What is a "Player"?

Definitions of a "Player"


There are many different types, but if any of these sound familiar to you, "red flag" them.

Married - The most common type of Player is without doubt the "married" one, but who never tells you he is married. "red flags" to look for - won't give you his home phone number only his mobile (or none), won't give you his address, can only chat to you during the day ("red flag") is talking to you from work rather than from home.

Married, but - 'wife neglects me, no sex life left, should never have married her, can't leave because of kids/ family/ religion' , etc. "red flag" in most cases the only type of relationship you will have will be a "dead end" one. He's looking for a freebie!

Mr. Blowhard - definitely a "red flag" - all he wants is an audience to listen to and believe his bogus stories of danger and bravery, or he has a promising career, brilliant future etc., but all snatched away from him due to an accident or serious injury. He needs your sympathy, and when you get tired of listening, he'll just move on to find a new audience.



Hit & Run Player - another "red flag" usually the guys just practicing or fine tuning their chat up lines. You will probably receive love poems, links to the most romantic places on the net etc. Very easy to believe they really love only YOU.

Body Surfers - These guys are easy to spot. The broach the subject of sex early in the relationship. - They are only looking for sex … phone sex, cyber sex, pictures, videos or real sex.

The Globe Trotter - Single/married players who travel for a living. They usually have a laptop as well as access to computer at home/work. They are looking to find women who live "on their appointed rounds" (easy to find doing an advanced search of profiles). They them IM or e-mail you saying they are intrigued by your profile etc., and how much in common you seem to have. After they have you chatting a few times amazingly they will happen to be in your area next week and could they come and see you. Once hooked they can add you to their visiting list (saves spending lonely nights in an hotel!!).

Mr. Big - They usually own their own business (they use that as "bait" which we are meant to translate as "I'm a good catch". Or they may let it slip early in the relationship that they own their own business, or they claim to be a lawyer, a doctor or other highly-paid professional. Now think about it. The same as us women, men want to be loved for themselves, NOT their assets so this man needs a "red flag" too. Can you really believe that a real Professional man would have the time to hang around in chat rooms.

The Sympathy Dog - He gives you a long sob story and then everyday there is a new crisis in his life. All he wants from you are daily "pity parties" - just don't fall for it.

Then we get onto the more serious Players,the real Con men who can cause you enormous emotional distress, harassment and stalking.

The Control Freak - He will also have a sob story and use your sympathy to manipulate you to get his own way. Stories you might hear - has a bad heart condition, or needs a kidney transplant, has cancer but it's in remission. These supposed afflictions are for the purpose of "control" .. whenever you step out of line, the following reaction will occur: you added to his depression and he's feeling suicidal, he starts getting chest pains, he has to go on dialysis, the cancer comes out of remission. Using your feelings of guilt, he will quickly have you back under his thumb again.

The Guilt Trip Player - If you don't fall for his MO which he has worked so hard on, then he will throw a temper tantrum. You will probably receive an e-mail from a supposed friend/relative informing you he committed suicide, implying it was over you of course. Then this friend/relative will keep contact with you for weeks to come with details of the funeral and how devastated the family is etc. Or you will be told he was in some terrible accident and is dying (and you are supposed to feel very guilty about how you treated him. (Shame on you! LOL)

The Freeloaders - This type of player is looking for financial support. He will woo you and then suggest something like "I love you too much to take you away from your family and friends, but I am prepared to move nearer to you." "Could I stay with you for a bit to check out the housing situation/job situation etc.". Big "red flag" comes to stay with you, has no money, alcoholic, drug addict says he'll change if you will just stick by him, help him out for a bit financially. Once in your home - you will have a real job to get him out again.

The Cyberpaths (Online Sociopaths) - These are the worse of the bunch…. This type always looks for the easy to bait, vulnerable women, widows, newly divorced, women recovering from a recent heartbreak etc. They lurk, using different screen names, in the widows, divorced, Al-Anon or mature chat rooms (40's, 50's 60's) or school reunion sites, political sites or "married but"..... They start out romancing you like a player does, but it's for an ulterior motive; they become obsessive and then they become the online harasser, the stalker, smear you on their way out … or worse.

Also a Cyberpath, the Emotional Hitchhiker - They generally look for their "sheep" in rooms that involve emotional support widows & widowers, divorced etc. (really sensitive vulnerable people). They will start out as being this great and wonderful guy who has also been widowed or divorced and is in a lot of emotional pain. They will use two different screen names (pretending to be two different people) - one who is a man falling in love with you: the other, a man who just wants your friendship. After they have you madly in love with them, then they will fake their own death. You will receive an e-mail from a family member or friend informing you he: died in a car accident, sudden heart attack etc. Then, using their other screen name, they will hear first hand of your reaction: hear all you grief and complete devastation, getting a complete "high" from your emotions. OR they may tell you they just found out they have cancer, terminal - of course and drag it out for six months or se, getting daily "highs" from your sympathies and your heartbreak. When the "highs" start to falter, then you will receive notice of their "very painful" death.


Read more!

Cyberpath Gareth Edward Rodger

'Gareth's' victim sent us some chat transcripts and snippets about him which we are including here. If you meet this person online - run like heck. Our comments, as always, are in orange - Fighter





Gareth playing Around With A Male Friend (As I Was Told) Or Does He Have Bisexual Tendancies?











Original Article



CHAT

GARETH; dunno whether its worth getting tickets to the big gay out

VICTIM: big gay out?

GARETH; http://www.biggayout.com
lots of gay people but baby shambles, bananarama, friankie goest o holly wood, human league,, electric six and loads more are playing (now why would he just DROP that into a chat with someone he 'loves' if not for the SHOCK VALUE? Sometimes cyberpaths drop hints about their true nature. Bisexual maybe?)

VICTIM: ahh do ya wanna go then? Just to see the bands play?

GARETH: dunno loads of half naked guys i wont be looking but you might (baiting her)

VICTIM: umm i wouldnt be looking at all!!!! besides they are gay!

GARETH: but youd end up staring at muscley half naked blokes

VICTIM:: Got my own sexy man thank you!

GARETH : Where?

VICTIM: hes talking to me on ichat right now duh... YOU! hehe

GARETH: exactly (dummy)

GARETH: theres alot of gay bands too i only want to see 4 or 5 of em.

VICTIM: wanna do that as "we" not "i"? lol you trying to tell me something babe?

GARETH: same thing (no it's not - his victim got it right. The use of "I" is telling and narcissistic)

VICTIM: Okies

GARETH: yes i mean we, but i meant "I hope I goto one of them oneday"

VICTIM: we can travel if you want, stay overnight id love to go see bands
yeah theres no reason you wont be able to go, just because I have the children.

GARETH: i know we'll see maybe next year (he's thinking about one person: GARETH!)

CHAT

VICTIM: You there?

GARETH: yea sorry window doesnt flash to tell me I have a new message. its a pain
eveythings ok, gunna finish off packing in a min nearly done (he was probably talking to someone else or watching porn)

VICTIM: sorry just didnt want you to think i was buggin ya, yeah this ichat is a pain in the ass, just checking you had a rest today cause its a hot day and stuff.

GARETH: so what are you upto? (changes the subject quickly!)

VICTIM: Not much just watching a vid, you?

GARETH: Packing still, you chatting to anyone else? (PROJECTION! and baiting!)

VICTIM: no , only you

CHAT

VICTIM: You dont seem like you wanna talk much today

GARETH: no...you always think i dont want to speak to you if im quiet, or if my phones off, Optimism, positivity (he means, believe my B.S. or else)

VICTIM: no not at all darling , i am being optimistic just sometimes you do sound a little offish i am being positive (he is being offish - he's a sociopathic predator)

VICTIM: i said last night i was feeling positive and i trust what you say im not worrying just merely wondering.

GARETH: Ok (putting her on the defensive!)

Gareth on the Victim chatting with her actual REAL LIFE friends:

GARETH: im looking for a new nickname

VICTIM: Why?

GARETH: get away from old ways (get away from all the people I have crapped on and abused)

VICTIM: yup

GARETH: stopped being found so easily (see above - looking to hide)

VICTIM: good idea

GARETH: best one i could think of is Gareth

ME: hehe its you and its your name

GARETH: heh type that in on google try find me

VICTIM: yup loads of results

GARETH: good idea but its taken alot

VICTIM: getting out of old ways is a good idea Gareth

GARETH: yep it is .......goes for both of us

VICTIM: yes it does

GARETH: i agree, so far i havent slipped back to all the chat groups im not going back to my old ways at all (sure you aren't - you're just looking for a new cover - they all do)

VICTIM: me either

GARETH : i know but you keep gong back to the old chat groups and people, you should dump it forget about it and leave it

VICTIM: im not going back to it Gareth (yeah you would probably meet someone like HIM again - predators LIVE online)

GARETH: i know your not, but you do (putting her on the defensive AND trying to continue ISOLATING her from her friends! Typical abuser ploy)

VICTIM: i havent got any of those chat things on this computer

GARETH: i know but ypou see what i mean, move on from it for good not put it on hold

VICTIM: havent put it on hold its in the bin and thats where i want it to stay

GARETH: ok good

VICTIM: i am looking forward to you coming home and for us to have that perfectness here that was present last time you were here im focusing on that its a goal i want to reach

GARETH: :)

VICTIM: but I will keep on saying sorry until im actually forgiven (she's not the one who should be asking forgiveness but abusers LOVE to put their victims in this position!)

