Speaking of teachers, here is something all students and parents should know.
Narcissistic teachers (and weak teachers) use something I call "scapegoat discipline." Believe it or not, they actually target a kid in each section at the beginning of the year. This kid is the selected class scapegoat. Whenever the teacher isn't getting what he or she wants, they start yelling at the scapegoat for something.
The reason is simple: Only one kid gets abused, so the others and their parents don't care.
But all kids are intimidated by the show. In other words, the teacher abuses one kid to control the others. Simply by making an example of the scapegoat.
This is nothing rare. Every schoolyard bully does the same thing. Every brutal dictator does too. The Jews served Hitler in this capacity for example, just as the Christians served Nero.
The abuse of the scapegoat escalates to shocking levels, just the most vicious looks and snarling and contempt you ever saw - way over the top. Truly, anyone who witnesses it should think Teacher belongs in a padded cell, but incredibly these smooth talkers get away with it, year after year.
Of course the kids hate these blow ups. But who do they blame for them? Not the teacher. They are afraid of the bully teacher, so they suck up to him or her. They have nothing but admiring praise for him or her. They blame the scapegoat for always doing something to set the bully off.
So now the scapegoat is a pariah, on top of it all. Anyone who blows that off is devoid of empathy. Kids kill themselves over stuff like that. It ain't no minor matter. And every adult who knows of it is morally obligated to protect any child from it.
It ain't good for your unabused child either. It sucks him into the ganging-up on the scapegoat, which he will have to project his shame for. It teaches him to blame the victim and suck up to bullies. So ALL parents should be concerned when they discover this happening to ANYONE in one of their child's classes.
The gradebook can be evidence in some cases. For, at least in one case I know of, the bully teacher would actually mark the scapegoat on the seating chart the first or second day so she could remember whom to target.
The target seems selected on basis of vulnerability in the cases I know of. He could be a kid from the wrong side of the tracks. Maybe she's a wallflower. Maybe he has been in trouble with the school before. Maybe a kid with no father and drunk for a mother. Whatever.
Weak teachers who use scapegoat discipline always impressed me as slipping into it rather than plotting it. They don't act so terrorizingly crazy when they get mad either. They are just trying to blame their incompetence on having a section "stacked" with "bad kids," so that the constant uproar coming from their door ain't their fault.
They will often target two or three kids in a section (instead of one) to take all the blame. Scapegoat discipline just passes the blame though, it doesn't establish discipline, because the weak teacher can just scream. She can't terrorize anyone. So, the gross unfairness just provokes more disrespect of her than it deters.
By Kathy Krajco
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Showing posts with label Psychopathy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Psychopathy. Show all posts
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Seventeen Masks/Faces of the Psychopath
Described below are 16 different expressions of psychopathy, each focusing largely on the psychopath's lifestyle and habitual ways of interacting with other people. Behind each of these descriptions it is assumed that a universal psychopathic structure (characterized by narcissism, primitive impulsivity, along with deficits in emotion, empathy, guilt, and morality) belongs to each type. These type descriptions have been gathered from a variety of sources and amalgamated to form the collection. Most psychopaths are combinations or overlaps of these types:
1. THE LIAR/CONTRACT BREAKER
This Psychopath is a pathological liar who will often lie for no reason at all. He/she is usually skilful at this, but sometimes fails to remember. This P will agree to anything then turn around and do just the opposite. Legal/custody agreements and normal social protocol mean nothing to him/her. Technically, these psychopaths never lie because lying is not a relevant issue for them. The idea or image of truth doesn't exist with the psychopath, so he cannot lie…. there is for him no difference. He says what's convenient, what comes to his mind, but never figures out 'Is that now really true, or not'? There is something in normal people which wants to see the truth and wants to be truthful, but if that internal sense is missing then the word 'lie' is senseless.
A psychopath, for instance, may have gone to the bank and 'conned' the bank manager in order to get money, and what he or she said to the banker in regard to that is not necessarily concealment or lying, it's just 'part of the story' that goes with getting the money, and he does that very well and that's the adapted or successful psychopath. He says what the banker wants to hear and for the psychopath who says it, that's it -there is no truth or lying. The psychopath sometimes has an understanding that other people distingish between lies and truth and will often adjust himself and behave in accordance with these facts. But the 'liar/contract breaker' psychopath completely refuses to recognise the social sense of lies/truth, and lives only by saying and believing "what is convenient" in any given moment.
2. THE SOCIO-ECONOMIC "CLIMBER"
Frequently occupationally-successful, this P will rise to the top in work and social circles. No one knows the hell that his/her family lives through. They are often gifted and intelligent in their chosen field, but must be in absolute control. They will manipulate others to further their ideas. They can be a vindictive bullies in the office. They have no genuine social conscience. Can be suspicious and paranoid. This disingenuous psychopath's behaviour is typified by a veneer of friendliness and sociability. Although making a superficially good impression upon aquaintances, this P frequently shows a more characteristic unreliability, impulsive tendencies, and deep resentments and moodiness among family members and other close associates They are often extremely verbally gifted and charismatic, and everyone may love him/her -- except those who truly know the demon he/she is. This wheeler-dealer will leave others holding the bag.
3. THE SEXUAL PSYCHOPATH
This P will display an impulsive hypersexuality (male or female), and frequently expresses a polymorphic sexual range - eg., pornography and masturbation, promiscuity, homosexuality, and various paraphilias - including possible incestual tendencies and perversions.
The sexual psychopath takes a predatory approach towards his targets, including stalking behaviors. This type may derive his sexual pleasure from a single theme such as serial rape or pedophilia, in which his primary sexual aim will be to dominate, to use, to control, and to subjugate another person (often someone weaker and less able to manage the situation) in the service of a gradiose self. According to researcher Darwin Dorr, "the majority of pedophiles are psychopathic, or manifest a significant degree of psychological characteristics of psychopathy." Of the psychopathic pedophile, Robert Hare writes, 'The number of children who are sexually abosed by parents, other relatives, child-care workers, clergymen, and teachers is truly staggering. Unlike other abusers, many of whom were themselves abused as children, are psychologically disturbed, and often experience anguish about what they are doing, psychopathic abusers are unmoved - "I just take what's available," said one of our subjects, convicted of sexually assaulting his girlfreind's eight-year-old daughter.' For the sexual psychopath, then, all people may be targets, including both the very young and the very elderly, and both genders, who are often targeted for sex without consent.
4. THE EXPLOSIVE PSYCHOPATH
The explosive psychopath is differentiated from other psychopathic variants by the unpredictable and sudden emergence of hostility. These "adult tantrums," characterized by uncontrollable rage and fearsome attacks upon others, occur frequently against members of the psychopath's own family.
Such explosive behavior erupts precipitously, before its intensive nature can be identified and constrained. Feeling thwarted and threatened, these psychopaths respond in a volatile and hurtful way, bewildering others by the abrupt change that has overtaken them, saying unforgivable things, striking unforgettable blows. As with children, tantrums are instantaneous reactions to cope with frustration or fear. Although the explosive behavior is often effective in intimidating others into silence or passivity, it is not primarily an instrumental act, but rather an outburst that serves to discharge pent-up feelings of humiliation and degredation.
5. THE VIOLENT PSYCHOPATH
Especially distinctive is this type of psychopath's tyrannical desires is their willingness to go out of the way to be unmerciful and inhumane. Often calculating and cool, these psychopaths are selective in their choice of victims, identifying individuals who are likely to submit rather than to react with counterviolence. Quite frequently, they display a disproportionate level of abusiveness and intimidation, in order to impress not only their victims but those who observe the psychopaths' unconstrained power. More than any other type, these individuals derive deep satisfaction in creating suffering and in seeing its effect on others. In contrast to the explosive psychopaths, for whom hostility serves primarily as a discharge of pent-up feelings, the tyrannical psychopaths employ violence instrumentally as a means to inspire terror and intimidation. These experiences then become the object of self-conscious reflection, providing the psychopaths with a sense of deep satisfaction. This P has often turns into a demon. Their objective is often watching us dangle while they inflicts emotional, verbal and occasionally physical cruelty. Their enjoyment is all too obvious. He/she may be a sexual sado-maso. Women, children, men, the elderly, (and even animals) - anyone with any vulnerabiliies are his target
6. THE CHARMER, OR "SOUL MATE"
This Psychopath will come on strong, sweep us off our feet, says he/she has the same interests, wants to marry us quickly. This P may appear helpful, comforting by their feigned 'idealization' of us phase, but it never lasts. Jekyll always turns into Hyde eventually. This P is aware that you will be drawn closer by his/her relaxing aura and lack of inhibitions. This kind of P is aware that non-psychopaths are tortured by their usual neurotic compulsions, and doubt's, and guilts, and inhibitions, and that he/she can us offer an atmosphere where we are temporarily free of such tiring emotions (free like the P). When you have this kind of psychopath in front of you it's lovely, it's great, it's relaxing. Nothing feels quite as relaxing as having dinner with this psychopath because then you feel absolutely great and those darned horrible emotional states fall away, especially when having a few drinks with them, it's the greatest thing you can do, and they make you feel absolutely at peace. That's part of their charm, and it's almost as if they are graced with a kind of charisma, which is why so many women and men fall for psychopaths. The psychopath has no inhibitions, and this type can play up to achieve his sexual aims by ascertaining and telling you everything you want to hear. He will talk to a woman who is interested in poetry about poetry. He doesn't care about poetry but he will quote poets. The female psychopath will take a great interest in a man's work and talk to him for hours. She doesn't really care about his work, but will charm him with her interest. They will be romantic, invite you to candle-lit dinners, compliment you, and when they have you hooked they will drop the charm-game for the more selfish lifestyle for which they are well known.
7. THE THIEF OR "COVETOUS PSYCHOPATH"
In the covetous psychopath, we see a distilled form an essential feature of the DSM's antisocial personality disorder, and the ICD's syssocial personality disorder: aggrandizement. These individuals feel that life has not "given them their due"; that they have been deprived of their rightful level of love, support, or material rewards; that others have received more than their share; and that they personally were never given the bounties of the good life. Thus, they are driven by envy and a desire for retribution - a wish to take back what they have been deprived of by destiny. Through acts of theft or destruction, they compensate themselves for the emptiness of their own lives, dismissing with smug entitlement their violations of the social order. They act on the rationalization that they alone must restore the karmic imbalance with which life has burdened them.
