Perplexing Behavior — Backward Reactions to Things

The reddest red flag is perverted behavior. Leave out the sexual connotation: I use that word perverted because it means "thoroughly twisted" or "turned backwards." Any act can be perverted. Perverted behavior is the extreme opposite of what is called for. This is behavior that goes against nature, behavior that makes you want to pinch yourself.

In other words, it's a surprise, a shock, the last thing you expected.

Like maybe everyone in that classroom was sitting up straight with all eyes riveted upon Teacher and you could have heard a pin drop. Ka-BOOM! He flies into snarling rage at some kid he won't identify as though that kid just flipped him the bird or something.

Or maybe you've been dating him for six months, and he has been saying from day one that he wanted you marry him. You finally tell him you love him. Ka-BOOM! He gets mad and tells you that you don't love him. And demands that you wear your hair a different way. If you really love him, you will, you know.

Perplexing.



In my experience, afterwards you are unable to say what the blow-up was even about. That isn't normal. When you have an argument with a normal person, afterwards you can say what it was about.

Though such off-the-wall flights into rage are the most memorable instances of perverted behavior, they aren't the only kind. In fact, other kinds are more telling.

For example, take a situation that has a nearly irresistible pull on the heartstrings. Imagine that some person in the room is suffering great grief and sorrow and breaks down into tears. Seeing that affects normal people like gravity, attracting them to that person to comfort her or him. But what does a narcissist do? The exact opposite. Remember, she must deny attention to that person, and she can't stand to see anyone else give attention to that person. So, you'd think anti-gravity was impelling her out the door on the far end of that room as she hurries out jabbering cheerily about everything BUT what is going on.

That's what I mean by "perverted" reactions to things — weird, backwards reactions to things. Behaviors that make you feel like you just stepped into The Twilight Zone and need to pinch yourself.

It's always a sign that a person is dangerous in some way. Perverted behavior is characteristic of psychopaths and malignant narcissists. Normal people rarely exhibit perverted behavior unless under extreme pressure to do so, and even normal people are dangerous at such times. For, that's when "normal" people all look the other way to allow things like the Holocaust while pretending that they don't know what's going on.

Inappropriate laughter is an example of perverted behavior. I'm not talking about the inappropriate laughter that sometimes comes from a nervous or self-conscious person, or from people under a great weight of fear, pressure, or sorrow. That's a release, and we understand it. I'm talking about inappropriate laughter that makes you wonder where it came from.

For instance, when the Challenger (space shuttle) exploded on take-off, we saw it live on television. As with the 9/11 Attack, the networks replayed the spectacular footage every two minutes while shocked America got the news and gathered around television sets. One narcissist I know of was so in need of getting his stunned co-workers' attention off the TV and onto himself that he put on a comedy act, parodying what the victims were saying to each other as the rocket plummeted into the sea. Though his fellow workers were scared to death of becoming the object of one of his persecutions, they were shocked at this chilling display of inhumanity and could manage only nervous laughter at the creep's attention-getting jokes.

That happens only when the victims aren't regarded as human beings. Either because they have been demonized by dehumanizing caricatures in propaganda or because the laugher is a psychopath or narcissist.

Other examples of perverted behavior are:

· reacting with contempt to what should evoke sympathy
· reacting with aversion to what should attract
· reacting with anger to what should please (such as finding some mysterious offense in an attempt to suck up)
· getting angrier in reaction to what should appease (Narcissistic Rage)

In short, whenever you see a backwards reaction to something, believe your eyes and ears. Accept this behavior's perplexity and know what you know — that there is something seriously wrong with that person. And don't forget about it tomorrow when he's Dr. Jekyll again.
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The Cause

Attractiveness & Impressions


Attractiveness may be important for a number of reasons, one of which suggests that being in the presence of an attractive person gives prestige and status to the individual concerned.


Ever notice why so many attractive women end up with the "unattractive psychopath"? You'll often hear remarks such as: "What does she see in him" , "What does she find attractive in him?" (some psychopaths such as Scott Peterson are classed as the "Great looking" , the "charismatic ", "the charming psychopath", "the butter would melt in his mouth" type)


The psychopath creates a good impression on others if he is seen with an attractive female. The psychopath with a trophy wife goes around praising her beauty. He's aggrandizing himself by association with her. And at the expense of everyone not good enough to win a trophy wife like his. He'll likewise aggrandize himself by association with some important person he knows, praising that person everywhere he goes to name-drop. - however behind closed door the psychopath will belittle and degrade his "trophy wife" to the outside world she is his "Trophy of Success" and behind closed doors she is "Inferior, pathetic and not worthy of his great love" (more about this subject below)



A phenomenon known as the "Matching Hypothesis" suggests that people are attracted to individuals who are approximately equal to themselves in terms of attractiveness, as opposed to individuals who are more or less attractive.



The same cannot be said for the psychopath because he is is all about attaining "The Best" . He tends to try to control people and situations around them to either become the perfect, lovable person and have the perfect woman, and/or to avoid the rejection of others.



The psychopath, in my view, is a person obsessed with matters of superiority and inferiority, in both the moral and the material spheres. Of course everyone is concerned with these matters to an extent - no one is without some vanity, shame, pride, envy and desire for control. The degree of obsession with these matters, its pervasiveness, and the behaviors employed to maintain the sense of superiority, are the chief factors which determine when these concerns become pathological.


One way psychopaths attempt to attain that "perfect title" or "position(s)" is through the pursuit of a cause. Virtually every psychopath has "A Cause" —something that he (or sometimes she) pursues to prove how worthy they are of whatever it is they covet ie: Praise, Admiration, Notoriety , Fame, the best looking girlfriend, The best car etc , Why?


The psychopaths awareness and their intelligence are fully in service in the pursuit of fulfilling whatever drive is acting at a given moment. In other words, narcissists, being completely self-centered are constitutionally incapable of self-awareness. They CANNOT get "outside their own skin" and into the mind and feelings of another. The only inferiority a narcissist feels is knowing that someone else has something (some possession, some prestige, some power) that he does not. And he will then use his typical ruthlessness and aggression to get it from his 'superior'.


When we think of a “cause” we often turn our minds to noble pursuits: Feeding the poor, curing cancer, creating a college education fund for the underprivileged. A lot of psychopaths in society pursue these types of things.


However to the psychopath the above are just a means to an end, a action that causes a pleasurable reaction. In other words, he may appear noble by helping the needy and poor, but it is so he can receive the gratification and praise for doing what others perceive as "Giving" , "Caring" and "Sharing" a person who is utterly selfless.


One place you probably wouldn't expect to find psychopath is in charity. But think about it - they love the attention of 'helping others.' Over and over I have seen them in clubs, charity events or organizations. They love to take over, and be the boss. Most people get an ego boost from helping others, but the psychopaths motives are more insidious. They want to run the show, be the star. Give them a difficult job away from the public and they will quit, they need to be where people are.








Ulterior Motives



Psychopaths usually have ulterior motives to their helpfulness or friendliness. They are constantly in "me" mode and usually have pretty much already figured out before they offer their help to you what they will get out of it in return. That's pretty harsh isn't it? However, it's truth, read this definition again and again, "consumed with self, unable to relate to the feelings, needs and perception of others". I want to keep repeating that because it's important for anyone who has to deal with a psychopathic person to understand that the problem is with them (the psychopath) and not you.


Above all, the psychopath is deceptive in all of his relationships and transactions. He bends the truth with automatic ease. Members of the narcissist's inner circle often have defective characters themselves. They are willing and eager to engage in underhanded tactics as long as it is to their material benefit. Some assistants and hangers-on are low level narcissists who lack the thinnest veneer of conscience or compassion. They sit at the feet of the master psychopath, believing that his affluence and stature will rub off on them.


You can't change them, remember they are focused on themselves and that they probably will not respond to even helpful criticism. By definition, the only person's thoughts and ideas they care about are their own.


You are "a cause" , "a means to an end" , "a tool on his tool belt" "A transaction" ..........



But that is just a few expressions of The Cause.




Other ways psychopaths express "The Cause" can be private: becoming the perfect (or most prolific) lover, raising the perfect family, becoming a great artist. He can focus on self-improvement as well—becoming a body-builder, a millionaire, a spiritual guru. It is all about "Status!" and fueled by his desires to become the "Ultimate God" in his every pursuit.



The obsession with unassailable, unimpeachable perfection represents the psychopath's desperate need for control and is the link between narcissism and authoritarianism. The authoritarian’s oppressive demands for submission are based on the psychopath's need to maintain omnipotent control and superiority. Authoritarianism, like pathological narcissism, is based on defining others as inferiors and, through whatever control methods are possible, maintaining them as such. they give someone else all the burden of the badness, and always claim the moral high ground for themselves.




