Manipulation

The way narcissists (and psychopaths) interact with others makes them extremely potent manipulators. How potent? So potent that their powers of manipulation are spooky and seem downright magical.

How does the way they interact with others make them such expert manipulators? Because practice makes perfect, and they have been practicing the art of manipulation in every interaction since birth.

Indeed, in playing to the mirror of your face, that's what they're doing, isn't it? Manipulating you. Everything they say and do is entirely for effect, to get the reaction they want from you. That IS manipulation.

They're regulating, manipulating your reactions. But you aren't like them. Your reactions come from within. So, what are they ultimately regulating and manipulating? Your thoughts. Manipulation is mind control.

Manipulation is a subtle thing. So subtle that we are usually unaware of being manipulated, unless the manipulator blows it and breaks the spell. So, manipulators are putting thoughts into our heads that we think are ours. A very dangerous thing.

Since a narcissist isn't acting on normal human premises, since all he is doing is playing you for the reaction he wants, truth is irrelevant. Truth or lies — it's all the same to him. Whichever works. Usually that's lies.

It would be more correct to say that there is no such thing as truth to a narcissist. Because there is no such thing as truth when playing Pretend. That's why narcissists and psychopaths beat lie detector tests. (In fact, so do many people from "shame" cultures where lying to save face of oneself, one's family, one's tribe, and one's religion is considered morally necessary and expected.)

Psychopaths are known to get so good at manipulating people that, by the time they're teenagers, they routinely fool and manipulate mental healthcare professionals, judges, prison officials, parole boards, and social workers who know they are psychopaths, are on the lookout for attempts to manipulate them, and should be immune to manipulation.

It isn't a matter of intelligence: it's a matter of practice, experience. This is because most of what transpires in interaction happens too quickly to think it through.

In playing to the mirror of your face, the narcissist receives a steady stream of your feedback to the steady stream of words and body language he sends. He continuously reacts to every nuance of it in "real time," if you will. A sideways glance from you might make him alter his choice for the next word in the sentence he is saying. Or his facial expression or tone of voice. Or it might make him take a step closer to you.





So, no matter how cunning a manipulator is, he isn't consciously analyzing your every slight reaction and fine-tuning his act to it. I say that because he can't be. That would be impossible, because no one could think that fast.

He must be relying on a lifetime of experience at this game, reacting habitually in certain ways to certain things he observes in you on the fly. In other words, this manipulation must be rather like the act of hitting a forehand in tennis.

You cannot consciously think your way through the stroke. Too many things are happening too fast. In fact, you will botch your stroke and be lucky to even connect with the ball if you try to consciously think your way through with "Watch the ball ... bend your knees ... keep your arm straight ... keep your head still ... step into the shot ... et ad infinitum." Well, that's exaggerating a bit, because there are only about 100 instructions I could list for hitting a forehand ;-)

You can't think that fast. No one can. So, you must practice that stroke enough under varying conditions to program the unconscious centers of the brain to execute it virtually automatically. When you net your shot or hit it out (provided you note how far off the shot was), your "program" is revised to get the bug out.

This phenomenon is called Natural Learning. It's how we learn to walk and talk.

That "program" isn't just a fixed set of muscle commands from the brain. It's an interactive program like a computer program. Because no two forehands are the same. Yet the more you practice, the better your forehand program, and the more effectively it faithfully produces a good forehand under widely varying conditions. You have only to make the major decisions, such as where and how to hit the ball: speed, spin, and placement. But Natural Learning is so powerful that even tactical decisions become virtually automatic in advanced players. Hence the best players in the world do very little conscious thinking while the ball's in play.

The power of Natural Learning is also illustrated by comparing experienced drivers with young drivers. Young drivers have no experience, so they must think their way through problems. Result? Crash. But with the same problem an experienced driver has no problem. He or she spontaneously makes an intuitive, instinctive move faster than the speed of thought. Result? No crash.

When playing to the mirror of your face, that must be what a narcissist is mostly doing — relying on a lifetime of experience that allows him to react instinctively to every bit of feedback he gets from you. That's how he fine-tunes your reactions into the feedback he wants. Rather like turning the knobs on a short-wave radio.