For those who are merely somewhat resentful, and for whom some conscious controls remain intact, small transgressions and petty acquisitions often suffice to blunt the expression of more extreme characteristics. For the more severely disordered, however, the usurpation of others' earned achievements and possessions becomes the highest reward. Here, the pleasure lies in taking rather than in having. Like hungry animals pursuing prey, covetous psychopaths have an enormous drive, a rapaciousness. They manipulate others and treat them as pawns in their power games. Although they have little compassion for the effects of their behaviors, feeling little or no guilt for their actions, they remain at heart quite insecure about their power and their possessions; they never feel that enough has been aquired to make up for earlier deprivations. Regardless of their achievements, they remain ever jealous and envious, pushy and greedy, presenting ostentatious displays of materialism and conspicuous consumption. For the most pat, they are completely self-centered and self-indulgent, often profligate and wasteful, unwilling to share with others for fear that they will take again what was so desperately desired in early life. Hence, such psychopaths never achieve a deep sense of contentment. They feel unfulfilled, empty, and forlorn, regardless of their successes, and remain forever dissatisfied and insatiable. Believing they will continue to be deprived, these psychopaths show minimal empathy for those who are exploited and deceived. Some may become successful entrepreneurs, exploiters of others as objects to satisfy their desires.
Here an active exploitiveness, manifested through greed and the appropriation of others' possessions, becomes a central motivating force. The covetous psychopaths experience not only a deep and pervasive sense of emptiness - a powerful hunger for the love and recognition not received in early life - but also an insecurity that they perhaps really are intrinsically less than others, somehow deserving of life's marginal dispensations.
8. THE QUIET PSYCHOPATH
This Psychopath is socially withdrawn, often dirty, unkempt. Odd thinking is observed. This P is occasionally insecure and irresolute, perhaps even faint hearted and cowardly. Psychopathic aggression in this variant, when present, represents a paradoxical response to felt dangers and fears, intended to show persecutors that one is not anxious or weak, and will not succumb to external pressure or coercion. Such craven and cowardly individuals are spineless psychopaths. These personalities commit violent acts as a means of overcoming fearfulness and of securing refuge. For them, aggression is not instrinsically rewarding, but is instead essentially a counterphobic act. Anticipating real danger, projecting hostile fantasies, spineless types feel it is best to strike first, hoping thereby to forestall their antagonists.
9. THE BRAINWASHER
This Psychopath can charismatically charm and manipulate groups of people to achieve his goal. Often found in religion and politics. His goals: manipulation, control, compliance, money, position, attention. He masterfully targets the naive and vulnerable.
10. THE RISK TAKER/THRILLSEEKER
This Psychopath never learns from his past follies. He is doomed to forever repeat bad judgment after bad judgment. Poor impulse control is a hallmark. This type of psychopath often engages in risk taking for itself - for the excitement it provides, and for the sense of feeling alive and involved in life, rather than for such purposes as material gain or defense of reputation. Many of these individuals respond before thinking, act impulsively, and behave in an unreflective and uncontrolled manner. Beyond such simple impulsiveness, however, the risk-taking psychopaths are in addition substantially fearless, unblanched by events that most people experience as dangerous or frightening. In contrast to many psychopaths, whose basic motivations are largely aggrandizement and revenge, these individuals are driven by the need for excitement and stimulation, for adventures that are instrinsically treacherous. They are, in effect, thrill seekers, easily infatuated by opportunities to prove their mettle or open their possibilities, The factors that make them psychopathic are the undependability and irresponsibility of their actions, and their disdain for the effects of their behaviours on others as they pursue a restless chase to fulfill one capricious whim after another. The introverted variation of this type may turn more specifically towards substance abuse - alchohol, heroin, speed, or whater drug - as a way to get his thrills and excitement without the more overt behaviors of the former.
These daredevils are attracted to thrills like lemmings to cliffs. Look for: Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll. They will draw you in with: Fun, excitement, and adorable adolescent rebelliousness. They will drain you dry by: Overdoing everything exciting, and underdoing everything else. Thrillseeker P's are the one's you see everyday: Cowboys, cowgirls, day traders, party animals, rebels without a cause, and that one lover you just can't seem to forget. DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Keep your brain engaged even when theirs are turned off. Especially then.
11. THE PARANOID PSYCHOPATH
This Psychopath is suspicious of everything and everyone. Usually there's no reason. He is terrified of exposure and may be potential dangerous if threat of exposure is imminent. This P will often accuse others of wrong-doing, and will never accept responsibility. It doesn't matter whether he made the mess or not, someone else must take the blame. A master at projection. Their features frequently blend with those of the paranoid personality disorder. They are characterized best by their autocratic power orientation and by their mistrust, resentment, and envy of others. Underlying these features is a ruthless desire to vindicate themselves for past wrongs by cunning revenge or callous force, if necessary.
Left to their own ruminations, they begin to imagine a plot in which every facet of the environment plays a threatening and treacherous role. Moreover, through the intrapsychic mechanism of projection, they attribute their own venom to others, ascribing to them the malice and ill will they feel within themselves. As the line between objective antagonism and imagined hostility becomes thin, the belief takes hold that others are intentionally persecuting them. Not infrequently, persecutory delusions combine with delusions of grandeur; however, these later beliefs play a secondary role among these psychopaths, in contrast to their primacy among fanatic paranoid personalities.
Preeminent among malignant psychopaths is their need to retain their independence and cling tenaciously to the belief in their own self-worth. Their need to protect their autonomy and strength may be seen in the content of their persecutory delusions. Malevolence on the part of others is viewed as neither casual or random; rather, it is seen as designed to intimidate, offend, and undermine the individuals' self-esteem. "They" are seeking to weaken the psychopaths' "will," to destroy their power, to spread lies, to thwart their talents, to control their thoughts, and to immobilize and subjugate them. These psychopaths dread losing their self-determination; their persecutory fantasies are filled with fears of being forced to submit to authority, of being made soft and pliant, and of being tricked to surrender their self-determination
12. THE 'BAD BOY' OR 'BAD GIRL' ANTISOCIAL PSYCHOPATH
This type of Psychopath is considered the archetypical delinquent, openly pursuing a diverse range of antisocial behaviors and often in trouble with the law. The antisocial psychopath is the main type found in prisons, whose availability for psychological testing results in a disproportionate representation of this type in psychopathy descriptions. The American 'Diagnostic and Statistical Manual' (DSM) description of psychopathy is based on this group of offenders, to whom the manual gives the name 'antisocial personality disorder'. Descriptive criteria for this category are as follows:
1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest
2. deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others
6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another
13. THE USED CAR SALESMAN (OR WOMAN)
The used-car salesman is a metaphor for the psychopath who can sell you anything, even themselves. Unlike the charmer above, this psychopath uses a quick talking 'sales-pitch' to catch people out. Their main techniques are: (a). Do it because you like me - It's easy to like these types. In the short period of time when there is some doubt as to whether you are going to give them what they want, these psychopaths can sprinkle with wit and glow and synthetic kindness. The display usually ends three seconds after you give in, but while it lasts it smells sweet as cherry blossoms on a warm spring day. The main reason that people like other people is that they perceive them to be similar to themselves. These P's usually begin their sales pitch by establishing a perception of similarity. They watch you closely. They ask questions about who you are, what you like, and what you think, and then profess to like and believe the same sorts of things. Unless you are paying attention, their probes and ploys can seem like innocent chit-chat. (b). Do it to reciprocate - These types would have you believe that because they gave you something, you owe them something back. In their view, compliments are like free samples those motherly types hand out in grocery stores. The purpose is not to nourish you, but to get you to buy. (c). Do it because everybody else is doing it - This person will try to convince you that you are 'part of the crowd' or 'are in the group' of whatever craven scheme they are enticing you to join. (d). This offer is good for a limited time only - These individuals know that anything sought after or scarce takes on a value far beyond its intrinsic worth, and will use this knowledge to push your buttons. (e). Do it to be consistent - Being consistent in our behaviors and choices helps provide the important feeling of selfhood. But foolish consistency is the psychological principle that makes manipulation possible. People also try to maintain an internal sense of consistency between their actions and beliefs. This is hard enough to do without careful thought. It's almost impossible with a psychopath trying to confuse your perceptions about who you are and what you believe by making you cross one little line after another. (f) You can believe me, I'm an authority - These psychopaths know that people are likely to do what authority figures tell them. (g). Do it or else - This P knows that one of the main reasons people listen to an authority figure is the fear that they will be punished if they don't. These are just some of the techniques the used-car salesman P will use, but use them he will in a great variety of situations - even with friends and family members, this psychopath will apply his hard sell to get what he wants.
14. THE MURDERER OR SERIAL KILLER
This malevolent subtype is one of the least attractive of the psychopathic variants. These individuals are particularly vindictive and hostile; their retributive impulses are discharged in a hateful and destructive defiance of conventional social life. Distrustful of others and anticipating betrayal and punishment, they have aquired a cold-blooded ruthlessness, an intense desire to gain revenge for the real or imagined mistreatment to which they were subjected in childhood. Here we see a sweeping rejection of tender emotions and a deep suspicion that others' efforts at goodwill are merely ploys to deceive and undo them. They may assume a chip-on-the-shoulder attitude, a readiness to lash out at those whom they wish to destroy or can use as scapegoats for their revengeful impulses. Many are fearless and guiltless, inclined to anticipate and search out betrayal and punitiveness on the part of others. The primary psychopathic characteristics of these individuals blend with those of the sadistic or paranoid personality (or both), reflecting not only a deep sense of deprivation and a desire for compensatory retribution, but also an intense suspiciousness and hostility. Many murderers and serial killers fit this psychopathic pattern. Such persons might be described as belligerent, mordant, rancorous, vicious, malignant, brutal, callous, truculent, and vengeful.
To "prove" their courage, malevolent psychopaths may even court punishment. Rather than serving as a deterrent, however, punishment often reinforces their desire for retribution. In positions of power, they often brutalize others to confirm their self-image of strength. If they are faced with consistent failure, beaten down in efforts to dominate and control others, or finding aspirations far outdistancing their luck, their feelings of frustration, resentment, and anger mount to a point where their controls give way to raw brutality or secretive acts of vengeful hostility. Spurred by repeated rejection and driven by an increasing need for retribution, aggressive impulses will surge into the open. At these times, the psychopaths' behaviors may become outrageously and flagrantly antisocial. Not only do they show minimal guilt or remorse for their violent acts, but they may instead display an arrogant contempt for the rights of others.
What distinguishes malevolent psychopaths is their capacity to understand guilt and remorse, if not necessarily to experience it. Although they are capable of giving a perfectly rational explanation of ethical concepts - that is, they know the difference between right and wrong - they seem nevertheless incapable of feeling it. These psychopaths often relish menacing others, making them cower and withdraw. They are combative and seek to bring more pressure upon their opponents than their opponents are willing to tolerate or to bring against them. Most make few concessions and are inclined to escalate as far as necessary, never letting go until others succumb. In contrast to other subtypes, however, malevolent psychopaths recognize the limits of what can be done in their own self-interest. They do not lose self-conscious awareness of their actions, and press forward only if their goals of retribution and destructiveness are likely to be achieved. Accordingly, their adversarial stance is somewhat contrived and works as a bluffing mechanism to ensure that others will back off. Infrequently, actions are taken that may lead to misjudgment and counterreaction in these matters.