Some psychopaths/Narcissists pursue "The Cause" that will gain them positive attention and notoriety—possibly even fame: A minister, a politician, an actor, a community leader, a military leader. For the psychopath "The Cause" is what gives him purpose. Deep inside he believes if he can just achieve "The Cause" he will be gain what he believes to be rightfully his.... "praise, respect, notoriety & admiration."


Anyone who stands in the way of "The Cause" or attempts to “help” as an equal in achieving "The Cause" is seen as a threat.


If "The Cause" is to have meaning its achievement must not be shared with anyone/ It is rightfully the Psychopaths and "The Cause" must never betray him, even if he (and he will) betrays "The Cause" To support his (the psychopaths) sense of uniqueness, greatness and cosmic significance, he is often hypervigilant. If he falls from grace - he attributes it to dark forces, out to destroy him. If his sense of entitlement is not satisfied and he is ignored by others - he attributes it to the fear and inferiority that he provokes in them.


He weaves grand visions of success that are designed to lead him to stashes of wealth, power, prestige, and control. Winning electrifies the psychopath; it is the engine, the fire that keeps him going. Psychopaths are often big picture virtuosos who leave the details and hard work to others. They take advantage of their assistants by underpaying them and overpromising while they carefully maintain their elite lifestyles. The written or verbal agreement you make with a psychopath is never the real deal. The psychopath knows that contracts can always be broken as long as you can get away with it.



The psychopathic type prides himself on his inventiveness, hope, idealism, ambition, assertiveness, competitiveness, wittiness, intelligence, originality, analytical ability, ingenuity, contrivance, competence, industry, and enterprise.


The psychopath covets

• being socially recognized and having high status and prestige
• being loved and approved of by high status individuals
• being admired and envied generally
• Very high standards
• great personal achievement


He believes that it is very important for him to get recognition, praise, and admiration. He believes that he must be loved. He believes that other people don't deserve the admiration or riches that he gets.


Which leads to the psychopath constantly on the look out and prowl for "The Cause" and that can be anything from a job , to a car to a girlfriend, to the best home, the best life, the best children, the best doctor etc etc


• He will accept nothing less than perfection from himself

• He believes that in order to be loved and successful, he must be perfect.

• He believes that he should be able to dominate life.

• He believes that he must transform the world around him to confirm his own personality.












Failing To Attain "The Cause" - Envy & Narcissistic Rage



Thus, when the psychopath fails to attain "The Cause" Such powerlessness and the sense of helplessness via-a-vis the world are unbearably traumatic experiences that must be ended by any means whatsoever. The offending other must be wiped out. When the psychopath is consumed with pathological envy , they make themselves look good by making others look bad.



He is arrogant/entitled oblivious, thick-skinned, overt/ overt sense of entitlement, devalues most people, strikes observers as vain and manipulative or charismatic and commanding - he projects everything his "real self" is onto others.


Envy is a rage reaction at not controlling or "having" or engulfing the good, desired object. Narcissists defend themselves against this acidulous, corroding sensation by pretending that they DO control, possess and engulf the good object. This is what we call "grandiose fantasies (of omnipotence or omniscience)". But, in doing so, the psychopath MUST deny the existence of ANY good outside himself. The psychopath defends himself against raging, all consuming envy - by solipsistically claiming to be the ONLY good object in the world. This is an object that cannot be had by anyone, except the psychopath and, therefore, is immune to the narcissist's threatening, annihilating envy. In order not to be "owned" by anyone (and, thus, avoid self destruction in the hands of his own envy) - the psychopath reduces others to "non-entities" or avoids all meaningful contact with them (the schizoid solution).



The suppression of envy is at the CORE of the narcissist's being. If he fails to convince his self that he is the ONLY good object in the universe - he is exposed to his own murderous envy. If there are others out there who are better than he - he envies them, he lashes out at them ferociously, uncontrollably, madly, hatefully and spitefully. If someone tries to get emotionally intimate with the psychopath - he threatens the grandiose belief that no one but the psychopath can possess the good object (the psychopath himself). Only the psychopath can own himself, have access to himself, possess himself. This is the only way to avoid seething envy and certain self-annihilation. Perhaps it is clearer now why narcissists react as raving madmen to ANYTHING, however minute, however remote that seems to threaten their grandiose fantasies, the only protective barrier between themselves and their envy



Psychopathic/Narcissistic rage, character assassination and projection are some of the overt ways in which the psychopath expresses himself. For example, he may envy a work colleague's physique and project feelings into his colleague by accusing him of being envious.











The Cause - The Saint & The Whore


A lot of psychopaths see women as "The Ultimate Whore" and attributes this damning title to women everywhere.


He hates and needs her at the same time, causing an inferiority inside of him such as in Gareth Rodger's personality (due to extreme hate of his mother) : He divides all women to saints and whores. He finds it difficult to have sex ("dirty", "forbidden", "punishable", "degrading") with feminine significant others (spouse, intimate girlfriend). To him, sex and intimacy are mutually exclusive rather than mutually expressive propositions.


Sex is reserved to "whores" (all other women in the world). This is why sex with the psychopath becomes more and more deviant and abusive over time. He is a sadist. This division provides for a resolution of his constant cognitive dissonance ("I want her but...", "I don't need anyone but..."). He hates that he needs the woman but also hates himself for needing anyone else to satisfy him. The psychopath loathes to depend on anyone especially a woman who he perceives as inferior to him. He hates having to relieve these urges, he blames her for manipulating him into feeling the sexual urges he does. He see the woman as "deceptive" and "a whore" , he feels great rage at having to "need" and "sexually desire" a woman.



The psychopath believes firmly that women are out to "hunt" or "trap" men and that this is genetic. As a result, he feels threatened (as any prey would). This, of course, is an intellectualization of the real, absolutely opposite, state of things: the psychopath feels threatened by women and tries to justify this irrational fear by imbuing women with "objective" qualities which make them, to his mind, ominous.



This is but just one example of "pathologizing"the woman it is a means of controlling them. The psychopaths believes that once his prey is secured (through hypnosis, nlp, coercion & brain washing) The woman assumes the role of a "body snatcher". She leaves with the psychopaths sperm, she generates an endless stream of demanding children who take the focus away from the psychopath.




She financially bleeds the man in her life to cater to her needs and to the needs of her children. The psychopath sees "The Whore" or "The Cause" as a parasite, a leech, whose sole function is to suck every man she finds dry and like a Tarantula- decapitate them once no longer useful and so "the Cause" no longer becomes "A Cause" but "disposable baggage"



This, of course, is exactly what the psychopath does to people. Thus, his view of women is a projection because HE is the one who is of the parasitical nature.



Degrading (or what he perceives as humbling) a woman in acts of faintly sadomasochistic sex is a way of getting back at his mother. Their partners incessant demands for intimacy are perceived by him as a threat.




The psychopath maintains a tight grip on a brittle, delusional sense of omnipotent superiority as a defense against deeply repressed shame, and feelings of inferiority and envy, which have typically been traumatically instilled and reinforced in the family of origin. The psychopath has been the child of a pathological psychopath (not always), and has developed a profound unconscious identification with the aggressor parent. Unconsciously, the psychopath seeks repeatedly both to expel, and to induce in those around him, the sense of shame and inferiority that has been instilled in him, in an effort to externalize and disavow the toxic shame within – a process that Benjamin (2004) and Davies (2005) have referred to as "passing the hot potato." This compulsive disavowal and externalization of shame can reach the level of what I would call a narcissistic psychosis, in which the pathological psychopath comes to believe in his unquestionable righteousness, viewing those who disagree or challenge him as hostile, cruel, crazy, ignorant, and/or morally repulsive. Because the pathological psychopath believes he is always right, never wrong, those who have any conflict or grievance with him are kept on the defensive because, according to the psychopath, they are always wrong, never right. The psychopath portrays his opponents and rivals as crazy, inferior, and/or as morally reprehensible.



When you cannot resist, you at least have the comfort of knowing that there was nothing you could do. But when you have the power to put up some resistance and don't - when you in effect say, "Here, take me and do what you will with me" - you feel like an abject worm. The SHAME is unbearable. No exaggeration: it drives people to suicide.


For, what does it mean when a person accepts pain for another's pleasure? That goes against the instinct for self-preservation. So what happens to the victim's self? The victim no longer belongs to him- or her-self. The victim is possessed by the abuser. Like an arm or leg of his for him to use or abuse as he pleases. The Victim ceases to exist as a person and becomes "A Cause" "a means to an end" "a tool"

It is the ultimate degradation...













When "The Cause" Is Exhausted/Becomes Useless


The psychopath rails against slights he either perceives as true and imagined. He alienates people. He humiliates them because this is his only weapon against the humiliation of their indifference. What happens once he has sucked dry everyone in his immediate social circle? He begins the process again with new people.


When the psychopath's dreams go astray. When the ride gets bumpy or the Psychopath whimsically decides to change course, offices are closed, employees are dumped without warning, bills, loans and leases are left unpaid. Wives and children are left in debt and alone.