This is manipulation. And it's occurring faster than the speed of thought, because a narcissist has had so much constant practice at drawing the look he wants that most of his "moves" are virtually automatic.

This is why, I think, narcissists seem like machines with their knee-jerk reactions to things. But those reactions aren't knee-jerk reflexes: they are learned through experience to the point that they become habitual as second nature.

This is also why, I think, we tend to overestimate the intelligence of narcissists, psychopaths, con artists, and other manipulators like dictators who con their way to power. We think they must be brilliant to be so manipulative. But even a stupid narcissist I knew was extremely manipulative. Their skill is the fruit of constant practice at manipulation in every human interaction.

But it doesn't pay to underestimate them, either. That same practice makes them extremely observant and perceptive. Over time that will improve their intelligence, at least some aspects of it.

In fact, they are much more observant and perceptive than they seem. That's because all they're interested in is what they can use. So, though they block out much, what they do choose to see, they see very well. They are interested in your reactions, not you. So, they probably are more aware of how you react to things than you are. But the only information about you they're interested in is what that can use to exploit you. The rest they filter out of consciousness = forget.

So, never think that you are too smart to be manipulated by a narcissist, psychopath, or con artist. You aren't. And you surely can never beat one at his own game.

That's nothing to be ashamed of. It just means that you are an innocent who hasn't spent his or her whole life practicing the black art. So, you won't win that game.

By Kathy Krajco
Read more!

What Power Lies In Words? NLP & The Psychopath.

Thanks to EOPC for the links

Gareth was very heavily into hypnosis, NLP and the Milgram Experiment & Psychology in general.

What were his famous words? "I only use NLP on other people not you" (bs)

One of Gareth's favourite books on psychology which featured conditioning and experiments was Mastering Psychology He would never leave the book behind if he went anywhere for more than a day or two.




What Power Lies In Words?


What power lies in words? To what extent are we influenced by language? Can our behaviours and realities be shaped by the phrases we hear and speak? Or is language a mere tool in the mind’s hand, with no special status beyond its use in communicating ideas and instructions from one person to another?

To examine this issue, we will look at a particular phenomenon that is rooted in language, namely hypnosis. This has been a contentious area in science for reasons too numerous to mention, but part of the problem may be the underlying assumption that the word defines a single phenomena, rather than a collection of separate but related phenomena. For example, stage hypnosis and therapeutic hypnosis while putatively related, appear as if they are mediated by very different factors. Stage hypnosis may be principally governed by what might be called social compliance, which we can relate to the famous Milgram experiment One of Gareth's Obsessions was with the Milgram Experiments

the key factors here are obedience to authority and the desire to comply in a social context (peer pressure). Since what we are interested in here are the effects of language, I will not discuss this further. Read The Rest Of The Article




NLP Embedded Commands



Gareth used every single one of these techniques on me and others daily


Embedded nlp commands/suggestions are words and phrases enclosed (embedded) within a larger context. They are units of meaning that can often have an impact beyond that which is apparent in or intended by the larger structure within which they appear.

For example, ‘A’ says to ‘B’: “I feel really bad today, B.” What is happening here goes beyonds what is intended. The phrase, “feel really bad today, B,” is an embedded suggestion to ‘B’ to feel bad — even though the apparent reference is to the speaker ‘A’ and not to the listener ‘B’. If the speaker uses enough of these embedded commands, very soon you will begin to respond to these suggestions, perhaps without being consciously aware of doing so.

NLP teaches you how to master the art of embedding commands in ordinary everyday conversations.






Examples of Embedded Commands



* “This place is enough to drive you crazy.”

* “I wish I had a penny for every time that guy gave me a hard time.”

* "This environment is really depressing.”

* “Don’t let me keep you from working.”

So pay attention to the embedded suggestions people give you and avoid, insofar as possible, those people who are practising (however unwittingly) black magic on you. If your work demands that you be around such people for extended periods of time, you can neutralise their effect on you by embedding positive suggestions of your own.





Embedded Commands in Pacing & Leading

For example, you might pace the other person by saying “Yes I know how you feel. I’ve felt that way before, too,” and then lead with, “but I could feel better, (his name), by making myself get out of here for a while.”





