Note: Any men who happen to stumble upon this post , this is about you too, that's right buddy , keep reading, you'll be glad you did
Queen bees, we have all met them throughout the various stages in our life, especially high school. What exactly is a Queen Bee?
Think back to high school, the awkward stage of your teenage life where everything revolved around make up, boys, humiliation, hormones , hair and BFF's.
A Queen Bee exists in that dark shadowy often glamorous place of what we call a "Clique".
In other words she leads the pack of drones who follow , work and worship the Queen. Maybe you have met her?, she might have been the Prom Queen or Cheerleader in your high school.
The Queen Bee viciously stings anyone who gets in her way. Just like in a colony or hive of bees, her Drones (worker bees) primary job is to do all the dirty work for the Queen Bee. These Drones are commonly called "Wannabees" in high school.
Outsiders usually know the Queen Bee better than her drones (friends). She will often bitch about them behind their backs or play her friends off against each other for her own amusement. However even if one of her drones does happen to realise her cruelty she will often stay loyal to the Queen Bee out of fear of being bullied, humiliated and cast into loserdom.
This leads the Queen Bee to have an extreme ego and a magnetic confidence so as she leaves high school she can continue her reign at college and later on into the workplace. Oh and because of her charming magnetic personality she will very often achieve a better job than you due to her charisma and manipulation tactics she learned to polish and refine in high school.
The Queen Bee has substantial influence and power over the clique, and is usually envied and looked upon as a role model by clique members and at times by outsiders to the clique. Her actions are closely followed and imitated by her wannabees/drones , (even though they may not be of a positive nature.) which is why you'll find they all look and act alike. The Queen Bee can usually be found dating the wealthiest or most popular guy in school.
The social role of the outcast is defined as anyone that the queen bee dislikes. Clique members may victimize the outcast in order to continue their membership in the clique, elevate their power position, or to receive praise from the Queen Bee.
In most cliques there is, at least to some degree, a power struggle for the position of the Queen Bee. Much like the Queen Bee of a colony or hive of bees she will generally seek out potential queen rivals and attempt to kill them. Queen Bees will quickly find, sting and kill any other emerged potential (virgin) queen (or be dispatched themselves).
It is a world of competition, manipulation, bullying and cruelty and you think once you have left high school behind and enter the adult world, the drama, bullying and cruelty is over right?.....
.....Wrong! Queen Bees NEVER grow up and mature into good natured adults, They just get better at their skills of manipulation and control. They become more covert and subtle at it.
She is the female equivalent of the Alpha Male, she could be your sister, your BFF in high school or your boss. She dominates everyone she conceives to be beneath her, using her psychological power games to control and intimidate.
On the outside, her lips dripping with honey, she flatters and compliments , she comes across as beautiful, good and humble but behind that "front", behind that "veil of goodness and holiness" lies an Aggressively competitive , cruel and deceitful, wicked woman. What most people like to call "A two faced, nasty bitch"
She uses subtle and socially acceptable feminine ways to channel her need for dominance. Two faced in every way imaginable, jealous, wicked, boastful, vulgar and repulsive. In a relationship, she may become a shrewish harridan, use subterfuge and manipulation or feminine wiles to get her way.
Once trapped and initiated into the Queen Bees Clique, you lose all sense of identity, you are no longer an individual with likes, dislikes, or personality, you cease to be unique and become an extension of the Queen Bee herself. An object.
The Two Main Types Of Queen Bees
* The high-profile type is generally gregarious, outspoken and highly visible. She is often seen as the "woman who wears the pants in the family".
* The low-profile type is soft-spoken, giving the illusion of being solicitous, motherly, protective, even appearing very submissive. The low-profile type may be the most dangerous, as she is the most difficult to discern. She relies heavily on manipulation for her power, in extremely subtle performances.
No matter which catagory the Queen Bee fits into she will always hide under a cloak of goodness. A pretense of righteousness. she gets away with her evil by calling her evil good.
The Queen Bee acts like she's in love with herself. And she is in love with an ideal image of herself. She wants you to be in love with her pretend self too. She doesn't see herself doing anything except being adored, and she doesn't see anyone else doing anything except adoring her.
