Wednesday, April 6, 2011

When Others Believe Your Abuser

WHEN OTHERS BELIEVE YOUR (Narcissistic or Psychopathic) ABUSER

Since when is it good to be friendly with bad people? Since when is winking at their wrongdoing a virtue?

Perhaps someone can quote chapter and verse in the comments, because holier-than-thous really deserve to have their religion's true teachings show what frauds their twisting of religious doctrine makes them.

In the New Testament, in Revelations, I believe, in one of the letters to the churches, some holier-than-thou Christians are read the riot act for that very same pretense.

The author unloads both barrels at them with this truth: "Good people are not lukewarm toward evil" it says.

Cowards are.

Loving good is hating evil. And vice versa. Love is an attraction; hate a repulsion. But that is too simple for complex people to understand.

Now I am not saying that we must reject everyone not perfect, for then we would reject everyone, including ourselves. But decent people need no instruction.

There is a point at which behavior becomes predatory and malicious - a point at which one is morally obligated to separate themselves from that person.
You thus take away a bad actor's safety in numbers. You show disapproval. You discourage others from behaving the same way. You comfort the victim by showing him or her that the pain caused them by the bad guy matters to you.

Is any of that evil?

It's just a way of discouraging the harm the bad guy is doing others by showing that you want nothing to do with someone who hurts others like that.

Where is the sin in that, pray tell? Sounds like fine, upstanding conduct to me.

Jesus spoke of this when he said that "indecent conduct" is a special case and justification for divorce even. At the time, the terms "indecent" or "lewd" conduct simply meant "lowdown" or "despicable" conduct of any sort.

And that statement of his, qualifying his disapproval of divorce, is just common sense.

Why? Let's say you are married to a Mafia boss. Is it right for you live in his big fancy house, being waited on by his hired staff? Is it right for you to PROFIT from the crimes he commits and ther damage he does to people?

To the contrary:
it is immoral for you not to divorce him when you find out what he is.
The same people who make a virtue of "accepting" abusive narcissists, relentlessly persecute anyone for any hint of racism or sexism. THAT they won't tolerate. They wouldn't DREAM of tolerating anything politically incorrect like that.

But though they know and believe that the narcissist has brutally abused you, they see no reason to show any disapproval of that.

Hmmm. Whom do they think they're fooling?

They make nothing of that narcissist's abuse of you. They countenance it.

If instead they rejected the narcissist, they would be doing the one small thing they could to get on the right side, the victim's side.

But they abandon the victim and smile in the abuser's face.

Not so holy as they pretend.

by Kathy Krajco


Anonymous said...

Sigh - I know what you're trying to say. It's so hard to reason with the sympathizers, who love quoting the Bible and aligning themselves with God. When I mention evil, I got the response that we are all born evil. When I say it's right to express anger at the abuse, I'm told that it's wrong and one should leave it at the Cross. When I compare domestic terrorism to the Holocaust, I'm told that Corrie Ten Boom was noble for forgiving her abusers. I'm told that compassionate women turn to ex-haters and think they can spread hatred just because the ex's were abusive. Some people just don't get it.

KHA said...

Sigh again...I'm confronting the fact that our friends ostracized the abuser, then he used my child to manipulate his way into someone's house on a religious holiday (they didn't want to embarrass him in front of his child) and now they invite us both to parties claiming they are "taking the high road and forgiving him." I "forgave" him years ago, but that doesn't mean I excuse his behavior or that I am required to put myself in harm's way ever again. They think it is OK to assist him in being near me. HIs own children won't see him (especially after that incident) but friends send him the message that his behavior is OK. These are the "religious" friends, btw, some superior value system, right? They are helping him with the abuse and can't even see it.

Anonymous said...

Sigh...I am confronting this now. Our religious friends supported me and abandoned him after the divorce because one of the other women had been abused by him at their work. Then he used my child to crash a private holiday party ("I couldn't turn him away in front of your child!"). The child was horrified and confused because she is just old enough to know she was used. Teenager won't speak to him. Now the religious friends invite us all to parties together because they have decided to "forgive" and "take the high road." Now they want me to "forgive"! I "forgave" him years ago, but that doesn't mean I must excuse his behavior or put myself in danger like they are. Do I have to leave these friends? Then my children are without a religious family. Then again, what values are they teaching?

Anonymous said...

its driving me crazy that just happened to me he left me a blue eye and bruises all over my body they all saw them and they come to me saying i should have kept my mouth shut he has a bad temper so what can you do when everybody is trying to convince you that you are soo wrong and he has everyright to do that to me and all i can do know is pray that they all go through the same situation so they taste some of this

Anonymous said...

My daughter's homeroom teacher exhibits many psychopathic traits. She has even created a situation where she has effectively taken my child away from me as a 'protected reporter' of child abuse. Now, she will be free to psychologically torture my daughter into committing suicide--but I began to prepare my daughter to be strong once I realized what was going on. I hope my daughter will be okay. I really do.