GARETH; dunno whether its worth getting tickets to the big gay out
VICTIM: big gay out?
GARETH; http://www.biggayout.com lots of gay people but baby shambles, bananarama, friankie goest o holly wood, human league,, electric six and loads more are playing (now why would he just DROP that into a chat with someone he 'loves' if not for the SHOCK VALUE? Sometimes cyberpaths drop hints about their true nature. Bisexual maybe?)
VICTIM: ahh do ya wanna go then? Just to see the bands play?
GARETH: dunno loads of half naked guys i wont be looking but you might (baiting her)
VICTIM: umm i wouldnt be looking at all!!!! besides they are gay!
GARETH: but youd end up staring at muscley half naked blokes
VICTIM:: Got my own sexy man thank you!
GARETH : Where?
VICTIM: hes talking to me on ichat right now duh... YOU! hehe
GARETH: exactly (dummy)
GARETH: theres alot of gay bands too i only want to see 4 or 5 of em.
VICTIM: wanna do that as "we" not "i"? lol you trying to tell me something babe?
GARETH: same thing (no it's not - his victim got it right. The use of "I" is telling and narcissistic)
GARETH: yes i mean we, but i meant "I hope I goto one of them oneday"
VICTIM: we can travel if you want, stay overnight id love to go see bands yeah theres no reason you wont be able to go, just because I have the children.
GARETH: i know we'll see maybe next year (he's thinking about one person: GARETH!)
VICTIM: You there?
GARETH: yea sorry window doesnt flash to tell me I have a new message. its a pain eveythings ok, gunna finish off packing in a min nearly done (he was probably talking to someone else or watching porn)
VICTIM: sorry just didnt want you to think i was buggin ya, yeah this ichat is a pain in the ass, just checking you had a rest today cause its a hot day and stuff.
GARETH: so what are you upto? (changes the subject quickly!)
VICTIM: Not much just watching a vid, you?
GARETH: Packing still, you chatting to anyone else? (PROJECTION! and baiting!)
VICTIM: no , only you
VICTIM: You dont seem like you wanna talk much today
GARETH: no...you always think i dont want to speak to you if im quiet, or if my phones off, Optimism, positivity (he means, believe my B.S. or else)
VICTIM: no not at all darling , i am being optimistic just sometimes you do sound a little offish i am being positive (he is being offish - he's a sociopathic predator)
VICTIM: i said last night i was feeling positive and i trust what you say im not worrying just merely wondering.
GARETH: Ok (putting her on the defensive!)
Gareth on the Victim chatting with her actual REAL LIFE friends:
GARETH: im looking for a new nickname
GARETH: get away from old ways (get away from all the people I have crapped on and abused)
GARETH: stopped being found so easily (see above - looking to hide)
VICTIM: good idea
GARETH: best one i could think of is Gareth
ME: hehe its you and its your name
GARETH: heh type that in on google try find me
VICTIM: yup loads of results
GARETH: good idea but its taken alot
VICTIM: getting out of old ways is a good idea Gareth
GARETH: yep it is .......goes for both of us
VICTIM: yes it does
GARETH: i agree, so far i havent slipped back to all the chat groups im not going back to my old ways at all (sure you aren't - you're just looking for a new cover - they all do)
VICTIM: me either
GARETH : i know but you keep gong back to the old chat groups and people, you should dump it forget about it and leave it
VICTIM: im not going back to it Gareth (yeah you would probably meet someone like HIM again - predators LIVE online)
GARETH: i know your not, but you do (putting her on the defensive AND trying to continue ISOLATING her from her friends! Typical abuser ploy)
VICTIM: i havent got any of those chat things on this computer
GARETH: i know but ypou see what i mean, move on from it for good not put it on hold
VICTIM: havent put it on hold its in the bin and thats where i want it to stay
GARETH: ok good
VICTIM: i am looking forward to you coming home and for us to have that perfectness here that was present last time you were here im focusing on that its a goal i want to reach
VICTIM: but I will keep on saying sorry until im actually forgiven (she's not the one who should be asking forgiveness but abusers LOVE to put their victims in this position!)
GARETH: you are forgiven .. i was just saying you keep going back there thats something that needs to change (no because you 2 haven't talked it out and you haven't been candid with her. You just don't "GET OVER" some things - unless you're pathological and no one means anything to you.)