I have watched highly skilled modern adult Queen Bees work a room, a boss, a boyfriend, a lover, family members. Despite their level of sophistication and professional achievements, the Adult Queen Bee turns to certain sure fire tactics to arouse desire and clinch their deal.
These women are obsessed with their image. Physical attractiveness is a source of constant attention and upkeep , hence the constant grooming, tanning, dieting, celebrity worship/imitation, reapplying make up every 5 minutes etc.... You get my drift.
The most successful Queen Bees are covert. They appear to be friendly, considerate and innocuous but on close observation they give themselves away. At parties, they are cordial with the women but focus their laser beam attention on high powered, wealthy men. They dress just provocatively enough to attract male attention.
There is a strong sexual vibration emanating from them. You sense their superiority over other women in their ability to attract and sexually exploit men to move their agendas forward. They turn up the sexual vibe, which is irresistible to the male target. Sauced in a state of sexual obliviousness, most men are clueless and helpless under the erotic spell of such women.
Their act is highly polished and most men are turned on and can't shut off the primal sexual switch (We don't blame you for this one guys) Many of these Queen Bees move from one relationship to the next in their quest to be on top.
It's A Trap!
Every trap must have something that entices and allures and attracts its victims. A mouse trap uses cheese which appeals to mice. The fish hook uses a wiggling worm which attracts fish.
Every trap must have bait, and the sex trap is baited by a wicked woman At first glance it would seem that every thinking young man would want to run from such a woman. The way that she is described is appalling, not appealing. And yet she is very successful in alluring and attracting men to herself.
For The Men - The Queen Bee That You Call "Just High Maintenance"
Although this is mainly a blog on Narcissistic Men, I have heard somewhere that there are kind, loving, devoted men out there who want that one of a kind , mind blowing woman who makes his world a better place to live in, So this is for them.
Do not be mistaken into thinking or believing these Queen Bitchy Bees need a white knight to rescue them, they need a thorazine drip and a straight jacket. Yes they are beautiful, yes they make you want to jump out of your pants and into theirs, but once it's over and you find yourself desiring a gun more than you desire to carry on living with this "Needy Princess" she's going to pull the “What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine. line. By the time this happens, it is too late, use the gun.
Remember guys "Beauty is for but a season, but crazy and abusive is forever"
There are tons of beautiful and I mean drop dead gorgeous, kind, caring, psychologically fit girls out there, trust me, I've met them, do not be duped into thinking "All beautiful women are PMS induced bitches" but do carry around a "Red Flag Checklist" at all times, and not after you jump into her pants, by then it's too late and the damage to your psychological well being is done.
The Queen Bee views her ability to control you as a matter of survival—her psychological survival, that is. “Being in control gives her the temporary illusion of a sense of calmness. When she feels she is prevailing, you can just about sense the tension oozing out of her”
Think about it. How often does she smile? how often is she in a good mood? When she’s gotten her own way? pulled one over on you? The size of her smile reflects the size of the knife in your back
Let's have a look at the different types of crazy , demonic like behaviour exhibited by the Queen Bee in a relationship....you ready for this?
* Increasing the Volume; Not the Logic.
The more you tell her she's wrong , the louder she's going to get.
She will shout, scream , stamp her feet and repeat every word twice. The "I am going to kill you" look she gives you that makes you want to crawl up into your own ass and die is an added bonus.
The more logical YOU are, the more the volume increases until it reaches a glass shattering pitch.
* It's A Pity Party & The Invite Is Mandatory
When the "Princess" has been reprimanded and the "logic" balls have been thrown at her head, the pity card is whipped out. She will claim she's being attacked and unfairly criticized. The "crocodile tears" will start to flow, she will hyperventilate through racketing sobs and declare you to "be unfair", "a bully" or their favourite "You don't love me"
If that doesn't work , the princess will pull out the overused "Almost Raped" excuse , whereby she will claim she said "no" but "he took advantage anyway"
This Queen Bee will pout, sob, scream and possibly self harm until you apologize, grovel , beg, and congratulate her for being so brave for telling the truth. By this time this will nullify all of her bad behaviour and her slate will be scrubbed clean because she was "Truthful, brave and courageous" and because of course you were manipulated into giving her another chance.
This is what the sane call "BS". Do not fall for the temper tantrums and lies.
