Betrayal of the Bystanders.

by Kathy Krajco

Why do we feel so wronged by the people who believe a narcissist's lies about us? There are a number of reasons, but here is one of the biggest.

It's because their credulity isn't innocent. If a stranger believes some outrageous lie about us, we aren't surprised, and we don't feel wronged by them. But if someone who knows us believes that same lie, we feel betrayed. Guess why?
It's because they have betrayed us by believing that lie about us.
For example, if someone has known you for ten years, they see your track record of conduct for the last ten years. In other words, they have seen how you conduct yourself along this way of life we're bound upon.

No, they don't see everything you've said and done. But they have seen a lot. They have seen you react to many various stimuli.

That track record of yours sketches your character in their eyes. This representation of what kind of person you are is based on your CONDUCT (your words and deeds), not on mere hearsay about you.

So no one should be able to come along and tell them JUST ANYTHING about you.



For example, if you are a gentle person, in ten years that will show. Many times. The people you interact with daily will see sample after sample of you reacting gently to things that most others would react more harshly to.

So no narcissist should be able to come along and insinuate that you are violent.

Likewise if you are honest. In ten years that will show. Many times. The people you interact with daily will see sample after sample of you reacting honestly to things that most others would hedge the truth about.

So no narcissist should be able to come along and insinuate that you are a liar.

Likewise if you are sensible. In ten years that will show. Many times. The people you interact with daily will see sample after sample of you reacting sensibly to things that most others would show poor judgment about.

So no narcissist should be able to come along and insinuate that you are crazy and imagining things.

To believe these things about you they have to unknow everything they know about you. That is, they have to unknow you. They have to revise history. They have to erase that track record of yours.

And that track record is your life. They have to wipe it out.

That takes your life.

Which is why they call it "character assassination."

Your whole life goes up in smoke. And a figment of the imagination is substituted for it.

Those people are not innocent. Indeed, check it out: that is the Original Sin.

Eve committed it when she chose to believe that God was the liar, not the slithering sidewinder who snuck up to her and said, "Really? God told you that? That you would fall if you swallowed this stuff?"

Then Adam committed it worse when he swallowed it, too, just to agree with Eve.

The serpent did the same thing to God that the narcissist does to his victims, whom he slanders to discredit. Adam and Eve did the same thing to God that people do to a narcissist's victim when they believe the lie.

The narcissist's lie is always ironic. For the narcissist is out to smear one of your outstanding GOOD QUALITIES with the semblance of one of his own VICES. So, the allegation is always preposterous. No one who knows you should be fooled by it.

Because it isn't believable. They should know better. But they willfully don't. Because the lie is juicy.


And so, there's nothing like a narc attack to show you who your real friends are.

Kathy's Amazing Site

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Why The Narcissist Hates You for Achieving Success

When or if you achieve some level of success in life, whether as big as a prestigious award or as small as a compliment , the narcissist is going to hate you for it. You can bet your money on that one. Obviously, success draws its share of admiration, but it's guaranteed to rouse some hate as well. So why does the narcissist hate you when are successful? I think there are four basic reasons.

The first and most obvious reason is that they are jealous. The narcissist in particular can't stand anyone else's prosperity. They are naturally resentful of it. They always believe/wish/ it was them instead of you, he feels more entitled to it than you. Funny thing, though, they never wish for any of your hardships, losses, disappointments, pain, illnesses, or anything of the like. And they conveniently ignore all the hard work that paved the way for your success. They just focus on the fact that you acquired something good that they didn't, think you didn't deserve – and they don't like it.


The second reason is that your success often makes them look bad. It might increase the standards for which they will be judged in the future. They are satisfied with the status quo and you are ruining things for them. You are rocking the boat. You are upsetting the applecart. Because of you, they might be forced out their comfort zone. They may actually be challenged to improve themselves. Their life of ease my soon be shaken up. That's not what they want. They always want to be number 1, the most important.


The third reason is that they might not think you are deserving of success, for whatever reason. They may feel that success came too easy for you and that, because of your natural ability, you didn't have to work as hard as they would have to, in order to gain comparable achievements. They may think you are not credentialed enough for the success you have achieved. For example, some people will automatically dismiss your accomplishments because you don't have what they feel is the right amount of education or experience. They may think you are not good enough, pedigreed enough, or from the right kind of family or background. They have a mental image of what a successful person should be or look like – and you're not it.. but guess what? they believe they are!

The fourth and final reason is familiarity. They say it breeds contempt, and this is especially true for someone who has achieved a certain level of success. The Bible says (and I'm paraphrasing now) that successful people can find respect anywhere except within their own family or hometown. There they often find nothing but resentment. For example, people might say something like, "Isn't this the same old Jim I grew up with, went to school with, and partied with – who does he think he is now?" For some reason, they have an image of you (pre-success) burned into their psyche and they just can't remove it. They apparently see your success as a form of betrayal – a betrayal of the person you used to be or still are in their mind. Go figure!


Narcissists feel the same way about YOU! if someone compliments you on your style, work, children, life, looks or personality the narcissist is immediately jealous and later on you might find this is his reason for raging at you or putting you down with nasty remarks (Out of earshot of any witnesses of course)

The narcissist wants the spot light, he craves the favourable attention and doesn't want to share it with someone he looks down on / a lesser pedigree... turns out that is you (in his eyes of course)

He will say and do everything possible to diminish his victim, the abuser seeks to feel superior to, and in control of, his mate, with the motivation that she becomes so downtrodden and powerless she would not be able to leave him - or override him in the success stakes, all the while remaining oblivious to the fact that his behavior may, over time, produce the opposite effect."

To the pathological personality it isn't just about how successful you are! it's about power and control! he wants you to go back to being the insignificant being you were before, the needy desperate being who believed all his lies and BS stories. Once you start to lead your own life, and start down the path of success, the narcissist feels the stab of a psychological injury to his ego/ the self.

When you become successful (and "successful" can be anything, such as a compliment, certification or small award) he will retaliate by:

* Sulking
* Refusing to talk
* Withdrawing affection
* Strutting and posturing
* Stomping out
* Walking away

* Denial of anger and abuse: The abuser will deny the partner's reality and the abuser's fault.

* Trivializing: The abuser acts as though the partner's opinions, thoughts, actions, or concerns are trivial or don't count.

* Judging and criticizing: The abuser puts down the partner's thoughts, feelings, or actions.

* Blocking and diverting: The abuser purposefully creates barriers to the partner's efforts to communicate and will change the conversation to gain control.

* Name calling: The abuser tries to strip away the partner's dignity and identity and replaces it with a foul name.

* Chronic forgetting: The abuser regularly "forgets" or is regularly late for appointments, agreements, incidents and other important events to the partner.

He will try to sabotage your every move, crushing you under his boot heel , only to put himself back above you in the success stakes. Like a 6 year old throwing a tantrum such is the life with a narcissist....day in ....day out...
And remember it isn't about you, it's all about HIM!





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