Like all pathological personalities, Gareth believes he knows more than anyone.
GARETH: im checking credit cards as the phone i want and the deal is a special offer and im hoping it wont end
VICTIM: itd be good if you could get it before it ends
GARETH: heh the funny thing was i knew more than the salesman i wass like wheres the menu then, he said there wasnt one, so i stuck my hand out and he handed it to me, went through everything found it was bottom left button heh handed it back
GARETH: hehe i sold the fone to myself (glory-hunting, aggrandizement - blatant narcissism)
GARETH: heh he also said i can walk around house while on call with bluetooth headset, the phone can be downstairs and i can be upstairs, i said not a chance bluetooth cant and isnt made to go through even a walll
VICTIM: hehe so he was trying to sell on basis of lying to someone he thought didnt know about that technology (probably just trying to do his job)
GARETH: i know theres no need to ask, but when i get this card i really dont want anything debited from it other than the phone (puts her on the defensive AGAIN)
VICTIM: your right but theres no need to ask as i dont need to use your card
GARETH: im not saying you ....no point spending on it apart from phone im saying us in general (no you weren't - you were blame-shifting to her!)
VICTIM: so about that fone call? any chance i can have one later, sorry to push you but i like talking to you even if it is just for 5 mins
GARETH: we can have a nice long call after yes
VICTIM: i was going to ask something then thought not
GARETH: no go on
VICTIM: Hmm I don't want to be insensitive as your not feeling too good right now and I should find out on my own, I was going to ask what animation program they made XXXXX in?
GARETH: not sure
VICTIM: Everything ok?
GARETH: sorry I drifted off (because you're not important, so many other lives to screw up, people to prey on)
VICTIM: have I annoyed you? if so , sorry I shouldn't of said anything
GARETH: You haven't annoyed me, Im just thinking about tomorrow, our living together, dreading thinking whatever. (dreading having to commit to you for most than just sex)
More Gareth Putting His Victim on the Defensive & Projecting. (He acts jealous to keep her on a string - hoping it makes him appear "caring & interested")
GARETH: you on any chat networks?, Im going to have a quick wash, go get a sandwich and drink and open more windows.
VICTIM: No im watching XXXX again im not on any chat networks dont want anything to do with them (how many times does she have to tell him that?)
GARETH: well done (yes, you have now isolated her from anyone who might show her you're a predator, a cold snake and a user)
30 mins later
VICTIM: thankyou so much for the phone call it was nice to hear your voice, If you need any support and help, i know its hard but I will help you anyway i can when you come through the door, ill make sure you get loads of hugs, and anything else you need.
GARETH: I need to reboot, theres an update for a program on my computer I need to install.
NO mention whatsoever of what she said. Gareth totally ignored it. (a version of the 'silent treatment') So she made a video for him to see if she could maybe fix the situation as he'd made her feel she did something wrong (predators always make you think YOU did something wrong) -- this was maybe the 100th time she did this and he would normally treat me better after I had gone out of my way to make him happy. (if he "loved" her why would she have to jump through hoops to make him happy? Readers - ALL of our predators did this to their prey. ALL of them)
VICTIM: I have a video for you I made
GARETH: grrr sexy thing (ASSUMING its a sex video - as that's all he really wants from her!)
VICTIM: your welcome
VICTIM: I have thought about something and want you to have something
GARETH: let me guess.... more asking me what train im going to get and what time. already told you I dont know yet. (why? If you love her you'd have made those plans by now...)
GARETH: sorry carry on
VICTIM: Its in the mail
GARETH: checking now
GARETH: aww thanks
GARETH: means a lot
VICTIM: when I said "patiently" i really meant that , train times are not an issue to me. you are! I hope that helps you in some way
GARETH: it does
GARETH: okies im lying down feel really tired and worn out you there? (heh - there she goes - calling him on his cold-heartedness and wanting some assurance and affection from him. Notice the HUGE emotional disconnect on Gareth's part. Sociopathic)
She heard nothing from him until the next afternoon, not sure when he was coming home, what train he was getting -- nothing. Everytime she asked him what time his train was he got angry at me. He probably did this on purpose knowing she'd get frustrated the more he held back. (Or he simply didn't care. at all. It's called WITHHOLDING and its yet another abuse tactic
VICTIM: have i blown things with you
GARETH: i dunno
VICTIM: ok i understand
GARETH: things dont always sort themselves out (...with a sociopath)
VICTIM: no they dont, but im trying to sort things out my end, to stop giving you a hard time but the thought is ....are you still going to fight for us ? as iam hon (no he's not - his ACTIONS not his words will say everything)
GARETH: yep (words... only words)
VICTIM: ok :)
GARETH: brb my sisters looking at my film list (no surprise - he runs away from TRUE EMOTIONS AGAIN!!)