Jealousy
Yes, she is flirting with that Brad Pitt lookalike over at the bar. She does this to make you jealous, plain and simple. You obviously haven't done enough begging , buying gifts, wooing, appeasing, being attentive and rolling out the red carpet in her favour.
If she is paying attention to someone else, wearing slutty apparel and generally making you mad enough to punch a hole in the wall , then her plan is working.
Getting you worked up, angry and making it all about her is exactly what she wants. Drama = Attention remember this.
Once she's pulled the "You can't talk/look/speak/listen to any other women" that's your cue to run away. But remember in her world of fantasy , because let's face it that's all it is, she has the right to talk/look/listen/ to any man she wants. There is no 'Fair Play" in the land of delusion.
Remember Boys, According To Miss Queen Bee:
She always has "Male Friends With No Sexual Attraction"
You Always Have "Female Friends You're Trying To Bed/Love/Marry/Need/Make Babies With"
If you have any female friends, kiss goodbye to the good looking one's now, because you're never going to see them again. Your Queen Bee will scope out and analyze every female you know and become increasingly hostile towards them, especially if you appear to enjoy yourself in their company.
Temper tantrums, screaming, silent treatment, checking your email, scanning the network and hacking your phones/wallet/computer for any evidence of flirting is going to be included in your daily life. By flirting I mean:
* Laughing, complimenting her , saying hello, smiling,
* Talking about your mum/work/hobbies/what you ate for dinner
* Taking her advice
* Consoling her because her dad just died.
* :) ;) :D :( xxx, or *hug* can also be seen as flirting.
Yes , that's correct , this Queen Bee will demand you not to talk to anyone with a vagina because it instantly means you are flirting with her, having an affair with her, secretly want to make babies with her or "Leading her on"
Besides all your female friends are ugly/useless/boring/sluts/bitches according to Queen Bee. You'll also be castigated for "spending too much time down the pub" with your male friends, so kiss goodbye to them too.
However if Miss Queen of the world wants male friends, you are to shut your mouth and deal with it because you know there is no physical attraction there, they have known each other since birth. He has a girlfriend so you shouldn't be threatened.
Don't believe this BS because that's just what this is: BS
If you're still not convinced, read on buddy.
* Gaslighting.
Queen Bees who use gaslighting deny their dirty deeds and accuse you of the very same sins they committed (projection).
They also inject a tiny morsel of truth into a huge whopping lie until you begin to doubt your own sanity and come across as a crazy person when you try to defend yourself. You'll often find yourself sitting in a dark corner of a room rocking back and forth and banging your head against the wall.
* Name-Calling.
Normally the last resort of crazy women. They have no intelligence to defend their bad behaviours and lies so they sink to the level of "personal attacks".
This is a distraction to keep you sidetracked. She puts you on the defensive so she can back you into a corner and have her way.
Name calling will get you nowhere, and doesn't prove her point. It just proves she really does need that psychiatric evaluation
Sink to her level if you wish with a counter attack or walk away from her and your relationship.
Do you really want to be with a grown woman who acts like a 5 year old? "La la la la" (fingers in the ears) "i can't hear you"
SHUT UP! Men everywhere cringe and die a little inside when their Queen Bee opens her mouth like a foghorn in public. And trust me this is likely to happen not in the privacy of your own home, oh no, this is likely to take place in public for maximum drama.
It is especially damning when she does this loud mouth, gaping fog horn act in company of her drones who all join in to torture you with high pitched shrill screaming. This is humiliating , this is 100 times more humiliating when other men see you being "reprimanded" by a bunch of screaming hags. Congratulations you are now a doormat.
On explaining your feelings or point of view , this kind of woman will tell you to, “Shut up!”. Queen Bees can not handle the truth, and will go to great lengths to deny and squash it.
If you get out of this relationship now , never again will you have to hear the two words that make your balls want to jump back up inside your body "Shut Up"
Tactics
Your "other half" uses other tactics on challenging her such as walking out of the room when you're talking, giving the silent treatment or slamming objects down and stomping around the house. In both cases, this is the childlike version of, “La, la, la, la, la, I can’t hear you!
She believes that if she ignores you or stops you from speaking the truth that it doesn’t exist, pretty much like a small child who closes their eyes to “make you go away.” You'll probably end up deaf (thank god) or wearing earplugs for the entirety of your relationship.