Embedded Commands in Commercial Ads

Any word or phrase can be thought of as an embedded suggestion. The next time you turn on the radio or television, pay attention to the words, phrases, and images used in the commercials. If the commercial has been skillfully constructed, the language used will be carefully crafted to produce a desired response. In this respect, embedded suggestions tug at the unconscious, awakening associations. These associations have the particular state of mind, or set of experiences. Words such as warm, soft, clean, powerful, bigger, and better, when repeated in varios combinations, have the cumulative effect of leading the listener to particular state of mind, or set experiences. Words such as tight, tense, anxious, afraid, weak, and helpless, can cause us to have the feelings associated with the words.

Similarly, the words, phrases, and images we use in conversation also lead our listeners to a particular state of mind or set of experiences. The critical question, “Is it the result we want?”






NLP-Embedded Questions And Commands


Two types of nlp embedded suggestions — questions and commands — deserve special attention.


1. NLP Embedded Questions


An nlp embedded questions is an implied questions that is embedded in a larger context — usually a statement.

For example:


* “I wonder what your name is.”


* “I’m curious to know how old you are.”


* “I don’t know what your income is.”


* “Whether you’d like to come me is something we haven’t discussed yet.”



2. NLP Embedded Commands



An nlp embedded command is simply a command that is embedded in a larger context ;


* “I think you’ll be wise if you invest in this property today.”



* “My mother used to tell me that the best way to get over a cold is stay in bed and get plenty of rest.”



* “If anyone has any questions, I’d appreciate it if you’d wait until after the lecture and come up to talk to me then.”



As you can see we use embedded suggestions — both questions and commands — all of the time. They’re so pervasive as to be virtually invisible. Therein lies their power.

This is a good reason for learning with nlp how to use them constructively, to help us communicate more effectively with others.
The Secret of NLP Embedded Commands

NLP’s embedded questions and commands work so effectively because, being almost invisible, they operate for the most part at the unconscious level, and thus they are not likely to cause resistance.

They will be responded-to below the level of awareness. The cumulative effect is to gently lead the other person in the direction we want them to go. This operates whether the person is consciously paying attention or not. So nlp embedded suggestions is an excellent approach to use with people who always seem too busy to give us their full attention.

Consider the boss who fiddles with paperwork when you’re trying to get him to listen to an idea. Instead of being frustrated by his behaviour, you might welcome it as an opportunity to embed suggestions using NLP. His mind is already distracted, you can easily continue talking while embedding appropriate nlp suggestions that will be responded-to unconsciously.

The net effect will be to give some ‘food for thought’ to be digested unconsciously later on! You might be pleasantly surprised to hear him voicing your ideas as if he had thought of them himself, or spontaneously acting on the suggestions you embedded earlier.
NLP Embedded Command Techniques

The tone of your voice and the emphasis suggestions are also very important. As you deliver the nlp embedded suggestions, it’s a good idea to tonally mark the parts you especially want the other person to respond to.

Additionally, by inserting someone’s name next to the suggestion you want him to attend to, you are further ensuring that he will respond to it. Our name is perhaps the most important word in our vocabulary. When we hear it mentioned, we listen more attentively.

Embedded nlp suggestions will work wonders for you when you use them with the people in your life. They will be responded to at the unconscious level, so that resistance by the other person is avoided.
How To Control A Conversation With NLP

There are at least two useful observations to keep in mind when you’re dealing with other people.

1) People like to talk more than to listen.

2) The listener controls the conversation.

The first idea hardly needs documentation. The second is a bit more elusive.





The NLP Power of Active Listening

The reason why the listener controls it is that the listener is similar to the driver of a car. The speaker is the engine, which provides the motive power, but the listener is at the wheel and provides the direction. By judiciously asking questions or making appropriate statements, the listener can guide the flow of conversation.

Speaker: “What we need is the marketing group to come up with a game plan for our region.”

Listener: “That’s an interesting idea. Can you tell me how that will generate more sales in the region?”

Speaker: “Sure, first of all it will...”






The NLP Power of Active Questioning


The listener can also establish and maintain control of the flow of conversation by asking questions to clarify or re-direct:

* “Does that mean...?”


