Saturday, July 12, 2008

Why Do You Always Have To Be Right - Martyr Man?

Article From this wonderful website.

Dear Martyr Man,

You will always be the victim, in every situation where someone tries to get close to you. You cannot relate to women as equals. You look for a strong-willed woman, latch on to her, but envy her strength and ability to express herself openly, so you attack her in vicious little ways. Ways so subtle that you can easily and convincingly deny any wrongdoing and make HER look like the crazy one for even suspecting that you are a passive-aggressive game player.

You played similar games with women before, and this was a chief motivator for their anger and "abuse" towards you. If they struck you physically, that was not right, but when you paint yourself as a martyr, you *always* fail to mention the emotional and psychological abuse you were inflicting on THEM.

That's right, Martyr. You are an abuser. You. Poor little cringing, eternally victimized you.

"But abusers scream, yell and hit, and I never do that!" you protest. "I'm not that way at all. I don't have the anger gene. I am completely incapable of anger."

What you are incapable of is the truth. But I am capable of the truth and here it is.

You ARE capable of anger. In fact, you are a very angry person, as your father before you must have also been - he is clearly the one upon whom you have modeled your behavior. Like him, you were too intimidated by other people to express your anger openly, so you nursed your rage in secret and struck out instead in subtle little ways. If you were asked to do something, you made sure you "forgot" repeatedly or did a poor job. You no doubt carry this behavior on in your work and it is the reason most of the other employees don't like you. People tend not to like someone who does not do his share of the work and is sullen and resistant to new ideas. They are probably tired of your constant subterfuge and backstabbing. No doubt you also play the divide-and-conquer game, playing people off against one another.

You haven't said much about your mother, but I'll make a few educated guesses. She was a strong-willed woman who dominated you and your father, and you both resented it, but neither of you ever told her so directly. Neither of you had the courage to assert yourselves openly. So you both "got even" with her by lying, false promises, "forgetting" or otherwise sabotaging things she asked you to do, and/or withholding your attention and love. Your casual remark about what you did with her books after her death was quite breathtaking in its heartlessness.

Your mother was a model for how you view women today. As I have previously said, you go after women with strong, assertive personalities, because they fit your mother's model and because you admire them for the qualities that you yourself lack. However, you also hate them because they are strong and you are weak. Because you cannot assert yourself openly, you play psychological games designed to break them down, subvert their will, and subtly - invisibly - assert YOUR control.

That's right, Martyr Man. You want control. You are not able to control yourself and so you are controlled by others - but you resent it. So you get a feeling of control by manipulating situations with a deft, invisible hand. You "forget" that a woman asked you to do something. You "forget" NOT to do something she finds hurtful or disrespectful.

You remember to do the things YOU enjoy and want to do, and your friends think you're a great guy - the kind of guy who would do anything for his friends! (Of course you would - your reputation depends on maintaining an appearance of kindness and willingness, and anyone who doesn't know you WELL would say what a nice guy you are - you would do anything to maintain that image). But when your partner asks you to do something, you suddenly lose your memory. You wander off and fail to return, leaving her to wonder where the hell you are, getting off on her discomfort and distress. If she does something you REALLY don't like, such as attempt to leave you, you hint around at suicide and disappear, leaving her to agonize for days over your fate. Really, you're off hanging out with your buddies and drinking and having fun, but she doesn't need to know that, does she?

No doubt she has noticed the fact that after your initial, highly romantic and complimentary approach, you do a complete about-face once she's "hooked" - like Jerkily and Hyde. Once she's in a relationship with you, the kind and gentle and loving courtship behavior ceases, and the passive-aggressive battle begins. First, you begin by slowly and subtly creating distance between you - by spending less time with her every day (always her fault, because of something SHE did...) withholding your attention and affection, making sure she gets the message that your friends, your other interests, EVERYTHING else are more important to you than the person you called the love of your life. When she challenges you about this behavior, you deny it, and make her out to be irrational and crazy for even suspecting it. After all, the success of a passive-aggressive campaign depends on secrecy and camouflage.

You lie easily, leaving out little details like a wife you haven't yet legally severed ties to, and children that you almost never see. You haven't got a divorce, and you won't, because even though you hate your wife, you feel chained to her. You are dependent on her. It's a parasitic relationship. No doubt she was angry with you because you provoked her, getting a charge out of her frustration and rage, and taking full opportunity to twist the situation around until you could make yourself out to be the victim. I haven't the faintest doubt you have cheated on her many times and lied to her many times, and that was the real cause of the attack that so wounded you emotionally. You brought it on yourself, but you won't admit that part. She's completely evil, in your little fairy tale, and you are the innocent little lamb, incapable of even the slightest twinge of anger.

Every human being on this planet feels anger. You yourself have expressed anger many times to me, not the least of which was your last letter. Yet, you still cling to this desperate delusion that you are incapable of anger.

That's a lie, Mr. Martyr. One of many.

Lies undermine the trust that is vital to all relationships. But you don't care about that as long as you can feel in control. Even when control comes at the expense of love, and that is sad.

Nobody can get close to you, Martyr Man. You'll let them within a certain distance, but then you are frightened by intimacy and of your will being sublimated to another's because deep down inside you know you are not strong enough to assert your own will openly and directly. No wonder you hate bluntness, straightforwardness, truth. Those things rob you of your defense mechanisms and make you feel naked and helpless. You cannot trust another person. Instead, you use passive-aggressive techniques to distance yourself from others and gain control over them. You wither under direct confrontation, but when you are able to operate undetected, you are a cruel and effective bully.