Those who have joined the Psychopath in good faith, even moved across the country to become part of his team, are abandoned without professional or financial resources. They are left in severe emotional pain, picking up pieces of their broken lives. The Psychopath is unmoved. He doesn't lose sleep over his debacles. He steps forward and pivots toward his next "Cause" During the course of their lives, Psychopaths repeat these destructive cycles of deception.



It is what I like to call "sofa surfing", the psychopath is like a parasite or a leech who sucks dry everything they can from someone, be it , money, title, prestige, until he deems them no longer useful, he will then move onto the next "cause" or "prey" The psychopath is ruthless and venemous in his pursuit of his prey, he is unable to empathize with his victim and so begins what I like to call "The psychopath going through the motions" and thus the cycle begins again.


The psychopath is always projecting onto others what they don't like about themselves, they are always trying to control others, always trying to be the center of attention. The same can be said of serial killers such as Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer, it is all about Greed, Control, Power and Fame, (they don't tend to see incarceration as something to be bothered about)


Psychopaths/Narcissists are ALL motivated by greed plain and simple. Whatever changes they say they have made in life, no matter how much charitable giving they do you can bet your bottom dollar it isn't for the "right reasons" it is all about what the psychopath can get from being "the charitable" or the "most loving" , "most admirable" , "most respected" etc etc



Protect yourself from becoming enmeshed in the Psychopath's destructive web. Learn to identify psychopaths that come into your personal and professional life. Steer clear of them if you can. If you are required to interact with a psychopath, always be aware that no matter how charming, powerful, convincing, or magnetic they are, their purpose is "The Cause" , "To win at all costs" regardless of the results to his prey's life.






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Examples Of Mind Numbing Manipulation Of The Psychopath....This Is Why I'm ADAMANT on "NO CONTACT" ........Emails Inside.

Want to see some major examples of Manipulation? want to see a victim cave in and go back to the psychopath because she ignored her gut instinct and refused to keep the no contact rule in place?

Want to see her so close to her freedom that she can taste it now that she has finally decided to take back control of her life only to see her lose it in less than ONE DAY?

Want to see her lose all remaining confidence and self respect?

Do you want to be just like her and suffer the consequences? (PTSD) (Or lose your life) no? then read on and take my advice before it's too late






Before we start with the emails let's get a little backstory on our history - won't take long I promise



March 05: Hope our daughter died - Before hope our first daughter died Gareth wouldn't come to a decision on whether or not to live with me and our baby, he kept telling me to stop pressuring him & even getting angry at me for even asking. Within hours of Hope passing away he came to me and told me he would move in (How convenient, he had actually wanted me to get an abortion in the first place)


April 05: Goes on holiday to the Caribbean one month after Hope dies forcing me to put the funeral forward so he could make it when he got back - see his emails of joy, drinking, happiness and excitement on holiday. Hope had been dead only a few weeks. Go on read his emails full of promises about living with me and how excited he was and how he made up his mind that was what he TRULY wanted.



May - June 05: Still waiting for him to come home like he promised but he keeps putting it off.


June 05 - Visits me this week, Changes his mind and breaks up with me 3 months after Hope died. Why did he break up with me?

Gareth: If I stay with you, I won't be able to go on anymore holidays



June 05 - Manipulates me into talking with him after the break up even though I said NO CONTACT


July 05- Says he will come home because I say I am going to the USA for a trip and a healing retreat in order to think, heal and try to work through the pain of this year,


September 05: He finally comes home. But not before he had finally pummeled me into the ground with his feet.


April 06 Gareth leaves again, I am pregnant with Lily our second child.











(Gareth and I had two children together, "Hope in 2005, and Lily in 2006, both of our babies died at 25 & 22 weeks old (gestation) due to a uterine rupture.


My son Matthew died in 2002 at 33 weeks (gestation- Uterine Rupture) (from my previous marriage)


When you read the conversations about children in the emails below , Gareth is referring to my two children (both girls) from my previous marriage who at that time were staying with my mother as I couldn't cope


(What i experienced 3 times) "Complete uterine rupture is a catastrophic event where a full thickness tear develops, opening the uterus directly into the abdominal cavity. It requires rapid surgical attention to safeguard maternal and infant outcomes. Palpation of the fetus outside the uterus (usually occurs only with a large, complete rupture). The fetus is likely to be dead" - Source


Both of our babies & my son fell through the uterus into the abdominal cavity which ripped the placenta away from the wall of the womb causing lack of oxygen- Our daughter Hope was alive when delivered but died 5 weeks later due to heart failure and lung collapse due to being premature



Understanding Uterine Rupture , then seeing how Gareth treated me knowing the dangers to my life and our children you can see how spineless he really is - even when I was in the hospital he didn't bother to come and hold my hand during the emergency surgery or bother going to Lily's funeral













Email Conversations



June 05: After his visit, he asks me to walk him to the train station, bags packed and ready to go and asked me to kiss him goodbye, knowing he broke up with me and stomped all over me yet again.

I did as he asked I made no fuss , I didn't cry (like he asked me NOT to do) I just silently walked him to the station , kissed him goodbye (like he asked me to) and went home.

My father seeing my distress told me he was arranging a retreat for me to go on for some healing, and helped me pay for a ticket to the USA to see some friends (Who were JUST friends.)

My family thought it was best I had some time out to get over everything that was happening. I had given up drinking a long time before and by my own willpower, but he has to take digs at this and bring up the past alcoholism.

When i told him I was going to the USA he had no problems with this, until I told him I was going to stay at a friends house. Then his AGENDA changed.












26/6/2005 - 27/6/2005 - Conversations - email.




My Quotes In Blue




Gareth: Would it be ok to give you a call tommorow (Monday)?


Me: gaz, i thought we said no contact, this is so confusing and it hurts so much, how can staying in contact be good for either of us, you left i dont know what to do anymore, if you want to call to tell me why you left i already know why gaz im not angry just very very badly hurt


Gareth: Me too, i just wanted to talk, i'll get some credit. I take it your back chatting on the usual places. Please don't go back, it's not worth it - I won't I wasted so much time on the silly things.


Gareth: It's a shame you went back to those chatting places as it just leads back to the drink and immaturity. Don't do that to yourself.


Me: im not back to that ive been out all day today at enas and my mums ive hardly been in the house and im not going to go back but please tell me why you want to talk gaz


Gareth: I haven't bothered to install any of those programs and won't - I refuse to go back to them, so I won't be on them.


Me: honestly gaz im not going back to it i dont intend to,


Me: is this you just checking up on how im doing as gaz you already know im feeling like hell right now, but to keep in contact is hard for me and for you can you please tell me what you want to chat about tommorrow



Gareth: I don't know I just really want to talk to you, generally. Wel done for going out today, you are so perfect don't fall back to that mess you went through before. My mum's been like a rottweiller, spent the day at my grandparents talking about germans. Trust me on one thing, delete chat accounts and close the accounts. don't fall back. I beg of you.


Gareth: I just want to talk to you, I don't know what I want to say I just want to talk to you, I have spent the last two days with no credit looking at my phone checking every second to see if you'd called.


Me: im not going to fall back ive just spent the past two days in hell crying my heart out desperate to just not feel the way i do why are you making it worse by wanting to talk? you have gone home you chose what you wanted to do and now i have to pick up the pieces talking to me on the phone isnt going to make you feel better



Gareth Shall I not call then?



Me: ok well i can give you a call now if youd like doesnt have to be very long i just want to try to get some closure as i cant deal with all this im finding it hard



Gareth: Now's not too great i'd have to keep my voice down - mum has her hard exams tommorow so I can't wake them, i'm pretty distraught already and hearing your voice will topple me. Tommorow would be much better after a good nights sleep and a walk to get some credit. Is little Boo (dog) ok?


Me: i know it hasnt been easy for you but its hard for me too , you chose to break up with me, said you wouldnt be happy staying with me, i know you have made your choice and im trying my hardest to deal with it, if you want to talk on the phone i can make it quick and gaz its best if we dont stay in contact as its breaking my heart every second i need to make sure this is finished with as i cant keep going in circles all the time


Gareth Also, how did you get my message so quick? you replyed within the minute?


Me: if you have no intentions of getting back together with me do you think its fair that we should stay in contact and make things worse because i can tell you , i have been on my knees in front of my family in tears all day dads even sending me to a retreat for a few days to help me as im that distraught


Gareth: I know, I understand. If I call tommorow for however long would you mind?


Me: i got my message quick as i have a fast net connection now and i have mail open in tiger and boo (dog) is ok , moping though


Gareth Oh XXXXXX (My Name), I hope your ok, Im terrible too, non stop tears. Just no energy to face the world. Every minute wishing I had no urge to do these things I want to do, (he means: Go on holidays) I really think one phone call can give you some closure. I wish I could explain what is going on my head but I can't I was thinking of writing you a letter but didn't know if you'd want that.