15. THE MORALIST OR SAINT
This Psychopath proclaims his high moral standing, and other people are seen as immoral. He wants justice for society. "Hang 'em high" he says about the murderer on the 6:00 news. These P's may be found in the professions of school teacher, prison officer, religious leader (or devout attendant), manager of an orphanage or hospital for the mentally ill, or similar jobs which require an morally responsible presentation. They may be very quick to exploit corrupt political or social situations as an excuse for being brutal and cruel, political situations like those seen in Nazi Germany, or Apartheid South Africa, which supply a socially sanctioned way to enact their pathology. When this P is not being 'watched', he/she often lies, cheats, schemes, corrupts, abuses, deceives, controls, manipulates, and torments, while portraying himself to be the morally upstanding victim when questions are asked. This P is a consumate image maker and will flaunt all credentials and accomplishments, often bullying his/her family into perfect presentation for the public, in order to reinforce his/her position as a paragon of goodness. Gaining admiration, attention, even glances from others, and evoking envy are central ploys. These 'morally compensated' psychopaths cannot depend upon love because, like all psychopaths, they have a severe deficit in the area of emotion. Instead, their egos work out a moral system which is fool-proof in any and every situation. The result, as paradoxical as it may seem, is usually a well-developed outward morality but one woefully lacking in love. Such compensated psychopaths continually and at all costs uphold moral conventions, fanatically defending their moral systems. Were they to relax the hold on their moral code, the entire structure might well collapse like a house of cards, revealing their psychopathic nature. It is rather like cooking, a poor cook sticks assiduously to the recipe, while a gifted one can change this and that according to a momentary whim. This P's saintliness or rigid morality, then, is a cover for an underlying grandiosity, immorality, and sadistic drive to power typical of many psychopaths.
16. THE CREATIVE ARTIST
This psychopath will choose lifestyles or communities where his immorality is considered a gift. He/she blends in well with other artists, writers, countercultural-bohemians, and revolutionaries. In such circles the psychopath becomes almost indistinguishable from the non-psychopath, and can comfortably seek out victims who are willing to view his pathos as 'misunderstood genius', a person whose insights are wasted on the morally burdened masses.
This Psychopath will trick you into feeling that it is you who are psychologically crippled for following social conventions like decency, respect, restraint, fairness, or justice, and will introduce you to the "liberated" life of untrammeled selfishness, rudeness, impulsivity, and sexual perversity. This type will frequently display the pseudo-intellectual style of a Bohemian. This P:
1) Will spend hours absorbed in painting a single flower. He interrupts his work only to make dramatic sounds of exhaustion and angsty-artistic grunts, demands for water and other sustenance, and frequent sweeps of his furrowed, sweaty brow. When his day's work is done, he proudly displays a painting of his own penis in a lovely shade of lilac, and with petals attached. His painting is generous in its depiction of its subject.
2) Peppers conversations with cultural, literary, and historical allusions, whether relevant or not. Says "ahh" and "hmm" a lot when listening to someone more knowledgable than himself. His favorite partner in conversation is the pre-teen girl, because she cannot dispute his opinions on Nietzsche. Nietzsche does not hang out at the mall.
3) Your favorite subject is--suprise!!--his as well. And he knows much more about it than you. Take feminism, for example. If you consider yourself a feminist, he will let you in on the "real deal" with many artists, will tell you if they are, in fact, good for the image or self-esteem of woman. It goes like this: If he likes someone's work, then they are a feminist; if you like someone's work and he does not, it is only because they make women look bad. This is why "Penthouse" is perfectly harmless--good for women, in fact, because it empowers them sexually; Madonna is bad for women because she traded her feminine curves for muscle, and makes young ladies feel bad about their bodies the way they are meant to be. Which is without muscles.
4) Will invite the family to bond with him over a crossword puzzle, which means that the clues are read to him for him to solve. No help please, you are wrong and will just slow him down.
5) Also likes to bond over "Jeopardy!" which means that he shouts out the answers to all questions before they have been read completely, thus preventing anyone else from participating. If anyone else should get a question which he does not, he will get up to go to the kitchen or bathroom. You see, the reason he didn't get that question is that he was thinking about his snack. He will mutter the answer after Alex has said it, agreeing that the host was correct. The game may proceed. Has never tried out for "Jeopardy!"
6) Is the local King of Lawn Sculpture, which consists of concrete representations made from plaster casts of his body parts. His pride and joy is the forearm and hand with middle finger extended. The significance of this, which even he does not know, is that he is painfully aware of the fact that he is a blue-collar worker with no formal higher education, surrounded by over-educated, well-travelled hippies. And gosh darn they're nice. They can intelligently discuss any academic subject the psychopath raises, but alas, he cannot.
This Psychopath is the literal emodiment of the term con-'artist'.
17. THE ACADEMIC PSYCHOPATH
These psychopaths often work as doctors, lawyers, university lecturers, psychiatrists, specialists, scientists, preists, and in other intellectually oriented professions. Clientele, patients, and students of these P's are often taken advantage of in social, financial, or sexual ways. These types are sometimes schooled in their chosen topics, but a good number are known to fudge their qualifications. Robert Hare reports - "They have no hesitation in forging and brazenly using impressive credentials to adopt, chameleonlike, professional roles that give them prestige and power. When things fall apart, as they usually do, they simply pack up and move on. In most cases they select professions in which the requisite skills are easy to fake, the jargon easy to learn, and the credentials unlikely to be thoroughly checked. If the profession also places a high premium on the ability to persuade or manipulate others, or to "lay on the hands," so much the better. Thus, psychopaths find it easy to pose as ministers, counselors, and psychologists. But some of their other poses are much more difficult to pull off. There are psychopaths who sometimes pose as medical doctors, and they may diagnose, dispense drugs, and even perform surgery. That they frequently endanger the health or lives of their patients does not bother them in the least."
As mentioned above, these P's do not always forge their qualifications, and sometimes do complete their studies in a chosen academic field. But whether formally trained or not, the marking feature of the academic psychopath is the use of formal ideas as a vehicle for interpersonal communication, and a psychic style relying predominately on intellectual functioning. This type has the universal psychopathic-deficits in emotional functioning, but unlike other psychopaths may not cultivate phoney emotional skills to use on others. They may instead degrade emotion as something messy and unreliable, and will rely solely on the manipulative powers of intellectual-authority with the backing of their office.
Most unsettling are the coldly calculated violations of power and trust committed by these psychopathic professionals whose very job it is to help the vulnerable. It is very common amongst these individuals to callously use their positions to take sexual advantage of their charges, leaving them feeling bewildered and betrayed. And if victims complain, they may be traumatized further by a system primed to side with the perpetrating psychologist, doctor, or teacher.
Blog Owners Note: Most psychopaths are a combination of a number of these profiles & traits listed above.
For more on psychopaths go to LOVE FRAUD for eye-opening reading.
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1. THE LIAR/CONTRACT BREAKER
This Psychopath is a pathological liar who will often lie for no reason at all. He/she is usually skilful at this, but sometimes fails to remember. This P will agree to anything then turn around and do just the opposite. Legal/custody agreements and normal social protocol mean nothing to him/her. Technically, these psychopaths never lie because lying is not a relevant issue for them. The idea or image of truth doesn't exist with the psychopath, so he cannot lie…. there is for him no difference. He says what's convenient, what comes to his mind, but never figures out 'Is that now really true, or not'? There is something in normal people which wants to see the truth and wants to be truthful, but if that internal sense is missing then the word 'lie' is senseless.
A psychopath, for instance, may have gone to the bank and 'conned' the bank manager in order to get money, and what he or she said to the banker in regard to that is not necessarily concealment or lying, it's just 'part of the story' that goes with getting the money, and he does that very well and that's the adapted or successful psychopath. He says what the banker wants to hear and for the psychopath who says it, that's it -there is no truth or lying. The psychopath sometimes has an understanding that other people distingish between lies and truth and will often adjust himself and behave in accordance with these facts. But the 'liar/contract breaker' psychopath completely refuses to recognise the social sense of lies/truth, and lives only by saying and believing "what is convenient" in any given moment.
2. THE SOCIO-ECONOMIC "CLIMBER"
Frequently occupationally-successful, this P will rise to the top in work and social circles. No one knows the hell that his/her family lives through. They are often gifted and intelligent in their chosen field, but must be in absolute control. They will manipulate others to further their ideas. They can be a vindictive bullies in the office. They have no genuine social conscience. Can be suspicious and paranoid. This disingenuous psychopath's behaviour is typified by a veneer of friendliness and sociability. Although making a superficially good impression upon aquaintances, this P frequently shows a more characteristic unreliability, impulsive tendencies, and deep resentments and moodiness among family members and other close associates They are often extremely verbally gifted and charismatic, and everyone may love him/her -- except those who truly know the demon he/she is. This wheeler-dealer will leave others holding the bag.
3. THE SEXUAL PSYCHOPATH
This P will display an impulsive hypersexuality (male or female), and frequently expresses a polymorphic sexual range - eg., pornography and masturbation, promiscuity, homosexuality, and various paraphilias - including possible incestual tendencies and perversions.
The sexual psychopath takes a predatory approach towards his targets, including stalking behaviors. This type may derive his sexual pleasure from a single theme such as serial rape or pedophilia, in which his primary sexual aim will be to dominate, to use, to control, and to subjugate another person (often someone weaker and less able to manage the situation) in the service of a gradiose self. According to researcher Darwin Dorr, "the majority of pedophiles are psychopathic, or manifest a significant degree of psychological characteristics of psychopathy." Of the psychopathic pedophile, Robert Hare writes, 'The number of children who are sexually abosed by parents, other relatives, child-care workers, clergymen, and teachers is truly staggering. Unlike other abusers, many of whom were themselves abused as children, are psychologically disturbed, and often experience anguish about what they are doing, psychopathic abusers are unmoved - "I just take what's available," said one of our subjects, convicted of sexually assaulting his girlfreind's eight-year-old daughter.' For the sexual psychopath, then, all people may be targets, including both the very young and the very elderly, and both genders, who are often targeted for sex without consent.
4. THE EXPLOSIVE PSYCHOPATH
The explosive psychopath is differentiated from other psychopathic variants by the unpredictable and sudden emergence of hostility. These "adult tantrums," characterized by uncontrollable rage and fearsome attacks upon others, occur frequently against members of the psychopath's own family.
Such explosive behavior erupts precipitously, before its intensive nature can be identified and constrained. Feeling thwarted and threatened, these psychopaths respond in a volatile and hurtful way, bewildering others by the abrupt change that has overtaken them, saying unforgivable things, striking unforgettable blows. As with children, tantrums are instantaneous reactions to cope with frustration or fear. Although the explosive behavior is often effective in intimidating others into silence or passivity, it is not primarily an instrumental act, but rather an outburst that serves to discharge pent-up feelings of humiliation and degredation.