Games You Play:

1. The forgetting game:

You are asked to do something you don't want to do. Instead of saying no, you either "forget" about it or sabotage it so badly that the results are useless. You enjoy the frustration this causes others - this is your sneaky way of asserting yourself and controlling the situation from behind the scenes.

2. The withholding game:

Once in a relationship with someone, you begin to selectively withhold your time and affection. The other person senses this pulling away and asks about it. You deny it. But you let them know, indirectly, that many other things are more important to you than they are - your friends, your work, your opera DVDs. You let them know this by leaving their company to pursue these interests without telling them you are doing so. You enjoy the feeling of being in control, knowing you have falsely promised someone your attention later in the evening and knowing you have no intention of fulfilling that promise. You will "forget" to come back, and enjoy your evening alone knowing you are ruining someone else's. When the person confronts you about this treatment, you will act put out at the suggestion that your actions should live up to your words. You just can't remember to keep your promises! But you always remember the score you needed to finish, the DVD you needed to watch, the book you needed to read, the friends who needed your help. You know full well that this will have the effect of making your partner feel small and insignificant, and that's just the way you like your partner to feel - that way she will be more dependent on you, desperate for your attention, and under your control.

3. The lying game:

Lies roll smoothly off your tongue whenever you are confronted about your behavior and/or something you failed to mention about your past, such as being currently married and the father of two children (now that is a big thing to "forget", even if you alienated them so badly that they don't want to spend any time with you any more). Lying by omission is lying, pure and simple. But you didn't lie on purpose, you claim. No, you just forgot, or your emotional pain was so great that you just couldn't bear to tell the truth!

4. The deflecting game:

Partner becoming suspicious of your lies? No matter, just deflect the attention! Change the subject, wander off, or start ruthlessly (and falsely) putting yourself down so that she won't have the heart to be "mean" enough to pursue the matter any further. If she persists, then you play:

5. The martyr game:

This is your favorite game of all. This game allows you to escape responsibility for anything and everything by invoking your status as the most misunderstood, mistreated, helpless and victimized martyr who ever walked the earth. Nobody understands you or your pain! Don't they see that being a victim completely justifies the way you turn around and become a victimizer at will? Nobody could ever suspect poor little abused, tormented you of torpedoing relationships.

Nobody could expect such an innocent little lamb of deliberately causing emotional and psychological damage to others. Why, look at the way he cries and curls up into a helpless little ball when confronted (and when the lying and deflecting games don't work)! He could never harm ANYONE. He's so broken up over all the deaths in his family, even though they occurred YEARS ago and EVERYONE has to deal with death at some point in their lives. Broken up over the death of his friend, so much that he can't be held responsible for any of his lying, manipulative behavior. Because no one else ever suffered the way he has suffered. The Martyr has no pity or compassion for anyone else, since he saves it all for himself.

6. The superior game:

Unlike all the other people on Earth, you're incapable of anger. You're a regular Gandhi, full of kindness and respect for all, and it's such a tragedy that other people feel the need to get angry at you. You'd never push someone's buttons until they responded in anger and then deny any wrongdoing, setting them up to look like the emotional, crazy one. You'd never get satisfaction out of a nasty little game like that, because you're too superior. You're also superior to the rest of the world culturally - nobody is as sensitive and artistic as you, and nobody appreciates your kind of music, or appreciates it at such a lofty level. You especially love to pull this routine after you've seriously pissed somebody off. You respond with calm politeness - calm of course, since you have got the angry/upset reaction you were aiming for - and double-whammy the person by showing them how YOU never get angry because you are too superior a person to be capable of anger. If someone shows any personality trait that could be considered a flaw, you pull this same routine and let them know that YOU are incapable of such personality flaws, because YOU are so much better than they are.

No wonder you're so angry at being unmasked publicly. Your games depend on your victim not knowing what's going on.

You are not interested in confronting your problems or getting any help for them. You'd rather just float through life like a spineless jellyfish, stinging anyone who ventures too near. Your behavior patterns are firmly entrenched and you are too old to change.

I have no doubt you will continue this behavior pattern with the next woman you meet, and you will continue it until you drive her away, too. You like to drive women away - like to get them so fed up that they leave. That feeds your sickness in a number of ways:

it takes the burden of decision-making off of YOU;

* it enables you to play the martyr over being left by this cruel, horrible woman;
* it gets you sympathy from your next prospect.

ou like hurting other people and you have no intention of changing. And that's why I left you.

And don't bother with the "I'm a wonderful sensitive human being who would never cause anyone harm; you've misunderstood me". Oh no. I have not. I have understood you at last.

I understand now how you messed with my mind and made me even fear for my own sanity, how you exploited me emotionally, how you hurt me to the point where I actually felt suicidal. I notice the neat sidestepping from any responsibility by you, how you discredit my (real) pain as a fake attempt to manipulate you. No wonder you would think this. It's called PROJECTION. It's what YOU would do in such a situation, so you project your own screwed up motives onto others.

For someone who is so wounded, so sensitive, so compassionate, so victimized, so gentle - your letters bristle with anger, threats, and nastiness. I thought you were incapable of such things, Gandhi. And you sure are lacking in any compassion at all for the women you've tormented - you have none for your wife and you have none for me. And no doubt you'll have none for your next victim.