GARETH: you are forgiven .. i was just saying you keep going back there thats something that needs to change (no because you 2 haven't talked it out and you haven't been candid with her. You just don't "GET OVER" some things - unless you're pathological and no one means anything to you.)


Like all pathological personalities, Gareth believes he knows more than anyone.

GARETH: im checking credit cards as the phone i want and the deal is a special offer and im hoping it wont end

VICTIM: itd be good if you could get it before it ends

GARETH: xxxxxxxxxxxx

GARETH: heh the funny thing was i knew more than the salesman i wass like wheres the menu then, he said there wasnt one, so i stuck my hand out and he handed it to me, went through everything found it was bottom left button heh handed it back

GARETH: hehe i sold the fone to myself (glory-hunting, aggrandizement - blatant narcissism)

GARETH: heh he also said i can walk around house while on call with bluetooth headset, the phone can be downstairs and i can be upstairs, i said not a chance bluetooth cant and isnt made to go through even a walll

VICTIM: hehe so he was trying to sell on basis of lying to someone he thought didnt know about that technology (probably just trying to do his job)

GARETH: yup

GARETH: i know theres no need to ask, but when i get this card i really dont want anything debited from it other than the phone (puts her on the defensive AGAIN)

VICTIM: your right but theres no need to ask as i dont need to use your card

GARETH: im not saying you ....no point spending on it apart from phone im saying us
in general (no you weren't - you were blame-shifting to her!)

VICTIM: so about that fone call? any chance i can have one later, sorry to push you but i like talking to you even if it is just for 5 mins

GARETH: we can have a nice long call after yes

VICTIM: i was going to ask something then thought not

GARETH: no go on

VICTIM: Hmm I don't want to be insensitive as your not feeling too good right now and I should find out on my own, I was going to ask what animation program they made XXXXX in?

GARETH: not sure

VICTIM: Everything ok?

GARETH: sorry I drifted off (because you're not important, so many other lives to screw up, people to prey on)

VICTIM: have I annoyed you? if so , sorry I shouldn't of said anything

GARETH: You haven't annoyed me, Im just thinking about tomorrow, our living together, dreading thinking whatever. (dreading having to commit to you for most than just sex)


More Gareth Putting His Victim on the Defensive & Projecting.
(He acts jealous to keep her on a string - hoping it makes him appear "caring & interested")

GARETH: you on any chat networks?, Im going to have a quick wash, go get a sandwich and drink and open more windows.

VICTIM: No im watching XXXX again im not on any chat networks dont want anything to do with them (how many times does she have to tell him that?)

GARETH: :)

GARETH: well done (yes, you have now isolated her from anyone who might show her you're a predator, a cold snake and a user)

30 mins later

VICTIM: thankyou so much for the phone call it was nice to hear your voice, If you need any support and help, i know its hard but I will help you anyway i can when you come through the door, ill make sure you get loads of hugs, and anything else you need.

GARETH: heya

GARETH: back

GARETH: I need to reboot, theres an update for a program on my computer I need to install.

NO mention whatsoever of what she said. Gareth totally ignored it. (a version of the 'silent treatment') So she made a video for him to see if she could maybe fix the situation as he'd made her feel she did something wrong (predators always make you think YOU did something wrong) -- this was maybe the 100th time she did this and he would normally treat me better after I had gone out of my way to make him happy. (if he "loved" her why would she have to jump through hoops to make him happy? Readers - ALL of our predators did this to their prey. ALL of them)

VICTIM: I have a video for you I made

VICTIM: thankyou

GARETH: grrr sexy thing (ASSUMING its a sex video - as that's all he really wants from her!)

VICTIM: your welcome

VICTIM: I have thought about something and want you to have something

GARETH: let me guess.... more asking me what train im going to get and what time. already told you I dont know yet. (why? If you love her you'd have made those plans by now...)

VICTIM: no

GARETH: sorry carry on

VICTIM: Its in the mail

GARETH: checking now

GARETH: aww thanks

GARETH: means a lot

VICTIM: when I said "patiently" i really meant that , train times are not an issue to me. you are! I hope that helps you in some way

GARETH: it does

GARETH: okies im lying down feel really tired and worn out you there? (heh - there she goes - calling him on his cold-heartedness and wanting some assurance and affection from him. Notice the HUGE emotional disconnect on Gareth's part. Sociopathic)

She heard nothing from him until the next afternoon, not sure when he was coming home, what train he was getting -- nothing. Everytime she asked him what time his train was he got angry at me. He probably did this on purpose knowing she'd get frustrated the more he held back. (Or he simply didn't care. at all. It's called WITHHOLDING and its yet another abuse tactic

VICTIM: have i blown things with you

GARETH: i dunno

VICTIM: ok i understand

GARETH: things dont always sort themselves out (...with a sociopath)

VICTIM: no they dont, but im trying to sort things out my end, to stop giving you a hard time but the thought is ....are you still going to fight for us ? as iam hon (no he's not - his ACTIONS not his words will say everything)

GARETH: yep (words... only words)

VICTIM: ok :)

GARETH: brb my sisters looking at my film list (no surprise - he runs away from TRUE EMOTIONS AGAIN!!)

ARGUMENT

I was getting tired and confused over why he said one thing yet did the opposite. (because he's a sociopath) One minute he would be be consistent, the next minute he had changed his mind. (sociopath) So I tried to break it off and end the relationship; he had kept me waiting for over 6 weeks due to promise after promise being broken. He'd dumped me so many times already as it was, I didn't see anything wrong in asking him to stick to at least 1 promise. (no but with a sociopath/ narcissist they have HUGE problems with accountability AND reality. They never stick to anything unless there's something in it FOR THEM)

GARETH: You just broke up with me, and i know you are back to your old self (Again putting HER on the defensive when he should be held ACCOUNTABLE)

VICTIM:: No im not

GARETH: the one i couldnt love, i loved the real you, youve changed back (it's HER fault? These guys can only 'love' one thing - THEMSELVES!! They are INCAPABLE of love)

GARETH: should i tell my dad to give it two weeks before bringing all my stuff down, i dont think you are the same Stacie, how do i know you wont leave me when i get there, should we give it a two week tester? (he probably didn't want to come down anyway - now, typical predator - he's making it all her fault. PROJECTION)

VICTIM: how do I know that you won't leave me, you have done it so many times (he will)

GARETH: if you were your old self, the loving one, it'd be fine (the one who swallowed all my BS, believed all my lies & didn't hold me accountable that is)

VICTIM: i am the same, i just cant keep going on the same way, i cant keep hoping, and praying and dreaming things are going to be the same way when i know they aren't , you get my hopes up then they you dash them. (sound familiar, readers? She hasn't realized yet he's a predator. A snark. A shark. He kills and leaves. No empathy, no remorse)

GARETH: your not the same to me (because she's starting to question your BS?)

VICTIM: im the same as i was before (just smarter & more aware something's wrong)

GARETH: I dearly hope you are, I trust you and will take your word for it. (no he won't - because he doesn't care)

GARETH: ive emailed you some questions, could you answer them for me by tonight or tommorow morning

VICTIM: ill go look now

GARETH: i think id like you to answer them now, and then again in the morning

GARETH: tell me when you are next to the laptop and in bed

GARETH: darling?

GARETH: tell me when youre here darl, in fact if you get into bed and turn on skype ill whack off for you, and show you anything my a** to my **** to licking my own ***, if you get into bed, and turn skype on. (all about SEX!! she's asking for some REAL answers about their relationships and his way of "CONFIRMING" his feelings is cybersex? Predator. ICK)

VICTIM: Im here, im sorry i was so selfish

GARETH: no your not

VICTIM: yes I am

GARETH: if you loved me and saw a future youd wait till wednesday and help me through it (oh god he's NAUSEATING!)

VICTIM: im so sorry, im such a selfish person, i know it, i cant apologise enough,

GARETH: two days, couldnt wait two days that says something (putting her on the defensive after all HE had put her through by then!!)

VICTIM: its been 6 weeks!

GARETH: now ive seen you like this, so nasty again (unreal aren't they? When you see it from a distance. How dare he continue his projection.)

VICTIM: Im not nasty , I did wait

GARETH: yes you are. (Gareth just 'shut up' -- how much more cruel can you be?)

VICTIM: fine ill wait

GARETH: well you made it *applause* you left the guy that wants to spend his life with you regardless of everything else (oh spare us Gareth. As if that was the truth)

VICTIM: my dad said to me tonight "if you dont make a decision, youll be left always wondering"

GARETH: heh yes now you will always be wondering.. whether i would of came back and if we would of stayed together for life...now you will wonder as you left me before i could get to yo

GARETH: im not giving in to selfish demands such as: leave tommorow (he wants her to give in to only HIS selfish demands)

VICTIM: i know that now

GARETH: well i know what would of happened and im trying to comprehend my future without you and i hate it

VICTIM: ive been selfish! but i cant keep on doing this (you aren't selfish - you're getting smart to this emotional rapist)

GARETH: but you made the choice, and you are back to your old nasty selfish attitude

VICTIM: no im not

VICTIM: Im sitting here waiting for you as always

GARETH: no you broke up with me (boo hoo... Martyr Man)

VICTIM: can you blame me? im always waiting, i cant do it anymore. im so confused I dont know what to do anymore (typical feelings with a predator - and he will find a way to blame her.)

