Betrayal of the Bystanders.

by Kathy Krajco

Why do we feel so wronged by the people who believe a narcissist's lies about us? There are a number of reasons, but here is one of the biggest.

It's because their credulity isn't innocent. If a stranger believes some outrageous lie about us, we aren't surprised, and we don't feel wronged by them. But if someone who knows us believes that same lie, we feel betrayed. Guess why?
It's because they have betrayed us by believing that lie about us.
For example, if someone has known you for ten years, they see your track record of conduct for the last ten years. In other words, they have seen how you conduct yourself along this way of life we're bound upon.

No, they don't see everything you've said and done. But they have seen a lot. They have seen you react to many various stimuli.

That track record of yours sketches your character in their eyes. This representation of what kind of person you are is based on your CONDUCT (your words and deeds), not on mere hearsay about you.

So no one should be able to come along and tell them JUST ANYTHING about you.



For example, if you are a gentle person, in ten years that will show. Many times. The people you interact with daily will see sample after sample of you reacting gently to things that most others would react more harshly to.

So no narcissist should be able to come along and insinuate that you are violent.

Likewise if you are honest. In ten years that will show. Many times. The people you interact with daily will see sample after sample of you reacting honestly to things that most others would hedge the truth about.

So no narcissist should be able to come along and insinuate that you are a liar.

Likewise if you are sensible. In ten years that will show. Many times. The people you interact with daily will see sample after sample of you reacting sensibly to things that most others would show poor judgment about.

So no narcissist should be able to come along and insinuate that you are crazy and imagining things.

To believe these things about you they have to unknow everything they know about you. That is, they have to unknow you. They have to revise history. They have to erase that track record of yours.

And that track record is your life. They have to wipe it out.

That takes your life.

Which is why they call it "character assassination."

Your whole life goes up in smoke. And a figment of the imagination is substituted for it.

Those people are not innocent. Indeed, check it out: that is the Original Sin.

Eve committed it when she chose to believe that God was the liar, not the slithering sidewinder who snuck up to her and said, "Really? God told you that? That you would fall if you swallowed this stuff?"

Then Adam committed it worse when he swallowed it, too, just to agree with Eve.

The serpent did the same thing to God that the narcissist does to his victims, whom he slanders to discredit. Adam and Eve did the same thing to God that people do to a narcissist's victim when they believe the lie.

The narcissist's lie is always ironic. For the narcissist is out to smear one of your outstanding GOOD QUALITIES with the semblance of one of his own VICES. So, the allegation is always preposterous. No one who knows you should be fooled by it.

Because it isn't believable. They should know better. But they willfully don't. Because the lie is juicy.


And so, there's nothing like a narc attack to show you who your real friends are.

Kathy's Amazing Site

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Stalkers & Why They Do It.

Over 3 & a half years on, Gareth Rodger is still at it. Stalking this blog and very likely every other place his name is mentioned







A while back I exposed his recent Facebook profile.







If you look at the picture below he has been visiting using both his Entice Media Account and his User account. His company Website - Entice Media







I kept logs of his very first visits to this blog , he has a tendency NOT to read anything I say, he skips everything that would spark any humanity inside of him and focuses only on HIMSELF (as always) and what this blog could be doing to tarnish his name.




Douglas Beckstead stalks his victims in the same way.







Why do they do it?


What is it with psychopaths/narcissists? do they stalk online because of mere curiosity or just to keep tabs? I'd say both, and many more reasons.

His false self, his mask , his reputation are all at stake with every stroke of the keyboard.


"At the end of a relationship the Narcissist faces the potential exposure of his abusive behaviour, your leaving and loss of expected NS (Narcissistic Supply), ensuing divorce, financial repercussions, which can result in narcissistic injury and subsequent narcissistic rage.

His targets find themselves on the receiving end of the Narcissist’s relentless continued abuse, smear campaign, endless legal battles and other creative cruelties. This narcissistic rage may be, in fact, much worse than what you experienced within the relationship." Source






Stalkers & Technology



"Technology is almost the greatest gift to a persistent stalker,"


They used to sit outside their targets' homes -- hiding in cars or bushes -- waiting to follow them.

They used to leave hastily-scrawled notes on their windshields before slashing their tires.

But now stalkers have moved into the 21st century, using modern technology to leave their terrorized victims living in fear.

If any victim is being harassed with e-mails, don't reply, and save the e-mails -- if you reply you increase the problem and it encourages the activity to continue,"















ABOUT CYBERSTALKERS
Cyber stalkers can be broadly categorized into three types. (Sometimes these categories overlap).