Me: you have made your choice and as hard as it for me and you i want to just stop feeling this pain and hurt ive had enough of it im tired of it and i know if you truly loved me you wouldnt have gone and left me, i feel like just not waking up gaz, if its over then it has to stay over as i cant do this anymore but if you want to call i can call now and say goodnight a few words and leave it at that i want to wake up tomorrow knowing its over or it isnt and then try to pick up the pieces. im leaving in a couple of days im going to go abroad and then on to the retreat to pick myself up as i cant think in this house and i cant deal with everything going on in my head all the time im here please just a quick call if you want/need one then i can be on my way facing a new day tomorrow

Gareth Please can the call wait till tommorow i'm in no state to talk. Where are you looking to go abroad?


Me: ok you can call me tomorrow but it has to be before 1pm as i see the girls tomorrow and i have a meeting with tracy , i book my tickets to the USA tomorrow


Gareth XXXXXX? (ex Boyfriends name? )


Me: god no! im not going to go meet anyone gaz im going to go on my own take a weeks trip to be by myself find out who i am what i want and how im going to deal with everything, this is something im doing for my benefit not to go meet people, i want to be alone and then im off to this retreat on a weekend i feel like im at the bottom of the pit and i cant cope with this i really cant

Gareth XXXXXXX, you can't go abroad if you have no place to stay planned. So i'm guessing you must of arranged something with someone like jon etc. I think you should see the girls goto the retreat and then think and plan a trip if need be.


Gareth: Sorry, I shouldnt be saying that, I just saw red at the thought of you meeting up with any of those guys especially after the past and so soon. guys? those guys were my friends not romantic interests and you knew this! but you LOVED isolating me you did it all the time to make sure you were the ONLY one I could talk to


Me: i want noone i just want to be by myself, reflect on things and go home refreshed, gaz why are you putting us through all this when its over with i dont want to keep feeling hurt i just want to get away thats all i want to do i dont know what to do with myself im broken, gaz if you really believe its over then make tomorrows phone call the last you make to me please, promise me that


Me: i dont want to meet anyone, i love you with all my heart i really do and i want noone but you, but i can promise you this, im not going to be with anyone else you broke my heart gaz im trying to get over this pain by going away on my own. i think tomorrow should be the last time we talk gaz after that im not being rude but i wont be answering emails again, i need my life back tomorrows phone call is the last time ill talk to you ok


Gareth: I will promise whatever you ask of me on the phone. Sorry I said that, I just instantly think you're going to be meeting someone as you know people in the usa and its an odd place to just 'go' to and mere days after this is just heartwrenching. But thats my problem not yours and so I wont say any more about it. I will give you a call tommorow if possible before 1pm but if not after 5pm, when youre back from seeing them. (My children)


Gareth: I guess its time to let the pillow mop up the tears and say goodnight, (Boo Hoo Martyr Man) it's getting late and I really want to get out and get credit to give you that call. Sorry again about the america thing hope you can see things through my eyes. Are you off to bed now?


Me: My dad says times a big healer, things will get better at home for you, you can travel see friends and this will all seem like a distant dream so let me have that distant dream as its so painful to stay in the past and i cant do it gaz make tomorrow the last time we talk


Gareth: Ok XXXXXX, time is a great healer - that is true. I look forward to hearing you tommorow, I'm so glad to see you haven't fallen back into the past and the old ways.

You obviously have overcome those issues from the past and really have sorted yourself out.

I hope you have a wonderful time with the girls tommorow, it is most likely that i'll call after you've seen them as i need to travel to find credit.

Goodnight and sweet dreams.

Untill tomorrow...








I email him the next day


Me: I have grown up a lot in the past few months and although you are hurting inside, phoning me to make yourself feel better isnt going to help ( i will talk to you later on the phone im just saying what i think) you have been incredibly selfish but also its been something you cant feel you can help doing.

Im at a loss I have made so many mistakes and im starting to see things differently now, if someone were to watch you and me and our relationship they would say "well someone needs to grow up" if you hadnt of left when you did you would of done it when i had the girls and that would be more heartwrentching , I know you couldnt handle the responsibility but that doesnt mean you didnt try and it isnt your fault, but you need to take responsibility for all the actions you do and its consequences, ive done wrong and so have you, the pain we are feeling will pass, our relationship from start to finish was wrong as we met under the wrong circumstances

I am a 25 year old woman with two children I have to bring up and one day Im hoping I will find someone who is going to love me, someone i can depend on and someone who will love my children , until that day ill spend my time grieving for you and finding out who i am and what i want. and ill be careful to make the right choices. I dont want things to be as they were before Hope was born where you contacted me all the time breaking my heart and then expecting me to wait , ive done a lot of waiting gareth and its draining me. I have to make decisions for myself now, you have chosen many things over being with me and whats happened obviously happened for the best all I ask is that now you have made your choice that you stick by it and not come back to me in the future because I wont be there Gaz, I cant wait for you anymore I just wished you loved me enough to stay , and it is true that if someone loves someone with all their heart and truly has the best intentions for them they would treasure that person, always wanting the best for them, I was able to let you go the other day without too much of a fuss because I knew what was best and i wanted what was best for you however I cannot continue to keep having my heart broken and us staying in contact is one of the things that stops me from moving on, I do wish you had stayed as anything could of worked out but i do suspect it wouldnt have.

The reason I am going away is because I want to find out who i am and what im about as I dont know, since you left it has thrown so many questions around in my mind that im overwhelmed and at a loss as to what to do, I want to pick up my bags fly off somewhere and actually reflect on my life.

Gaz Ive also thought about the chances of you coming back and i know itd have to be my head that rules my heart over it, im not saying you will as i dont think you would come back but I had to ask myself that question and then answer it, we are not going to work out gaz because you didnt want it enough , I think I can leave everything else unsaid for now, after our phonecall


I am going to the USA , I am staying with XXXXXX (A friend who happened to have a fiance and was and has been only a friend) I am not going to look for companionship im going to get away for a week in a new place and just be by myself, my mum and dad are ok with it they are going to take me to the airport , ive booked the flight and i think its the best thing for me atm , i didnt know until today i was going to definatley go but i really need to go. i only told you as i didnt want you to think i lied about anything





When you voice the truth -- refuse to act out the narcissist's fantasy for him, simply by saying that one sentence: "You are selfish" or "You need to accept my boundaries" The reaction was exactly the reaction I have always observed whenever you don't follow a narcissist's script in the work of fiction they're play-acting.

You are an object, like a toy or tool. You are not working properly if you can't be manipulated properly. So they get mad. They need to control what you say. As far as they're concerned, you are a ventriloquist's dummy. The narcissist (Gareth) gets angry at me for wanting closure and healing and for my need to "get away from it all" accuses me of cheating although we are not a couple, and doing what he perceives as irrational but then at the same time states its "none of his business" See the twisting here? The narcissist is the one trying to force somebody into doing what he wants. But he perverts it fully (ass-backwards) and accuses the very victim of HIS control tactics and accuses her of being the controller. That's how everything you do bounces off a narcissist's thick forehead -- backwards. THERE IS NO WAY TO GET THROUGH TO THEM. IRRATIONALITY IS IMPREGNABLE, AND PERVERSITY IS INVINCIBLE.






The more independent a partner becomes, the more abusive the abuser will be, because he sees he is losing control of his partner. Emotional abusers have huge double standards. What is ok for them, is NOT ok for their partners. I.e. THEY are allowed to get angry - their partners are not. When his partner stands up for herself, Abusers will often complain (especially to others outside the relationship) about how unappreciated they are/were, and how they gave and gave and gave, and got so little in return... He will indicate that his interest in his partner is waning, and when she begins to start separating from him, he will become attentive and interested again......he can't let go and is still trying to control her and inflict pain on her after the relationship is over. This is a subtle form of terrorism, because abuse victims are often very emotionally (if not physically) afraid of their abusers once they wake up..........If you find that you are having to explain the basics of respect and courtesy to a partner - if you are finding that he just DOESN'T SEEM TO GET IT, when you try to explain why his behavior or actions were disrespectful - run far and run fast. People who are capable of maintaining and contributing to a loving, supportive, healthy relationship, DON'T need to constantly have the concepts of respect, compassion, and consideration explained to them........Remember: Safe People are people who draw you closer to who you were meant to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. They encourage you to be your most loving, growing self. - Source












Gareth: I won't inflict my opinions upon you, I'm sure you know what will happen when you goto the US i'm also sure your back in all your online groups chatting to random people and wanting meet all these guys you have met online.

It twists the knife in my heart further but there is nothing I can do, you have made your mind up and within one day of us ending your off to meet people youve fancied in the past off irc - its not a break but thats my opinion, I shall not intrude into the chat rooms you sit in each night as I have seen what you have said in the past and know what it would do to me.

