Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Sexual Relationship with a Narcissist

The sexual relationship with the narcissist is most peculiar. Narcissists are exhibitionists and sex is just one further means of being admired to her or him.

Intimacy does not exist and you will frequently feel used. The narcissist will demand that you subdue yourself. Your own sexual preferences will be boycotted or twisted.

Narcissists have a strong tendency to sexually abuse a partner and sometimes children. Here is a list of SOME of these abusive behaviors (these are not true in all cases; nor do ALL have to be present for it to be NPD):

* You are prohibited from masturbating or feel good about your own body under the threat of punishment

* You are being made to watch porn although you don't want to

* You are not allowed any sexual gratification yourself

* The narcissist pretends to be sexual (desirous) for you but is after her/ his gratification only

* Your sexual past is being torn apart or made fun of

* You are being told that all you want is sex (although you know this is not the case, however sex is central to the narcissist)

* The narcissist instigates sex (like telling you erotic things and sending you pictures or emails which are sexual) but then decides last minute that nothing is to take place; or simply demands abusive sex

* The narcissist abuses you while you are asleep (sleep rape)

* You are being raped (coerced verbally or emotionally - includes "I love you") on a regular basis

* You are feeling humiliated and yet the narcissist claims that (s)he has been humiliated

* The narcissist finds it funny when you get hurt and enjoys it when you get hurt, this can be physically or emotionally

* The narcissist instigates and turns everything into a sexual game

* The narcissist demands prolonged sex way above the limit you can handle nor want to

* The narcissist tells you that you want to have sexual relations with everybody -- although the narcissist has a strong tendency to flirt with others and to be infidel

* You are being told off for the fact that you were flirting with someone although you are not flirting at all

* The narcissist makes fun of your sexuality in front of others (e.g. you have a small penis or small breasts)

* The narcissist demands sex when you make it clear that you don't want to

* The narcissist has to try out everything possible

* The narcissist is an exhibitionist and will want sex in public and dresses inappropriately at home and or elsewhere

There is another form of sexual abuse with Narcissists (and other Pathologicals). In fact, so I believe, it is the most common one, and hence it took me so long to get it. This form of abuse comes in four stages:
* Firstly, the victim will be forced to reveal her or his sexual preferences and experiences to the perpetrator.

* Secondly, the perpetrator will condition the victim to direct her or his entire sexuality towards the perpetrator. At this stage, the sexual relationship is intense.

* Thirdly, the perpetrator reduces the intensity of the sexual relationship dramatically, so that the victim is in constant sexual need. (Sexual Hyperarousal)

* Fourthly, the perpetrator grants inproper sexual gratification in order to maintain the sexual need of the victim. Now, the victim, who is (sexually) dependent on the perpetrator, can be humiliated, manipulated and used.

Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl

Chameleon Group


diana said...

I believe the relationship I had with my N may leave me warped forever? Of course we had the typical whirlwind romance! I had never had such intense sex and I was 36 years old. It dwindled within just a few months. We were married for almost 4 years and it got where he just couldnt have sex with me at. He would make all of these excuses and I just withdrew, got tired of the humiliation. I wasnt good enough or I just didnt turn him on? I felt so incredibly bad about myself. That was really sick and I never want to feel like that again! I thank you for your articles they have really helped me and let me tell you Ive needed sooo much help! They are simply the face of pure evil!! God Bless!

Anonymous said...

I have been married to a narcissist for nearly a year and am trying to find a way out. He has convinced me that I don't know how to recognise my own orgasm (which means I now have to fake them a lot to stop him shouting at me), he slaps my butt hard if he thinks i am not present enough, he pulls away from me for various random reasons, jumps on me as soon as I wake up, calling me dirty names and trying to penetrate immediately while turning my face away because my breath smells, etc etc. i feel sick at the thought of him touching me at the moment, but he assumes he has the right to grab my body whenever he pleases. I am trying to keep him sweet while I find somewhere else to live (I have been unable to hold down a job since being with him due to instability and him demanding that i wear religious garb, only work within certain areas etc - any excuse to control me)... I will get away from him, I just want to leave as a survivor and not a victim so that I go with the right kind of energy... Life is a gift, and not one I want to waste on this demon for any longer than i have to.

Anonymous said...

I am the daughter of an NPD sufferer [adopted]. She frquently displays her nudity in Public and at home when her friends are in the lounge she happens to randomly need a shower and can be seen naked in the mirror by the friends in the lounge.Weve all got one she exclaims .As a child and with my children she always made us undress in ridiculous places , making us deficate on command in a public place etc. We were berated and made fun of for this after the incidents.