GARETH: no you left me nothing to be confused about anymore you can go back to chatting to people in chat rooms and while away the hours (AGAIN he brings this up!)

VICTIM: Im not chatting to anyone

GARETH: yet, wait two days or bugger off back to the internet, it shows whats more important and your attitude (Projection - he's probably already chatting up other people and has been right along)

VICTIM: im not chatting to guys!!!

GARETH: yet (sadist)

VICTIM: im waiting for you

GARETH: No your not you left me (how old is this guy? 7 years old?)

VICTIM: gods sake

GARETH: not all things are reversible

VICTIM: I left you because I cant take it anymore, the mixed signals. the getting angry at me for no reason, the not speaking to me and broken promises. (victims always think they can talk sense to these guys - before they realize they're PATHOLOGICAL & SICK!)

GARETH: Exactly so theres no more waiting (NO ACCOUNTABILITY FOR WHAT SHE JUST SAID!)

VICTIM: for goodness sakes

GARETH: you wont listen, your back to your old self (heh - listen to WHAT? his selfish b.s.?)

VICTIM: no, im not, you just think i am, im upset

GARETH: no I know you XXXXX you used to be much more mature and nice wanting to talk at night on skype (and believing my lies)

VICTIM: i am mature (more than him, that's for sure)

GARETH: chuck it all away for the sake of another 2 days wait

GARETH: very mature

VICTIM: im sick of going around in circles, im sure others can tell you im not back to my old ways

GARETH: they may, but at least before you were different towards me, you understood

VICTIM: I dont want to argue you made your choice i made mine

GARETH: my choice was to spend my life with you, your choice was not to give me the chance to do that, before youd of said 2 days no problems, cant wait to cuddle and sleep with you and walk with you and bath with you , now you leave.

(She ended up apologising and asking him for another chance, and then he told her:)

GARETH: we will have to sort all this out when I get back, we are not over but a lot has to be sorted now

(Don't you want to just SMACK Gareth? His mind games are so cruel & pathetic)









COMING TO THE END OF THE RELATIONSHIP

I spent the next year in stress Gareth would spend all his time in our bedroom and when his parents or boss would call him, he would send me out of the room and talk in secret, all his emails to his family would be secret and I was never allowed to see what the conversations were about. My children were not allowed to make any noise when he was on the phone or he would ignore me for the rest of the day and just be aloof on purpose.

I started to get rashes all over my body, I couldnt understand what it was, but I was covered head to foot in it, it was sore and itched constantly for 4 months, I went to the Doctor and he said it was Hives / allergy from stress I put all this "stress" down to losing the baby. (it was GARETH - toxic GARETH)

His "Silent Treatment" would go on for hours on end,and when I would get frustrated after the 4th hour of this, or angry he would tell me I was the crazy one for yelling at him and trying to get a rise out of him.

He never ate dinner with me and the children; instead sat in the bedroom and ate his dinner when I brought the plate up to him, after dinner he would continue working or playing "rainbow Six" or "Postal" or "Working" (hmm... wasn't he accusing HER of being ONLINE all the time? He was online because it was a 2-dimensional world and "real" people are just objects to these cyberpaths. Besides - these predators feel: why invest any more in something you can't control)

Whenever we went out it was always when the children were at my mothers, he usually slept cuddling me, but started to sleep turning to the wall and didnt want me to cuddle up to him. He said "Its because i always sleep like this" which wasnt true so that was the first sign he was starting to lose interest in me. (no it was the one behavior you finally saw - Sorry but he was NEVER interested in you; just in what he could "get" out of you - sex, affection, a place to live, food, etc)

Sex wasnt a problem whenever he wanted it -- he was loving but as soon as it was over he would get back on his computer and ignore me. (because that's all he wanted)

If I said anything whatever it was didn't matter, he would tell me "That's not what you said" I spent weeks and months thinking I was losing my memory or going nuts. (Gaslighting)

I remember sitting on the bed crying once, in deep pain over the loss of our baby and he stood over me staring blankly, all i wanted him to do was cuddle me and tell me everything was going to be ok, but instead he said "Im going out as this upsets me and i cannot stand the crying and loud noise, ill come back when you have calmed down" (narcissist)

When his boss used to come over to meet with him for a meeting he would shoo me and the children out the house and tell me to make sure the house was pristine before his boss arrived, then we had to get out the house and not come back until he phoned me. (WHAT? What a sick piece of dung he is)

Gareth always criticised me over laundry, smoking (he would hide my lighters in the freezer for some reason and blow them up outside by making a fire and making me watch) To him, his home town was amazing and living with me couldn't compare to it. I grew to feel so ashamed of my house (which is rather lovely) all because he would moan about the location and didn't like any of his work collegues or family to set foot in it. (Blame shifting, degrading)

I was so emotionally numb because during all this time he had left a few times and come back again and I needed reassurance so I asked sometimes "are you going to leave me" this was usually when he was silent or in a mood about something. I was so insecure at this point. I felt nothing was going to be consistent, no one was going to stay with me. I had lost two children already I needed some reassurance and stability. (Gareth knew that, knew she was vulnerable and worked her like a puppet)

He would go silent on me whenever i asked him things that had to do with us as a couple or our relationship. He wouldnt talk and kept his eyes on the computer, I got so frustrated because he would never telll me how he felt and would always "Sigh" or exhale loudly (abuser tactic - to belittle her & her needs)

Whenever we had guests such as my parents or friends over, he would stay in his room and not come down, he wouldnt even greet anyone. My family said it was really rude, but I tried to explain to them that it was because Gareth was shy and didn't like social gatherings. (No he was RUDE and a SOCIOPATH)

Gareth told me about the Milgram Experiment once, was totally besotted with it. I found out by looking through his files on the computer that he had hundreds of books on psychology , & the art of seduction and hypnosis, I would always ask him if he used it on me he told me he would never manipulate me that way, he used it on other people. (BINGO!)

He never got angry (no he was angry ALL the time it appears). Never hit me or showed rage (just verbal & emotional abuse) He was just silent, where he wouldnt speak at all and this really angered me after a while as he just wouldnt speak. Like talking to a brick wall. He knew I used to get so very frustrated by this, sometimes id see a smirk running across his face when he knew I was pushed into a corner. (that's SEVERE abuse - the silent treatment, withhold - its BLATANT ABUSE)

One thing I always noticed was Gareth never made eye contact with me. When your asking someone a question or talking in general you will get eye contact or they will look at your face. Its a natural thing for humans to do, but with Gareth he never made eye contact with me , not ever (TYPICAL SOCIOPATH TRAIT!! BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE OBJECTS TO THEM) I used to think "Oh thats just the way he is" but now I realise it is very disturbing and unnatural. (AND PATHOLOGICAL) He would always pick a spot and stare at it when I was talking to him. (tuning you out)

Sometimes I would wake up around 3am and on opening my eyes, would see his face over mine, staring down at me. I have no idea how long he spent doing that, but I found it uncomfortable. (Sociopaths do that a lot)

We got a dog after a few months and whenever he got home from work he would bypass me and go right to the dog and kiss and cuddle it. I would always have dinner ready on time and the house clean but he'd take his dinner and the dog to the bedroom and stay there petting it and kissing it and ignoring me all evening. If I would venture upstairs to spend time with him he would sit there and baby talk the dog. if I wanted some affection it would have to be on his terms or when he was playing a video game / doing work and wanted to show me something. (ABUSE - he was taunting you with a DOG!)

When I needed money to get the children some clothes I asked him for the money but he said he needed $500 for his parachute jumping. (BAD PRIORITIES!) If it wasn't for my mother the children would of gone without clothes.

READERS - thank GOODNESS she's no longer with this "person" (if you could even call him HUMAN!) Fighter


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In The Arms Of A Monster - Sex, Control, Depravity & The Psychopath (Gareth Rodger)

A Narcissists charming behaviour lasts as long as they get what they want from you i.e. that you provide evidence to confirm their view of themselves as special. In any relationship where people spend a lot of time together it is normal for the parties involved to notice the others bad habits and behaviours. To some degree it is normal behaviour for people to point these bad habits and behaviours out to the other person in order to try and improve the relationship.


Narcissists do not react kindly to this, and they see it as an attack on their perfection. As a result of this their behaviour starts to change. The lovely person you know will start to disappear as the damaged part of them emerges, the things they do to impress you will become fewer and farther between, you will start to feel less and less special to them as they start to treat you badly and show their frustrations (overtly or covertly) at your inability to meet their needs more frequently. This is known as your "Devaluation".


