully when deciding the "how's and when's" of engaging in his abuse.


The Psychopath is also very secretive, a characteristic of almost all abusers (“Don’t wash our dirty laundry in public!”) and will punish you for telling anyone else what he has done. The times and locations of his worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see his bad behavior, and he will seem like a completely different person in public.

Once the final curtain has dropped his shining status of brilliance is demoted to "Demanding Diva"


He will talk badly about you to other people, but will always embed his devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern, love and understanding (“I feel so sorry for her, She always seems to have such a hard time, but I just don’t know what I can do for her!”)


The Psychopath may be an excellent actor, always appearing charming, calm, and collected. They usually have a normal or above normal intelligence level and good verbal fluency. It is these qualities that sometimes place the sociopath in leadership positions within their social groups and often make it hard to spot their "black side"











Faking Those Emotions - A True Acting Performance


Psychopaths are masters at faking emotions in order to manipulate others. One psychologist reported that if you actually catch them in the act of committing a crime, or telling a lie, "they will immediately justify their actions by self pity and blaming another, by creating a heart-rending scene of faked emotional feelings." These fake emotions are only for effect, as the careful observer will note. The point I am trying to make is, "If nobody hold the psychopath accountable, he is able to carry on his abusive tactics and ruin other lives in the process" because the psychopath wants his victim to "Forget or act like it didn't happen" which is further abuse.



He may not EVER admit what he did, let alone admit he was wrong. Neither does he show remorse. He believes "what should I apologise for?" since he doesn't and cannot admit he is wrong and he isn't contrite he will therefore think "Why should I refrain from what I am doing" Right the wrongs he did? he doesn't believe it happened in the first place, or that he did wrong. Even if he took all your money and sunk it into the casino , he isn't required to repair the damage done to his victim. Does he offer the victim assurances he won't ever do it again? why should he?


He hasn't been required to admit what he did, let alone that anything he did was wrong. He isn't sorry. Quite the contrary today he is as happy as a lark , as though his rage towards the victim yesterday relieved a bad case of constipation. He incurred no liability, so he pays NO price (You - The Victim pays the price for what he did) So why should the psychopath offer any guarantees that he won't do it again? do WHAT again?


The bottom line is...the victim did nothing wrong = he has every right to do it again. By forgiving the unforgivable, you have given him reason to carry on abusing. "Repentance" is missing here , it isn't just a religious term it is just as essential in a secular context.


Without the psychopaths repentance there cannot be any reconciliation between the offender and offendee. A state of war/hostilities still exists, because the offender attacked and without any assurances to the contrary, presumably will attack again!


"You must treat someone you know is going to attack you as a friend?" NO, we trust friends. So therefore should the victim trust an enemy? must you tolerate an enemy in your home? must you be vulnerable to an enemy by allowing him in a close relationship with you? must you let him within an arm's reach of you? ... get real of course not!


Imagine that just yesterday, the psychopath in your life abused you. He or she flew into a rage at you. Maybe they beat you. Maybe they spread vicious lies about you. Maybe they deeply wounded one of the children. Whatever. They attacked you, or a loved one, and treated the victim like dirt.

Now today the narcissist walks into the room acting as though it didn’t happen.

What are you to do?

Are you to act as though it didn’t happen, too?


If you don't keep that threat (The Psychopath) at bay you are inviting it in willingly. If you continue "acting as though it didn't happen" you are inviting the psychopath to re abuse you over and over again.


This goes to show why "honesty is the best policy" by acting as if it didn't happen you are acting out a lie. It DID happen. if you lie or act as thought it didn't you are lying about the very nature of your relationship with the psychopath, you are portraying it as a friendly relationship when the reality is "it is a hostile one" , a predatory one in which you are the prey.


When a ravenous wolf comes out to play no sheep would be stupid enough to associate with the wolf as though a state of peace exists between them, so why are victims pressured to associate with a psychopathic abuser as though a state of peace exists between them? that's not only crazy but it's a LIE in deed.