5. THE VIOLENT PSYCHOPATH
Especially distinctive is this type of psychopath's tyrannical desires is their willingness to go out of the way to be unmerciful and inhumane. Often calculating and cool, these psychopaths are selective in their choice of victims, identifying individuals who are likely to submit rather than to react with counterviolence. Quite frequently, they display a disproportionate level of abusiveness and intimidation, in order to impress not only their victims but those who observe the psychopaths' unconstrained power. More than any other type, these individuals derive deep satisfaction in creating suffering and in seeing its effect on others. In contrast to the explosive psychopaths, for whom hostility serves primarily as a discharge of pent-up feelings, the tyrannical psychopaths employ violence instrumentally as a means to inspire terror and intimidation. These experiences then become the object of self-conscious reflection, providing the psychopaths with a sense of deep satisfaction. This P has often turns into a demon. Their objective is often watching us dangle while they inflicts emotional, verbal and occasionally physical cruelty. Their enjoyment is all too obvious. He/she may be a sexual sado-maso. Women, children, men, the elderly, (and even animals) - anyone with any vulnerabiliies are his target
6. THE CHARMER, OR "SOUL MATE"
This Psychopath will come on strong, sweep us off our feet, says he/she has the same interests, wants to marry us quickly. This P may appear helpful, comforting by their feigned 'idealization' of us phase, but it never lasts. Jekyll always turns into Hyde eventually. This P is aware that you will be drawn closer by his/her relaxing aura and lack of inhibitions. This kind of P is aware that non-psychopaths are tortured by their usual neurotic compulsions, and doubt's, and guilts, and inhibitions, and that he/she can us offer an atmosphere where we are temporarily free of such tiring emotions (free like the P). When you have this kind of psychopath in front of you it's lovely, it's great, it's relaxing. Nothing feels quite as relaxing as having dinner with this psychopath because then you feel absolutely great and those darned horrible emotional states fall away, especially when having a few drinks with them, it's the greatest thing you can do, and they make you feel absolutely at peace. That's part of their charm, and it's almost as if they are graced with a kind of charisma, which is why so many women and men fall for psychopaths. The psychopath has no inhibitions, and this type can play up to achieve his sexual aims by ascertaining and telling you everything you want to hear. He will talk to a woman who is interested in poetry about poetry. He doesn't care about poetry but he will quote poets. The female psychopath will take a great interest in a man's work and talk to him for hours. She doesn't really care about his work, but will charm him with her interest. They will be romantic, invite you to candle-lit dinners, compliment you, and when they have you hooked they will drop the charm-game for the more selfish lifestyle for which they are well known.
7. THE THIEF OR "COVETOUS PSYCHOPATH"
In the covetous psychopath, we see a distilled form an essential feature of the DSM's antisocial personality disorder, and the ICD's syssocial personality disorder: aggrandizement. These individuals feel that life has not "given them their due"; that they have been deprived of their rightful level of love, support, or material rewards; that others have received more than their share; and that they personally were never given the bounties of the good life. Thus, they are driven by envy and a desire for retribution - a wish to take back what they have been deprived of by destiny. Through acts of theft or destruction, they compensate themselves for the emptiness of their own lives, dismissing with smug entitlement their violations of the social order. They act on the rationalization that they alone must restore the karmic imbalance with which life has burdened them.
For those who are merely somewhat resentful, and for whom some conscious controls remain intact, small transgressions and petty acquisitions often suffice to blunt the expression of more extreme characteristics. For the more severely disordered, however, the usurpation of others' earned achievements and possessions becomes the highest reward. Here, the pleasure lies in taking rather than in having. Like hungry animals pursuing prey, covetous psychopaths have an enormous drive, a rapaciousness. They manipulate others and treat them as pawns in their power games. Although they have little compassion for the effects of their behaviors, feeling little or no guilt for their actions, they remain at heart quite insecure about their power and their possessions; they never feel that enough has been aquired to make up for earlier deprivations. Regardless of their achievements, they remain ever jealous and envious, pushy and greedy, presenting ostentatious displays of materialism and conspicuous consumption. For the most pat, they are completely self-centered and self-indulgent, often profligate and wasteful, unwilling to share with others for fear that they will take again what was so desperately desired in early life. Hence, such psychopaths never achieve a deep sense of contentment. They feel unfulfilled, empty, and forlorn, regardless of their successes, and remain forever dissatisfied and insatiable. Believing they will continue to be deprived, these psychopaths show minimal empathy for those who are exploited and deceived. Some may become successful entrepreneurs, exploiters of others as objects to satisfy their desires.
Here an active exploitiveness, manifested through greed and the appropriation of others' possessions, becomes a central motivating force. The covetous psychopaths experience not only a deep and pervasive sense of emptiness - a powerful hunger for the love and recognition not received in early life - but also an insecurity that they perhaps really are intrinsically less than others, somehow deserving of life's marginal dispensations.
8. THE QUIET PSYCHOPATH
This Psychopath is socially withdrawn, often dirty, unkempt. Odd thinking is observed. This P is occasionally insecure and irresolute, perhaps even faint hearted and cowardly. Psychopathic aggression in this variant, when present, represents a paradoxical response to felt dangers and fears, intended to show persecutors that one is not anxious or weak, and will not succumb to external pressure or coercion. Such craven and cowardly individuals are spineless psychopaths. These personalities commit violent acts as a means of overcoming fearfulness and of securing refuge. For them, aggression is not instrinsically rewarding, but is instead essentially a counterphobic act. Anticipating real danger, projecting hostile fantasies, spineless types feel it is best to strike first, hoping thereby to forestall their antagonists.
9. THE BRAINWASHER
This Psychopath can charismatically charm and manipulate groups of people to achieve his goal. Often found in religion and politics. His goals: manipulation, control, compliance, money, position, attention. He masterfully targets the naive and vulnerable.
10. THE RISK TAKER/THRILLSEEKER
This Psychopath never learns from his past follies. He is doomed to forever repeat bad judgment after bad judgment. Poor impulse control is a hallmark. This type of psychopath often engages in risk taking for itself - for the excitement it provides, and for the sense of feeling alive and involved in life, rather than for such purposes as material gain or defense of reputation. Many of these individuals respond before thinking, act impulsively, and behave in an unreflective and uncontrolled manner. Beyond such simple impulsiveness, however, the risk-taking psychopaths are in addition substantially fearless, unblanched by events that most people experience as dangerous or frightening. In contrast to many psychopaths, whose basic motivations are largely aggrandizement and revenge, these individuals are driven by the need for excitement and stimulation, for adventures that are instrinsically treacherous. They are, in effect, thrill seekers, easily infatuated by opportunities to prove their mettle or open their possibilities, The factors that make them psychopathic are the undependability and irresponsibility of their actions, and their disdain for the effects of their behaviours on others as they pursue a restless chase to fulfill one capricious whim after another. The introverted variation of this type may turn more specifically towards substance abuse - alchohol, heroin, speed, or whater drug - as a way to get his thrills and excitement without the more overt behaviors of the former.
These daredevils are attracted to thrills like lemmings to cliffs. Look for: Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll. They will draw you in with: Fun, excitement, and adorable adolescent rebelliousness. They will drain you dry by: Overdoing everything exciting, and underdoing everything else. Thrillseeker P's are the one's you see everyday: Cowboys, cowgirls, day traders, party animals, rebels without a cause, and that one lover you just can't seem to forget. DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Keep your brain engaged even when theirs are turned off. Especially then.
11. THE PARANOID PSYCHOPATH
This Psychopath is suspicious of everything and everyone. Usually there's no reason. He is terrified of exposure and may be potential dangerous if threat of exposure is imminent. This P will often accuse others of wrong-doing, and will never accept responsibility. It doesn't matter whether he made the mess or not, someone else must take the blame. A master at projection. Their features frequently blend with those of the paranoid personality disorder. They are characterized best by their autocratic power orientation and by their mistrust, resentment, and envy of others. Underlying these features is a ruthless desire to vindicate themselves for past wrongs by cunning revenge or callous force, if necessary.
Left to their own ruminations, they begin to imagine a plot in which every facet of the environment plays a threatening and treacherous role. Moreover, through the intrapsychic mechanism of projection, they attribute their own venom to others, ascribing to them the malice and ill will they feel within themselves. As the line between objective antagonism and imagined hostility becomes thin, the belief takes hold that others are intentionally persecuting them. Not infrequently, persecutory delusions combine with delusions of grandeur; however, these later beliefs play a secondary role among these psychopaths, in contrast to their primacy among fanatic paranoid personalities.
Preeminent among malignant psychopaths is their need to retain their independence and cling tenaciously to the belief in their own self-worth. Their need to protect their autonomy and strength may be seen in the content of their persecutory delusions. Malevolence on the part of others is viewed as neither casual or random; rather, it is seen as designed to intimidate, offend, and undermine the individuals' self-esteem. "They" are seeking to weaken the psychopaths' "will," to destroy their power, to spread lies, to thwart their talents, to control their thoughts, and to immobilize and subjugate them. These psychopaths dread losing their self-determination; their persecutory fantasies are filled with fears of being forced to submit to authority, of being made soft and pliant, and of being tricked to surrender their self-determination
12. THE 'BAD BOY' OR 'BAD GIRL' ANTISOCIAL PSYCHOPATH
This type of Psychopath is considered the archetypical delinquent, openly pursuing a diverse range of antisocial behaviors and often in trouble with the law. The antisocial psychopath is the main type found in prisons, whose availability for psychological testing results in a disproportionate representation of this type in psychopathy descriptions. The American 'Diagnostic and Statistical Manual' (DSM) description of psychopathy is based on this group of offenders, to whom the manual gives the name 'antisocial personality disorder'. Descriptive criteria for this category are as follows:
1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest
2. deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others
6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another
13. THE USED CAR SALESMAN (OR WOMAN)
The used-car salesman is a metaphor for the psychopath who can sell you anything, even themselves. Unlike the charmer above, this psychopath uses a quick talking 'sales-pitch' to catch people out. Their main techniques are: (a). Do it because you like me - It's easy to like these types. In the short period of time when there is some doubt as to whether you are going to give them what they want, these psychopaths can sprinkle with wit and glow and synthetic kindness. The display usually ends three seconds after you give in, but while it lasts it smells sweet as cherry blossoms on a warm spring day. The main reason that people like other people is that they perceive them to be similar to themselves. These P's usually begin their sales pitch by establishing a perception of similarity. They watch you closely. They ask questions about who you are, what you like, and what you think, and then profess to like and believe the same sorts of things. Unless you are paying attention, their probes and ploys can seem like innocent chit-chat. (b). Do it to reciprocate - These types would have you believe that because they gave you something, you owe them something back. In their view, compliments are like free samples those motherly types hand out in grocery stores. The purpose is not to nourish you, but to get you to buy. (c). Do it because everybody else is doing it - This person will try to convince you that you are 'part of the crowd' or 'are in the group' of whatever craven scheme they are enticing you to join. (d). This offer is good for a limited time only - These individuals know that anything sought after or scarce takes on a value far beyond its intrinsic worth, and will use this knowledge to push your buttons. (e). Do it to be consistent - Being consistent in our behaviors and choices helps provide the important feeling of selfhood. But foolish consistency is the psychological principle that makes manipulation possible. People also try to maintain an internal sense of consistency between their actions and beliefs. This is hard enough to do without careful thought. It's almost impossible with a psychopath trying to confuse your perceptions about who you are and what you believe by making you cross one little line after another. (f) You can believe me, I'm an authority - These psychopaths know that people are likely to do what authority figures tell them. (g). Do it or else - This P knows that one of the main reasons people listen to an authority figure is the fear that they will be punished if they don't. These are just some of the techniques the used-car salesman P will use, but use them he will in a great variety of situations - even with friends and family members, this psychopath will apply his hard sell to get what he wants.