The obsessed cyberstalker


This is the most common type of cyberstalker and he or she usually has had a prior relationship with the victim. The stalker cannot come to terms with the fact that their relationship is over. He or she then takes a lot of trouble to coerce the victim into re-entering the relationship or has his or her revenge on the victim by inducing fear and making his or her life miserable.

One should not be misled by believing that this stalker is harmlessly in love and incapable of causing real harm.






The delusional cyberstalker


This type of stalker is usually unrelated to the intended victim. Most of the time, contact is achieved through the Internet. These stalkers suffer from mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, psychopathy, bipolar disorder, narcissism, etc. This is why, sometimes, they are severely deluded into believing that their victim is in love with them even though they may have never met. These false beliefs keep them tied to their victims. This particular condition is also known as erotomania.

A delusional stalker is often a social outcast because of his or her mental illness and this makes him or her all the more desperate for companionship. Victims often tend to be married and from high profile professions such as celebrities, doctors, teachers, etc.

The most common type of stalker from this group is the type which pursues a celebrity and this syndrome is better known as the "obsessed fan syndrome". Delusional stalkers are very difficult to shake off.



The vengeful cyber stalker


These cyber stalkers are typically disgruntled employees and ex-spouses, ex-lovers or ex-friends who are resentful towards their victim due to some reason or the other. The motive for them is the feeling that THEY were the ones who have been victimized first and that they are merely teaching their victims a lesson.


His or her actions are similar to that of the obsessional stalker but they differ in motive. He or she is usually hell-bent on inducing fear in his or her victims by blackmailing or threatening them after taking over their computers.






WHAT MOTIVATES A CYBERSTALKER/ HARASSER?

The following are general motivations for any cyberstalker. The more fearful cyberstalkers tend to have more than one motive.




Anonymity of the Net

As mentioned before, the very nature of anonymous communications through the Internet makes it much easier to be a cyberstalker than a stalker in the real world.




Obsession for love


It is often the case that when relationships that begin online or in real life are halted abruptly by one person, the rejected lover cannot accept the end of the relationship. This leads to the rejected one pursuing his or her ex-lover online as well as offline.

One major problem related to obsessional stalking is that since it often starts off as real romance and intimacy, much personal information is shared between both persons involved. This makes it all the easier for the cyberstalker to harass his or her victim by using personal information against him or her or publicizing them.

Obsessions may also start as pastimes or for psychological reasons. These stalkers live in their own fantasy realms, so it is usually unnecessary for the victim to have done anything to attract his or her attention in the first place. Obsessional stalkers are usually jealous, possessive and manipulative people.





Revenge & Hate


It may start of as a mere argument blown out of proportion, leading eventually to a relationship based on intense hatred and a need for revenge. The criminal behavior may also be triggered off as a result of a rude comment posted online. The offending party may regret his or her action immediately but the offended party is not that easy to shake off.

Sometimes, hate-centred cyberstalking is triggered off for no reason at all. This is another indication of the psychological instability of cyberstalkers. Death threats and vulgar messages via email or through live chat messages are a common manifestation of this type of stalking.






Ego-centrism

Some stalkers are least interested in the damage they do to or how close they get to their victims. They are only interested in the process of gaining control over their victims just to prove to themselves or their friends that they can. They do not have any grudge against their victims but are simply using them as a means to exhibit their power and control to their friends or doing it just for the challenge. The unlucky victim is usually chosen at random.

Apart from the fact that they are highly manipulative and risk-taking, these stalkers do not suffer from any mental illness. Most people who receive threats online are fooled into believing that their harasser is more than capable of carrying out their threats. In fact, more often than not, this type of stalker is a child or teenager who cannot possibly have the means of carrying out the threats made.






IMPACT ON VICTIMS


Cyberstalking undermines the reputation and credibility of the Internet as a platform of information and for communication.

Being stalked can be an extremely fearful experience... Receiving messages filled with hatred or obsessive desire from someone whose face they have never seen before can be extremely terrifying. This is even more so if they start thinking that they themselves had done something wrong to deserve such treatment.

The knowledge that one is being continually pursued for whatever reason in the real or in the cyberworld is not something one handle if he or she keeps his or her fear inside. A new user of the Net may be so traumatized by such an experience that he or she may be too frightened to use the Net ever again. The worst thing that could happen is that the victim is convinced by the stalker to meet him or her in the real world and is then raped or assaulted or even murdered in a secluded area.