You chose your life, and you choose to be this way. You choose it every day. You could change, and learn to be a person of truth, strength and integrity, but you choose not to. It's easier to sit in your shit and cry about how you are victimized while you are busy victimizing others. This is the life you've chosen. You have chosen to be unhappy, and to inflict unhappiness on others.

And *I* have chosen to kick your ass to the curb. Goodbye, Martyr Man, and good riddance.


Melinda H.
Read more!

Friday, July 11, 2008

More On Cold-Hearted Cyberpath: "Gareth" *Updated*

'Gareth's' victim sent us some chat transcripts and snippets about him which we are including here. If you meet this person online - run like heck. Our comments, as always, are in orange - Fighter

Gareth playing Around With A Male Friend (As I Was Told) Or Does He Have Bisexual Tendancies?

Original Article


GARETH; dunno whether its worth getting tickets to the big gay out

VICTIM: big gay out?

lots of gay people but baby shambles, bananarama, friankie goest o holly wood, human league,, electric six and loads more are playing (now why would he just DROP that into a chat with someone he 'loves' if not for the SHOCK VALUE? Sometimes cyberpaths drop hints about their true nature. Bisexual maybe?)

VICTIM: ahh do ya wanna go then? Just to see the bands play?

GARETH: dunno loads of half naked guys i wont be looking but you might (baiting her)

VICTIM: umm i wouldnt be looking at all!!!! besides they are gay!

GARETH: but youd end up staring at muscley half naked blokes

VICTIM:: Got my own sexy man thank you!

GARETH : Where?

VICTIM: hes talking to me on ichat right now duh... YOU! hehe

GARETH: exactly (dummy)

GARETH: theres alot of gay bands too i only want to see 4 or 5 of em.

VICTIM: wanna do that as "we" not "i"? lol you trying to tell me something babe?

GARETH: same thing (no it's not - his victim got it right. The use of "I" is telling and narcissistic)


GARETH: yes i mean we, but i meant "I hope I goto one of them oneday"

VICTIM: we can travel if you want, stay overnight id love to go see bands
yeah theres no reason you wont be able to go, just because I have the children.

GARETH: i know we'll see maybe next year (he's thinking about one person: GARETH!)


VICTIM: You there?

GARETH: yea sorry window doesnt flash to tell me I have a new message. its a pain
eveythings ok, gunna finish off packing in a min nearly done (he was probably talking to someone else or watching porn)

VICTIM: sorry just didnt want you to think i was buggin ya, yeah this ichat is a pain in the ass, just checking you had a rest today cause its a hot day and stuff.

GARETH: so what are you upto? (changes the subject quickly!)

VICTIM: Not much just watching a vid, you?

GARETH: Packing still, you chatting to anyone else? (PROJECTION! and baiting!)

VICTIM: no , only you


VICTIM: You dont seem like you wanna talk much today

GARETH: always think i dont want to speak to you if im quiet, or if my phones off, Optimism, positivity (he means, believe my B.S. or else)

VICTIM: no not at all darling , i am being optimistic just sometimes you do sound a little offish i am being positive (he is being offish - he's a sociopathic predator)

VICTIM: i said last night i was feeling positive and i trust what you say im not worrying just merely wondering.

GARETH: Ok (putting her on the defensive!)

Gareth on the Victim chatting with her actual REAL LIFE friends:

GARETH: im looking for a new nickname


GARETH: get away from old ways (get away from all the people I have crapped on and abused)


GARETH: stopped being found so easily (see above - looking to hide)

VICTIM: good idea

GARETH: best one i could think of is Gareth

ME: hehe its you and its your name

GARETH: heh type that in on google try find me

VICTIM: yup loads of results

GARETH: good idea but its taken alot

VICTIM: getting out of old ways is a good idea Gareth

GARETH: yep it is .......goes for both of us

VICTIM: yes it does

GARETH: i agree, so far i havent slipped back to all the chat groups im not going back to my old ways at all (sure you aren't - you're just looking for a new cover - they all do)

VICTIM: me either

GARETH : i know but you keep gong back to the old chat groups and people, you should dump it forget about it and leave it

VICTIM: im not going back to it Gareth (yeah you would probably meet someone like HIM again - predators LIVE online)

GARETH: i know your not, but you do (putting her on the defensive AND trying to continue ISOLATING her from her friends! Typical abuser ploy)

VICTIM: i havent got any of those chat things on this computer

GARETH: i know but ypou see what i mean, move on from it for good not put it on hold

VICTIM: havent put it on hold its in the bin and thats where i want it to stay

GARETH: ok good

VICTIM: i am looking forward to you coming home and for us to have that perfectness here that was present last time you were here im focusing on that its a goal i want to reach


VICTIM: but I will keep on saying sorry until im actually forgiven (she's not the one who should be asking forgiveness but abusers LOVE to put their victims in this position!)

GARETH: you are forgiven .. i was just saying you keep going back there thats something that needs to change (no because you 2 haven't talked it out and you haven't been candid with her. You just don't "GET OVER" some things - unless you're pathological and no one means anything to you.)

Like all pathological personalities, Gareth believes he knows more than anyone.