14. THE MURDERER OR SERIAL KILLER
This malevolent subtype is one of the least attractive of the psychopathic variants. These individuals are particularly vindictive and hostile; their retributive impulses are discharged in a hateful and destructive defiance of conventional social life. Distrustful of others and anticipating betrayal and punishment, they have aquired a cold-blooded ruthlessness, an intense desire to gain revenge for the real or imagined mistreatment to which they were subjected in childhood. Here we see a sweeping rejection of tender emotions and a deep suspicion that others' efforts at goodwill are merely ploys to deceive and undo them. They may assume a chip-on-the-shoulder attitude, a readiness to lash out at those whom they wish to destroy or can use as scapegoats for their revengeful impulses. Many are fearless and guiltless, inclined to anticipate and search out betrayal and punitiveness on the part of others. The primary psychopathic characteristics of these individuals blend with those of the sadistic or paranoid personality (or both), reflecting not only a deep sense of deprivation and a desire for compensatory retribution, but also an intense suspiciousness and hostility. Many murderers and serial killers fit this psychopathic pattern. Such persons might be described as belligerent, mordant, rancorous, vicious, malignant, brutal, callous, truculent, and vengeful.
To "prove" their courage, malevolent psychopaths may even court punishment. Rather than serving as a deterrent, however, punishment often reinforces their desire for retribution. In positions of power, they often brutalize others to confirm their self-image of strength. If they are faced with consistent failure, beaten down in efforts to dominate and control others, or finding aspirations far outdistancing their luck, their feelings of frustration, resentment, and anger mount to a point where their controls give way to raw brutality or secretive acts of vengeful hostility. Spurred by repeated rejection and driven by an increasing need for retribution, aggressive impulses will surge into the open. At these times, the psychopaths' behaviors may become outrageously and flagrantly antisocial. Not only do they show minimal guilt or remorse for their violent acts, but they may instead display an arrogant contempt for the rights of others.
What distinguishes malevolent psychopaths is their capacity to understand guilt and remorse, if not necessarily to experience it. Although they are capable of giving a perfectly rational explanation of ethical concepts - that is, they know the difference between right and wrong - they seem nevertheless incapable of feeling it. These psychopaths often relish menacing others, making them cower and withdraw. They are combative and seek to bring more pressure upon their opponents than their opponents are willing to tolerate or to bring against them. Most make few concessions and are inclined to escalate as far as necessary, never letting go until others succumb. In contrast to other subtypes, however, malevolent psychopaths recognize the limits of what can be done in their own self-interest. They do not lose self-conscious awareness of their actions, and press forward only if their goals of retribution and destructiveness are likely to be achieved. Accordingly, their adversarial stance is somewhat contrived and works as a bluffing mechanism to ensure that others will back off. Infrequently, actions are taken that may lead to misjudgment and counterreaction in these matters.
15. THE MORALIST OR SAINT
This Psychopath proclaims his high moral standing, and other people are seen as immoral. He wants justice for society. "Hang 'em high" he says about the murderer on the 6:00 news. These P's may be found in the professions of school teacher, prison officer, religious leader (or devout attendant), manager of an orphanage or hospital for the mentally ill, or similar jobs which require an morally responsible presentation. They may be very quick to exploit corrupt political or social situations as an excuse for being brutal and cruel, political situations like those seen in Nazi Germany, or Apartheid South Africa, which supply a socially sanctioned way to enact their pathology. When this P is not being 'watched', he/she often lies, cheats, schemes, corrupts, abuses, deceives, controls, manipulates, and torments, while portraying himself to be the morally upstanding victim when questions are asked. This P is a consumate image maker and will flaunt all credentials and accomplishments, often bullying his/her family into perfect presentation for the public, in order to reinforce his/her position as a paragon of goodness. Gaining admiration, attention, even glances from others, and evoking envy are central ploys. These 'morally compensated' psychopaths cannot depend upon love because, like all psychopaths, they have a severe deficit in the area of emotion. Instead, their egos work out a moral system which is fool-proof in any and every situation. The result, as paradoxical as it may seem, is usually a well-developed outward morality but one woefully lacking in love. Such compensated psychopaths continually and at all costs uphold moral conventions, fanatically defending their moral systems. Were they to relax the hold on their moral code, the entire structure might well collapse like a house of cards, revealing their psychopathic nature. It is rather like cooking, a poor cook sticks assiduously to the recipe, while a gifted one can change this and that according to a momentary whim. This P's saintliness or rigid morality, then, is a cover for an underlying grandiosity, immorality, and sadistic drive to power typical of many psychopaths.
16. THE CREATIVE ARTIST
This psychopath will choose lifestyles or communities where his immorality is considered a gift. He/she blends in well with other artists, writers, countercultural-bohemians, and revolutionaries. In such circles the psychopath becomes almost indistinguishable from the non-psychopath, and can comfortably seek out victims who are willing to view his pathos as 'misunderstood genius', a person whose insights are wasted on the morally burdened masses.
This Psychopath will trick you into feeling that it is you who are psychologically crippled for following social conventions like decency, respect, restraint, fairness, or justice, and will introduce you to the "liberated" life of untrammeled selfishness, rudeness, impulsivity, and sexual perversity. This type will frequently display the pseudo-intellectual style of a Bohemian. This P:
1) Will spend hours absorbed in painting a single flower. He interrupts his work only to make dramatic sounds of exhaustion and angsty-artistic grunts, demands for water and other sustenance, and frequent sweeps of his furrowed, sweaty brow. When his day's work is done, he proudly displays a painting of his own penis in a lovely shade of lilac, and with petals attached. His painting is generous in its depiction of its subject.
2) Peppers conversations with cultural, literary, and historical allusions, whether relevant or not. Says "ahh" and "hmm" a lot when listening to someone more knowledgable than himself. His favorite partner in conversation is the pre-teen girl, because she cannot dispute his opinions on Nietzsche. Nietzsche does not hang out at the mall.
3) Your favorite subject is--suprise!!--his as well. And he knows much more about it than you. Take feminism, for example. If you consider yourself a feminist, he will let you in on the "real deal" with many artists, will tell you if they are, in fact, good for the image or self-esteem of woman. It goes like this: If he likes someone's work, then they are a feminist; if you like someone's work and he does not, it is only because they make women look bad. This is why "Penthouse" is perfectly harmless--good for women, in fact, because it empowers them sexually; Madonna is bad for women because she traded her feminine curves for muscle, and makes young ladies feel bad about their bodies the way they are meant to be. Which is without muscles.
4) Will invite the family to bond with him over a crossword puzzle, which means that the clues are read to him for him to solve. No help please, you are wrong and will just slow him down.
5) Also likes to bond over "Jeopardy!" which means that he shouts out the answers to all questions before they have been read completely, thus preventing anyone else from participating. If anyone else should get a question which he does not, he will get up to go to the kitchen or bathroom. You see, the reason he didn't get that question is that he was thinking about his snack. He will mutter the answer after Alex has said it, agreeing that the host was correct. The game may proceed. Has never tried out for "Jeopardy!"
6) Is the local King of Lawn Sculpture, which consists of concrete representations made from plaster casts of his body parts. His pride and joy is the forearm and hand with middle finger extended. The significance of this, which even he does not know, is that he is painfully aware of the fact that he is a blue-collar worker with no formal higher education, surrounded by over-educated, well-travelled hippies. And gosh darn they're nice. They can intelligently discuss any academic subject the psychopath raises, but alas, he cannot.
This Psychopath is the literal emodiment of the term con-'artist'.
17. THE ACADEMIC PSYCHOPATH
These psychopaths often work as doctors, lawyers, university lecturers, psychiatrists, specialists, scientists, preists, and in other intellectually oriented professions. Clientele, patients, and students of these P's are often taken advantage of in social, financial, or sexual ways. These types are sometimes schooled in their chosen topics, but a good number are known to fudge their qualifications. Robert Hare reports - "They have no hesitation in forging and brazenly using impressive credentials to adopt, chameleonlike, professional roles that give them prestige and power. When things fall apart, as they usually do, they simply pack up and move on. In most cases they select professions in which the requisite skills are easy to fake, the jargon easy to learn, and the credentials unlikely to be thoroughly checked. If the profession also places a high premium on the ability to persuade or manipulate others, or to "lay on the hands," so much the better. Thus, psychopaths find it easy to pose as ministers, counselors, and psychologists. But some of their other poses are much more difficult to pull off. There are psychopaths who sometimes pose as medical doctors, and they may diagnose, dispense drugs, and even perform surgery. That they frequently endanger the health or lives of their patients does not bother them in the least."
As mentioned above, these P's do not always forge their qualifications, and sometimes do complete their studies in a chosen academic field. But whether formally trained or not, the marking feature of the academic psychopath is the use of formal ideas as a vehicle for interpersonal communication, and a psychic style relying predominately on intellectual functioning. This type has the universal psychopathic-deficits in emotional functioning, but unlike other psychopaths may not cultivate phoney emotional skills to use on others. They may instead degrade emotion as something messy and unreliable, and will rely solely on the manipulative powers of intellectual-authority with the backing of their office.
Most unsettling are the coldly calculated violations of power and trust committed by these psychopathic professionals whose very job it is to help the vulnerable. It is very common amongst these individuals to callously use their positions to take sexual advantage of their charges, leaving them feeling bewildered and betrayed. And if victims complain, they may be traumatized further by a system primed to side with the perpetrating psychologist, doctor, or teacher.
Blog Owners Note: Most psychopaths are a combination of a number of these profiles & traits listed above.
For more on psychopaths go to LOVE FRAUD for eye-opening reading.