During periods of frustration which are brought about as a result of their needs not being met narcissistic people will certainly make you aware of your inability to meet these needs. They will either do so overtly; raging, abandoning, publicly humiliating you, belittling your abilities and possibly becoming abusive. Or Like Gareth they will do it covertly; giving you the silent treatment, sulking, discussing things that they know will upset you or behaving in ways they know you find hurtful regardless of if they are related to the frustration you have "caused" or not.


Maybe at this point you will try to work harder to make them happier; (I know I did) you will start to question the things that you have done wrong to bring this change about and try and make amends. Maybe they will start to manipulate your emotions to extract more narcissistic supplies from you even if that's through intimidation and fear. They may even tell you the truth, tell you that they are no good for you and how badly they behave. Maybe you'll jump to their defence telling them they are valuable with renewed hope that there is something alive/good inside them. Before long you won't know what's real/the truth and what's not. Years may pass and you will wonder when the person you first met is going to come back.


(Narcissistic Supply is attention, in both its public forms (fame, notoriety, infamy, celebrity) and its private, interpersonal, forms (adoration, adulation, applause, fear, repulsion). It is important to understand that attention of any kind – positive or negative – constitutes Primary Narcissistic Supply. Infamy is as sought after as fame, being notorious is as good as being renowned.)


"Narcissists/psychopaths use sex as a substitute for love and intimacy" Some are very good at knowing how to pleasure their partner e.g. being able to maintain an erection for as long as is required for their partner to orgasm. They've spent time learning the techniques they use because the better they get the more narcissistic supplies they are bound to secure, the more powerful they feel.


Narcissists/psychopaths tend to make poor lovers long term. To them it is a mechanical act; it doesn't really require true intimacy just physical closeness. Usually in order for a partner to experience "mind blowing" orgasms they need to feel connected to their lovers own sexual excitement and feelings of love. Narcissist's don't have these passionate feelings they've spent so much effort repressing them. A Narcissists orgasms are not intense as a result. Some even prefer pornography and masturbation to sex.


Narcissists/psychopaths demand adulation and respect from their partner. They have a belief in their absolute uniqueness and as such they want to be the only important thing to the person they "love". Even if they have had children Narcissists often expect their partners to choose them above their offspring. They can be extremely competitive with their children who they see as challengers for their partner's attention.


Sex for the narcissist happens to be the most efficient weapon in the narcissist's arsenal – he makes profligate use of it. In other words: if the narcissist (pathological/psychopath etc) cannot obtain adoration, admiration, approval, applause, or any other kind of attention by other means (e.g., intellectually) – he resorts to sex.



The psychopath is threatened by intimacy because it reduces him to ordinariness by exposing his weaknesses and shortcomings and by causing him to act "normally". The narcissist also dreads the encounter with his deep buried emotions - hurt, envy, anger, aggression - likely to be foisted on him in an intimate relationship. Sex is depersonalized and the sexual partner is dehumanized.


To be used by a psychopath is enough to contend with but to be dehumanized too is crushing to the emotional well being of an individual.


He uses sex to reassure himself that he is still in control. The psychopath will often ask if you enjoyed the sexual encounter with him, this is NOT to make sure you enjoyed the intimacy and pleasure as much as he did. It is a status symbol, proof of virility and masculinity and to prove to himself and others that he is the "great lover". Sadistically, they tremendously enjoy their ability to frustrate the desires, passions and sexual wishes of women. It endows them with a feeling of omnipotence and with the pleasing realization of malevolence. Narcissists regularly frustrate all women sexually and penalizes through excess.

Most if not all of our Instant Message chats when apart were sexual in nature. He would demand web cam sharing and videos to satisfy his need to control his victim (Me) - Sex at first gave the appearance of being loving on his part due to the fact that at the beginning of the relationship the Narcissist knows his first order of business is to seduce, and charm his way into your arms. He has to reel you in first..... so the loving, charming , wonderful man before you is a false image, it is a MASK OF SANITY

Enforcing Trivial Demands - this develops a habit of compliance. All those little things they can get you to accept doing, those lists of chores, asking you where you go, how you dress, how you speak or not to speak — what they ‘expect‘ in a woman. Begging you for cybersex, photos, etc because they “need” them is also part of this. This a part of their way of getting you to do the big things, the bad things and also keeping quiet about them. They have been programming you to obey, whatever they say.


He confided in me that he had filmed his first sexual experience with a female without her knowledge and had made her sign a contract that expressed consensual sex so he could not be arrested for rape. He stated he wanted me to sign this contract too which I never did. Also Confiding in me that he had participated in sexual intercourse at the age of 5 years old - (Abuse by his mother?)


The Psychopath being attracted to women will also be simultaneously repelled, horrified, bewitched and provoked by them. They seek to frustrate and humiliate them. Psychodynamically, the psychopath probably visits upon them his mother's sins - but such an instant explanation does the subject great injustice.

Their sexual and emotional lives are perturbed and chaotic. They are unable to love in any true sense of the word - nor are they capable of developing any measure of intimacy. Lacking empathy, they are unable to offer to the partner emotional sustenance.



Gareth never initiated intimate moments such as closeness or kissing unless I did first - saying "I love you" was just repeated back to me at all times, he hardly ever said it first or because he wanted to - sex was the only intimate act he ever demanded from me no matter what mood I was in I had to give it up willingly.

Intimate moments involved a minimum of kissing which was very mechanical, I didn't feel he was actually "there" at times, followed by athletic, impersonal sex, followed by no affection. He wasn't emotionally passionate with it at all.

Psychopaths equate love with weakness. They hate being weak and they hate and despise weak people (and, therefore, the very old and the very young). They do not tolerate what they consider to be stupidity, disease and dependence - and love seems to encompass all three. These are not sour grapes. They really feel this way.


Pulling of hair, biting , slapping, pinching and hurting was not uncommon either. He always chose positions which made him feel more dominant.


*Porn featured a lot during the start of our relationship, he used to watch it , even going through his mothers dresser to find porn and sex toys which he would watch and then place back. I should of been listening to my gut instinct warning me to run like hell, unfortunately I didn't.


Asking me to have sex on his parents bed was the first sign of his depravity and although I saw it as horrific and disgusting I didn't listen to my gut instinct and brushed the incidence off blaming "A bad joke" however after leaving a stain on their bed and then telling me "They won't know what it is" I felt disturbed and nauseated.


Everything started out as minimal where porn was concerned, then as our relationship progressed he got more and more sadistic. Bondage, and other unusual activities were frequent , Gareth was taking his fantasy of sex and violence further.


He often browsed websites such as Goregasm and Ogrish (which featured beheadings, sex, bondage, snuff films, sodomy , violence with knives on women & rape etc) and he would talk to me about raping me consensually (with my consent) even going as far to suggest if he got too rough and I got upset could he continue pretending to rape me? even if I asked him to STOP! ( I couldn't see this depravity for what it was!!!! why? because a psychopath programs you with his seduction techniques, he pulls the wool over your eyes and manipulates you until he has broken down all your defenses. The psychopath continually manipulates his victim into his way of thinking.

Psychopaths hold women in contempt and abhor the thought of being really intimate with them. Usually, they choose submissive women, well below their level, to perform these functions. This leads to a vicious cycle of neediness, self-contempt ("how come I am dependent on this inferior woman") and contempt directed at the woman. Hence the abuse.

THE SEXUAL NARCISSIST is often hypersexual (male or female). Pornography, masturbation, incest are reported by his targets. Anything, anyone, young, old, male/female, are there for his gratification. This predator takes what is available. Can have a preference for 'sado-maso' sexuality. Often easily bored, he demands increasingly deviant stimulation. However, another behaviour exists, the one who withholds sex or emotional support. Defense Strategy: Expect this type to try to degrade you. Get away from him. Expect him to tell lies about your sexuality to evade exposure of his own.



He asked me if it would be ok to practice consensual sex with me when I was asleep, or when I had consumed an alcoholic drink. He would never ever tell me if he had in fact done this to me and when asked he just smiled and replied"I might have done, I might not have done , you'll never know"


Using someone as a urinal was another kicker of his during sex, and again I couldn't see it for what it was, he wanted to degrade me , I was already a broken woman & I thought I deserved nothing good, I felt guilty and full of shame, but that's what a psychopath does....He projects HIS sick and twisted inner self onto others so he can blame them for wrongdoing or abuse.

The Psychopath expects total allegiance, loyalty and submissiveness in ALL circumstances. That people will obey him, cater to his needs, and comply with his wishes is taken for granted by the psychopath.


At the end of the day it is DEPRAVITY , the narcissist is a deviant, he wanted to have complete CONTROL over me and my body as he would with an Object such as a car, or a pencil , that's right! all I was to him was an OBJECT, existing just to satisfy his depraved sexual and narcissistic appetite.


On one occasion where I had woken up during the night he had asked me if I was asleep, when I replied "no" , he said..... "yes you were because I was running my knife over your breasts and stomach and your ***** and you didn't even know" I just thought he was running his fingers over me, I had no idea it was a knife. How long he had been doing that to me while I was sleeping is anyone's guess but I bet it was often. It felt very disturbing at the time but I brushed it off as a joke as I trusted him completely.