GARETH: im checking credit cards as the phone i want and the deal is a special offer and im hoping it wont end

VICTIM: itd be good if you could get it before it ends

GARETH: xxxxxxxxxxxx

GARETH: heh the funny thing was i knew more than the salesman i wass like wheres the menu then, he said there wasnt one, so i stuck my hand out and he handed it to me, went through everything found it was bottom left button heh handed it back

GARETH: hehe i sold the fone to myself (glory-hunting, aggrandizement - blatant narcissism)

GARETH: heh he also said i can walk around house while on call with bluetooth headset, the phone can be downstairs and i can be upstairs, i said not a chance bluetooth cant and isnt made to go through even a walll

VICTIM: hehe so he was trying to sell on basis of lying to someone he thought didnt know about that technology (probably just trying to do his job)


GARETH: i know theres no need to ask, but when i get this card i really dont want anything debited from it other than the phone (puts her on the defensive AGAIN)

VICTIM: your right but theres no need to ask as i dont need to use your card

GARETH: im not saying you point spending on it apart from phone im saying us
in general (no you weren't - you were blame-shifting to her!)

VICTIM: so about that fone call? any chance i can have one later, sorry to push you but i like talking to you even if it is just for 5 mins

GARETH: we can have a nice long call after yes

VICTIM: i was going to ask something then thought not

GARETH: no go on

VICTIM: Hmm I don't want to be insensitive as your not feeling too good right now and I should find out on my own, I was going to ask what animation program they made XXXXX in?

GARETH: not sure

VICTIM: Everything ok?

GARETH: sorry I drifted off (because you're not important, so many other lives to screw up, people to prey on)

VICTIM: have I annoyed you? if so , sorry I shouldn't of said anything

GARETH: You haven't annoyed me, Im just thinking about tomorrow, our living together, dreading thinking whatever. (dreading having to commit to you for most than just sex)

More Gareth Putting His Victim on the Defensive & Projecting.
(He acts jealous to keep her on a string - hoping it makes him appear "caring & interested")

GARETH: you on any chat networks?, Im going to have a quick wash, go get a sandwich and drink and open more windows.

VICTIM: No im watching XXXX again im not on any chat networks dont want anything to do with them (how many times does she have to tell him that?)


GARETH: well done (yes, you have now isolated her from anyone who might show her you're a predator, a cold snake and a user)

30 mins later

VICTIM: thankyou so much for the phone call it was nice to hear your voice, If you need any support and help, i know its hard but I will help you anyway i can when you come through the door, ill make sure you get loads of hugs, and anything else you need.

GARETH: heya

GARETH: back

GARETH: I need to reboot, theres an update for a program on my computer I need to install.

NO mention whatsoever of what she said. Gareth totally ignored it. (a version of the 'silent treatment') So she made a video for him to see if she could maybe fix the situation as he'd made her feel she did something wrong (predators always make you think YOU did something wrong) -- this was maybe the 100th time she did this and he would normally treat me better after I had gone out of my way to make him happy. (if he "loved" her why would she have to jump through hoops to make him happy? Readers - ALL of our predators did this to their prey. ALL of them)

VICTIM: I have a video for you I made

VICTIM: thankyou

GARETH: grrr sexy thing (ASSUMING its a sex video - as that's all he really wants from her!)

VICTIM: your welcome

VICTIM: I have thought about something and want you to have something

GARETH: let me guess.... more asking me what train im going to get and what time. already told you I dont know yet. (why? If you love her you'd have made those plans by now...)


GARETH: sorry carry on

VICTIM: Its in the mail

GARETH: checking now

GARETH: aww thanks

GARETH: means a lot

VICTIM: when I said "patiently" i really meant that , train times are not an issue to me. you are! I hope that helps you in some way

GARETH: it does

GARETH: okies im lying down feel really tired and worn out you there? (heh - there she goes - calling him on his cold-heartedness and wanting some assurance and affection from him. Notice the HUGE emotional disconnect on Gareth's part. Sociopathic)

She heard nothing from him until the next afternoon, not sure when he was coming home, what train he was getting -- nothing. Everytime she asked him what time his train was he got angry at me. He probably did this on purpose knowing she'd get frustrated the more he held back. (Or he simply didn't care. at all. It's called WITHHOLDING and its yet another abuse tactic

VICTIM: have i blown things with you

GARETH: i dunno

VICTIM: ok i understand

GARETH: things dont always sort themselves out (...with a sociopath)

VICTIM: no they dont, but im trying to sort things out my end, to stop giving you a hard time but the thought is ....are you still going to fight for us ? as iam hon (no he's not - his ACTIONS not his words will say everything)

GARETH: yep (words... only words)

VICTIM: ok :)

GARETH: brb my sisters looking at my film list (no surprise - he runs away from TRUE EMOTIONS AGAIN!!)


I was getting tired and confused over why he said one thing yet did the opposite. (because he's a sociopath) One minute he would be be consistent, the next minute he had changed his mind. (sociopath) So I tried to break it off and end the relationship; he had kept me waiting for over 6 weeks due to promise after promise being broken. He'd dumped me so many times already as it was, I didn't see anything wrong in asking him to stick to at least 1 promise. (no but with a sociopath/ narcissist they have HUGE problems with accountability AND reality. They never stick to anything unless there's something in it FOR THEM)

GARETH: You just broke up with me, and i know you are back to your old self (Again putting HER on the defensive when he should be held ACCOUNTABLE)

VICTIM:: No im not

GARETH: the one i couldnt love, i loved the real you, youve changed back (it's HER fault? These guys can only 'love' one thing - THEMSELVES!! They are INCAPABLE of love)

GARETH: should i tell my dad to give it two weeks before bringing all my stuff down, i dont think you are the same Stacie, how do i know you wont leave me when i get there, should we give it a two week tester? (he probably didn't want to come down anyway - now, typical predator - he's making it all her fault. PROJECTION)

VICTIM: how do I know that you won't leave me, you have done it so many times (he will)

GARETH: if you were your old self, the loving one, it'd be fine (the one who swallowed all my BS, believed all my lies & didn't hold me accountable that is)

VICTIM: i am the same, i just cant keep going on the same way, i cant keep hoping, and praying and dreaming things are going to be the same way when i know they aren't , you get my hopes up then they you dash them. (sound familiar, readers? She hasn't realized yet he's a predator. A snark. A shark. He kills and leaves. No empathy, no remorse)

GARETH: your not the same to me (because she's starting to question your BS?)