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How a Psychopath Conditions His Victims
by Claudia Moscovici
In previous posts I have shown how psychopaths camouflage their real evil identities and bad intentions, to appear normal and even better than normal partners to their victims. What may seem surprising to those who have not experienced personally the psychopathic bond is why their victims put up with it once the bait and switch occurs and Mr. Jekyll turns into Mr. Hyde. There’s no simple answer to this question, since the motivations and personalities of the victims themselves vary. Some stay out of fear, others out of extreme emotional dependency and love addiction, others because they, themselves, suffer from a personality disorder that bonds them to a psychopath. Today I’d like to delve into the question of why even relatively normal and healthy women can stay with psychopathic men after the initial luring phase is over and the relationship becomes overtly toxic.
Psychopaths are extremely skilled not just at pretending to be decent men, but also at dosing. As early as the luring phase of the relationship, when they appear to be loving and normal partners, they make deviant requests, under the guise of romantic love. For instance, they isolate their new partners from those who care about them–family and friends–by claiming that they’re so in love with them that they wish to spend as much time as possible together. If the psychopath’s partner wishes to go out with friends, he spreads gossip about those individuals, claiming that they were critical of her or of their relationship. Or the psychopath may state that he’s so much in love with his partner that he can’t bear to spend time apart from her.
Couched in these positive terms, many women allow their other, healthy, social relationships with family members and friends to slowly but surely deteriorate. The less support they have from others, the more such women invest themselves wholeheartedly in the psychopathic bond. Once he senses his power over her, the psychopath becomes more openly possessive and controlling. Psychopaths have an intuitive relationship barometer that tells them when they have achieved dominance over others and can demand more (and more and more…) from them.
Another way in which psychopaths condition their partners to accept a toxic relationship is by gradually pushing the envelope of deviant requests. Since psychopaths are easily bored and need constant thrills, they may initially ask their targets to make out in public, under the pretense that they’re so attracted to them that they can’t keep his hands off of them. In reality, however, psychopaths are not as attracted to their partners, even at the beginning of the relationship, as to the thrill of crossing the boundaries of public decency and demeaning their partners. Recall from my previous post that psychopaths are extreme narcissists who derive most pleasure from the dominance and victimization of others.
As soon as the victim complies with one perverse request, it becomes normative. After a short while, the psychopath will demand more indecent behavior from her, once again pretending that it stems from their great and special passion. Pretty soon, the victim finds herself complicit with his abnormal behavior, sometimes even addicted to it. Not surprisingly, this technique is often used by pimps to create loyalty and submission in the women and girls they ensnare into prostitution. What begins under the guise of romantic love and passion–something that most women yearn for–ends up being what it always was in reality and in the psychopath’s evil design: a form of sexual slavery.
Even partners who refuse to engage in the psychopath’s transgressive behavior–be it his scams, lies or sexual perversion–are inevitably poisoned by the toxic relationship if they continue to stay with him. The most common way in which a psychopath poisons his partner is to condition her to accept his abusive behavior as normal. This doesn’t have to be under the form of physical violence, although it can be.
More commonly, however, any person who stays with a psychopath becomes gradually used to bigger and bigger doses of emotional abuse.
When she catches the psychopath cheating on her for the first time, she may have a normal reaction and break up with him. But if she doesn’t have the strength to move on and later returns to him–since after bouts of promiscuity, a psychopath is likely to act repentant and romantic to lure back his main partner(s)–then the next times she discovers evidence of his cheating (or lying, or fraud), she puts up with it, or pretends she doesn’t know about it.
Denial becomes the shield that absorbs most of the emotional impact of his hurtful behavior. When denial is no longer possible, because his wrongdoings become too frequent and flagrant, she displaces her anger and resentment towards the other women in order to maintain the “integrity” of her relationship with him. If he cheated and lied, it’s the other women’s fault rather than his. She also blames those who point out the psychopath’s pathology rather than him for mistreating her. They’re the bearers of bad news, who expose the hollowness of the life she leads with him: a truth she can no longer face, after becoming so dependent on him. At some point, she becomes more invested in the false image of strength and of a wonderful relationship she has with the psychopath than in facing the dire reality and moving on, to achieve real strength in life and have the chance of having a non-pathological romantic relationship.
Eventually, after a long series of discoveries of infidelities and other kinds of bad behavior, she becomes used to it and finds some solace in the assumption that those flings mean nothing to him. In spite of his consistently unloving behavior, she convinces herself that the psychopath loves her and that she’s the most important woman in his life. His infidelity then becomes open and normative: what he used to do behind her back he does openly, before her eyes. What’s more, since psychopaths are sadists, he relishes seeing her suffer from a combination of jealousy, wounded pride and helpless love.
Any person intimately involved with a psychopath will be harmed. To offer an analogy, the cancer cells that are most dangerous are the few that resist the chemotherapy and multiply quickly in the body, to kill it. Psychologically, the most dangerous aspects of any victim of psychopathic seduction are the ones that survive and adapt to his mistreatment. Once she becomes inured to the constant lies, verbal abuse, cheating, etc, she allows those vices to multiply in the relationship and take over her life.
Just as the most pathological elements of a society adapt to and rise to the top of totalitarian regimes, and just as the most pathological individuals thrive in the life of crime of gangs, so the most pathological parts of a person adapt to and embrace the disorder of a psychopath. A psychopath trains his victim gradually into a form of submission–or acceptance of his deviant behavior–that annihilates everything that’s healthy about her personality and existence. Eventually, if she doesn’t find the strength to leave him, she’s reduced by the psychopath’s gradual poison to the shadow of the strong and healthy person she once was.
Source
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Thursday, December 3, 2009
The Controller Part 2 - When Love Is A Four Letter Word.
By Roger Melton MD
Love is a two-way street when two people know how to give it and receive it. But to Controllers, it's a dead-end freeway.
Love, to them, is simply a means to an end. It is a vulnerability to be exploited. Obedience equals love in their minds, and each type of Controller seeks to achieve his version of "love" in a way tailored to his style of control. The Sadist's version of "loving" control is as distinct as a tarantula crawling across an angel-food cake. Love, to him, is the terror in his victim's eyes.
To the Sociopath, love is the thrill he gets when you've finally taken his bait, he's yanked on the line and the hook is buried deep in your heart. Love, to him, is the look of stunned bewilderment and dread your eyes reveal when you realize it's too late to run.
To the Borderline, love walks between the blades of an emotionally double-edged razor, which swings and slices between emotion-soaked heavens and hells. "Love," to the Borderline male, often ends in the cemetery. Almost half of all batterers and stalkers are Borderline.
If someone with a Borderline Personality Disorder attempts to draw you into a relationship, there is a very simple, concrete way to know it. Pay attention to your stomach. Even though he may initially seem sweet, attentive and empathic, you will likely perceive a subtle tightening in the pit of your abdomen, like a small rock you've suddenly noticed in your shoe-barely noticeable, but there.
Listen to that rock, because it is the voice of instinct, and it's trying to tell you something. Listen to your fear and start scanning for an incoming missile. The Borderline is often a tough target to initially confirm, but close attention to his attitudes and behaviors and an emotional position of calm neutrality can help you confirm his threat-potential. And if Borderline is confirmed, get out of there before it's too late.
But if too late has happened, and you are already involved with a Borderline Controller, you have experienced far more than the pinch of a small stone in your gut. You've been engulfed in an insane, hyper-emotional ride where spewing sheets of scalding lava alternate with warm, soothing baths of emotional saccharine. Life itself will have become a series of whipsawing emotional extremes, between his clinging adoration and hateful spite. The hallmark of this pattern is that "just when things seem to be going well," and he is treating you best, he suddenly turns into a perverse version of Air Jordan and you're the ball. Slam-dunked would be a mild way of describing the receiving end of this intensely emotional pounding.
He was just treating you like a goddess. He was being so sweet and attentive. Maybe he was even telling you how wonderful you are. Then, in the sudden twinkling of a diabolical eye, he's treating you like you've become a "bitch-on-wheels." And you don't know why.
He accuses you of everything from insincerity to infidelity, and your mind scrambles to discover what you just said or did that's setting him off. He keeps saying it's you, and is so intensely convinced that it is you that it's hard not to believe him. Later, after his firestorm of vindictiveness has died down, you might realize what triggered him. You did not respond "right" to his compliments, or scratched your nose in the midst of his adoration, or maybe you just burnt the toast that morning or were two-minutes late coming home from the office. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. There will always be something - apparently innocuous to you - which will abruptly stoke his raging fire again. And again and again, round and around, until your spirit and soul are finally ground into fine, despondent grains of charred debris, and your mind eventually looks like a Tokyo china-shop after a 9.0 earthquake.
Maybe he never physically beats you. Or maybe he does. Or maybe he never will. But you never know. He is stunningly impulsive and unpredictable. But he always assaults you emotionally, ripping into every fiber of your being with verbal vindictive, threats and accusations. Being keel-hauled over a coral reef is a cake-walk, compared to a Borderline's torment.
The only thing predictable about such a Controller is his extreme unpredictability. It is only after you become intimately snared into him that you discover the soul-grinder that lies waiting to strike. Until then, you may even find him amazingly attentive, sensitive and empathic to your every need. He can initially appear to be completely non-threatening. That is why it is critical to learn how to identify this type of individual, because there is a high probability that brutally sociopathic or sadistic-type personality disorders may hide behind his appealing camouflage of muted sensitivity. When borderline, sociopathic and sadistic disorders combine with a narcissistic disorder, a particularly deceptive and dangerous Molotov cocktail of character pathology results. Iraq's Saddam Hussein appears to totally manifest just such a combination. And there are many minor Saddam's already prowling the streets, workplaces, bedrooms and boardrooms of America.
A Borderline Personality Disorder is a master at transforming other's sympathy into pity. In terms of being vulnerable to borderline-manipulation, anyone that is capable of compassion, protectiveness or love can be easily deceived by a Borderline. If one of these extraordinarily deceptive individuals attaches himself to you, and you are particularly prone to confuse pity with love, then you might as well go skin-diving with ether in your scuba-tanks instead of oxygen. A relationship with a Borderline can be like swimming along a stunningly gorgeous coral reef, surrounded by a school of smiling piranha. The scenery may look divine, but you may be dinner.
Early detection of borderline characteristics can be very difficult. Clinical experts on this personality disorder commonly advise interns and colleagues to avoid treating more than one or two of these types, because treatment can become intensely confusing, persistently crisis-oriented and volatile. I know of several former clinicians that left successful practices because they could not learn to identify and deal with borderline patients. It was not that individuals who solely possess this type of personality disorder are necessarily physically violent, but they are geniuses at generating emotional and psychological chaos in people who get too close to them. The frenzied emotional-madness that characteristically runs riot inside of these individuals has an uncanny way of getting inside of those nearest to them.