* “What specifically do you mean by...?”


or by paraphrasing:


* What I understand you to say is ... Is that correct?”


In addition to being an excellent active listening technique, paraphrasing has the effect of reinforcing the speaker, so that he/she continues to talk more.





The NLP Power of Agreement

Another NLP way to get the speaker to say more is to voice agreement. We’ve discussed at some length in the section on rapport the importance of being in agreement or alignment, with the other person. By verbally agreeing with the speaker, you are reinforcing him/her, thereby increasing the likelihood that he/she will continue talking.






Silence Imposition Technique


If you want someone to stop talking, short of asking them to be quiet, there are at least two effective nlp methods of winding down their continuos urge to speak.

You can remain perfectly silent, or you can disagree. Either of these will usually prompt the other to seek companionship elsewhere.





1. The No-Feedback NLP Technique


Silence is the absence of any verbal feedback whatever. In behaviourist jargon, it is a form of ‘extinction,’ which is simply the refusal to reinforce a particular behaviour. Extinction has been shown to be the most effective method for eliminating a behaviour from a person’s repertoire, even more effective than punishment (which, to be effective, must be administrated with each instance of the undesirable behaviour).

This is why solitary confinement, the absence of any reinforcement or feedback from other humans, is even more feared than physical punishment. One mistake many parents make when they want to quiet down noisy children is that they attempt to ‘punish’ children for making noise, but often only succeed to reinforce the very behaviour they want to eliminate. Punitive attention, it seems, is preferable to none at all. so if you want someone else to be quiet, don’t pay attention to him/her, and they will eventually go away.





2. The Negative-Feedback NLP Technique


The other effective nlp means of getting someone go away and leave you alone is to disagree. This being the opposite of pacing and building rapport.

Initially you might get an argumentative response, but if you maintain your contrariness long enough the other person will eventually go away and find someone else to talk with. It’s important for us to find people who will validate our beliefs and opinions, and we all tend to ‘drop’ people who disagree.

Silence and disagreement, of course, are rather drastic measures. Usually, simply telling the other person you’ve had enough for now will be sufficient. Still, it’s useful to know there are other options if candor fails to work.
Summary:




How To Get What You Want With NLP

The first rule is to know what you want, then ask for it. In addition, make sure that you ask in a way that makes sense to the other person. If you’ve paced him, you have an inner feeling about him, because you have established an emphatic bond of rapport. In addition, emphasise to the other the benefits of going along with your idea.

Identify and use his decision strategies in order to design an nlp-engineered presentation that is virtually irresistible. Anchor desirable responses during the course of your interactions with the other person, and then trigger those anchors appropriately to create an even more receptive climate for your ideas. Use embedded suggestions, questions and commands to produce favourable responses and to avoid resistance at the unconscious level.

The listener controls the flow of the conversation by asking questions to redirect or clarify. By paraphrasing or agreeing with other people, you get them to talk more. By remaining silent or disagreeing with them, you terminate the discussion.

Finally, because of the power inherent in these techniques, use them wisely for mutually productive outcomes.





Suggestions For Practice


1. Practice asking for what you want. Regard rejection as a positive rather than a negative thing. It simply means getting closer to acceptance.


2. Identifying the decision strategy of friends until the process becomes comfortable and natural for you. Then begin to identify the strategies of people you work with. Translate these decision strategies into presentation strategies when you want them to accept an idea. Notice how much easier it is to get your ideas accepted.


3. Anchor and then trigger pleasurable responses in the people you live and work with. Notice how much better you and they feel when your in each other’s presence.


4. Pay attention to embedded suggestions people give you. This will help you identify your real friends.


5. Make a list of words and phrases that suggest the kind of attitudes and feeling you’d like other people to have while being with you or thinking of you. For example: “Feel comfortable,” “Have a nice day,” “keep an open mind,” “Learn more,” “be more productive,” “feel more confident.” Consciously embed these phrases in your conversations with others until you’ve developed the habit. Then notice how people begin to ‘magically’ transform around you.


NLP is just one of the ways in how the predator operates and it is VERY dangerous in the wrong hands. Read more!