I was getting tired and confused over why he said one thing yet did the opposite. (because he's a sociopath) One minute he would be be consistent, the next minute he had changed his mind. (sociopath) So I tried to break it off and end the relationship; he had kept me waiting for over 6 weeks due to promise after promise being broken. He'd dumped me so many times already as it was, I didn't see anything wrong in asking him to stick to at least 1 promise. (no but with a sociopath/ narcissist they have HUGE problems with accountability AND reality. They never stick to anything unless there's something in it FOR THEM)
GARETH: You just broke up with me, and i know you are back to your old self (Again putting HER on the defensive when he should be held ACCOUNTABLE)
VICTIM:: No im not
GARETH: the one i couldnt love, i loved the real you, youve changed back (it's HER fault? These guys can only 'love' one thing - THEMSELVES!! They are INCAPABLE of love)
GARETH: should i tell my dad to give it two weeks before bringing all my stuff down, i dont think you are the same Stacie, how do i know you wont leave me when i get there, should we give it a two week tester? (he probably didn't want to come down anyway - now, typical predator - he's making it all her fault. PROJECTION)
VICTIM: how do I know that you won't leave me, you have done it so many times (he will)
GARETH: if you were your old self, the loving one, it'd be fine (the one who swallowed all my BS, believed all my lies & didn't hold me accountable that is)
VICTIM: i am the same, i just cant keep going on the same way, i cant keep hoping, and praying and dreaming things are going to be the same way when i know they aren't , you get my hopes up then they you dash them. (sound familiar, readers? She hasn't realized yet he's a predator. A snark. A shark. He kills and leaves. No empathy, no remorse)
GARETH: your not the same to me (because she's starting to question your BS?)
VICTIM: im the same as i was before (just smarter & more aware something's wrong)
GARETH: I dearly hope you are, I trust you and will take your word for it. (no he won't - because he doesn't care)
GARETH: ive emailed you some questions, could you answer them for me by tonight or tommorow morning
VICTIM: ill go look now
GARETH: i think id like you to answer them now, and then again in the morning
GARETH: tell me when you are next to the laptop and in bed
GARETH: tell me when youre here darl, in fact if you get into bed and turn on skype ill whack off for you, and show you anything my a** to my **** to licking my own ***, if you get into bed, and turn skype on. (all about SEX!! she's asking for some REAL answers about their relationships and his way of "CONFIRMING" his feelings is cybersex? Predator. ICK)
VICTIM: Im here, im sorry i was so selfish
GARETH: no your not
VICTIM: yes I am
GARETH: if you loved me and saw a future youd wait till wednesday and help me through it (oh god he's NAUSEATING!)
VICTIM: im so sorry, im such a selfish person, i know it, i cant apologise enough,
GARETH: two days, couldnt wait two days that says something (putting her on the defensive after all HE had put her through by then!!)
VICTIM: its been 6 weeks!
GARETH: now ive seen you like this, so nasty again (unreal aren't they? When you see it from a distance. How dare he continue his projection.)
VICTIM: Im not nasty , I did wait
GARETH: yes you are. (Gareth just 'shut up' -- how much more cruel can you be?)
VICTIM: fine ill wait
GARETH: well you made it *applause* you left the guy that wants to spend his life with you regardless of everything else (oh spare us Gareth. As if that was the truth)
VICTIM: my dad said to me tonight "if you dont make a decision, youll be left always wondering"
GARETH: heh yes now you will always be wondering.. whether i would of came back and if we would of stayed together for life...now you will wonder as you left me before i could get to yo
GARETH: im not giving in to selfish demands such as: leave tommorow (he wants her to give in to only HIS selfish demands)
VICTIM: i know that now
GARETH: well i know what would of happened and im trying to comprehend my future without you and i hate it
VICTIM: ive been selfish! but i cant keep on doing this (you aren't selfish - you're getting smart to this emotional rapist)
GARETH: but you made the choice, and you are back to your old nasty selfish attitude
VICTIM: no im not
VICTIM: Im sitting here waiting for you as always
GARETH: no you broke up with me (boo hoo... Martyr Man)
VICTIM: can you blame me? im always waiting, i cant do it anymore. im so confused I dont know what to do anymore (typical feelings with a predator - and he will find a way to blame her.)