Such incidents severely undermine the reputation and credibility of the Internet as a worldwide platform of information and for communication. - Source
~~~~~~~~~~~







Minimize What People Can Find Out About You Online

Cyberstalking A Very Real Problem

Stalkers Cause Anxiety & Stress - PTSD

Beware The Rage Of The Cyberpath When Caught

The Poor Cyberpath Feels Threatened

Another Facebook Stalker Arrested

Online Stalking Made Easy



Thanks to EOPC for the articles & links.

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Predators Use Facebook To Stalk & Abuse - & Other Networking Websites - So BEWARE! - Gareth Rodger Now Trolling Facebook.

Let's Start With - Douglas Beckstead First.....


One example of a predator using facebook to harass his victims and obtain more enablers is Douglas Beckstead







Would you want this predator meeting your children at christmas? No neither would i! so run as fast as you can from Beckstead if you ever happen to come across him.


Beckstead is one of the WORST predators apart from serial killers that I have ever ever read about. This guy is sick and depraved. Please show your support and check out The Beckstead Exposure Site for more information.





Online Stalking

For people as self-absorbed and seemingly uninterested in you as malignant narcissists are, they are very snoopy. They go through your drawers and papers. They are looking for dirt, and they are trying to find out if you're on to them. Hence, like all abusers, they often spy on and stalk their victims.


Narcissists stalk prey on the Web, as well. Often they do this by posing as a victim and trying to initiate contact with some hurting person who posts in a group or blog. Therefore, when posting to any group or blog, you should use a screen name and be leery of forming a relationship with anyone out there who emails you privately and tries to strike one up with you.





Gareth Rodger


Psychopaths view any social exchange as a "feeding opportunity," a contest or a test of wills in which there can be only one winner. Their motives are to manipulate and take, ruthlessly and without remorse. [Hare]

If you reply to the psychopaths correspondence, whether that be via email, phone or face to face you ought to know that: "To these violent men, control is like oxygen. Every sign of submission from others is like the breath of life, falsely confirming their delusion that only brute force affirms their worth. Failing to dominate a woman triggers loose a choking fear in these men, which they cannot face. That hidden fear is the truth that threatens their common delusion of godlike invincibility and exposes them as frightened little men, terrified of everyone and everything, including their own guilt. But guilt, for them, is intolerable." Source


Even when living together Gareth was always sniffing the wireless network to snoop on what i was doing online, He would go through my computer files & Mobile/Cell phone when I wasn't home too. He would ask our mutual friends what I had been doing, and who I had been talking to also. He was stalking me even when we were together. When we broke up? .....Nothing has changed.







Check out his comments and quotes in the image below - You can see his interests are People, Traveling, Money, & Success - Click Image To Enlarge.








I have recently come to learn that Gareth has made a facebook profile very recently. One of our mutual friends who informed me he "Disliked Gareth" & "Thought he was weird and creepy" has added him to his friends list.

Which means because Gareth and I both have a "Mutual Friend" in common on facebook , he can read what I write on my own profile, and possibly coerce our mutual friend into giving him information or turn him against me.



Click Image To Enlarge








Gareth and the "Mutual Friend" have not spoken since 2006 (or so I was told by the mutual friend) so WHY on earth would a psychopath who hasn't in the past or present EVER cared about his friends, suddenly add just this one Mutual Friend and not any of the others we used to share? could it be because these other "friends" are all aware of Gareth's Bulls****? I think so yes.

Or could it be because he wants to bump my blog down on google by adding more profiles? I am guessing yes again.


Gareth seems to believe that because I am "online" that my life is "online" however this is NOT the case. Stalking online is one of the predators modus operandi and one they never seem to give up, even 7 years later in some cases they are STILL doing it.


He stalks this blog, and has been stalking my other profiles for more than 2 years now.


In fact you might find (as all predators do) that your predator might start accusing YOU of stalking HIM online. Don't BUY into their BS.


Like physical abusers, emotional abusers will often stalk their former partners. The stalker's objective is often to control her through cultivating fear rather than making direct or specific threats, or confronting the her. This is a subtle form of terrorism, because abuse victims are often very emotionally (if not physically) afraid of their abusers once they wake up.

Gareth still WONT accept my boundaries, he STILL contacts me.














Comments On His Photo (above) - His Friends Appear To See What I See Too...(Click Image To Enlarge)









Ex-partners of abusers will often express fear of their abuser, and will have no desire to be anywhere near the abuser. On the other hand, the abuser may try to appear as if he is calm, rational, and still supportive of his ex-partner, despite the fact that he will also express the opinion that he believes she is quite unstable. (are you on the same boards? visit the same sites? But its YOU that is stalking him? Because the cyberpath cannot and will not maintain a cordial distance! But that's YOUR fault. LOL... NOT)