Over a century ago, psychiatrists discovered this phenomenon and labeled it a folie deux, or "folly of two." It was observed that spouses often took on the symptoms of their psychotic partners. When the psychotic partner was removed from the home and hospitalized, his spouse's symptoms vanished within two weeks. The same phenomenon often occurs today when someone is in a relationship with a Borderline Personality Disorder. It is like becoming infected with emotional-malaria. One moment you're burning with fever. In the next instant your teeth chatter like chilled jackhammers. But if you learn the subtle, early clues to recognizing a potential Borderline, you can avoid your own trip to the sanitarium.
Particularly sensitive and adept therapists often describe a typically paradoxical reaction, commonly experienced by most people when first meeting someone who is Borderline. While feeling gently or tenderly drawn toward him, there is simultaneously an almost inconspicuous sensation of a vague knot in the pit of the stomach, as mentioned earlier. A more general description might be that a person feels that he or she too quickly likes someone and feels a faint sense of unease or dread toward him at the same time.
If you experience such mixed sensations when first meeting anyone, ask yourself why you simultaneously liked him so quickly and felt uncomfortable. If it's difficult to answer either question, put your radar system on high alert and scan closely the next time you meet him. If he is Borderline and has locked onto your sympathetic nature, that next encounter may not be too far away.
Without the presence of other personality disorders, someone who is Borderline tends to rapidly move toward developing a dependent relationship with those who show them interest and sympathy. An early sign of this dependency can be recognized by a rapid increase in contact, initiated by the Borderline, and a sense that such an individual has an uncanny ability to read you better than a blind man reads Braille.
Even though you can develop a very sophisticated form of personality-detection radar, it will never be as subtle or fine-tuned as a Borderline's. They have what seem like high-grade, instinctually built-in personality detection systems, comparable to extremely sophisticated phased-array radar systems used in the military for detecting high-speed, small ballistic projectiles, like the cruise missiles used to attack Iraq during the Gulf War.
This system appears to be purely instinctual in Borderlines, because they do not seem conscious of its presence or the information it gives to them, even when this ability is pointed out to them. Generally, this eerily unconscious quality seems to pervade everything about them. In a very basic sense, they do not know who they are. This is one of the most unnerving aspects about them for people who get too close.
If you ask a normal person on January 1st to describe themselves, he or she can give a fairly detailed description of what they think, feel and believe about the things that are important to them in life. Ask the same question, six months or a year later, and you will get almost the same answers. But if you ask a Borderline that question at noon today, the answer may be completely different by dusk, and will possess an indistinct, blurry quality, as if someone is drawing a picture of himself in mud. Or, depending on whom they are with, they may give two completely different pictures of themselves to two different people, ten minutes apart.
In mental hospitals, these are the patients who generate intense conflicts between staff members, unless those members understand what they are dealing with. One psychiatrist diagnoses him as schizophrenic, another labels him manic-depressive and a third believes he is a hypochondriac. A family therapist thinks he just has a "boundary problem," a psychiatric nurse thinks he's only neurotic, the vocational rehabilitation counselor admires his creative potential and a psychiatric aide thinks he's full of shit. The only people who know his true identity are the other patients. To them he is the master chameleon who can change his psychological appearance on a dime. He is the fox who fools the hunters. But who'll listen to them? They're not "professionally licensed."
What can be especially disturbing to others about this chameleon-like "change-ability" is that Borderlines are oblivious to what they are doing. They are not consciously making-up these different identity versions of themselves. They just do it reflexively, as if they run on some instinctually eerie automatic-pilot.
Many psychological theories exist to explain this eerie process in a Borderline - from theories on "object relations" to "dissociation." But staying around a borderline Controller long enough to discover the cause of his strange attitudes and behaviors increases the probability of becoming his victim. Hesitation allows time for him to develop an attachment. And attachment can prove deadly, especially if a borderline disorder combines with another of the personality disorders prone to physical violence. Even if you only become involved with a solely borderline Controller, though, be prepared for a nightmare journey. You're in for an emotionally blistering E-Ticket ride in Relationship Jurassic Park.
Regardless of how a Controller with a Borderline Personality Disorder can alter and tailor his appearance to deceive others, he still presents with a clear and characteristic personality pattern. This pattern usually emerges in three stages or roles: Vulnerable Seducer, Clinger and Hater. These stages cycle and often swing wildly from one role to the next, but through drawing a picture of how these stages appear, a basic portrait can be loaded into your developing Controller-detection-system.
At first, a Borderline male may appear shy, vulnerable or "ambivalently in need of care." This is the first clue: beware of men who feel like lost puppies. If you experience an urge to take him home and feed him, don't- especially if you are in an emotionally needy state. But if you can't stop yourself, then avoid a future feeding frenzy on your soul by making a careful scan for the following reactions and characteristics as you enter this spirit-eater's lair.
In the beginning, you will feel a rapidly accelerating sense of compassion for whatever painful plight he has gotten himself into, because he is a master at portraying himself as the "victim of circumstance." But listen closely to how he sees himself as a victim. As his peculiar emotional invasion advances upon you, you will hear how no one understands him - except you. Other people have always left him because of their "insensitivity." He is always being betrayed, just when he starts trusting people. But there is something "special" about you, because "you really know me."
It is this intense way he has of bearing down on you emotionally that can feel very seductive. You will feel elevated, adored - almost worshiped. And you will feel that way quickly. It may seem like a great deal has happened between the two of you in a short period of time, because every conversation is so intense, and his attention is so focused on you. But if you're paying attention, you will feel his adoration by the third date, or sooner. Initially, it feels like an invisible army of sweet, chocolate ants is subtly infiltrating you. But the invasion may be hard to notice because it feels good, just as the Trojans must have felt good when they towed the Trojan Horse into their city, only to discover it filled with Greek Berserkers bent on destruction and conquest. Heed the warning that Cassandra gave to Troy's King Priam; "Fear the Greeks even when they bring gifts." But it's difficult to say no to a gift from the gods, especially if you have already tapped one too many dry relationship-wells.
Here is a man who may look like a dream come true. He not only seems to make you the center of his attention, but he even craves listening to your opinions, thoughts and ideas. If you have never experienced a man treating you like this before, it can seem like you have really found your heart's desire. But like anything that seems too good to be true, it usually is. While you may think you're about to enjoy the tasty pleasures of a Mr. Goodbar, Mr. Goodbar is about to take more than a taste out of you. And borderline men emotionally eat their women whole.
Once he has successfully candied his hook with adoration, he will weld it into place by reeling in your attention and concern. His intense interest in you subtly transforms. He still appears to be interested in you, but no longer in what you are interested in. His interest becomes your exclusive interest in him. This is when things begin to feel "uncomfortable." Your thoughts, feelings and ideas fascinate him, but only when they focus on his problems. You can tell when this happens because you can feel him "perk-up" emotionally whenever your attention focuses upon his feelings and conflicts. Those moments can emotionally hook your compassion more deeply into him, because that is when he will treat you well - even tenderly. That's why, if you confuse pity with love, you'll believe you're in love with him. Especially if your maternal instinct is strong and rescuing is at the heart of your "motherly code." Following that code results in the most common excuse I hear as a therapist, as to why many women stay with borderline men, ".... But I love him!" Adult love is built on mutual interest, care and respect - not on one-way rescues. And mothering is for kids. Not grown men.
But, if like King Priam, you do fall prey to this Trojan Horse and let him inside your city gates, the first Berserker to leave the horse will be the devious Clinger. A master at strengthening his control through pity, he is brilliant at eliciting sympathy and identifying those most likely to provide it-like the steady-tempered and tenderhearted.
The world ails him. Physical complaints are common. His back hurts. His head aches. Peculiar pains of all sorts come and go like invisible, malignant companions. If you track their appearance, though, you may see a pattern of occurrence connected to the waning or waxing of your attentions. His complaints are ways of saying, "don't leave me. Save me!" And his maladies are not simply physical. His feelings ail him too.
He is depressed or anxious, detached and indifferent or vulnerable and hypersensitive. He can swing from elated agitation to mournful gloom at the blink of an eye. Watching the erratic changes in his moods is like tracking the needle on a Richter-scale chart at the site of an active volcano, and you never know which flick of the needle will predict the big explosion.
But after every emotional Vesuvius he pleads for your mercy. And if he has imbedded his guilt-hooks deep enough into your conscientious nature, you will stay around and continue tracking this volcanic earthquake, caught in the illusion that you can discover how to stop Vesuvius before he blows again. But, in reality, staying around this cauldron of emotional unpredictability is pointless. Every effort to understand or help this type of man is an excruciatingly pointless exercise in emotional rescue.
It is like you are a Coast Guard cutter and he is a drowning man. But he drowns in a peculiar way. Every time you pull him out of the turbulent sea, feed him warm tea and biscuits, wrap him in a comfy blanket and tell him everything is okay, he suddenly jumps overboard and starts pleading for help again. And no matter how many times you rush to the emotional - rescue, he still keeps jumping back into trouble. It is this repeating, endlessly frustrating pattern which should confirm to you that you are involved with a Borderline Personality Disorder. No matter how effective you are at helping him, nothing is ever enough. No physical, financial or emotional assistance ever seems to make any lasting difference. It's like pouring the best of your self into a galactic-sized Psychological Black Hole of bottomless emotional hunger. And if you keep pouring it in long enough, one-day you'll fall right down that hole yourself. There will be nothing left of you but your own shadow, just as it falls through his predatory "event horizon." But before that happens, other signs will reveal his true colors.
Sex will be like a rocket ride on the Oblivion Express. Anyone who can be so instinctually tuned in to reading your needs and manipulating them can also pinpoint your g-spot with the fine-tuned skill of a Swiss jeweler cleaving a diamond. It will seem wonderful - for a while.
The intensity of his erotic passion can sweep you away like a strange destiny on the blue sea of august, but his motive for lusting upon you is double-edged. One side of it comes from the instinctually built-in, turbulent emotionality of his disorder. Intensity is his trump-card. But the other side of him is driven by an equally concentrated need to control you. The sexual pyrotechnics, while imposing, are motivated from a desire to dominate you, not please you. And, after a while, too much of a good thing might actually be too much, to the point where you feel like buying an arc-welding kit and forging your own cast-iron chastity belt. Or perhaps his erotic intensity will be there in a more cunning way. A borderline-sociopathic patient once described this "way," as if he had just invented the light bulb. Little did he know that thousands of erotic Edisons had already preceded him.
Shortly after he had seduced and married his third wife, a Controller named "Tom" developed a calculating and classically "I hate you-I love you" borderline way of sexually controlling his woman. Since he knew that the marked conscientiousness of his wife's character made her particularly loyal, he was certain his method of erotic control would work because, no matter how much she desired sex, she would never seek it with someone else. This was the key to his method, and his way of making her feel simultaneously responsible and guilty for her own desires and his cunning manipulation of them.
Knowing that he had control of her loyalty, he would "work" her sexual longing by timing its gratification. He would do this by turning her on, then losing interest by feigning "a tough day at the office," "a sore back," or some other pretext. All the while, his borderline instinct for reading her level of sexual frustration watched and waited, until he could tell that she was in a state of carnal gridlock. Then he released the laser intensity of his loin-lions upon her now fever-pitched libido and gratified her to the nth-degree.