GARETH: no you left me nothing to be confused about anymore you can go back to chatting to people in chat rooms and while away the hours (AGAIN he brings this up!)
VICTIM: Im not chatting to anyone
GARETH: yet, wait two days or bugger off back to the internet, it shows whats more important and your attitude (Projection - he's probably already chatting up other people and has been right along)
VICTIM: im not chatting to guys!!!
GARETH: yet (sadist)
VICTIM: im waiting for you
GARETH: No your not you left me (how old is this guy? 7 years old?)
VICTIM: gods sake
GARETH: not all things are reversible
VICTIM: I left you because I cant take it anymore, the mixed signals. the getting angry at me for no reason, the not speaking to me and broken promises. (victims always think they can talk sense to these guys - before they realize they're PATHOLOGICAL & SICK!)
GARETH: Exactly so theres no more waiting (NO ACCOUNTABILITY FOR WHAT SHE JUST SAID!)
VICTIM: for goodness sakes
GARETH: you wont listen, your back to your old self (heh - listen to WHAT? his selfish b.s.?)
VICTIM: no, im not, you just think i am, im upset
GARETH: no I know you XXXXX you used to be much more mature and nice wanting to talk at night on skype (and believing my lies)
VICTIM: i am mature (more than him, that's for sure)
GARETH: chuck it all away for the sake of another 2 days wait
GARETH: very mature
VICTIM: im sick of going around in circles, im sure others can tell you im not back to my old ways
GARETH: they may, but at least before you were different towards me, you understood
VICTIM: I dont want to argue you made your choice i made mine
GARETH: my choice was to spend my life with you, your choice was not to give me the chance to do that, before youd of said 2 days no problems, cant wait to cuddle and sleep with you and walk with you and bath with you , now you leave.
(She ended up apologising and asking him for another chance, and then he told her:)
GARETH: we will have to sort all this out when I get back, we are not over but a lot has to be sorted now
(Don't you want to just SMACK Gareth? His mind games are so cruel & pathetic)
COMING TO THE END OF THE RELATIONSHIP
I spent the next year in stress Gareth would spend all his time in our bedroom and when his parents or boss would call him, he would send me out of the room and talk in secret, all his emails to his family would be secret and I was never allowed to see what the conversations were about. My children were not allowed to make any noise when he was on the phone or he would ignore me for the rest of the day and just be aloof on purpose.
I started to get rashes all over my body, I couldnt understand what it was, but I was covered head to foot in it, it was sore and itched constantly for 4 months, I went to the Doctor and he said it was Hives / allergy from stress I put all this "stress" down to losing the baby. (it was GARETH - toxic GARETH)
His "Silent Treatment" would go on for hours on end,and when I would get frustrated after the 4th hour of this, or angry he would tell me I was the crazy one for yelling at him and trying to get a rise out of him.