Moral principles are a person’s sense of right and wrong. The women victims had high moral principles and an internal moral compass of right and wrong. Their moral sense and its relationship to a psychopath are quite interesting. Although many of them tested very high in the morality department, they ended up with the immoral and unprincipled psychopath.

Psychopaths interestingly enough seem to want women who are highly moral for two reasons: The first is, he likes the image and status of himself with a moral person. She makes him look moral by his affiliation with her. Secondly, if she is highly moral, she will continue to adhere to her principles despite his behavior. She is not likely to “do unto him” as he has “done unto her.” For instance, although he cheats, she would be less likely to cheat. In the relationship with the psychopath, she was likely to become mortified at the immoral behaviors he engaged in.

Since psychopaths are chameleons, they pretend to be whatever their woman are. They mimicked the women’s own moral principles. Additionally, women in pathological relationships seem to project their normal characteristics onto the psychopath. She sees what she is, in him. Her ability to project and his ability to pretend, allow him the stage to mimic her moral principles in his life. Ironically, many of the women’s stories end with the loss of their moral principles in the relationship. This could be through sexual deviance he asked her to participate in, or asking that she lie, steal, cheat, or in some other way violate her own moral code. By the end of the relationship, she was likely to have become mortified at his immoral behavior and how it took her down a negative path she never intended on

Her compassion is likely to keep her helping and supporting, all the way to the bitter end. The psychopath’s salesmanship has women believing that “just a little more” support/help/compassion/ empathy/tolerance will get him to the place that no other woman was able to help him get to. After all, she’s come this far and invested this much if just a little more investment will finally get her what she wants in him, then it’s worth it to just hang in there! Of course, it’s down the road that women realize that all the support in the world can’t change the incurableness of his pathology. - Sandra Brown MA



Strangulation featured many times, at first it would start off gentle then as time went on , his grip around my throat would become tighter until I started feeling dizzy , light headed, & until the blood rushed to my face and I couldn't breathe.


His hate is primal, irrational, the progeny of mortal fear and sustained abuse. Granted, most narcissists learn how to suppress, disguise, even repress these untoward feelings. But their hatred does swing out of control and erupt from time to time. It is a terrifying, paralysing sight. It is the true narcissist. He can have a lot of good sex – as long as it is devoid of emotional content.


He would either strangle me with both hands, a scarf , or he would use one hand to masturbate over my body (more Depravity) and one hand to strangle me. I really don't need to tell you where he finished once he was done as it is pretty obvious. This is devaluing and depraved.


He would stare down at me while doing it, with the look of blankness and rage in his eyes, his face was bright red with concentration , I could even see the veins pulsating in his face. He looked so angry at times I didn't even want to think about it once it was over. I would go to the bathroom and scrub myself clean and try to compose myself.



Abusers use tactics similar to what prison guards use on their prisoners, it is a type of brainwashing. They recognize that control is not easily accomplished, they need the cooperation of the victim. This can most effectively be gained through subversive manipulation of the mind and feelings of the victim, who then becomes a psychological, as well as a physical prisoner. These tactics form what we know as emotional & psychological abuse.


He would sometimes tell me before hand to tell him when to stop, yet he never did until he wanted to stop. I would try to stop him by placing my hands over his and try to pry them loose. He usually stopped when I started to thrash my legs, but very often it would carry on until he was done. I even slapped his legs and pinched them to get him to stop but he wouldn't stop until he wanted to stop or when he knew it had gone too far and the consequences could cause him to be punished.


Degradation - This makes the cost of resistance appear to be more damaging to self-esteem than the capitulation. It reduces the victim to “animal level” concerns. In other word, if you don’t go along with what they want, you will suffer the consequences and that will be worst than if you just do whatever they want.


Narcissists are not only selfish and ungiving -- they seem to have to make a point of not giving what they know someone else wants. Thus, for instance, in a "romantic" relationship, they will want you to do what they want because they want it and not because you want it -- and, in fact, if you actually want to do what they want, then that's too much like sharing and you wreck their fun and they don't want it anymore. They want to get what they want from you without giving you what you want from them.






The sexual relationship with the narcissist is most peculiar. Narcissists are exhibitionists and sex is just one further means of being admired to her or him. There does not exist intimacy and you will frequently feel used. The narcissist will demand that you subdue yourself. Your own sexual preferences will be boycotted or twisted.

* Firstly, the victim will be forced to reveal her or his sexual preferences and experiences to the perpetrator.

* Secondly, the perpetrator will condition the victim to direct her or his entire sexuality towards the perpetrator. At this stage, the sexual relationship is intense.

* Thirdly, the perpetrator reduces the intensity of the sexual relationship dramatically, so that the victim is in constant sexual need.

* Fourthy, the perpetrator grants inproper sexual gratification in order to maintain the sexual need of the victim. Now, the victim, who is (sexually) dependent on the perpetrator, can be humiliated, manipulated and used.





Isolation

Predators have to figure out how to isolate her/his prey from others.

Sexual predators will isolate their victim; this allows complete control of the victim. Isolation can occur in family settings, work settings or acquaintance settings, indoor, outdoor, or vehicles. This may be done under the disguise:

* Take the victim to a place or be the guide

* An outing or event

* Any opportunity to isolate the victim


Gareth used to take me walking a lot in secluded places most often "the woods" or the "beach" for maybe 6 hours at a time, sex in and around the woods was a preference of his. Was he planning on doing something worse and just grappling with the idea? was he working up the courage to do something , figuring out the whole time on how not to get caught? he oftentimes went alone for 7-8 hours at a time during the day and night through the woods, what he doing there the whole time, or planning is anyone's guess.




*Afterwards there was as usual no love, no emotion and no true intimacy. I grew to hate being intimate with him in the end, and used to put up with it, shut my eyes and wish for it to be over. There was NO love in our relationship, it was devoid of love or true bonding and sharing on his part. I felt humiliated and used.

I gave everything I could to make him happy, I did things I grew to hate myself for, just to make him happy. But you cannot make a Narcissist happy, they are an empty shell , and they will use anything and anyone to get what they desire, no matter who they hurt in the process.

For months I wondered "Where was the nice and wonderful guy I met in the beginning who bonded I to him? , who had such wild passion & love for me?" I now know that those first few honeymoon months of "Mr Wonderful" were an act! a "Mask Of Sanity" wholly practiced in the art of seduction to reel me in like a predator does when stalking his prey. It was a false image, a mask and hidden beneath it lay a monster.


What is written above is NOT a description of a loving , bonding or compassionate relationship it's not even CLOSE. It all amounts to "Sexual Abuse and Emotional Rape!" and should NOT be tolerared by anyone.

"But! Gareth is such a Nice Guy!" I hear you say.

really? well that's what they said about Jeffrey Dahmer too.....





Read more!

"Me Myself & I" - The Narcissist.

Here are some emails from Gareth, there are numerous examples of

* Lovebombing

* Manipulation

* Devalue & Discard

* Projection



When reading a narcissists emails, especially the ones below all it appears to be is Gareth talking about himself, pretty much his own inner monologue.


After our baby died at 29 weeks old on 8th March 2005 after a 5 week battle to live. Gareth decided to go on holiday to Antigua in the caribbean with his parents. His pathological mother screamed , cried and begged on her knees that HE MUST GO AT ALL COSTS, knowing full well our baby's funeral was 2 weeks away. I cried and pleaded with Gareth not to go, due to the importance of our little girl.

It had only been a month since she passed and I was planning the funeral while he was swimming and drinking and having a great time, but this is the kind of behaviour you will get when you are living with a psychopathic A-Hole.











You will see he doesn't mention our baby Hope, he doesn't even appear upset, agitated, or miserable. (see picture above) He's having the time of his life walking on the sand and going snorkelling, what am I & my family doing? Pouring over casket choices, choosing transportation, Choosing clothes to bury our baby in, organising a minister.......decorating the house , having carpets laid & organizing the rooms before his return. Plus I had a court case involving myself, my children & my ex husband to deal with.....





(Hope & I)





My quotes in blue


(When reading the emails see if you can spot how many times he refers to HIMSELF : "I" Me" "My" "Own" "Myself" "I'am")





From: XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: :D
Date: 3 April 2005 16:43:14 BDT
To: XXXXXX@gmail.com
Reply-To: XXXXXXX@gmail.com

Cor blimeh - the house looks excellent, good monkey!! (yes "well done little slave")

You have done alot, sorry, this was the first time I could get on,
keeping out of the sun from 11 - 3 for a day or two now... (yeah that's it rub it in - you are in the gorgeous sun getting a tan with no worries knowing I am sitting in an empty house wondering why my life is so screwed up)

OD'ing on my vitamins as they seem to heal me skin up faster.

Poor *sisters* burnt too.