* Seeing Things Her Way This is another defense mechanism. Queen Bees see people and the world in good & evil, black & White terms. There are NO grey areas or "inbetweens" You are either right or wrong, and trust me, with this queen bee, you are ALWAYS wrong until told otherwise.
See things her way or you will be stomped into the ground by her over priced designer boot heels. You can’t agree to disagree with this walking nightmare. Any differences of opinions, criticisms or challenges to her authority is seen as an act of war , and who do you think is going to get shot first?
With-holding Sex
Yes boys, those excuses the Queen Bees give : "I'm just tired/have a headache/not in the mood/have my period" excuses are just that.."excuses' it's called with-holding and it's designed to make you wait until "She's ready" , "have bought her that engagement ring" or to "Punish You" . She makes you wait days/weeks/months and in extreme cases of Queen Bitch Syndrome "years"
why?.....
......Because she knows the one thing you cannot handle is either : "Going without sex" or "Rejection"
During this period of torture, the Queen Bee will dress provocatively to get you hot, she will tease you & entice you to the point of near explosion, and then put on her sweatpants and clean, leaving you laying there naked, exposed and wondering what you did wrong.
Getting you excited then turning you down is REJECTION plain and simple. she knows it, you know it and it will continue until you finally submit/apologize/buy gifts/appease/marry her or run for the hills.
The final torturous act of this Queen Bitch is to get you hot for her , reject you and then chastise and punish you further for "Taking care of your own business"
That's right, you won't even be able to spank the monkey without incurring more wrath. She can then accuse you of
- "Not being patient"
- "thinking of someone else" or
- "you don't want to have sex with me anymore do you?", "You're not attracted to me anymore" , "You have a sexual addiction" , "You have been sleeping with someone else"
Don't forget , she WILL eventually cheat on you if she hasn't already. When the Queen Bee dumps her "Prince" ie: "YOU" she will already have a guy lined up to take your place or she will be humping him within minutes of dumping you. In comparison to her, Bullets have left guns slower.
It is a far far better thing to live alone , taking care of your own business, than to have your self esteem crushed and obliterated by a contentious woman.
When Your Penis Is The Subject Of Ridicule
Yes even "Junior" is subject to punishment and ridicule.
"Penis Size" jokes. Do not be fooled into believing her statements of "It's just a joke/you can't take a joke/"It doesn't happen to every guy maybe something is wrong with you/it".
She means to hurt you and crush your confidence. Mostly these so called "jokes" occur during "TV Time" when you're both cuddled up together watching a movie or reality tv show. Ever heard this one? :
"Wow he's good looking" "Look at that package move when he runs!" "I am so glad you don't have his muscles/girth/stamina" "I like guys with small ones"
This is NOT a joke, or a warped sense of humour, this is soul crushing humiliation designed to make you feel as if you're just not good enough.
Listen: Strong, loving, kind, psychologically well women do NOT ridicule you. The woman who loves you will NEVER hurt you or focus on anything but how to please you and how happy she is being with you. Size is not and should never be an issue, end of.
Staying With The Queen Bee Until "The One" Comes Along
I know you thought women didn't know about this one, but some of us do. The majority of women out there however still believe it's a myth or choose to ignore it. (it's ok boys you can breathe a sigh of relief now. Phew! close one!)
Now I know why you're staying with the crazy making High Maintenance Queen Bee, you are biding your time or riding out the loneliness until you find "The One". and by "The One" I mean: "That amazing, sexy, beautiful woman you want to spend your life with" you know, "The Sane One"
For those men I suggest you read on, because while you are waiting for 'Miss Right" , the Queen Bee has some very devious tricks up her sleeve to keep you with her for life! that's right "The.Rest.Of.Your.Life. , even after a break up, you'll never really be free if her bag of tricks are put into action.
Attempting Closure With A Queen Bee
Attempting to obtain closure with a Queen Bee is like walking into a war zone You will never get closure. NEVER. She doesn't have empathy, sanity and if you are thinking she lives in the land of "Reality" you are sorely mistaken!
But I Miss The Sex
Yes I heard you.....
.....The sex is always explosive in the beginning. It is intense , passionate , mind blowingly fantastic, but deceptive.