VICTIM: im the same as i was before (just smarter & more aware something's wrong)

GARETH: I dearly hope you are, I trust you and will take your word for it. (no he won't - because he doesn't care)

GARETH: ive emailed you some questions, could you answer them for me by tonight or tommorow morning

VICTIM: ill go look now

GARETH: i think id like you to answer them now, and then again in the morning

GARETH: tell me when you are next to the laptop and in bed

GARETH: darling?

GARETH: tell me when youre here darl, in fact if you get into bed and turn on skype ill whack off for you, and show you anything my a** to my **** to licking my own ***, if you get into bed, and turn skype on. (all about SEX!! she's asking for some REAL answers about their relationships and his way of "CONFIRMING" his feelings is cybersex? Predator. ICK)

VICTIM: Im here, im sorry i was so selfish

GARETH: no your not

VICTIM: yes I am

GARETH: if you loved me and saw a future youd wait till wednesday and help me through it (oh god he's NAUSEATING!)

VICTIM: im so sorry, im such a selfish person, i know it, i cant apologise enough,

GARETH: two days, couldnt wait two days that says something (putting her on the defensive after all HE had put her through by then!!)

VICTIM: its been 6 weeks!

GARETH: now ive seen you like this, so nasty again (unreal aren't they? When you see it from a distance. How dare he continue his projection.)

VICTIM: Im not nasty , I did wait

GARETH: yes you are. (Gareth just 'shut up' -- how much more cruel can you be?)

VICTIM: fine ill wait

GARETH: well you made it *applause* you left the guy that wants to spend his life with you regardless of everything else (oh spare us Gareth. As if that was the truth)

VICTIM: my dad said to me tonight "if you dont make a decision, youll be left always wondering"

GARETH: heh yes now you will always be wondering.. whether i would of came back and if we would of stayed together for you will wonder as you left me before i could get to yo

GARETH: im not giving in to selfish demands such as: leave tommorow (he wants her to give in to only HIS selfish demands)

VICTIM: i know that now

GARETH: well i know what would of happened and im trying to comprehend my future without you and i hate it

VICTIM: ive been selfish! but i cant keep on doing this (you aren't selfish - you're getting smart to this emotional rapist)

GARETH: but you made the choice, and you are back to your old nasty selfish attitude

VICTIM: no im not

VICTIM: Im sitting here waiting for you as always

GARETH: no you broke up with me (boo hoo... Martyr Man)

VICTIM: can you blame me? im always waiting, i cant do it anymore. im so confused I dont know what to do anymore (typical feelings with a predator - and he will find a way to blame her.)

GARETH: no you left me nothing to be confused about anymore you can go back to chatting to people in chat rooms and while away the hours (AGAIN he brings this up!)

VICTIM: Im not chatting to anyone

GARETH: yet, wait two days or bugger off back to the internet, it shows whats more important and your attitude (Projection - he's probably already chatting up other people and has been right along)

VICTIM: im not chatting to guys!!!

GARETH: yet (sadist)

VICTIM: im waiting for you

GARETH: No your not you left me (how old is this guy? 7 years old?)

VICTIM: gods sake

GARETH: not all things are reversible

VICTIM: I left you because I cant take it anymore, the mixed signals. the getting angry at me for no reason, the not speaking to me and broken promises. (victims always think they can talk sense to these guys - before they realize they're PATHOLOGICAL & SICK!)

GARETH: Exactly so theres no more waiting (NO ACCOUNTABILITY FOR WHAT SHE JUST SAID!)

VICTIM: for goodness sakes

GARETH: you wont listen, your back to your old self (heh - listen to WHAT? his selfish b.s.?)

VICTIM: no, im not, you just think i am, im upset

GARETH: no I know you XXXXX you used to be much more mature and nice wanting to talk at night on skype (and believing my lies)

VICTIM: i am mature (more than him, that's for sure)

GARETH: chuck it all away for the sake of another 2 days wait

GARETH: very mature

VICTIM: im sick of going around in circles, im sure others can tell you im not back to my old ways

GARETH: they may, but at least before you were different towards me, you understood

VICTIM: I dont want to argue you made your choice i made mine

GARETH: my choice was to spend my life with you, your choice was not to give me the chance to do that, before youd of said 2 days no problems, cant wait to cuddle and sleep with you and walk with you and bath with you , now you leave.

(She ended up apologising and asking him for another chance, and then he told her:)

GARETH: we will have to sort all this out when I get back, we are not over but a lot has to be sorted now

(Don't you want to just SMACK Gareth? His mind games are so cruel & pathetic)


I spent the next year in stress Gareth would spend all his time in our bedroom and when his parents or boss would call him, he would send me out of the room and talk in secret, all his emails to his family would be secret and I was never allowed to see what the conversations were about. My children were not allowed to make any noise when he was on the phone or he would ignore me for the rest of the day and just be aloof on purpose.

