Acting Like It Didn't Happen

The next day, after taking a crap on you, he is all smiles. And expects you to be, too. In fact, he pulls the projective identification stunt on you to project his cheery mood into you.

Ah, how nice. Your abuser carries no grudge, eh?

If you don't pretend that the person who attacked you yesterday is a friend . . . . If you don't pretend that you have no apology coming . . . . If you don't pretend that nothing has affected your relationship with the narcissist . . . . That is, if you don't act like it didn't happen . . . you are a sinner who doesn't forgive and forget, who doesn't "put it behind you," who "dredges things up from the past." Sound familiar?

This means that, in his home, his whole history of abuse must be washed away by everyone acting as though it didn't happen.

Washed away. Absolution. Swoosh, gone. As though it didn't happen. What does that make of it?



If I held a door for you yesterday, today you can act like it didn't happen. If you thanked me for holding that door yesterday, today I can act like it didn't happen. But if something important happened, we don't act like it didn't happen, do we?

Acting like abuse didn't happen is a lie.

Acting like it didn't happen makes nothing of it.

That makes abusing you nothing. And if it's nothing, it isn't wrong.

And if abusing you is nothing, you are nothing.

Acting like it didn't happen is a statement that nothing happened. That him abusing you is okay. For, it puts abusing you in the same category as thanking you or praising you or kidding you — in the category of things for which there is no penalty = the category of non-wrong things you can do. Indeed, there is no such thing as a wrong deed that carries no penalty.

He doesn't have to patch your wounded feelings. He doesn't have to say he's sorry. He doesn't have to promise never to do it again. He doesn't even have to admit he did it. Let alone that it was wrong.

He has incurred no liability whatsoever. Anyone who says you're morally obligated to forgive him had better clear the cobwebs out of their brain and start thinking for themselves.

By playing along with him in acting like it didn't happen, you are consenting in making abusing you okay. You implicitly give permission to do it again the next time he's constipated.

This is how you brainwash people and break their backs — by forcing them to act like it didn't happen. Especially when you raise them from birth in such an environment.

Imagine having to treat as a friend someone who treats you like dirt. That is acting out a lie.

Imagine having to treat as a true father, mother, spouse, brother, or sister, someone who has a long history of viciously attacking you for no reason. Someone who just needs to take a crap on you every so often. Someone who then feels better and is all smiles the next day, thinking you should be too.

And thus he just flushes his offense away by acting as though it never happened — forcing you to act out this charade for him.

Imagine having to relate to such a hostile enemy as to a friend.

Can anything be more perverted, self-destructive and against Nature?

That is the bending-for-it the narcissist imposes on those trapped with him in his home. If you are, or were, a child who grew up in a home with a narcissistic brother or sister and/or a narcissistic parent, you have my deepest sympathy.



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Betrayal of the Bystanders.

by Kathy Krajco

Why do we feel so wronged by the people who believe a narcissist's lies about us? There are a number of reasons, but here is one of the biggest.

It's because their credulity isn't innocent. If a stranger believes some outrageous lie about us, we aren't surprised, and we don't feel wronged by them. But if someone who knows us believes that same lie, we feel betrayed. Guess why?
It's because they have betrayed us by believing that lie about us.
For example, if someone has known you for ten years, they see your track record of conduct for the last ten years. In other words, they have seen how you conduct yourself along this way of life we're bound upon.

No, they don't see everything you've said and done. But they have seen a lot. They have seen you react to many various stimuli.

That track record of yours sketches your character in their eyes. This representation of what kind of person you are is based on your CONDUCT (your words and deeds), not on mere hearsay about you.

So no one should be able to come along and tell them JUST ANYTHING about you.



For example, if you are a gentle person, in ten years that will show. Many times. The people you interact with daily will see sample after sample of you reacting gently to things that most others would react more harshly to.

So no narcissist should be able to come along and insinuate that you are violent.

Likewise if you are honest. In ten years that will show. Many times. The people you interact with daily will see sample after sample of you reacting honestly to things that most others would hedge the truth about.

So no narcissist should be able to come along and insinuate that you are a liar.

Likewise if you are sensible. In ten years that will show. Many times. The people you interact with daily will see sample after sample of you reacting sensibly to things that most others would show poor judgment about.

So no narcissist should be able to come along and insinuate that you are crazy and imagining things.

To believe these things about you they have to unknow everything they know about you. That is, they have to unknow you. They have to revise history. They have to erase that track record of yours.

And that track record is your life. They have to wipe it out.

That takes your life.

Which is why they call it "character assassination."

Your whole life goes up in smoke. And a figment of the imagination is substituted for it.

Those people are not innocent. Indeed, check it out: that is the Original Sin.

Eve committed it when she chose to believe that God was the liar, not the slithering sidewinder who snuck up to her and said, "Really? God told you that? That you would fall if you swallowed this stuff?"

Then Adam committed it worse when he swallowed it, too, just to agree with Eve.

The serpent did the same thing to God that the narcissist does to his victims, whom he slanders to discredit. Adam and Eve did the same thing to God that people do to a narcissist's victim when they believe the lie.

The narcissist's lie is always ironic. For the narcissist is out to smear one of your outstanding GOOD QUALITIES with the semblance of one of his own VICES. So, the allegation is always preposterous. No one who knows you should be fooled by it.

Because it isn't believable. They should know better. But they willfully don't. Because the lie is juicy.


And so, there's nothing like a narc attack to show you who your real friends are.

Kathy's Amazing Site

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