Her intense passion is pathological in nature. This is called "Bedroom Domination" and men fall for it all the time.
Sex to her is about control, and placing you in the submissive.
You're at best to her , a human vibrator.
And if you're "Not in the mood" she will take that to mean "You're not attracted to me anymore, drama drama. or "You don't love me" , "Im not sexy enough anymore am I?" "Maybe we should break up" sob sob. "Ill go flirt with your best friend, that'll make you want me" (This is the opposite of "With-holding Sex' they are both designed to make your life difficult.)
True intimacy does not exist in this relationship, all she wants is to be admired, placed on a pedestal and be the one left wearing the pants. It's all about control and admiration.
You won't ever feel any emotional connection with her, sex is on her timetable, if and when she needs it. There is no regard to what you want and God forbid if you are ever caught "spanking the monkey" or looking at other women, this is a punishable offense, which will be taken as "You aren't attracted to me/don't love me/don't want me" blah blah
She constantly needs to be "Validated" , devotion is key! if you're not ready to drop everything and perform , get ready to deal with the consequences.
Nothing is ever enough for this Queen Bee. You can never "do enough" to please her due to the constantly shifting rules, demands and requirements. Don't expect to get rewarded with sex unless you walk through the door after work with gifts.
Sex becomes a chore for this woman as time goes by. An obligation or a “favour” she has to fulfill. It is a transaction. Sex for admiration/gifts. etc.
Ever notice when you buy her gifts she gets all hot and jumps your bones afterwards? kind of like a transaction don't you think? notice how she doesn't do that when you bring her a Mcdonalds , make her a cup of tea or put the toilet seat down like you were told to do.
There’s always an agenda, even if it’s to keep you under her control / in the relationship. “You owe me big time because I had sex with you. "I did my duty , now it's your turn."
And yes guys this happens with your sperm too . Some Queen Bees, the really manipulative ones will "Accidently On Purpose" forget to take their morning after pill, or "Accidently On Purpose" poke holes in the condom packaging with a needle. Oh yes guys that's right, the really repulsive Queen Bee will "Accidently On Bloody Purpose" get pregnant so you stay with her, so she can control you and tie you down with a big fat child support rope.
Do you really want to be "that guy"?
Bottom line is: you’re either a "transaction coupon" a human vibrator, or a magic mirror "mirror, mirror on the wall , who is the most beautiful of all"
If you really do feel you are not giving 100% in your relationship, your time, love, attention, then maybe you're just "Not That Into Her" whether she's a Queen Bee or Sane, the same applies.
I read a great book that simplified men for me. (sorry guys I needed a book) Every girl should read it. The book states: If a guy is "Into a girl" (By girl, I mean a sane one) he will ask her out, he will do whatever he can to get close to her, talk to her, be with her, he will never be too busy to call her or spend time with her. And girls if a guy is really into you, you won't need to stare at the phone and will it to ring, he will call you. Guys like chasing girls, they feel they have achieved a great prize when they get the girl of their dreams. They don't want you chasing them or throwing yourself at them. Men will say anything, except the words that will incur your wrath and offend you..... "I'm.Just.Not.That.Into.You"..... so wait for him to call!
When you feel those urges boys , and make the effort , that tells us gals that a guy is "Really into me" if you don't , the message we get is: "He's just not that into you"
There are women out there like me, who would pull off their right arm to have a kind hearted, loving man, but all the damn good ones seem to be already taken by , yes you guessed it: "The Queen Bees" who take guys like you, rip their hearts out, and girls like me end up paying for it.
So ditch the bitch and go find a woman who meets all your needs for an adult, loving, equal relationship.
For Us Girls : What's The Problem?
Why do some women always see others as competition? You know the type, the ones that immediately give you the onceover when you meet them for the first time or passing them on the street. You can almost read the questions running through their minds: "Does she have a better figure than me? Is she more successful?"
Why do they do it? Why do some women feel the need to prove themselves slimmer, smarter, more attractive or successful than others?
Unwarranted Self Importance
Ever seen those girls, you know the ones I mean, the women who on passing you will hold their heads up high, strut and look down their nose at you with a devious smirk whilst flicking their hair. "Oh that's just confidence" you say, "A woman secure in her own skin" I say "no it isn't" , she is marking her territory: "Look at me, Look at me, I am the better looking, thinnest, sexiest Queen Bee" strut. Here is a picture to help you visualize.