The other thing that gets to me is the fact that you could get intimate with any of these old friends and that feeling of in-significancy drowns me, (Bingo! psychopaths will ALWAYS feel that way because his Narcissistic Supply is now gone & he can't face rejection even though he rejected me first - so he uses ANY excuse to BLAME SHIFT) I'm sure if I went out to meet girls I talked to in e.g. France straight away you would see it how I do. I had NO idea you spoke to girls in France, Another thing a psychopath will say to get your back up and blame shift - he probably cheated on me as all psychopaths do)


But none of this is my business im distraught and the things people have said have torn me to shreds so far.

I never thought you were so free to travel off around the world - One of the main things I wanted to do with you, but knew it wasnt possible with the kids, but here you are two days later tickets booked and ready to go. This is WHY he left me! because he thought we couldn't travel if I HAD KIDS and felt he was missing out on fun in the sun by being with ME!)


I wish you the best time even though I feel ever so insignifacant to you. Typical Predators Response He feels inferior and insignificant so he has to DEVALUE me now and that's what he does


I'm ever so confused not by you but by my familys reaction which is terribly odd.

It's your choice to go meet new people and theres nothing I can do to stop you but just deal without at least i know I love you enough to not do that, time may be a healer but It will take more time than 2 days for me to go thousands of miles to meet old flames. They were NOT old flames and you KNEW that, but in YOUR head everything revolves around YOU and YOUR fantasies

I'm sure this makes no sense at all - which is the state my head is in at the moment.


All I can say is think about the kids, getting links in america would not be in there interest, I thought ever so hard about them and no matter how much I wanted to travel with you and see some of the world and go places together I knew it wouldn't be possible as the kids need 120% attention. I would never of asked you to miss one visit with them to satisfy me.

I hope you know what your'e doing esp. in regard to meeting peope who would want to take you out for drinks etc.

Theres not much more I feel like saying right now as all is turning red. (Narcissistic Rage)

I also wonder how much of this will be sent onto all your iFriends so I shall retire and put my head to sleep, If you get this before you go
off galivanting then all the better. I wasn't talking to anyone online but him, but he ALWAYS goaded and Blame Shifted this is also PROJECTION


Hope you know what you're doing, I thought youd want less to think about and arrange at the moment but obviously not, its more like siezing the opportunity once i've left.



And further to the point you will not be by yourself and you will find companionship as everyone will 'want you' bear this in mind I really think you should get ticket refunds sort out your mind first then go away, in all honesty you do know how these people see you, you knoow what they want and they expect you to be as you used to be - they gauge this by the drink they all saw and knew about


personally I think its stupid but if thats what you want to happen to you and your body then so be it, I will keep my thoughts and feelings to myself as i won't allow myself to say such things to you. but my hands are tied and I can't stop you, theres many things I want to say, many more I want to do but I guess I shouldnt say anymore. But you are NOT keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself - and you ARE allowing yourself to say such things to me - readers this is another tactic of the emotional abuser he contradicts himself so well you cannot see it - He feels as if he has lost his control and hold over me so he is fighting, kicking and screaming to get it back - he knows my head is clearer and the fog over my thinking has dissipated so he is reaching out to grab hold of those puppet strings and trying to pull with all his might in order to make me dance to his script.


Please understand the insignificancy i feel, its almost like this in my head: "she's done with me so shes off to find the next guy and
where better to start all the guys in the us she flirted with prior to me" it's like you didnt want me but just want 'someone' to take that place. No that's what you WANT to think - Besides who broke up with who here? HELLO!



The narcissist intensifies his attack when the other party backs down, tries to appease, tries to flee, or shows any other sign of weakness. Just like an animal predator does.


I feel distraught and it's time to sleep.

Goodnight PND , I'm sure your still up chatting but i wont recieve any reply untill the morning. Oh Spare me your melodrama











Me: I am not off to find a 'man', I am going as it is the best thing for me at the moment, i cant stay in my own home, I look around and it all reminds me of you. I dont want companionship I want the pain to go away and it isnt going to go away all the time I am sitting in this house crying. You say you feel insignificant thats a good thing in a way as thats the way you have made me feel by leaving me, you broke my heart Gareth I have only sympathy for myself and my girls not for you. I cannot get a refund as the tickets are non refundable, I am going to go Gaz I have made up my mind to go I want so much in life that I am scared I am never going to have, you have confused my mind to the point where I have done something spontaneous, but id rather be travelling than sitting at home pining for you. You chode to leave me so this is the consequence of that, be responsible to know that what you do in life has consquences.

I do want you to know this though, I am not meeting any guy for companionship I am meeting freinds girls included I am going to eat and have a good time without drinking.


you made your bed now you have to go lie in it so to speak. You hurt me incredibly , my heart is broken in pieces and I dont want the pain anymore, as soon as my plane leaves the ground mentally my mind will leave you and the pain behind and hopefully I will find some rest.


The people I am meeting are not old flames, they are people who dont expect anything from me, is it so hard to believe people dont want anything from me? Psychopaths Believe EVERYONE has an ulterior motive just like HE DOES


I am so confused at the moment Gareth I really dont know what I want in life anymore, my family have been a beacon of support in the past few days and now I have to try to support myself and its hard, Im not running away from myself and my feelings as I know wherever I go , they go too, I am getting away so I dont have to sit in this house and think about you and me, we were over the moment you decided to leave me how on earth can you have the audacity to say you feel insignificant! YOU chose to go, you chose to be without me for the rest of your life and thats the brutal truth!


One more thing I do believe is you only care about how you feel, what you want and I feel sorry for you because of that, all of your emails is centered on how you are feeling, you did this before Hope died and you will carry on doing it until you realise how to care about other people, you care only for one person you love only yourself (your whole mind is centered on YOU) you need to change gareth and that change will come with age and maturity I do hope you find it. I was noticing the RED FLAGS even then!











Gareth: There's not much I can say to all that, i'm not as self centered as you say I am, my mind is in the same place a yours, so confused not knowing what I truly want I want to go back 200% but I wouldn't know if i'll regret not doing things in years to come. (he means holidays and seeing the world and to him that comes first above ME)



As for the America thing I want you to have a good time, I would never disagree with you doing such a thing aside from sleeping with people youve flirted with before whether it be in the name of companionship or fun.Here he goes again

If there was some guarantee of you not doing such a thing I would not get angry and be happy for you,Oh so I have to prove my daily life to you so you can approve of it? even though YOU BROKE UP WITH ME?

I don't know if you're meeting Jon etc. but if you are theres an almost guarantee such things will happen and if you saw in your head me doing the same I think you'd feel the same.

Just keep off the drink, be safe, think twice before doing anything you may regret. And remember your a 25 year old mother of two not a 16 year old american party animal flirting and chatting with a load of geeks.

Please remember that, if you make yourself out to be anything less, that is what they will see you to be.









Me: you fail to realise, i am not going out there to meet john hes in atlanta im going to the other side of the US. I dont want a mans affections and I am not going to drink, make myself out to be a fool, nor to be stupid, I will be myself , enjoy my stay and hopefully come back a different person as I hate who I am right now I dont know who I am,


So, you still hanging on to that Narcissist? Good for you! I know, he's beaten your soul out of recognition and you don't know who you are anymore, but hang in there, things might turn around someday! (That's how I felt at this time) By now you're great friends with an adorable little quirk called devaluation. As you know, just about anything can bring this scene on, such as "he had salami for lunch" or "You asked what was wrong" or "You have children and they get in the way of his dreams" or "they blame you for the way they feel even though they instigated the situation that caused it in the first place" - so the narcissist attacks you and devalues you by taking digs at you and calling you names



what I am capable of or what I think about life in general,

Im not degrading myself in any way I am just trying to find out who I am , im confused hurt and I feel worthless right now in many ways, I know im not but I feel that way. Men are the last thing on my mind, I am only interested in making myself a stronger better person so that I can go through life coping on my own.

Yes I am a mother of two wonderful children and I will not let them down. Just because I am going overseas doesnt mean I cant still be a mother of two as I am who I am , im not a 16 year old and therefore wont behave as one






Gareth: That's very reassuring I just wish you stick to that, If you are sure you won't cause any dilemmas or problems for yourself and you are 100% positive you will be safe then you have my support I may not agree to it being the best thing but it's your choice and I hope you have a terrific week. Have you booked return tickets? Please take care...




Gareth: Hope you have booked return tickets



Gareth: As for my travelling I never intended immediately and it wasn't just travelling it was alot of things I want you, I want to go travelling
with you I want to spend my life with you but I know alot of it isn't possible with the kids and asking you to do anything which would compromise the kids is unspeakable and would never ask that of you. But you did ask that of me! You asked me to Abort Hope and Lily our two daughters, or you would leave me again - you made me CHOOSE between YOU and OUR children!




If and whn I do go travelling I intended it to be for a matter of months, if I only wanted to go for a few weeks it would be fine as a week or two you can take the kids or make arrangements but not for any longer than that.