It's a catch - 22, even though you MUST resist and refuse to act as though it didn't happen, you CANT. why? because a psychopath FORCES you to behave as he wants you to. He exploits the decency, goodwill and humanity in you to force you to act as if it didn't happen. Time and time again, the psychopath erases yesterday's assault and abuse on you by forcing you to act today as though it didn't happen. How? By throwing one of his well rehearsed temper tantrums. That's it. No brilliant grand strategy, nothing but the old, stamping of feet and fisticuffs in the air.


Unfortunately this "act" works because psychopaths are like three year olds and are relentless. They don't mind picking fights , in fact they enjoy fighting and therefore PICK fights. It is a release of all that pent up rage inside of them. Thus, he will bludgeon you into acting like it didn't happen just by throwing a fit if you don't. They never quit insisting that you can act out their charade for them. If you refuse to act like it didn't happen (ust as they do) they punish you by abusing you in a worse way.


This is called "Negative Reinforcement" such as is when taught with dogs in behaviour training. If you contradict their lies and protest their guilt, they just repeat them to the Nth degree just to have the last word. They never quit because Psychopaths are from another planet, and like fighting: It's an opportunity for them to land blows on you.


You'd think they would tire of this repeated dishing out of "Negative Reinforcement" but they don't, to the contrary they thrive on it. The psychopath is a spoiled brat who will erupt in a temper tantrum the moment you deviate from "his script" and fail to act as though it didn't happen. That's the stick he herds you with.



The psychopath has a lifetime of practice at these temper tantrums. He deliberately makes his temper tantrum as obnoxious as possible, so that you can't stand the sight and sound of it. He makes faces, gives you the silent treatment, loud, irrational, raging, orgre, of ignores you completely. (Silent temper tantrums do exist!) It is done from keeping the victim from making her point in the matter, he emits a wall of Nimrodean nonsense to bounce everything you say right back in your face. To keep you from getting a word in edgeways. he emits a blast of noise to drown out your voice (either with his voice or he turns up the TV or music when it's your turn to speak) to shout you down, or he will ignore you and change the subject, silent and loud rages and temper tantrums are the norm.









Rewriting History - The Psychopaths Script


To revise history and to get the last word the psychopath will repeat his lie yesterday one billion times if necessary, like a three year old, to get the last word. All these devices and performances have but one end... "to block your every attempt to communicate with him in order to REASON with him"



The psychopath also reacts to situations in "Doublethink" or rewriting history which is acted out by the psychopath whenever he wants it applied to a situation of abuse, coercion or wants the victim to conform to "his way of thinking"


The power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them....To tell deliberate lies while genuinely believing in them, to forget any fact that has become inconvenient, and then, when it becomes necessary again, to draw it back from oblivion for just so long as it is needed, to deny the existence of objective reality (abuse the victim, blame etc) and all the while to take account of the reality which one denies — all this is indispensably necessary. Even in using the word doublethink it is necessary to exercise doublethink. For by using the word one admits that one is tampering with reality; by a fresh act of doublethink one erases this knowledge; and so on indefinitely, with the lie always one leap ahead of the truth.



So what is the victim to do? carry on fighting a lost cause every single day for the rest of her life? or give in and allow the brat to have his way? We all eventually do give in and "act like it didn't happen" to have some peace. Why? because like every spoiled brat, he can carry on for hours with his temper tantrum performance. Whereas you are outraged and silenced in less than a minute. Because you can't bring yourself to stoop to such undignified behaviour. Because YOU have some self respect he doesn't.


There is on such thing as peaceful co-existence with a psychopath, soe people have apparently managed to occupy a household with a psychopath by separating within it, by drawing the battles lines within it. Lines the psychopath dare not cross. They force the victim to leave them alone by showing that they have teeth and claws too, and won't hesitate to use them on him.