He will make statements such as saying that he "bears her no ill-will", etc., but then will show no respect for her boundaries ... The abuser will still inquire with friends as to how she is doing, implying that his inquiry is because he cares about her - he does care - about retaining those last vestiges of control, even after the breakup. What he really wants to know is if she is suffering or doing badly, because that feeds his sick ego. He feels best when he puts other people in as much pain as he is in. Source EOPC



Some predators go so far as to accuse his targets/victims of being PREDATORS (can you say PROJECTION?)


Predators are ANGRY at their victims. FOR TELLING THE TRUTH AND SEEKING HELP FOR THEIR TRAUMA. and for Ripping their Mask Of Sanity off leaving them exposed


They will say "see!! see how she is!! she's nuts and won't leave me alone! she's trying to manipulate me! She's stalking me!"

If you really want to help them? Expose them. Make them accountable. Don't let them scare you into silence. Help others stay away! Source EOPC



The Narcissist Feels entitled to your time, attention, admiration, and resources. Interprets every rejection as an act of aggression which leads to a narcissistic injury. Reacts with sustained rage and vindictiveness. Can turn violent because he feels omnipotent and immune to the consequences of his actions.







Best coping strategy

Make clear that you want no further contact with him and that this decision is not personal. Be firm. Do not hesitate to inform him that you hold him responsible for his stalking, bullying, and harassment and that you will take all necessary steps to protect yourself. Narcissists are cowards and easily intimidated. Luckily, they never get emotionally attached to their prey and so can move on with ease. If like me this doesn't work - ignore ALL correspondence from the psychopath. After 3 years Gareth still WONT accept my boundaries what's to say your predator will accept yours?



In short, the psychopath - and the narcissist to a lesser extent - is a predator. If we think about the interactions of predators with their prey in the animal kingdom, we can come to some idea of what is behind the "mask of sanity" of the psychopath. Just as an animal predator will adopt all kinds of stealthy functions in order to stalk their prey, cut them out of the herd, get close to them and reduce their resistance, so does the psychopath construct all kinds of elaborate camoflage composed of words and appearances - lies and manipulations - in order to "assimilate" their prey.



This leads us to an important quesion: what does the psychopath REALLY get from their victims? It's easy to see what they are after when they lie and manipulate for money or material goods or power. But in many instances, such as love relationships or faked friendships, it is not so easy to see what the psychopath is after. Without wandering too far afield into spiritual speculations - a problem Cleckley also faced - we can only say that it seems to be that the psychopath ENJOYS making others suffer. Just as normal humans enjoy seeing other people happy, or doing things that make other people smile, the psychopath enjoys the exact opposite.


Psychopaths make their way by conning people into doing things for them; obtaining money for them, prestige, power, or even standing up for them when others try to expose them. But that is their claim to fame. That's what they do. And they do it very well. What's more, the job is very easy because most people are gullible with an unshakable belief in the inherent goodness of man.








Once You Expose The Psychopath Expect Them To Do The Following:


- Smear you to everyone they can, including making up whole websites just to smear you (Pathologicals believe, like small children, if they SAY something - long enough & loud enough that people will believe them and it will supplant facts and become truth.)


- Harrass you, your friends or your family by phone, email or website postings
(be sure to BLOCK their emails and instant messages or DO NOT REPLY - just save them. Don't READ THEM and DON'T TRY TO 'figure out what they mean.' They are mentally disordered and can't be figured out!

- If they threaten you or your family, go immediately to the authorities with all hard proof and if necessary, demand a report be filed.)

- Minimize, whitewash or twist the truth about what happened between you to their friends, family, spouse, partners, co-workers, anyone who will listen (and accuse you of doing all the things they did to you - i.e. Projection)

- Do everything they can to make YOU look like the sick, mentally ill or not credible person

- Use their friends/ spouses in denial, other predators, coworkers to help them discredit and smear you or harm you physical and psychologically.

- They may post on boards you belong to or hack a website if you have one.






Do not respond to your cyberpath/psychopath - but certainly tell the truth when asked and wherever you can. Get therapy to deal with the stress of the aftermath. Anyone who believes the cyberpath is not your problem.


To the Cyberpaths - Lie to everyone you can, if you must - but the truth remains. We know it, you know it and you can twist in the winds of your 'conveniently rewritten realities' but a lie is a lie. Be sure to read legal definitions before you accuse someone of slander, libel or defamation and don't be surprised when it backfires on you.


The Narcissistically injured on the other hand, cannot rest until he has blotted out a vaguely experienced offender who dared to oppose him, to disagree with him, or to outshine him.

It can never find rest because it can never wipe out the evidence that has contradicted its conviction it is unique and perfect. This archaic rage goes on and on and on. -Group Helplessness and Rage Ernest S. Wolf, MD



Article Source EOPC





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