I will also plan things, save up and make sure i am still in pocket at the end instead of grabbing last minute tickets and hoping for the best.


You say I should mature - I will take the mature approach to all things, and is evident by the fact I wouldnt 'just go' somewhere for the hell of it.


Nothing wrong with being spontaneous and rash but it normally helps to have the money to back it.





Gareth: I have to go out now to get my dad a birthday present and my nan & gramp a wedding anniversary gift. Will be back in a while so sorry if I don't reply instantly.




Me: yes i have return tickets and im not asking for your approval Gaz, I dont need it I only thought I would tell you my plans as you asked and I didnt want you to find out another way or think ive lied, I will say this again though, im not going to meet anyone but im not going to pamper you so you have piece of mind, I want you to face what youve done and deal with the pain



Gareth: I know XXXXXX, I refuse to be nasty to you, I know you werent asking my approval but I did give you my opinion.

I know that things may happen and i am hurting from it and the rest, I do accept my pain and take respnsability i aam trying to work through
it each day, as you know time will heal.

I am facing what ive done one half of my head wants to go back the other wants to go on its travels and I have no idea of which to pursue and so are just standing in this void not knowing what i want to do. Oh, Oh, So I should sit around waiting to see whether you will choose the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN or a HOLIDAY!!!!! Gee thanks

But anyway your off to the US and I will get out of this void and go on my path wherever, all I know is I lost someone I truly love and miss for something im regretting wanting. And now your doing the things I wanted to do with you but didnt think we could because of the kids. Oh wait, so now because you find our we CAN go on holidays with children, you are rethinking?!






Me: I am off out too and this is the last email ill send to you now, goodbye Gareth, take care of yourself, I dont mean to sound rude but if you reply I will not answer, my silence will say it all for you. I hope you find your happiness, it's not too late for you.



Gareth: I understand and i'll go do my thing, I just hope to god that one day fate will take its course.



I have one promise, when I have done what I want to do I will try and find you, if you are with somone I'll pass right by but, if you are not I will make myself known, someone so perfect and suited to me will always be in my heart. HAHAHA so you expect to COME BACK after a few years to find me WAITING FOR YOU! once you have done your TRAVELS!!!!


Even my parents were astounded by what I said about you to the point they said if im not lying I should do what I want although they will
not support it.


I think this should be my last mail too, there is not much more I want to say without trying to run back. From your mails I know what you want me to do and I shall but I will always keep my promise above.

I understand it's best we leave it at this and not have any more contact but if there are any problems or you need to talk at any time about anything, you know how to - I will always be here for you. BS

I hope you have a wonderfull time and smile the entire week and then feel the same when you get back. What he means is "Feel the same miserable way when you get back" it's VERY CLEVER wording with the psychopath


I will never forget my love for you and what we have done together.

Please don't forget me.

Take good care,

All my love and best wishes.

Sincerely,

Gareth





He phoned me after this email and said he wasn't sure if he wanted to come back but might think about it so I told him he had until the Saturday until my flight to decide, as I was sick of waiting around for him all the time



Gareth I have untill Saturday you said.. To give me time to think, I will be thinking.


Me: Gareth, yes I said till saturday to give you time to think and ill keep that promise


Gareth: I don't know what to choose, dont stop the holiday or anything just carry on as if I don't exist and i'll make sure to tell you by then. Oh so I have to WAIT again for "his lord and majesty to be ready"?

If you are planning on taking your laptop with you, backup all the 'sensitive' pictures and movies and videos including ones of hope just incase you get hacked or it all breaks.

Sorry I just keep wanting to help you. Sure you do.....

I'll spend some time thinking now, really thinking, I have no idea what will come of it but please dont wait up for me or get your hopes
up just incase... WTH!? readers please wake up to the psychopaths BS, he is a SPINELESS RAT right to the very LAST SECOND!!.


Thankyou for the call it was o nice to hear you again.




Me: I cant keep waiting Gareth makje your mind up and if you turn up at my door then i know if not then i will know,



Gareth: I am really really trying. Right now my heart wants the obvious whereas my mind says different. Im just so stuck.



Me: i know as i understand but I also know you and me both love each other very much and we could do so much together gaz, as I said its up to you to decide


Gareth I know i'm trying so hard, I just called nick and asked him to come shooting up the fields with me, get some air and what not will do me some good, and no I won't shoot anything i like bunnys. Hope your ok


Me: I know you feel the need to explain in a long email but this is killing me, I need to know what you choose as it affects me, but do whats in your heart to do thats the only advice i can give you


Gareth: are you still awake,Just finished talking with my dad. My phone battery has died, im going to charge it and if you are not
asleep call you.



He called me on the Friday (one day before I was leaving) and said he was coming home to me, so I cancelled my £600 flight and had to pay my parents back the money they lent me for it, but how long did Gareth keep me waiting until he came home? 2 months! the conversation above was from July 05 and he came back at the end of September 05


Mind Numbing Manipulation!!!! I had my ONE chance to leave this predator and he sucks me in AGAIN!









Narcissists project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviours etc on to other people to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it (learning about oneself can be painful), and to distract and divert attention away from themselves and their inadequacies. Projection is achieved through blame, criticism and allegation; once you realise this, every criticism, allegation etc that the narcissist makes about their target is actually an admission or revelation about themselves. This knowledge can be used to perceive the narcissist's own misdemeanours; for instance, when the allegations are of financial or sexual impropriety, it is likely that the narcissist has committed these acts; when the narcissist makes an allegation of abuse , it is likely to be the narcissist who has committed the abuse. When the narcissist makes allegations of, say, "cowardice" or "negative attitude" it is the narcissist who is a coward or has a negative attitude. - Source











2 days after telling me he was coming back..........



From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 8:34 AM
subject Re: Stuff


I will support you in eveything Gareth. And ill say it again, you can be sure im never going to run away from you, you can be sure I love you and always will, and you can be sure that id never leave you, nor do anything to jepordise our relationship, and you can be sure to know that anything that is mine is yours. Im always going to be there for you.










from QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 11:15 AM
subject Re: Stuff



Good Morning,

I would of called by now but my Mum's home today and she isnt on the same trail of thought as my dad.


(His dad apparently told Gareth "If you don't go and be with her, you might regret it" - His dads parents hated his mother when they got together so Gareth's dad said it was best if he came back just in case "You lose what I almost lost with your mother" - Who knows if this is true or not as psychopaths are ALL PATHOLOGICAL LIARS


(What did Gareths father say to me after finding out (finally) I was 6 months pregnant with Hope? yes that's right his parents didn't know about the pregnancy until I was 6 months along, and when I asked why he didn't want to talk about his grandchild/ and why didn't he want to be part of her life? ............. "I don't want anything to do with it - it's not my grandchild as far as I am concerned) -

His parents didn't even know I was pregnant with lily (our 2nd daughter) even when I buried her after she died. (Uterine Rupture) You can read about that HERE



She wants a big talk with me and dad tonight which i'm dreading and shes been aggravating all day, running round grabbing all my stuff
putting it in boxes as "theres no point unpacking anything here".



(His mother said she was "Leaving his father unless he (Gareth) stayed" she then packed some bags , left and went to a hotel to prove her point- his mother is Pathological/Narcissist)



Hope your ok,

I bet your on all your chat networks but I don't really want to go back to them so sticking to email's better.AGAIN he brings this up










from PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 11:17 AM
subject Re: Stuff


Oh Gaz,

Im not on the chat networks im watching a film, Please Please dont change your mind, I know we can work things out










from QAZ3D XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Jun 29, 2005 at 11:21 AM
subject Re: Stuff



Nothing's changed at all...

I'm standing upto everyone here, after my parents I will go through my sister, cousins grandparents and auntie.

Is tough so it gets me down but last night I slept wonderfully, I didnt cry and I felt relaxed, because of speaking with you.

Just putting one of Nicks films on, So far I watched Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy - very good and had me watching till gone 5am last
night.

Now I'm putting on "Death to smoochy" no idea but its got danny devito and robin williams so it cant be to bad!

-g












Emails Continue



Me: heya, Im sitting here watching a film and feeling scared, I hope you can call me today (said he would call me when he goes for a walk then later says it's raining and prolongs it)



Gareth: Heh, I just emailed you and you wrote at the same time.. Why are you feeling scared, is it a well made film? :op



Me: Im feeling scared as im thinking about losing you and i cant bear the pain, im so so scared im shaking and i cant help it



Gareth: I'm relaxed as I feel im no longer moving away from you. The reason for not calling is not the phones its the fact that shes (his mother) in and out of my room as I said packing stuff and taking digs. But I will get dressed in a little while and go for a walk. Might take my air rifle or something.



Me: A walk will do you good. No shooting bunnies though!