There is no good reason to stay with a psychopath, none at all. Enabling the psychopath will lead to him only getting worse and the abuse will escalate.
The psychopath is responsible for what he does, not you, you can't fix him, in fact as prey, you are the LAST person in the world who can have any good influence on him.


All you feel morally obligated to do is nothing that encourages him to get worse, the best advice I can give is ..."to leave and never go back" or "stay and continue being abused" it's your choice.





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Tantrums & The Destructive Narcissist.

Article By EOPC


In honor of: Dan Jacoby, Doug Beckstead, Yidwithlid, Ed Hicks, Brad Dorsky, Gareth Rodger, et al:


The grandiose fantasies of the narcissist inevitably and invariably clash with his drab, routine, and mundane reality. We call this constant dissonance the Grandiosity Gap. Sometimes the gap is so yawning that even the narcissist - however dimly - recognizes its existence.

Still, this insight into his real situation fails to alter his behaviour. The narcissist knows that his grandiose fantasies are incommensurate with his accomplishments, knowledge, status, actual wealth (or lack thereof), physical constitution, or sex appeal - yet, he keeps behaving as though this were untrue.

The situation is further exacerbated by periods of relative success in the narcissist's past. Has-been and also-ran narcissists suffer from a Grandiosity Hangover. They may have once been rich, famous, powerful, brilliant, or sexually irresistible - but they no longer are. Still, they continue to behave as though little has changed.

The balding, potbellied narcissist still courts women aggressively. The impoverished tycoon sinks deeper into debts, trying to maintain an unsustainable and lavish lifestyle. The one-novel author or one- discovery scholar still demands professional deference and expects attention by media and superiors. The once-potent politician maintains regal airs and holds court in great pomp. The wizened actress demands special treatment and throws temper tantrums when rebuffed. The ageing beauty wears her daughter's clothes and regresses emotionally as she progresses chronologically.

Human collectives - firms, nations, clubs - develop Grandiosity Hangovers as easily and as frequently as do individuals. It is not uncommon to come across a group of people who still live in a bygone buy glorious past. This mass pathology is self- reinforcing.

Members feed on each other's delusions, pretensions, and lies. Ostrich-
like, they bury their collective head in the sand of time, harking
back to happier moments of omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence.

The Grandiosity Hangover and the Grandiosity Gap are the two major
vulnerabilities of the narcissist. By exploiting them, the narcissist
can be effortlessly manipulated. This is especially true when the
narcissist is confronted with authority, finds himself in an inferior
position, or when his Narcissistic Supply is deficient or uncertain.

Here are a few of the things the narcissist finds devastating: Any
statement or fact, which seems to contradict his inflated perception
of his grandiose self. Any criticism, disagreement, exposure of fake
achievements, belittling of 'talents and skills' which the narcissist
fantasizes that he possesses, any hint that he is subordinated,
subjugated, controlled, owned or dependent upon a third party. Any
description of the narcissist as average and common, indistinguishable
from many others. Any hint that the narcissist is weak, needy,
dependent, deficient, slow, not intelligent, naive, gullible,
susceptible, not in the know, manipulated, a victim.

The narcissist is likely to react with rage to all these and, in an
effort to re-establish his fantastic grandiosity, he is likely to
expose facts and stratagems he had no conscious intention of exposing.

The narcissist reacts with narcissistic rage, hatred, aggression, or
violence to an infringement of what he perceives to be his
entitlement.

Narcissists believe that they are so unique and that their lives are
so cosmically significant that others should defer to their needs and
cater to their every whim without ado. The narcissist feels entitled
to special treatment by unique individuals, over and above the regular
person.

Tell the narcissist that he and his motives are transparent and can be
easily gauged, that he will do what he is told, that his temper
tantrums will not be tolerated, that no special concessions will be
made to accommodate his inflated sense of self, that he is subject to
court procedures, etc. - and the narcissist will lose control. Read more!