My face has cleared up too in 2 days - not one blemish its either the
sun or the overdose of vitamin c!! (In other words " I look amazing")

Well im sitting here in my bright yellow flowery shorts looking like a
right oddbod wondering how much this is costing me as shes charging it
to my room. (Oh yes, because the only thing you can think about is how PUT OUT you are having to email me )

Couildnt stop thinking about you, I wouldnt phone again if you can
help it as it will cost both you and maybe me a fair bit :/ and lil
sister wakes up and me parents hear it ring next door.. everythings all
caribbean doors have vents in them etc. nothings silent. Instead im
going to trek out and try and find a phone card in the next day or
two. (You didn't find a phone card did you? no you instead called collect to our house - but of course by this time I didn't know it would cost so much & the sudden change in your behaviour towards me was like going from a nightmare to a dream )



(before Hope died Gareth wouldn't come to a decision on whether or not to live with me and our baby, he kept telling me to stop pressuring him & even getting angry at me for even asking. Within hours of Hope passing away he came to me and told me he would move in) (How convenient) (he had actually wanted me to get an abortion in the first place) - Do you know how long he made me wait before moving in with me? He told me in March 05 after Hope died he would move in and finally in September 05 he moved into my home, all those months he came up with excuse after excuse yet telling me he "Couldn't wait" - I waited 6 months for his promise to be made true! 6 months of waiting and him manipulating me as usual.

(I couldn't help but notice how his terrible behaviour towards me improved once she had passed, his emails almost EXUDE excitement ie:


From: XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: no.2
Date: 5 April 2005 21:46:03 BDT
To: XXXXXX@gmail.com
Reply-To: XXXXXX@gmail.com

"I love you so much, everything with us is fine, I cant wait for this,
I want it so bad, you have no need to worry as we are absoloubtly
fine! (yeah now that our beautiful baby has passed you feel you have no responsibilities, you feel free from obligation, no daughter around to take the attention away from you anymore)

Nothing is wrong at all! (Our baby died only a month ago, but being the psychopathic dil-hole you are of course nothings wrong in YOUR WORLD - you got what YOU wanted.)

I love you so much and can't wait to get back, I dont get charged for
incoming calls (You told me not to call you because it would probably cost US a lot but seeing as it only costs me not YOU its suddenly fine?)

so seeming as this mail is crap give me a call back
when you get it, if fone is off hook then its because parents are
around or whatever not because I dont want to talk to you!!

I can't wait for everything to go ahead!





LOVE BOMBING


Here is a LOVE BOMBING poem Gareth wrote & sent to me - (the content of which is very disturbing to me and is indicative of death.)


Goodnight she said to me,
Those pretty eyes bewildering me,
Her ravishing lips fall onto mine,
I feel for once all will be fine,
It feels more than just a kiss,
A channel of love from her to me.

"Night night" I reply with great haste,
Securing my chance of one last taste,
Those pretty lips those pretty eyes,
Twisting, turning my humble mind,
Before those deep brown eyes fall shut I once again have felt true love.

She falls away forgetting me,
I wish her to a place of peace,
I watch her fall and hold her hand,
My turn comes,
My head falls back.





Readers many cyberpaths do this, they know you yearn for their love and to hear their voice, they hold you at arms length on purpose. Cyberpaths love bomb when apart from their main source of Narcissistic Supply and will drown their target in poems, letters and dreams - this is all a tactic to keep you under their rule, their thumb. They will do everything they can to keep their main source of NS flowing.

When the cyberpath leaves for a short time, you begin to find you can breathe a little easier and the fog over your thinking clears - you start to notice the red flags, and inconsistencies.

The cyberpath knows he has to keep you trapped, Straight out of the blue all the nasty witholding, silent treatment and bullying are suddenly GONE!

You naively think "He's changed! He really does love me" so as the excitement builds , and your hopes rise , you want to hear, see, and read everything he has to offer you at this point in the timeline to hell , the change bowls you over and you are back on cloud 9 basking in the glow of his adoration.



"
DANGEROUS GROUND! - DONT FALL FOR IT!!!!!


Don't fall for the "Mr Nice Guy" act you will only end up trying to please this Jekyll & Hyde, which means doing what you think and know is morally wrong just to get one more delicious dose of his attention knowing he could withdraw it from you at any time. You'll end up working your emotional , physical and mental state to within an inch of breakdown.

Read my post on "Appeasing the Cyberpath" here and how he modifies your behaviour using the tactics listed above. ie" Lovebombing, manipulation.




cont......


Goty lots of pictures some ive done for you - now i know where this
place is etc. I can plug me mac in and upload some stuff.

I'm trying to see if theres any wifi on these pooters i can enable atm
so I can use the connection :P

Nope, no wifi :(

Right im getting charged alot i started here at 11.23 now its 11.40.

I may try pop on later.. with picies but no promises...

If not ill be on tommorow :o)

Love you lots and lots and lots.

And were getting married here. (Haha where have I heard that before?)

ok!

Thankyou for the call last night, was lovely,(Yeah you got a good disgusting dose of your Narcissistic Supply Prescription didn't you)

Love you loads!!

xxx

L
O
V
E

Y
O
U

xxx


*mwah*


-g

xxx

love you... (oh just shut up)

XXX

-g






Gareth Enjoying The Water.









From: XXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: grrr ooops
Date: 4 April 2005 16:21:27 BDT
To: XXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com
Reply-To: XXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com



I had about six dreams last night, each one had you in.

You let a guy kill the horse in one - not impressed! (That's right you can't think of anything REAL to blame me for, why not use a dream)

Thankyou for the piccies you look very sexy! And thankyou for not
buying silly low cut things :) (he controlled what I wore)

I was in the cyber cafe from 11.23 to 11.40 yesterday and that cost
16$ but I dont know if thats US dollars or Eastern Caribbean dollars,
if its US dollars then thats £8 for 20 mins.

If its Eastern Caribbean dollars then I have no clue but its cheaper
($53 Eastern Caribbean dollars = $20 US dollars. (That were the price
of me sandals..) (Some Narcissists are VERY stingy when it comes to cash as you will find out in a later post)

In-fact i'll ask on my way out what currency there using.

I also mentioned yesterday about me laptop.

So today she's given me a network cable which is fantabulous.

At about 8pm Antiguan time last night I got that feeling either
somethings wrong or you were thinking about me. (Thinking about HIM?! my god the EGO!!!)

It's frustrating that I cant contact you at those times (Probably because he wants me to tell him how wonderful he is) but sitting
here writing to you makes me feel a whole lot better. (All about HIM)

Well another days gone, all I think about all day is being with you, (For just sex)
wanting you swimming with me and seeing all that I see. (He wants me to see things HIS WAY)

We could look to save up for a nice holiday next summer but thats
dependent on how much debt your still in as we cant go anywhere till
those bills are paid. (Devaluation/ Blame Shifting - Making me feel guilty - I had already paid my debts off before his holiday not him!)


I was really impressed at the state of the house form those pictures,
the sofa's lovely, the metal galvanized pots look excellent. I cant
wait to get there and see it for myself, and of course do lots of
bouncing on the sofa.


You are much more mature the past few months, I love it, makes you
more dependable, sophisticated and trustworthy. For once I can go on
holiday and not fret that your cheating or flirting. (&*%HOLE)


I still have my fears and insecurities that you'll find someone else
but there's always someone on my shoulder reminding me how different
you are now. (Split Personality/ putting me on the defensive)


I hope everything's going ok back there with regards to bills and
money. As I said if we plan to go anywhere together we can only do it
after all the bills have been paid otherwise all savings will have to
go on bills. (Brings up money again - Bills are the phone bill, rent etc - those take priority over holidays but you can't tell him that)


Sunburns getting better, still hurts on feet and shoulders but its
getting there. (awww poor you, out on a £3000 holiday in the caribbean)


Sorry my email was so pants yesterday I was in a rush because of the
money they were charging, but now I have me laptop I can do it all
allot faster and so with less worry. (Gareth only says sorry when he gets paranoid over losing his Narcissistic Supply)


I went swimming again yesterday, got lots of sand in my nether-regions
found some bits of fossilized coral too, if you want some ill bring it
back, also picked up three shells which found there way into my pocket
when a wave crashed over me and sucked me under for a while. (Haha that's right I got a bracelet of rocks and coral for a gift on his return - he spent over £100 on knives and weapons)



The back of my knee felt real sore, when I got out the water I found
it was where you'd whipped me with that USB cable - salt water flared
it all up into a bright red mess. ( (yeah I clipped him with the cable when we were play fighting not as if his leg fell off)


But whenever I get out the water it doesn't hurt so not too bad.


Oh and I also bashed me back on something hard when I got submerged by
a large wave, now I got a large big red graze.. and it hurts. (*sob*)


Can still see that horseshoe shape mark on me leg from that darn cable. (Yeah I got it the first time you bought it up before you left for holiday - doesn't matter with a narcissist when you have apologized time and time again, it's a pity party and the invite is mandatory)


Swam about a mile or two yesterday but spent most my time eating as
its free and I wanted to stay out the sun to avoid further burning.


But whenever you leave any food or drink 'unattended' you get these
gorgeous little birds come to visit, if the see a cup or plate of food
they'll risk life and limb to get at it. I'll put a cup on the balcony
and sit out there later and film it for you, you either get a yellow
and brown bird or a red and brown bird. Exceptionally timid and funny
little creatures. (You get a sick enjoyment in watching humans and even animals risking "Life and Limb" to get at your gifts)


AIR-CONDITIONING IS GODS SIBLING (An answer to prayer maybe but sibling? weird statement to make - seriously though I am christian and he loved mocking me for my beliefs)

I got a bucket of ice yesterday, a big full bucket, stuck it in the
coolest part of the room and within 30 minutes it had turned to water.