Gareth Thankyou, Sorry, Mum is relentless, continually waring me down. The room goes dark when she enters, She is the bringer of darkness. What are your plans for today? Now I know where you inherited that darkness from


Me: Im so sorry Gaz for your pain. I have the door open and the sun coming in and boo (dog) is asleep next to me on the couch cuddling my leg and sometimes making little grunting sounds. Might go for a walk later. What are you up to?


Gareth: Going for a walk soon - after this film then probably not doing anything other than watching films or maybe doing work. So pretty much nothing. Feel pretty drained.



Me: A nice walk will give you some peace, think ill be doing some work later too. itd be lovely to have a chat with you later on your walk if you feel like it. I feel emotionally drained too.



Gareth: Still watching that film?



Me: its finished now



Gareth: It's raining now, you ok?



Me: feeling upset but im trying to smile just feeling a little worried thats all If you can go out for a walk when the rain stops itd be nice. you ok?So he could call me as he wouldn't call from the house



Gareth The rain is of monsoon proportions like last night at the moment I do want to get out, mum and dad are screaming at each other, this is the last place I want to be.



Me: Im sorry. Is there anything you can do about the yelling? ive heard the weather there is quite bad at the moment, I wish you werent there dealing with it all on your own, I wish you were here safe with me.



Gareth: Me too, when you say you heard the weather was bad down here, which person on your list said that? Chris or someone? As ALWAYS he thinks I am chatting to other people online no matter how many times I said I wasn't and even sent proof ie: Screenshots or allowed him in via VNC to control and watch my computer



Me: You told me yesterday about the weather and I saw it on the news! im not on any chat program cept skype which I put on in case you went on it .



Gareth: Heh, I don't know my passwords for any of my old skype accounts, I don't even have it, I havent downloaded any of those programs what so ever - I guess you downloaded skype to phone people the other day?



Me: I havent been chatting to anyone on skype and the only person I am going to chat to is you, please dont have a go at me, im trying so hard at the moment to keep it together and to keep us together. I just thought having skype on would be nice to chat to you i only downloaded it a few hours ago and noone knows my account name except for you, and Im not on any chat programs im sitting here thinking and i have that film on in the background for some noise




Gareth: I'll downlod skype now



Me: thankyou



Me: well ill be here when you want to chat



He sets up Skype then disappears for a few hours - Narcissistic Rage & Silent Treatment (With-holding)





When reading these emails today I felt sick, angry and disgusted because NOW I see what Gareth was doing to me. Now I am not under his control and now know his pathology (psychopath) I can see through his crap, I am no longer wearing those rose coloured glasses that show me the Ice Cream that I mistake for Dog Crap (reality)



If you know someone like Gareth run as far away as you possibly can! it's what I should of done. You might be thinking... "Why the hell did she stay, what's wrong with her for not realizing" sure... I can understand your confusion

I used to ask myself that all the time until I found out what HE IS, it's because psychopaths/narcissists are all the SAME , they read like a text book and they are very clever at manipultion mind games, control and hypnosis techniques. You can read more about the psychopaths methods here







Want another example? of how I REFUSED to listen to MY GUT INSTINCT even when his friends warned me


I sent this email to Gareth back in 2004 a year before the above happened - Dominic and Matt were Gareth's friends offline as well as online and lived in the same area and had known him for a year



from PND XXXXX@gmail.com
to QAZ3D XXXXX@gmail.com
date Fri, Aug 20, 2004 at 1:43 AM
subject oh dear


Gareth,

"Why can't I have a normal conversation with people? , Dominic says you have changed, (When you and I got together) he says: "You enjoy smirking and laughing at him behind his back , you are sly and sneaky"

Matt agrees with Dominic that "you are devious" and they said you were just "Playing People"

They are trying to warn me . I was wondering Gareth if you were using NLP on me? I don't like it but you said you were not using it against me

Dominic doesn't like you anymore and I can't work out why , I love you but I hope you are not using these things (nlp) against me to get what you want

Damn Dominic and Matt for making me question you!

XXXXXX



The examples above are part of the reason why I am SO ADAMANT ON "NO CONTACT WITH THE PSYCHOPATH!" he can reel you in again and again ...again and AGAIN!!, so please keep that no contact rule in place









Read more!

How a Narcissist Reacts to a Disaster in Your Life

Article Source


Into virtually every life comes disaster. Bankruptcy, serious illness, divorce, getting laid-off or fired, failure of any sort -- you name it, whether through your own fault or not.

How will a narcissist in your life react to the situation?

Add it up: You mean nothing to him or her. You are just an object to exploit for their aggrandizement. They have no human feelings for you (despite the occasional put-on) whatsoever. And now you are more vulnerable than ever.

Now you are down, so expect a kick. Expect the abuse to escalate. Expect them to behave so cruelly and brutally that nobody who doesn't see it would believe it.

From what I've observed and heard, I dare say that this is the mistake everyone abused by someone in their immediate family makes: they expect the narcissist to react to a crisis the way a normal human being would. Your plight would tug on a normal person's heartstrings, even if you were an adversary. So, he or she would let up on you under those circumstances. Yes, even adversaries will let up on you, because they see you are no threat to them under the circumstances.

But a narcissist reacts the opposite way a normal human person does.

In this, narcissists are only following the same perverse pattern they always do: instead of being appeased by efforts to appease them, they react with a rage; instead of being drawn to what evokes sympathy, they abominate it and react with contempt; instead of being grateful for favors you've done them, they react with hatred (for this proof that they are not God Almighty in your helping them). In short, they react backwards to everything. So, why should we be surprised when a narcissist exploits some catastrophe in our lives to malign and abuse us with shocking inhumanity?

The victims of narcissists get blind-sided by this because narcissists are from the planet Pluto. They are NOT acting on normal human premises. So, it's not about your plight: it's all about THEIR ego. So, they see this as NOTHING BUT an opportunity to vaunt themselves on you, period. In other words, they aren't acting on normal human premises; they are acting on narcissistic premises. Those are the premises of PREDATORS. They react to vulnerability the way any predator does = by salivating.

If possible, they will make a big show to the rest of the world of being your savior, while behind closed doors they are beating the you-know-what out of you and trying to drive you to suicide -- just because they know you're trapped in the situation.

As I've often said before, I'm convinced that the only reign on their conduct is what they think they can get away with. And that changes from day to day. Read more!

The No Contact Rule!

I know I have heard it so many times but did I listen? or did I continue speaking to the psychopath? I did the latter and it was a big mistake.


If you think you can't be manipulated via an email or via the phone and only face to face.....think again!!!!


Here are some examples of emails that Gareth sent me when I refused to speak to him, he had not been gone long and I wanted some space to think and to spend time with my children and put my life back together.


If your psychopath begs, threatens , screams at you to answer him/her do yourself a favour and DONT



If you look at the examples below you will see instances of goading, blaming, shaming, and guilt trips. This is the psychopaths sick confrontational way of leading you into conversation with him/her.

When you ignore the Narcissists polite invitation to talk , he/she will finally erupt into a Narcissistic Rage - this is because he cannot get his own way and like a toddler he/she will stamp their feet and throw a tantrum.


Please visit the Cyberpaths Website for more on Narcissistic Rage and healing.



My Comments In Blue






From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Bank
Date: 30 June 2006 13:55:43 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com

As you know I have told my parents not to help me get any of my stuff so don't worry about the weekend. I'll take things a bit slower now - give you some time to find your feet so to speak. and did you? NO!


Gareth Rodger









When I didn't reply - he said above he would give me time to find my feet! so why did he rage afterwards? if that was the case?







From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Call
Date: 5 July 2006 10:22:49 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com



Hi,

When is the best time to contact you today? I tried all day yesterday but you obviously spent the night elsewhere.Hinting to me I am sleeping with another man - I was actually ignoring phone calls and was in bed from 8 pm onwards getting an early night

I'll call today at the time you advise.

Regards,

Gareth




He accuses you of everything from insincerity to infidelity, and your mind scrambles to discover what you just said or did that's setting him off. He keeps saying it's you, and is so intensely convinced that it is you that it's hard not to believe him. Later, after his firestorm of vindictiveness has died down, you might realize what triggered him. You did not respond "right" to his compliments, or scratched your nose in the midst of his adoration, or maybe you just burnt the toast that morning or were two-minutes late coming home from the office. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. There will always be something - apparently innocuous to you - which will abruptly stoke his raging fire again. And again and again, round and around, until your spirit and soul are finally ground into fine, despondent grains of charred debris, and your mind eventually looks like a Tokyo china-shop after a 9.0 earthquake. Source









From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Contact
Date: 5 July 2006 16:48:07 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com



Hi, if you wish to not engage in any more contact, I will cease contact..How MANY TIMES! do I have to tell you not to contact ME!? - you KNEW i didn't want to speak to you, you KNEW I was trying to find my feet and sort myself out

But if this is the case could you please tell me, the last thing I want is to end up having to turn up at your door, especially if you have company, in order to find out what's happening. Threatening To Stalk me!

Last thing, How are you doing generally? How are you doing for money? Any news?