I started to get rashes all over my body, I couldnt understand what it was, but I was covered head to foot in it, it was sore and itched constantly for 4 months, I went to the Doctor and he said it was Hives / allergy from stress I put all this "stress" down to losing the baby. (it was GARETH - toxic GARETH)

His "Silent Treatment" would go on for hours on end,and when I would get frustrated after the 4th hour of this, or angry he would tell me I was the crazy one for yelling at him and trying to get a rise out of him.

He never ate dinner with me and the children; instead sat in the bedroom and ate his dinner when I brought the plate up to him, after dinner he would continue working or playing "rainbow Six" or "Postal" or "Working" (hmm... wasn't he accusing HER of being ONLINE all the time? He was online because it was a 2-dimensional world and "real" people are just objects to these cyberpaths. Besides - these predators feel: why invest any more in something you can't control)

Whenever we went out it was always when the children were at my mothers, he usually slept cuddling me, but started to sleep turning to the wall and didnt want me to cuddle up to him. He said "Its because i always sleep like this" which wasnt true so that was the first sign he was starting to lose interest in me. (no it was the one behavior you finally saw - Sorry but he was NEVER interested in you; just in what he could "get" out of you - sex, affection, a place to live, food, etc)

Sex wasnt a problem whenever he wanted it -- he was loving but as soon as it was over he would get back on his computer and ignore me. (because that's all he wanted)

If I said anything whatever it was didn't matter, he would tell me "That's not what you said" I spent weeks and months thinking I was losing my memory or going nuts. (Gaslighting)

I remember sitting on the bed crying once, in deep pain over the loss of our baby and he stood over me staring blankly, all i wanted him to do was cuddle me and tell me everything was going to be ok, but instead he said "Im going out as this upsets me and i cannot stand the crying and loud noise, ill come back when you have calmed down" (narcissist)

When his boss used to come over to meet with him for a meeting he would shoo me and the children out the house and tell me to make sure the house was pristine before his boss arrived, then we had to get out the house and not come back until he phoned me. (WHAT? What a sick piece of dung he is)

Gareth always criticised me over laundry, smoking (he would hide my lighters in the freezer for some reason and blow them up outside by making a fire and making me watch) To him, his home town was amazing and living with me couldn't compare to it. I grew to feel so ashamed of my house (which is rather lovely) all because he would moan about the location and didn't like any of his work collegues or family to set foot in it. (Blame shifting, degrading)

I was so emotionally numb because during all this time he had left a few times and come back again and I needed reassurance so I asked sometimes "are you going to leave me" this was usually when he was silent or in a mood about something. I was so insecure at this point. I felt nothing was going to be consistent, no one was going to stay with me. I had lost two children already I needed some reassurance and stability. (Gareth knew that, knew she was vulnerable and worked her like a puppet)

He would go silent on me whenever i asked him things that had to do with us as a couple or our relationship. He wouldnt talk and kept his eyes on the computer, I got so frustrated because he would never telll me how he felt and would always "Sigh" or exhale loudly (abuser tactic - to belittle her & her needs)

Whenever we had guests such as my parents or friends over, he would stay in his room and not come down, he wouldnt even greet anyone. My family said it was really rude, but I tried to explain to them that it was because Gareth was shy and didn't like social gatherings. (No he was RUDE and a SOCIOPATH)

Gareth told me about the Milgram Experiment once, was totally besotted with it. I found out by looking through his files on the computer that he had hundreds of books on psychology , & the art of seduction and hypnosis, I would always ask him if he used it on me he told me he would never manipulate me that way, he used it on other people. (BINGO!)

He never got angry (no he was angry ALL the time it appears). Never hit me or showed rage (just verbal & emotional abuse) He was just silent, where he wouldnt speak at all and this really angered me after a while as he just wouldnt speak. Like talking to a brick wall. He knew I used to get so very frustrated by this, sometimes id see a smirk running across his face when he knew I was pushed into a corner. (that's SEVERE abuse - the silent treatment, withhold - its BLATANT ABUSE)

One thing I always noticed was Gareth never made eye contact with me. When your asking someone a question or talking in general you will get eye contact or they will look at your face. Its a natural thing for humans to do, but with Gareth he never made eye contact with me , not ever (TYPICAL SOCIOPATH TRAIT!! BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE OBJECTS TO THEM) I used to think "Oh thats just the way he is" but now I realise it is very disturbing and unnatural. (AND PATHOLOGICAL) He would always pick a spot and stare at it when I was talking to him. (tuning you out)

Sometimes I would wake up around 3am and on opening my eyes, would see his face over mine, staring down at me. I have no idea how long he spent doing that, but I found it uncomfortable. (Sociopaths do that a lot)

We got a dog after a few months and whenever he got home from work he would bypass me and go right to the dog and kiss and cuddle it. I would always have dinner ready on time and the house clean but he'd take his dinner and the dog to the bedroom and stay there petting it and kissing it and ignoring me all evening. If I would venture upstairs to spend time with him he would sit there and baby talk the dog. if I wanted some affection it would have to be on his terms or when he was playing a video game / doing work and wanted to show me something. (ABUSE - he was taunting you with a DOG!)

When I needed money to get the children some clothes I asked him for the money but he said he needed $500 for his parachute jumping. (BAD PRIORITIES!) If it wasn't for my mother the children would of gone without clothes.