To increase the agonizing effect of this cycle upon her, he added two more factors of frustration. He initiated the first by catching her while she secretly masturbated. And when he caught her, he always feigned outraged and agonized sexual betrayal. This ratcheted up her sense of guilt even further. Then - just to twist that ratchet one last click - he dropped using excuses like tough days at the office and sore backs for one that was a psychological coup de trompe' of controller manipulation. He started accusing her of sexually abusing him!
He had completely succeeded in deceiving her into believing that she was manipulating poor, erotically-exhausted him. And he had gotten her to cling to him! Once a Borderline Controller has succeeded in this kind of sexual "trick," or in other less genital manipulations, the Hater appears. This hateful part of him may have emerged before, but you probably will not see it in full, acidic bloom until he feels he has achieved a firm hold on your conscience and compassion. But when that part makes it's first appearance, rage is how it breaks into your life.
What gives this rage its characteristically borderline flavor is that it is very difficult for someone witnessing it to know what triggered it in reality. But that is its primary identifying clue: the actual rage-trigger is difficult for you to see. But in the Borderline's mind it always seems to be very clear. To him, there is always a cause. And the cause is always you. Whether it is the tone of your voice, how you think, how you feel, dress, move or breathe - or "the way you're looking at me," - he will always justify his rage by blaming you for "having to hurt you."
Rage reactions are also unpredictable and unexpected. They happen when you least expect it. And they can become extremely dangerous.
If a Controller is solely Borderline, his rages may remain verbal. You might be ducking a lot of dishes, glasses and other breakables, or the occasional airborne frying pan or flying cutlery set. But do not deceive yourself into believing that he is not directly aiming any of these missiles at you. Sooner or later one of them will "just happen" to hit you-or the kids, the cat or dog. And his excuse will be, "It was an accident," or "I didn't mean to hit you," or the ever-classic "Why didn't you duck?" - Not, "Why do I act so insane?"
With a Borderline, there is also the danger that one of these rages will precipitate or be precipitated by a temporary or long-lasting psychotic break. If this happens, a scattered state of rage may instantly become a precisely aimed attack, with you fixed in the cross-hairs.
If you sense any explosion coming, or one has already begun, leave. Do not try to "reason" him out of it. Immediately grab the kids, cats and dogs and get out now. Don't worry about what the neighbors or anyone else will think if he chases you outside. "Witness statements" to the police can help if you need to file a restraining order.
While there is never a guarantee that a solely borderline Controller will become physically violent or not, they will always become verbally, emotionally and psychologically abusive. Just keep one simple fact always in mind, regardless of whether a Controller is borderline, narcissistic, sociopathic or sadistic: Whenever any of them are criticizing characteristics in you, they are making autobiographical statements about themselves.
Blame is their way of unloading their character defects onto you. Listen closely to the hateful things they say to you about you. You are listening to verbatim descriptions of their character defects. This is extremely important to remember, especially in the midst of verbal attack. These are the only moments when you will hear the truth about the man who lies concealed behind the steel wall of his personality disorder. But never point that fact out to him. If you do, it may be the last time you see him alive. But not because you're still around to know he's not dead.
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Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The Psychopath His Career & Relationships.
In the book Violent Attachments, women and men have noted the particular stare of the psychopath - it is an intense, relentless gaze that seems to preclude his destruction of his victim or target. Women, in particular, have reported this stare, which is related to the "predatorial" (reptilian) gaze; it is as if the psychopath is directing all of his intensity toward you through his eyes, a sensation that one woman reported as a feeling of "being eaten." They tend to invade peoples' space either by their sudden intrusions or intimidating look-overs (which some women confuse for sexuality.) (I too confused this predatory stare for sexuality)
A lot of victims of psychopaths have stated that on waking during the night they have awoken to their predators face hovering over theirs staring intently. I for one experienced this on many occasions.
For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It’s primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie ‘Sliding Doors’ to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he’s planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman.
What he refers to as love is, in fact, sexual attraction, a desire for flattery, physical comfort or material support. Quick to rage, he is often shallow and holds grievances toward anyone whom he perceives to be in his way. He is paranoid and secretive. He refers to his own crimes as harmless pranks. He will often watch others for a clue of what emotion a situation demands. When he calls sadness is the failure of his most recent manipulative attempts.
Psychopaths have no lack of victims because so many people are ready and willing to play the role. And in many, many cases, the victim simply refuses to believe the evidence that they are being victimized. Psychological denial screens out knowledge that is painful, and persons with large investments in their fantasies are often unable to acknowledge that they are being deceived because it it too painful. Most often, these are women who rigidly adhere to the traditional role of the female with a strong sense of duty to be a "good wife." She will believe that if she tries harder or simply waits it out, her husband will reform. When he ignores her, abuses her, cheats on her, or uses her, she can simply just decide to "try harder, put more energy into the relationship, and take better care of him." She believes that if she does this, eventually he will notice and will see how valuable she is, and then he will fall on his knees in gratitude and treat her like a queen.
Dream on.
The fact is, such a woman, with her fierce commitment to such a man, her dedication to being a proper wife, has allowed such fairy tales to distort her sense of reality. The reality is that she is doomed to a lifetime of abuse and disappointment until "death do us part."
A psychopath does not keep his commitments or obligations. He breaks his word, stands people up, abandons those who care about him at critical times in their lives, cheats with impunity, and makes promises he has no intention of delivering on to get what he wants. Psychopaths may disappear and reappear in the lives of friends and family, causing worry and heartbreak, without ever adequately explaining what they’ve been up to. However, they always have excuses, and it is always someone else’s fault.
Psychopaths abandon their spouses and children without the slightest concern. And while many don’t commit crimes for which they can be convicted, they often live what could be termed as a sub-criminal existence, engaging in a variety of secretive and shady dealings. When they do achieve success, it is usually through causing harm to others. Their lack of commitment to anything is evident in the many contradictory and hollow statements they make. However, they hang onto the people in their lives by promising to change, or even changing, briefly, only to revert back to their old ways in time.
Once having drained what they can from one source, they turn to others to exploit, bleed, and then cast aside; their pleasure in the misfortune of others is unquenchable. People are used as a means to an end; they are to be subordinated and demeaned ...the pleasure they gain from their ruse often flags once the rewards of deceit have been achieved.
The Psychopath At Work
Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don’t have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren’t even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn’t a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.
Because they are impulsive and irresponsible, many psychopaths jump from job to job and relationship to relationship. They break their promises, fail to fulfill their financial obligations, leave their families behind without a backward glance and pursue their own interests at everyone else’s expense.
Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their ‘illness.’ But there’s no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today’s traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there’s a problem and wants to change. The common problem with psychopaths, says Sets, “Is they don’t see a problem with their behavior.”
The psychopath shows a remarkable disregard for truth and is to be trusted no more in his accounts of the past than in his promises for the future or his statement of present intentions. He gives the impression that he is incapable of ever attaining realistic comprehension of an attitude in other people which causes them to value truth and cherish truthfulness in themselves.
Not only is the psychopath undependable, but also in more active ways he cheats, deserts, annoys, brawls, fails, and lies without any apparent compunction. He will commit theft, forgery, adultery, fraud, and other deeds for astonishingly small stakes and under much greater risks of being discovered than will the ordinary scoundrel. He will, in fact, commit such deeds in the absence of any apparent goal at all.
No matter how bright, and a psychopath is often very bright, he rarely maintains a regular job, pays his debts or serves the role of a responsible parent. He repeatedly abuses, abandons, or betrays sexual partners and any children he produces. It is estimated that 15-20% of prisoners carry this diagnosis. Conning and manipulating others is a way of life. For the woman in his life, he may have an ingratiating manner and superficial charm, be persuasive, poised and self-assured because he lacks the (self)conscious feelings that others would have
Lying, evasiveness, feigned forgetfulness, vague and inconsistent answers about his past...his goal is partially to confuse and manipulate, but he also is indifferent to the truth. And he will lie simply for the fun of it, so much so that he eventually becomes caught. Yet even when cornered and confessing, he will offer flimsy excuses or insincere apologies and then go back to lying again. Source
PHYSICAL DIFFERENCES OF THE PSYCHOPATH
There are physical findings among sociopathic individuals which suggest a biological difference between them and others. They appear to have a weak startle response, low heart rate, low tendency (galvanic skin response) to perspire in stressful situations, and low anticipatory anxiety...they do not worry. (Gareth qualifies for all of these)
This imperviousness to anxiety may explain why they fail to learn, since much of our learning is based upon the need to avoid future anxiety for ourselves and others.
Everyone should be wary of an individual who has glib charm, a soothing voice, a penetrating gaze, dramatic gestures, and engages in meaningless flattery and vague/inconsistent responses to personal questions. When a psychopath complains of how others treat him, it should be remembered who the real victims are likely to be.
The Hare Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R) By Robert Hare is a diagnostic tool used to rate a person's psychopathic or antisocial tendencies.
The Hare PCL-R contains two parts, a semi-structured interview and a review of the subject's file records and history. During the evaluation, the clinician scores 20 items that measure central elements of the psychopathic character. The items cover the nature of the subject's interpersonal relationships; his or her affective or emotional involvement; responses to other people and to situations; evidence of social deviance; and lifestyle. The material thus covers two key aspects that help define the psychopath: selfish and unfeeling victimization of other people, and an unstable and antisocial lifestyle.
The twenty traits assessed by the PCL-R score are:
* glib and superficial charm
* grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
* need for stimulation
* pathological lying
* cunning and manipulativeness
* lack of remorse or guilt
* shallow affect(superficial emotional responsiveness)
* callousness and lack of empathy
* parasitic lifestyle
* poor behavioral controls
* sexual promiscuity
* early behavior problems
* lack of realistic long-term goals
* impulsivity
* irresponsibility
* failure to accept responsibility for own actions
* many short-term marital relationships
* juvenile delinquency
* revocation of conditional release
* criminal versatility
Hare's Checklist Explained
1. GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM -- the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Psychopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A psychopath never gets tongue-tied. They have freed themselves from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.
2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH -- a grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Psychopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.
3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM -- an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Psychopaths often have a low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.
4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.
5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS- the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims.
6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT -- a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims.
7. SHALLOW AFFECT -- emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.
8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY -- a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.
9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE -- an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.
10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS-- expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.
11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR-- a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.
12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS -- a variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.
13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS-- an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.
14. IMPULSIVITY -- the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.
15. IRRESPONSIBILITY -- repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.
16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS -- a failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.
17. MANY SHORT-TERM MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS -- a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.
18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY -- behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.
19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE -- a revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation, or failing to appear.
20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY -- a diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes.
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