I'm still on the lookout for sharks RAWR! (Shame I was hoping one would eat you)

Nothing as yet. (Look in the mirror you'll see one)

Oh and the reason I said its best not to call in my mail yesterday is
that me mum and dad are usually in our room with *Sister* or out on the
balcony. Also it costs allot for you and I can't say what I'd like
too.

Which is basically I love you ever so much and everyday miss hearing your voice.


I love you with all my heart XXXXXX

Be good and stay safe.

Don't give up on me because i'm not physically there for a short while
- thats my biggest worry. (When your not there to control your victim - You worry because you might lose your Narcissistic Supply )
Make sure this is what you want as there's no turning back. (yeah so I noticed - wish I had turned back when I had the chance)

I love you my darling, I cant wait to caress your beautiful body again
and kiss those perfect lips and thighs.

I love you.

Can't wait for your reply.

Love Gaz...

xxx








Here he is windsurfing (click on all pics for larger view)










From: XXXXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: pap to net connection
Date: 5 April 2005 21:49:01 BDT
To: XXXXXXXX@gmail.com
Reply-To: XXXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com

Heya!

Thankyou for the call this morning, it was lovely to hear you again. -
Well 5 days gone already - it is going fast!

I went out for a walk last night - once as the sun was setting then
grabbed some food and took another walk in the silence of the night.


I got some pictures during the sunset that i've attached along with
some piccies of a naughty act i've just indulged in with the aid of
your pictures, cant wait to get your rudey nudey ones too - When I'll
do some more piccies , I got some shots of it squirting but as I
didn't have all my attention on the camera settings it focused on the
laptop not my winky.. You can see it but not in full sharpness, so,
i'll try again when I get your piccies! Can't wait.

I'm sitting on me balcony writing this looking at the ikkle birdies
fly by while room service do there thing. (Bet you feel like royalty having everyone wait on you hand and foot)

Theres 3 piccies of where you can get married here one shows the
waterfall/pool coming from the marriage bit, the other shows the steps
upto the marriage bit and the third shows the little thing you stand
under to get married, there are also a couple more places you can
choose, one being on the beach. Not bad at all eh.







Love the flowers here, so bright and vibrant - just like you. (Ick spare me)

I think I got some nice wave piccies last night too DSCF2838 I think
is a good example, every now and then you get some nice big waves (the
ones that bowled me over and shot seashells at my bottom.)

I had to sit in the water for about an hour to get all these shots,
somehow kept my camera dry.

I went to the cocktail bar (as I do about 15 times a day) yesterday
and ordered one of my favorites.. a "mud slide" no idea what it is or
what's in it but it tastes gorgeous think slushee with creme and
vanilla/chocolate and the bar-woman said "Shaken or stirred sir" and I
giggled at her. (After I gave up alcohol due to an addiction you don't mind bragging about how you are enjoying it, oh no, even though you know it was the hardest thing I had ever had to do - You just love to rub it in knowing I am fighting temptation everyday & doing well in the process - you complained when I had a few bottles in the past but when you go to a bar 15 times a day it's ok? - You are a HYPOCRITE - Not to mention I asked you NOT to come home drunk & Legless yet you did on many occasions stinking of alcohol and throwing up all night with your head in the toilet leaving me to clean up your mess )


Then later on I ordered a coke and some enthusiastic
barman slid it across the bar, hollered at me to watch out, I span
around saw this coke hurtling toward me put my hand out and watched
the cup stop but the coke continue to move. Needless to say I got
soaked in coke and got another coke free. Well its all free anyway but
yea.. (you sir are NO James Bond)

As for your worrying there really is no need I have sorted out in my
mind what I want (Oh so I can relax now that you have made up your mind, only been waiting over a year but then again we all have to wait for his king and majesty to be ready)
and so that is what I am going to have and that is a
beautiful, loving, caring partner who understands my geekiness, loves
me regardless of what I am (Very telling - hes going to have what he wants at all costs - No surprise there....he says "WHAT I AM" not "WHO I AM") or look like and a house in which I can
spend all my time with her.. A lovely well furnished house I should
add.. With an X-Box... And Burnout 3. (Grandiose - He feels he has to have the very best of EVERYTHING & that everything purely exists ONLY to fulfill his needs and wants.)

Sunburns stopped hurting now, getting pretty hungry too. Think I'll
grab myself a chicken burger in a minute.

I kinda bought you some bracelets.. In other words I chose them and
had them put aside and just need to find somewhere to change EA$ to
US$ and vice versa. (Bad gift giver - Most Narcissists are, If I recall he bought back some coral and shells from the beach but made a big deal about how hard it was getting them)

They are pink and made from local stuff. Well so she said. Also got
you some seashells and funny little fossilized bits of coral and other
bits and bobs.

I stuck all my nice landscape pictures in one folder earlier and set
my desktop to rotate through them ever 15 minutes, looks nice. (wow a masterpiece - *Grandiose* "everything I make is grand and worthy of a tiara & scepter" - Shame his college tutor didn't think so - "Gareth thought he was amazing at his media skills, his work was actually really poor")

Got about 15004040045059 mosquito bites and there not like pansy
little UK mozzies. These are the Leon of the bug world, they stab,
infect then leave a great red lump which itches like a mmmph. ( I have been visiting our baby girl in the funeral home this week and you are complaining about mosquito bites?)

Right time for din dins. (My daughter said that last night - she's 6)

This is the message I'm writing on my balcony so i'll be back in a bit
finish this off, pop to the cyber cafe post it, read your stuffs and
piccies. Then go take piccies, then work, then eat, then sleep and
awake nice and fresh tomorrow.

Oh when your online do me a favor, find out what in gods name is in a
"manhattan" cocktail. (yeah cause planning a funeral on my own isn't enough to contend with already is it? I have to waste time finding out what you are already over saturating your body with)

Its strong and I started swimming in circles after two and its rancid
much prefer a big coca cola with stupid amounts of ice or a gorgeous
milkshake.

The best bit about the pool here is there is a bar in it so you swim
across jump on an underwater stool and some dude will serve you, (That's the best bit for him, because he has a personal bar slave to cater to his every whim)
*sisters* over there every 5 minutes for there strawberry milkshakes. She
did take a liking to the fruit punch cocktail, after I saw the amount
of rum they put in it I realized why she was so giggly and happy. (His sister was 14 years old at the time)

Ok, just got off fone to you, will send this now and continue in next email.....(I should of said "Yeah DONT BOTHER"


xxx







Me and Hope (HOPE is MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW not A HOLIDAY ADVENTURE!!!!!!!)










From: XXXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Yesterdays E-Mail
Date: 7 April 2005 20:52:19 BDT
To: XXXXXXXXX@gmail.com
Reply-To: XXXXXXXXX@gmail.com

Once again sorry for yesterdays crappiness..

It took me 25 mins and it still hadn't uploaded total internet bill is
now 33$ which is about 15£ so I have to keep an eye on it.

It shouldn't of taken 25 mins to upload 12 mb so i'm guessing
something was wrong with gmail, I was going to resend via ftp but that
would of taken about 20mins also!

I've cut down the sizes of each file now, 6 zip files.

I'm FTP'ing them up to coolreflections so you can download them.

The address is:

http://www.coolreflectionsXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (His old site which was named after HIM ironic huh?)
http://www.coolreflectionsXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
http://www.coolreflectionsXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
http://www.coolreflectionsXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
http://www.coolreflectionsXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
http://www.coolreflectionsXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(I got so SICK of catering to his sexual demands, even suggesting them at times to bargain for his love and affection, he would always treat me better after the fact. I never told him though, I did it mostly to keep him happy so I could stay in his Good Books)

The first 5 are zipped piccies..

The 6th is a movie which I also compressed yesterday from 9mb to 1.4mb!

So now I can chuck all of them across and not have to stop all of them
if I exceed too much time.

Once again I am sorry, you were upset and worried as it as the last
thing you needed was a rushed email from me looking as if I couldn't
be bothered. I was pushing buttons trying to get the upload to work
then trying ftp and checking how long that'd take then realized that I
wasn't going to be able to transfer that zip file so rushed about
making emails with 2 or 3 attachments each.

I think I got my zing back.. (Said on the phone a few days before he couldn't get things going with my pictures, I suggested maybe because he is grieving and finding it difficult , he replied "Nah don't think thats it" of course it wasn't, he was just again doing it to devalue me and upset me, making me believe I am the reason for his erectile dysfuction)


After sitting on the beach for an hour taking time to think and
comprehend everything it seems to be back, ahem'd 3 times yesterday,
so yea, I think it's back, either that or I'm just using up my stored
'energy' from the last five days.


I checked up on the windsurfing, booked myself in for tomorrow 10.30
am (eek - I like to sleep in!). there's also snorkeling, i'll
consider it.


Friday we have booked in for a land rover tour around the island 6
hours in all!! Sunburn has chilled out a bit feeling allot better,
bought some 50spf stuff today to make sure I don't get it again.. 50
spf is about the highest you can get but out here if you're in the sun
for a substantial amount of time between 11am and 3pm you will get
sunburn regardless.