READERS - thank GOODNESS she's no longer with this "person" (if you could even call him HUMAN!) Fighter

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

Living With A Psychopath - A Victim Speaks Out.

Kindly Reproduced With Permission Of *Victim.

Original Article By Cyberpaths

ScreenNames: QAZ3D

Gareth's Websites & Profiles

Gareth Rodger Dot Com - Entice Media Creative Technologist


D Construct

Hometown: Magor, Newport, Wales, United Kingdom

Current Location: Brighton East Sussex, United Kingdom

EOPC's comments are in ORANGE

Gareth and I met on the internet, through a friend. I had been through a particularly abusive childhood and I had at this time just started sorting through most of my issues with a therapist.

I didn't know at the time I was still damaged but I believed I'd met someone in Gareth who appeared to be the complete opposite of abusive. How wrong I was........

I had just a couple of years previous come out of a marriage with an abusive ex-husband. We had lost a child due to my womb rupturing in the last month of my pregnancy, and I really wanted to make some new friends and gain some confidence back in my life and start moving forward. (Typical - predator gets a woman who's been abused & trying to recover, sweeps in like a 'white knight', love bombs her when she needs a sympathetic ear... sound familiar?)

Everything was a whirlwind romance to begin with, Gareth paid great attention to me, listened to what i had to say, showered me in compliments, told me I was his soulmate and never left my side. I felt this was what I truly needed after a few years bad luck, I was insecure, unsure, untrusting and looking for my "Mr Right." (We got it - he loved bombed you.)

Gareth had books lining his shelves, on Psychology, NLP, Hypnosis, Art Of Seduction, literature and weapons. (red flag - psychopath?) He seemed so intelligent and mastered in the ways of the mind, I felt he could help me confront some of my issues from my past. (He could help himself to her emotional, physically & spiritually through manipulation. mind-control & coercion)

He once sent me a picture of him holding a gun to a picture of my head, he said it was a joke. (WARNING!)

After a couple of weeks I started to get to know Gareth more. He still lived with his parents, but was a loner and spent most of his time in his bedroom on the computer. (WARNING!) He asked to meet me to which I agreed to and we had our first date.

The first night of his visit he told me he loved me. (HUGE RED FLAG! First Night?? Readers that rarely happens... believe us these creatures don't know what love is)

Once back home he started to take longer to reply to my emails, or ask me who I had been talking to. He would ask me if I loved only him, then went right back to being aloof once he got the answer. (narcissistic)

I used to ask him questions all the time to which I would only get a "Yep" reply or "Ok" , nothing more than that. However when HE wanted to talk he expected me to answer immediately. (manipulation & NLP)

After a few weeks his parents invited me down to their home. As soon as his parents left for work Gareth asked me to go up to their bedroom, he wanted to have sex on their bed, which I refused to because it was despicable and he had his own bed. (WARNING!) However he wouldnt take no for an answer and decided to leave his own stain on their bed, saying "Well they will see it but they won't know what it is." (PSYCHOPATHIC behavior!)

He also (not with me) went through his mother's lingerie drawers to find sex toys and porn dvds and he watched them when they were not in the house. (his MOTHER'S???)

His parents seemed very different, very reserved to how my family are with each other, they didn't show any signs of affection with each other and spoke in a very "matter of fact way." It was strange , and something almost robotic in their behaviour. (Sociopathic, unemotional parenting?)

Nonetheless I shook this feeling off as "everyone is different." I truly believed they liked me and I wanted to make a good impression, Gareth had not told them I had children from my previous relationship, once they found out however they changed towards me.They didn't want anything to do with me. This caused a lot of stress in his family which was blamed on me. (blame-shifting and guilting the victim? because of their own screwed up ethics and morals?)

His mother used to scream at him and get down on her knees, hysterically crying, grabbing his legs and begging him not to go see me. This was a daily occurrence. She threatened to leave Gareth's father if he took one step out the door to come down in the car to visit me. (Wonder if she'd done that with any other of Gareth's girlfriends? Sounds like Gareth's mom is pathological! And if Gareth had any sense he'd have gotten out a long time before!)

His mother did in fact pack a bag and leave and stayed a few nights at a hotel. Gareth had to go running back to his family to sort it all out. His mother spent the entire weekend screaming and throwing out things of mine I had left there in Gareth's care. (Pathological family... and the victim's just come out of an abusive marriage so she doesn't see this drama for the massive red flag it was!)

Every week his mother would throw a massive tantrum and stress Gareth out even more. I telephoned her once as she wanted to speak to me. She made me feel guilty and said to me "If you and my son stay together you will be tearing a family apart, do you want that?" I told her "You cannot manipulate your son" she said very flatly "I can and I will!" she then hung up on me. (Mom just said it all, didn't she? And in turn, her son will now manipulate this victim.)

Gareth was due to come and see me one weekend, so I called that very morning to see what time he was coming over and found out he had gone on a holiday trip 200 miles away with his grandparents.

I was so shocked and hurt. I spent the next few weeks completely stressed out and anxious. Because of the loss of my third child with my abusive ex- husband I was very concerned about this pregnancy and knew stress could aggravate my condition.

I was so worried about this baby and spent so much of the pregnancy in denial and stress which wasnt good for my children or me. I was concentrating so much on Gareth that I ignored my children most of the time because he would send such mixed signals, and do the Pull me - push me action daily. (passive-aggressive behaviors of a pathological!)