This is designed to make you feel like crap and it works. (Unless of course you're like me: who walks with her head down watching the pavement in case of "Tripping over, falling on her ass" Blonde Moments.)
This is what is known as arrogance, not confidence. What looks like an air of authority and security is really a low self esteem issue. Queen Bees whether friends with other Queen Bees or not are loathe to admit they have no confidence, or have low self esteem,
It's one thing to have a healthy self-esteem, but it's quite another to have such an inflated sense of "Unwarranted Self Importance" that other people's feelings, beliefs, and thoughts have no relevance
Lots of Queen Bees do it, even their uneducated worker bees do it.
When Your Best Friend Might Be A Queen Bee
It's a sad thing when you have to question the motives of someone you have thought of as a friend, especially if you've known then for a long time. But the sad fact is sometimes those we think of as friends don't always have our best interests at heart. Real friends truly want the best for you and are happy to see you succeed. If someone is sullen and resentful when you lose weight or finally get that high-paying job, then perhaps it's time to cut them loose.
If you have ever seen a Queen Bee with honey dripping from her lips one moment then turn into a hissing , spitting viper the next you will truly understand the meaning of the word "Repulsive" . She is a Cruella De Ville (Cruel Devil) in every sense of the word.
Queen Mothering Bees
I see Queen Bees every morning and afternoon when I do the school run. There are cliques of mothers (Queen Mothering Bees) standing outside the school, chatting, flirting with other womens husbands and gossiping. When they are not doing that , they are judging other mums on their appearance, focusing especially on their weight or their marriage status.
They are bitchy & cruel , dirty looks are thrown faster than the speed of light. Snide remarks bounce off their lips and land onto some poor unsuspecting soul. These are 30-40 year old mothers! with children in Middle school, you would expect them to set the example, but unfortunately they don't and I am sad to say the children end up imitating their "Mothering Bees". Pinching, hitting , bullying and teasing other children are a frequent occurrence. Not to mention the stream of profanity that drips from their lips, just like mummy.
The children of Queen Mothering Bees are truly the ultimate victims, the one's who can't fight back , have no strong adult with good morals to look up to. They are not educated or too young to be educated. Their only template in life is a "Queen Mothering Bee" on which they will base their own future behaviour upon. These are the victims my heart truly breaks for.
Competition: This plays an integral part in the machinations for the accomplishment of "Who Is The Best Of The Best Of The Best?" IE: Who is married?, who is going to have another baby?, who has the best car?, pushchair?, family pet?, husband?, children? etc
I have even seen the female school teachers in "Queen Bee Competition Mode" and male teachers dripping in the "Alpha Male Stance Of Pure Arrogance" but again this is just 'Unwarranted Self Importance"
As for myself? I stand with 3 or 4 of my closest friends and we discuss life, we laugh, plan dates for coffee mornings, nights out and getting the children together for days out. We have no time for the Queen Bees of Parenthood.
Yes there are adult Queen Bees, and yes they will often bitch about their worker bees behind their backs or play their friends off against each other for their own amusement, it still goes on, whether it's "Teen Queen Bees" or "Adult Queen Bees' the cycle continues. Don't be naive into thinking you will escape being a target.
But What If I Envy The Way Other Women Look?
We can all be envious of others, hate our own bodies, looks and personality, it doesn't instantly mean you're a Queen Bee , a bitch or a repulsive human being.
I am envious sometimes of other women, there I admit it, I think every female is to some extent (Except the Queen Bees of course ;) ) I do harbor some low self esteem but I don't use that as an excuse to put others down. Low self esteem should never be used as an excuse to abuse others, to ridicule them or bully them. Having low self esteem is my problem not theirs and it is a work in progress that is being remedied.
Whenever you find yourself envying other girls, just pay them a compliment in your head (not out loud unless you know her, don't want to embarrass the poor girl) such as "She's got gorgeous hair" "What nice skin", "I love her boots" ......I guarantee it will make you feel better than thinking badly of her. You never know she might just be thinking the same thing about you when she passes you in the street!.
"A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world". ~Lois Wyse
-PND
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