He never ate dinner with me and the children; instead sat in the bedroom and ate his dinner when I brought the plate up to him, after dinner he would continue working or playing "rainbow Six" or "Postal" or "Working" (hmm... wasn't he accusing HER of being ONLINE all the time? He was online because it was a 2-dimensional world and "real" people are just objects to these cyberpaths. Besides - these predators feel: why invest any more in something you can't control)
Whenever we went out it was always when the children were at my mothers, he usually slept cuddling me, but started to sleep turning to the wall and didnt want me to cuddle up to him. He said "Its because i always sleep like this" which wasnt true so that was the first sign he was starting to lose interest in me. (no it was the one behavior you finally saw - Sorry but he was NEVER interested in you; just in what he could "get" out of you - sex, affection, a place to live, food, etc)
Sex wasnt a problem whenever he wanted it -- he was loving but as soon as it was over he would get back on his computer and ignore me. (because that's all he wanted)
If I said anything whatever it was didn't matter, he would tell me "That's not what you said" I spent weeks and months thinking I was losing my memory or going nuts. (Gaslighting)
I remember sitting on the bed crying once, in deep pain over the loss of our baby and he stood over me staring blankly, all i wanted him to do was cuddle me and tell me everything was going to be ok, but instead he said "Im going out as this upsets me and i cannot stand the crying and loud noise, ill come back when you have calmed down" (narcissist)
When his boss used to come over to meet with him for a meeting he would shoo me and the children out the house and tell me to make sure the house was pristine before his boss arrived, then we had to get out the house and not come back until he phoned me. (WHAT? What a sick piece of dung he is)
Gareth always criticised me over laundry, smoking (he would hide my lighters in the freezer for some reason and blow them up outside by making a fire and making me watch) To him, his home town was amazing and living with me couldn't compare to it. I grew to feel so ashamed of my house (which is rather lovely) all because he would moan about the location and didn't like any of his work collegues or family to set foot in it. (Blame shifting, degrading)
I was so emotionally numb because during all this time he had left a few times and come back again and I needed reassurance so I asked sometimes "are you going to leave me" this was usually when he was silent or in a mood about something. I was so insecure at this point. I felt nothing was going to be consistent, no one was going to stay with me. I had lost two children already I needed some reassurance and stability. (Gareth knew that, knew she was vulnerable and worked her like a puppet)
He would go silent on me whenever i asked him things that had to do with us as a couple or our relationship. He wouldnt talk and kept his eyes on the computer, I got so frustrated because he would never telll me how he felt and would always "Sigh" or exhale loudly (abuser tactic - to belittle her & her needs)
Whenever we had guests such as my parents or friends over, he would stay in his room and not come down, he wouldnt even greet anyone. My family said it was really rude, but I tried to explain to them that it was because Gareth was shy and didn't like social gatherings. (No he was RUDE and a SOCIOPATH)
Gareth told me about the Milgram Experiment once, was totally besotted with it. I found out by looking through his files on the computer that he had hundreds of books on psychology , & the art of seduction and hypnosis, I would always ask him if he used it on me he told me he would never manipulate me that way, he used it on other people. (BINGO!)
He never got angry (no he was angry ALL the time it appears). Never hit me or showed rage (just verbal & emotional abuse) He was just silent, where he wouldnt speak at all and this really angered me after a while as he just wouldnt speak. Like talking to a brick wall. He knew I used to get so very frustrated by this, sometimes id see a smirk running across his face when he knew I was pushed into a corner. (that's SEVERE abuse - the silent treatment, withhold - its BLATANT ABUSE)
One thing I always noticed was Gareth never made eye contact with me. When your asking someone a question or talking in general you will get eye contact or they will look at your face. Its a natural thing for humans to do, but with Gareth he never made eye contact with me , not ever (TYPICAL SOCIOPATH TRAIT!! BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE OBJECTS TO THEM) I used to think "Oh thats just the way he is" but now I realise it is very disturbing and unnatural. (AND PATHOLOGICAL) He would always pick a spot and stare at it when I was talking to him. (tuning you out)
Sometimes I would wake up around 3am and on opening my eyes, would see his face over mine, staring down at me. I have no idea how long he spent doing that, but I found it uncomfortable. (Sociopaths do that a lot)
We got a dog after a few months and whenever he got home from work he would bypass me and go right to the dog and kiss and cuddle it. I would always have dinner ready on time and the house clean but he'd take his dinner and the dog to the bedroom and stay there petting it and kissing it and ignoring me all evening. If I would venture upstairs to spend time with him he would sit there and baby talk the dog. if I wanted some affection it would have to be on his terms or when he was playing a video game / doing work and wanted to show me something. (ABUSE - he was taunting you with a DOG!)
When I needed money to get the children some clothes I asked him for the money but he said he needed $500 for his parachute jumping. (BAD PRIORITIES!) If it wasn't for my mother the children would of gone without clothes.
READERS - thank GOODNESS she's no longer with this "person" (if you could even call him HUMAN!) Fighter
"I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin , hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip"
Gareth Edward(s) Rodger
Masks Of Sanity is an online blog offering advice, support and education for those who have fallen victim to the Psychopath/Narcissist. (NPD)
We explain why Narcissists behave the way they do, how they operate and how you can protect yourself from the Narcissist in society, in the home and online!
You can find my own personal experience with a psychopath in the links on the right. I have a very personal understanding of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I am proof that there is hope after abuse!