I jumped in the sea earlier and swam around grabbing you bits of
fossilized bits and shells. Got some pretty ikkle shells too.

I had 6 cocktails this morning, asked *sister* to get them for me as I
was reading my national geo magazine. They were icy drinks like those
slush puppies, I stood up when I finished the magazine and fell over. (yeah that's right use your sister as a slave, you don't have any Narcissistic Supply on tap while you are there so you use anyone you can to get what you WANT even if that means using a 14 year old)

Shed been getting me "mud slides" 1/3rd vodka, 1/3rd baileys, 1/3rd
coffee liqueur.

I thought it was a vanilla slush puppy. (yeah right, sure you did)

I think after this E-Mail I'm going to have a nap - It's lunch time
and I'm very woozy.

I hope you like the pictures I'm uploading, as I said yesterday I had
to endure waves and sit in the sea for hours on end. (So you want a big medal for this? Oh that's right I didn't thank you and glorify you enough the last time you told me )

If any of the addresses I mentioned above don't work its because they
didn't upload in time, but try all of them as I'm not uploading in any
specific order.

*sisters* in the room at the moment she's scared of the sunburn too so is
hiding watching the disney channel. Which I may add is frustrating,
they have the same advert literally hundreds of times each day, "Kim
possible the movie: so the drama, five day countdown, click to vote,
jump online to get your Kim possible card game set" (why on earth would I care about this at this time in our lives! Our baby had passed away only ONE MONTH before - How about talking about her and what had happened and coping? - right I forgot you don't have a heart)

I know the blimmin' adverts word for word now!

I just saw your picture again, you are so beautiful, I look at your
pictures throughout the day, whenever I get on here I open up Iphoto,
load on my pictures and look at yours. (I looked at your roodie nudie
ones when I ahem'd yesterday :oD. (load on your pictures? yes that's right you love looking at your penis)

But yes you are outstandingly beautiful and every-time I see your
pictures I worry, I worry that maybe you didn't think yourself to be
an attractive person to guys because of the drink, state of the house
etc. but now you've sorted it all out and can see your own beauty, the
beauty I have always seen in you, that you may think you can do better
than me, some hunkier, prettier, hairier bloke.

Please tell me in your reply that you don't want that, just a little
insecurity of mine, that now your better you may set your standards a
bit higher. (I should of set my standards HIGHER and DUMPED YOU!)

With regard to that I'm trying to put on weight, 3, 3 course meals a
day, lots of swimming to keep myself in shape and maybe a suntan
as-long as I don't get burnt again. I always want to look me best for
you and always will.

My nose fell off.

I touched it and it fell off. (touch just below the waist, hopefully that will fall off too)

So I thought bugger and touched my ears and they fell off too.
Sunburns peeling in other words I wake up each morning next to the
other half of my face on the pillow. (I wake up every morning crying for Hope & wondering how to get through the rest of the day, but yeah sunburn is so much more DEVASTATING.)

Its ucky especially when you have to peel it off eww.

I better be off now, my net bill is rising with each minute,

I hope you enjoy me piccys, as for phoning if it rings forever, I'm
out with family,if its off hook then parents are here, otherwise I'm
in and will answer obviously, also there's a little light on the phone
that says, "Press when lit to retrieve messages". so if I'm not in the
room I'm guessing you can leave a message, not sure how though. (What was it you told me? "You will get charged for calls from the UK to the caribbean even when the phone is ringing and noone picks up)


.......


I love you dearly and intensely, I feel so comforted when I see your
pictures and read your email, knowing your there for me and will be
there for me when I get back. (Selfish - you only WANT people to be there for YOU)

Knowing you love me and want me regardless. (Of course because you have programmed me that way)

Knowing I love you and want you regardless.

You make me so happy, so warm, so comforted. (WHAT ABOUT HOPE? WHAT ABOUT HER NEEDS???!!!!)

And holding you, loving you, kissing you, makes me feel content.
Happy, 'finished'.

Finished as in.. I'm there I've found you, I want you and nothing
more, complete finalized, happy.

I can't wait to get back to you, be with you, be together.

Gawd, I miss you.

Love you, Miss you,


Lots of love, (well all of it in-fact).

Your continental Gaz..

xxxxxx
xxxxx
xxxx
xxx
xx
x


















From: XXXXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Heya
Date: 7 April 2005 21:01:52 BDT
To: XXXXXX@gmail.com
Reply-To: XXXXXX@gmail.com


I went windsurfing this morning nearly ended up back in britain, after
ten minutes the wind picked up directly from the island meaning
whenever the sail was up I was being pushed out to sea, even when it
wasnt up infact, dad got some piccies of me falling off it and surfing
on it too.

Land rover tour tommorow which I'm sure will be good, I'll be out
before the cyber cafe opens till when it closes so I wont be able to
send or recieve nowt - not sure if its open saturday/ sunday, blimmin
hope so!

5 of 6!

Well another day's gone by and i'm a day closer to seeing you, cant wait.

Righty well me ten minutes is up and its 4pm so I have to get off, and
give you a call.

I'll do some more piccies/viddies of me doing what I do over your
piccies if you would like and vice versa :o)

I like having that closeness with you! (no you LOVE the CONTROL you get when you engage in your sexual fantasies over women in videos and pictures, You see women as OBJECTS not human beings with feelings)

Righty must shoot to call you!

Love you lots,


ever so much


!!

xx
bu bye xxx












From: XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Heya,
Date: 12 April 2005 21:58:27 BDT
To: XXXXXX@gmail.com
Reply-To: XXXXXX@gmail.com

Heya, here I am... (*claps* Oh hang on while I roll the red carpet out)

http://www.XXXXXX.co.uk/justforyou.zip
It's $.50 per minute so I can't write too much + I'm going to talk to
you in like 3 minutes!

It's nice to hear you sounding a bit happier today, was getting upset
that I'm not there to make sure your ok. (Umm I BEGGED you not to GO as we had the funeral arrangements for OUR BABY, but in reality you only wanted to make sure I was still under your THUMB)

Can't wait to get back and do well what's in your story i'm about to
read i'm guessing :)

Maybe we should make a point of acting it out!

I love you and miss you ever so much, not long now, sorry i'm so
engaged in work atm but with the deadline approaching I dont have much
choice...(You had a deadline for the funeral too which you didn't make, but work obviously comes first doesn't it?)

Darn file is going very slow 12k/s blimmin dodgy satelite connections,
5 minutes remaining so it says.

I added some piccies of general holiday stuff to it aswell.

I can't wait to get back and carry on what we've started, especially
now your all better and the house is spanking!

Woman just came over to tell me shes closing up, file has 3 minutes
left, i'll go beg. (What did you say? "Sorry but my home made porn isn't finished uploading yet, can I have another few mins?)

Right my time's up i'm being kicked out,

Talk to you in a sec,


Sorry I cant spend as much time as id like on this, but i'm being
pretty dearly charged!

Byee

xxx













But yes, anyway, hope youve had a good day and are feeling ok and being good!

Ok, im being kicked off :(

All my love you lil' monkey,

-g






Guess what readers? After the holiday phone calls to Gareth and him calling me collect (Reverse Calls that I have to pay for) My mother had to pay £1000 for the phone bill for just over a week of calls from the UK to the Caribbean.

Gareth being the tight, stingy narcissist he is didn't give a penny towards the bill - His words were "Ask your mum to pay for it"

We were moving in together so it should of been a joint responsibility , but narcissists don't care how much it costs YOU!


I had to put the funeral forward another 2-3 weeks , because when he returned from the caribbean holiday he stayed home with his folks and kept putting off the day he was coming back here - of course he got annoyed when I asked him what train he was getting and when so I could arrange things - I had to sit back and wait until he was ready to tell me)









Making The Narcissist Accountable.

Readers, please if you are in the clutches of an emotional manipulator, narcissist, or psychopath/cyberpath, PLEASE get out NOW as fast as you can.

Start by reading the stories of other Cyberpaths in the links on the right hand side of this site, and the Cyberpaths Exposed Website . Help expose these fiends and warn others about their abuse.

The Cyberpaths Exposed Website is a great resource for healing and support, they offer counselling & solutions for you to enable you and your family to escape, heal and move on.

I was scared at first and debated for over a year whether or not to expose my cyberpath, during this year I read, prayed, and sought healing & put my family back together.

In the end it came to only this: It was my duty to others , my children , my family, & myself to expose this psychopath for what he really is to prevent him from ruining the lives of others.







Baby Loss Awareness Week.

It's baby loss awareness week from the 9th October, I plan on thinking only of my angels Hope, (25 weeks) Lily Mae (22 weeks) & Matthew (33 weeks old) , my two eldest children, & other parents who have experienced loss.

It's a week of raising awareness, sharing our stories, supporting one another & lighting a candle to remember all of the beautiful angels that can't be with their parents.

Gareth will not be entering into our thoughts at all , he has taken enough from us as a family as it is.

For all those reading who have lost a baby in pregnancy , birth or early life and want to raise awareness or need a supportive outlet please visit this site where you may find friends, understanding, support and hope.


Read more!