I went into early labour a few weeks later as my womb ruptured again and the baby was born. She was in an incubator for 5 weeks trying to get strong. I would spend all my nights and days by her bedside willing her to live and praying to God. I spent hours by her side. Gareth phoned me at the hospital and instead of asking me how our baby was -- he wanted to know who I had spoken to on the computer. Gareth accused me of going off with another man. (Typical - trying to blame-shift & project as HE probably had another victim on HIS string by then) I was so confused at this point, so many things were going through my mind, like: "why is he asking all these stupid questions," "what about the baby," "how is my tummy healing after the c-section," ... and all he wanted to talk about was what I had done to him. How I hurt him by talking to a friend online which had been a week before i went into labour. (me me me me me me me me! And why would he care if he'd ended the relationship?)

I had to beg him to come over and see us. I apologised for 2 hours on the phone profusely. I was in a wheelchair outside apologising instead of being upstairs with our baby which I should of been doing. Gareth said "well, I'll think about it. Youve hurt me so much by talking to this man and I know you would of done something with him if i hadnt of phoned you. You would of gone home and been intimate with this man." (Again, putting his victim on the defensive when he didn't want a relationship or the baby. Mind-f**king manipulation)

After 2 hours of me begging him and apologising for something I hadn't even done (Cyberpaths/ pathologicals love putting their victims in the defensive position) and assuring him this "friend" meant nothing to me, Gareth said he would drive over the next morning.

When he went to see our baby he just stood there and stared at her. There was no emotion there whatsoever. I begged him to put his hand in and touch her hand, but he just wouldn't do it. He kept his distance and saw her only a few times and not for very long. (because everything and everyone is an OBJECT to him. He's more comfortable either having sex or online because he can OBJECTIFY everything & everyone)

The first night he was there, Gareth and I were given a room in the hospital to stay in near to where the baby was sleeping. I was so sore from the C-Section as I had a lot of extensive surgery done on my ruptured womb. Gareth knew I was in pain but insisted we be intimate. (all about him, all about using sex to get back in control of his victim... no matter how much pain she was in physically or emotionally)

I asked him if he would consider moving in together so we could raise our baby. Gareth said he would have to think about it. I was elated and excited and I really thought things would work out. (Magical thinking - Predator's got her mind so twisted she can't even see the manipulation for what it is)

Gareth went back to University and came over in the fifth week after I'd had the baby. I asked him again if he had thought about moving in, and he said I should stop asking him as "it was getitng on his nerves and stressing him out." Gareth said he was still thinking about it. (He had no intention of helping her or moving in. Just wanted to play games and get sex out of her.) He just made me more stressed out as I didn't know where the children or I stood. (Way off balance - just the way he wanted it

We were just going out the door of our room the next morning when we saw the nurse running towards us telling us to come quickly. The baby had died. I rushed to the baby unit and fell on the floor crying. Through my tears I looked up at Gareth's face, and it is something I'll never forget. He had no emotion, just a blank stare. (psychopath - the snake like, empty soul stare)

An hour later that same day after I spent some time washing and dressing the baby so the coroner could come and collect her, Gareth came to me and said "I'll move in with you." (Wow! What timing. No baby so now he'll move in??)

At this time I was so upset but I had hope too, because we could be together and get through this terrible time together. (yeah right... he wasn't done sucking her dry emotionally or using her sexually!)

Two weeks before the funeral his mom and dad, who still didn't know their son was moving in with me, called him as they knew he was staying with me. They told him they were going on a family holiday to Hawaii. They said if he didn't go he would upset them and his sister.

Gareth told me he was going to go on the 3 week holiday , said he needed the time to get emotionally sorted as the death of the baby had broken him and he wanted to be with his parents so he could have some support. He said he didn't know if he would make it back in time for the funeral but he would try. (OMG! What a cold-blooded snake!)

Just to point out, I saw Gareth cry only ONCE over the baby. I think he was crying more over himself than for his daughter. (He was crying over himself - and even then it was crocodile tears)

I cried and begged him not to go as I knew he would miss the funeral and I so needed his support and love to get me through this, and I thought he would need my love and support too. (He was incapable of loving anything. He's barely human that he would even THINK of going with his parents. But since the victim's just an object to him and he was only using her for sex and an "emotional blood source" he had no problems just doing what HE wanted to do.)

In the end I had to put the funeral forward another few weeks so he could make it. (The victim changes a child's FUNERAL so the father could GO ON VACATION? Sick sick sick. And she's so messed up by his b.s. she can't even see what he's done isn't normal!)

He phoned me collect call from Hawaii, sent me photos, emails telling me what wonderful time he was having, how beautiful it was and how life was great. (MASSIVE RED FLAG - how hurtful and disgusting!) He didn't mention the baby at all nor did he sound upset. He told me he had thought about things so much on vacation and decided that he wanted to live with me 100%. (Why not, he's got the victim so messed up she's begging to have him around when he's treating her like complete crap) Gareth then told his parents who again went into a red rage and threatened to cut him off financially.

I had to pay over $1000 for the collect calls from Hawaii and my mother had to pay the phone bill for me as I couldn't afford it and would be cut off. (user!!)

When he got home from the vacation we spent a few nights talking, however he kept putting off the day he was to come back to my house and we could start our lives together. He made all sorts of excuses as to why he had to stay a few extra days.

MORE TO COME!! WHAT A SICK BOY!! Wonder how many other girlfriends he had online & off during all this? - Fighter

Original Article: CyberPaths
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