Gareth







From: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Contact
Date: 6 July 2006 12:22:04 BDT
To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com


Is there something you wanted?

My brother Mikey and his baby were here for a few days and I've been out the house a lot.

-PND







From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Contact
Date: 6 July 2006 12:43:51 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com




Hi,

Thankyou for replying..

Sounds like a cosy few days especially considering you have one bed - I knew it wouldn't take you long. Accusing me of being with another man - he was probably sleeping with other women throughout the relationship - but again if you don't feel guilty yet you are supposed to - this is what the narcissist wants so he tries to goad you and punish you by accusing you of anything he can


Anyway, yes, I did have a few questions - I was hoping to have a talk on the phone with you one evening but you refused to pick-up on all occasions.

a) How are you doing / Are you ok? (yes, i do still care for you no matter who/what happens).
b) What have the doctors said? (dates, procedures, locations)
c) Are you ok for money?
d) How's your family?
e) Do you still want me to come over one evening to talk?


Ahh yes I offered for him to come speak to me as I wanted to discuss our relationship like adults but I found out later he wanted to manipulate me into the abortion and get his guns and knives back from the house - once he got those he stopped emailing - there is ALWAYS an ulterior motive with a psychopath...ALWAYS! he even gave me the choice "You don't have to give back my guns but It would mean the world to me if I could take them now"



f) Do you want me to cease contact and disappear or keep in contact?


Already told him to stop emailing and phoning - he even said he would give me time and space but you can NEVER take a psychopath at his word because he NEVER keeps it!

g) Can I phone later?

h) Sorry..

No your not


Wow I am supposed to just JUMP and answer ALL his questions? even though he chose to leave us, I have to keep this sick twisted psychopath updated on my life? according to him...yes I do

I will only be able to retrieve e-mails untill 5:30 - 6:00 So he is obviously stating here I need to reply to him during a certain time frame

Gareth










From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Ok..
Date: 6 July 2006 16:24:59 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com


Ok, it's apparent you don't want any more contact. I just wish you'd say so instead of just ignoring me - it's just silly.

Seeming as you won't communicate with me I will be renting a removals van, for either an evening or weekend, depending on their prices/availability.

I will have to assume you are in at the time to let me in. I will then abide by your wish and disappear.

With regards to child support etc. - I was going to agree outside of the agencies with you but obviously I can't without contact so it will be upto you to sort that out with them when the time comes. Example of manipulating me by using the threat of child services agencies to get me to speak to him

It's a shame it has to be this way.

Take care,

Gareth









I replied to Gareth and called him Rude - this is what he wanted "A REPLY" so he could continue punishing me, trying to find out what I was doing etc





From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject:
Date: 6 July 2006 16:45:50 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com



Rude?

You haven't picked up the phone or answered my messages for days. I'm not being rude.

As I said if you want me to cease contact, tell me, I will pick up my stuff and leave you be.

And what I said may of sounded rude but it's true... you have one bed, not long after i'm gone your XXXXXX who has flirted with you in the past is over. And your'e 'out' all the time - so I assume out meeting people - what's happening to the kids? you didn't care about the kids when you were here, now all of a sudden you CARE! ...That's pure and utter BS Gareth

I don't mind you going out, you have free reign over what you want to do, i'm not one to tell you what to do anymore - and i'm not going to.. Oh so you admit you controlled me? and told me what to do in our relationship? - so I have free reign over my life now because you say I do!?

3 - 4 days ago I was calling you in the hope of having a civilised and most probably - long - conversation, I know you may want nothing to do with me and that is ok, but i'd like to know how your doing, if thats none of my business say so. But when it comes to the pregnancy I do need to know whats going on, partly for me, partly so I can give my parents the details they need to know. Hah your parents never knew because you never told them

Just so you know - i'm not going out all the time, or at all, i'm not meeting people and i'd rather regain the independence I have long lost. I hope your not going through what I am and that this is of some comfort to you . what you are going through? spare me

In response to your mail - I will not attempt contact as you request, I will wait for you to contact me - I did wonder if you had the phone back on so I thought it was best I contacted you.

I will await your call, can you give me an estimated date for it? Tonight?

Thankyou for replying to me..

~g







Told Gareth I would call him & Suddenly He Is Back To Being Polite and Kind After Just Sending An Email Full Of His Narcissistic Rage


From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re:
Date: 6 July 2006 16:49:02 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com


Thankyou,

Have a good evening XXXXXX.

~g








What can be especially disturbing to others about this chameleon-like "change-ability" is that Borderlines are oblivious to what they are doing. They are not consciously making-up these different identity versions of themselves. They just do it reflexively, as if they run on some instinctually eerie automatic-pilot. Source







After the abortion emails & paying his half of the rent he left me stuck with he still continued to contact me




From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Bday
Date: 14 August 2006 10:04:58 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com

Hope you had a nice birthday, should get my card this morning.

Hope your all well,

~g





From: PND XXXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Bday
Date: 14 August 2006 11:06:56 BDT
To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com

Thank you for the card, I jusy recieved it, it was lovely.

Umm got my blood test results back this morning, I have a B12 Defieciency

B12 Facts

So I have to have injections into my muscle every 3 months as my body isnt making the B12 I need so Ill be going Thursday for my first injection, There is a risk to stomach cancer with this condition even if it is caught early so Ill just have to pray that doesnt happen.

Its not from alcohol its just something that some people get especially if they are already aneamic.

Just thought id let you know.

-XXXXXX






From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Bday
Date: 14 August 2006 12:35:13 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
2 Attachments, 607 KB

Hi,

Sorry was in a meeting, just got your mail.

Sorry to hear about the results. Could be worse I guess, at-least they caught it early so there's less chance of the stomach thing.

How's everything else? Any news?

Did you have a nice birthday?

My parents have made a fence around the whole garden for boo to run around. *Sophie's (*Pseudonym) not stopped smiling since she saw her. She's put on weight and should be fit enough for her injections/worming soon. She's all potty trained as long as she has a run in the garden at about 11pm.Gareth again uses the dog to get to me - he used to come home from work and pet the dog, taking his dinner & dog to bed and wouldn't come downstairs, he used the dog often to punish me - he offered to pay £200 so my children and I could have food if I would give him the dog that I paid for out of my own money! - he then demanded I spend it on the things he suggested I spend it on - See the last paragraphs at the end of this post

Hope everyone's ok on your side aside from the obvious.


















From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Money
Date: 16 August 2006 10:26:04 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com


Hi,

How are you doing?

Did everything go ok with regard to rent* money?

Hope your doing ok as I only have about £200 till' Sept after rent gets taken out soon so I won't be able to help you out till' then.

Have your benefits started yet? - It has been 3 Months or so.

Take Care,

gaz








From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Money
Date: 16 August 2006 10:37:09 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com


ok, I assume you want me to stop contact? If you don't reply to the psychopath immediatly or within a certain time frame he/she will constantly goad you and manipulate you into talking to them - They NEVER accept your boundaries.



It had been exactly 11 MINUTES since his last email and he goads me AGAIN! with "So I assume you want me to stop contact" that's NOT impatience, that's a Narcissist believing you are the "Satellite that orbits him 24/7" he wants your attention focused on him when he wants!








From: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Money
Date: 16 August 2006 12:53:31 BDT
To: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com



That is the last thing on my mind at the moment

My dad found out this morning he has lost his job and is devastated hes worked for them for 25 years now and has no income anymore and this means no income no bills get paid, so Im sorry to be selfish but I am concerntrating on my dad right now and his pain.

-PND







From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Money
Date: 16 August 2006 14:01:32 BDT
To: PND XXXXXX@gmail.com



Hi,

Sorry, I didn't know. Send him my apologies, tell me if I can help in any way.
I'll leave you be to sort all you need to, keep me informed of what happens with him and you. Yeah leave me to sort out all I need to? where have I heard that before - now you have the information you want you'll leave me alone right? BS - You still email me to this very day

Take care,

gaz










When I needed money for food for my children Gareth offered to pay me £200 for the puppy I had bought out of my own money, he wouldn't give me money without anything in return, so it was either accept or go without - However the money was to be spent on what he decided it should be spent on




I will pay for the dog , i've told you I will, as-well as for food and essentials for you and the family - as long as it's not going to spent on going out or calling other people. You can understand where im coming from I think..

I'll give you the money today, just make sure it goes on the correct things , thats all i mean, I do care."

Gareth



Whether you sell a product from your own company or sell someone a product via the classifieds do you allow the BUYER to tell you what you CAN and CANT DO with YOUR MONEY?!




Towards the end of the relationship I asked him if I could have some money to get my two children some clothing and new shoes that they needed - his response was...."Ask your mother to pay for it" why did he say this? because he had just spent £500 on parachute lessons - yet chided me about needing money for clothing - he would also state £40 was enough for 4 people to live on every week. Narcissists are VERY stingy with money






Read more!